Being Taken for Granted?

So my Virgo is going through an extremely tough time. Unfortunately his mother has been diagnosed with cancer and her prognosis is anywhere between 6 months to a year. Needless to say these past few weeks have been very difficult. We literally go to the hospital every single day and additionally his father is not handling matters too well, and so we have to visit him on the weekends and help out with the house. My Virgo and I are currently engaged (I am a Pisces) and we live together...with his mother's prognosis and her condition, as well as the fathers...he is moving back home temporarily...we plan on buying a house together after everything improves...

Alot of changes are occurring and I understand that my role is to merely serve as a support system...although I hate to see him move out I know it is the right thing to do...his family needs him right now...

I guess the problem I am having is that he seems to be appreciating everything others do...the smallest gestures, a call...an offer...anything no matter how big or small.

Now the point of my story...two of his friends offered last week to cook for his family if ever he or I cannot be there and he was very touched, as was I. Then I admit I got a little quiet because I realized he hasn't really expressed any appreciation towards me...and he turned and said you know I appreciate everything you have done but they don't have to offer anything, I expect for you to be there...I don't expect them to be...the same way you would expect me to be there during a hard time. Although I am not one to bite my tongue I know now is not a time to be arguing over anything but I felt a bit taken aback by that comment. I don't necessarily have to do anything, everything I am doing is out of my own free will...and it makes me feel a bit taken for granted and under appreciated...

The fact is you should never expect anything from anyone...

Obviously this situation has been trying on me too and I am only venting here...so maybe I need a wake-up call not to take this personally, maybe his statement holds truth...or maybe this is something I have to swallow for the time being regardless of how entitled I am to feeling a bit hurt...

You be the judge...

Kaleidescorp - Thank you!

I think I just needed to vent...and you are right...we are family. My parents go a few times a week as well. I guess we do expect more from those closest to us. I have definitely conveyed that I am there because I want to be. He knows that everything I am doing comes from my own free will and its really just who I am. I just want to make things as comfortable for him and his mother as I possibly can during such a trying time.

i am also very much aware that in being the person closest to him, that I will also catch the brunt of it all and I just have to take a deep breath and let him be. I hope that one day when the clouds clear that he will be able to acknowledge fully the support I have tried to be for him. It's nice to be appreciated 🙂

A home attendant and nurse will actually both be there 5 - 7 days a week depending on what work she needs to have done while at home. Thank you for the advice though, very much appreciated!

Then I admit I got a little quiet because I realized he hasn't really expressed any appreciation towards me...and he turned and said you know I appreciate everything you have done but they don't have to offer anything, I expect for you to be there...I don't expect them to be...the same way you would expect me to be there during a hard time.

*wants to pull his hair out*

You said you got what you wanted in the same sentence yet you still feel bad?

Unbelievable... how can women think like this! My goodness....

Sortilege and Kaleidescorp, did a good job of communicating to you his real meaning, but please... the man clearly loves you, do not doubt his intentions...

I am so sorry you both are having to go through such a difficult time. My heart goes out to you. I think it is one of the Pisces insecurity issues. We want to be reassured. I know I do and I want to know that I am appreciated. I can see his point though and I don't think he meant it to sound harsh but I know I would've had to vent after that as well. The Virgo/Pisces match is hard as it is so congratulations on being engaged and going the long haul with your special Virgo. I have just started dating a Virgo and he is very hard for me to read so I have been getting great advice from the wonderful Virgos on this forum! Take care and I am sure it will all work out. Take care of yourself also as you take care of your man and his family.

member people u can be taking for granted or allow ur self to take people for granted.

First, Virgo and Pisces ARE opposites, in almost every way - one has what the other lacks so to speak. They're very good for each other, if both learn something from the other. A LOT of Virgo men shudder at the words "Pisces Woman" -- but I'm a staunch believer in the magic and possibilities of the Virgo/Pisces match.

With that said, Pisces Girl... you are overreacting. (At least it's only inside, and not spewing all over him, though!) He is not meaning to be insulting or to say you HAVE to give your support, therefore, he doesn't HAVE to show appreciation. In fact, him saying anything about it at all IS showing his appreciation like a Virgo. Yes, he does expect you to be there for him, as he would be for you - after all, you are getting married. That's how a practical Virgo thinks.. and the emotional Pisces thinks, "WHAT?! You thank your friends for every little friggin' thing they do right now -- but where's MY thanks?? This situation is hard on me too!" The really sad part is that stuffing these feelings down is going to backfire, probably making you retreat and pull away from him, which is the last thing this man needs right now - and eventually you'll probably even blow over something relatively small and silly.

Solution? Try saying something like this: "Honey, I feel unappreciated for what I do sometimes. It feels good when my contributions are noticed. I don't want to sit and silently worry that my support means little to you. I would love to hear you occasionally thank me for things too, just to remind me that you DO notice my support. What do you think?"

Virgo is not a mind reader, sweetheart. He's also not a Pisces. Right now his attention is focused on practical matters and getting through day by day in a very trying time. It would help him greatly if you do NOT stuff down your feelings and emotions, but express them genuinely and gently. Give him a chance to give you what you want and need.. by telling him what you want and need, and not expecting him to figure it out on his own while you're silently fuming and only working yourself up.

LOL Sorti.. what I meant is that she's a Pisces and probably thinks/feels like a Pisces does. He is not. She's trying to put a "Well, if I did/said that, it would mean this..." spin on his words and actions. But he doesn't think/feel/react like she does. Partially a Woman/Man or a Venus/Mars thing, sure I can buy that. But her gender is not the sole reason she's feeling/reacting this way. You yourself know very well that Pisces and Virgos are different 😛

And yes, communication IS the key to just about ANY relationship, regardless of astrology. Astrology can only help with understanding the WAY to communicate with someone of a particular Sign 😉

Brilliant deduction Nefer, absolutely brilliant.

Thank you for writing that, I tip my hat to you.

Posted by Cajunspirit
Brilliant deduction Nefer, absolutely brilliant.

Thank you for writing that, I tip my hat to you.

Cajun... I cannot decide if you are sincere or sarcastic here. I'm thinking sincere, because I don't recall you ever using sarcasm to get your point across. However, I also know you have little love for Pisces women in general, and even less for me personally. So color me flummoxed, and kindly tell me what you found brilliant? o.o

And thank you. *curtsies*

Thank you all for your comments...I agree with a little bit of everything and like I said earlier...I am merely just venting...the last thing my Virgo needs is me needing anything at a time like this...I am learning the TRUE meaning of loving someone unconditionally and that is expecting nothing in return for the things you do and the love you give...but it takes time. I can be a bit defensive and although this situation is all about making him and his mother comfortable, it is trying on me...but again, it is not about me. Whenever I need a bit f uplifting I turn to my friends, not him...

Nefer...you hit a few nails on the head but I definitely don't think now is the time to say "I would like to hear that you appreciate me"...although it logically makes sense to express, his emotions are haywire right now...that would be selfish on my part and something that can be discussed at some other point...if at all...

I may be using this board to vent at times...and all I can expect is a good smack every now and then...lol...

Sometimes the toughest situations make us stronger...and I know this will only bring us closer and help me lose a little bit of that need to constantly be reassured...ugh, the life of a Pisces...🙂

Posted by Nefer

Cajun... I cannot decide if you are sincere or sarcastic here. I'm thinking sincere, because I don't recall you ever using sarcasm to get your point across. However, I also know you have little love for Pisces women in general, and even less for me personally. So color me flummoxed, and kindly tell me what you found brilliant? o.o

And thank you. *curtsies*

No sarcasm luv, 100% support.

Your entire argument, I am in agreement with. I dislike when people doubt sincere intentions, which is what I interpreted here from the original poster.

Cajunspirit...until you walk in my shoes, please don't judge...

To everyone else...thank you for your constructive criticism...it was very much welcomed and appreciated!

Posted by Angel1177
the last thing my Virgo needs is me needing anything at a time like this

although it logically makes sense to express, his emotions are haywire right now...that would be selfish on my part and something that can be discussed at some other point...if at all...

It's actually EXACTLY what he needs right now - to be able to give the number one woman in his life what she needs, supporting her, and giving back to her for all she's giving him... in a very small and easy way, by saying Thank You, by voicing the appreciation he feels inside and forgets that you need to hear! This is a great opportunity for him to be able to recharge himself by giving something to you!


Angel, just in case you missed it, I'm not a Virgo defending your poor Virgo man. I'm a Pisces Woman (and I *absolutely* identify with YOU!) and defending YOUR right to your feelings and emotions... and giving you a way to gently and constructively express your needs to your man. I know, it's different than we women have been taught to be - we're told to be perfect and loving, to not show wants or needs, to be independent and UNneedy. But it's NOT selfish for you to have needs too, and believe me when I say that your loving fiance would welcome the chance to give you the emotional support you need to feel REALLY good inside... it's a way he will feel he CAN show his appreciation for you and your support, without further tapping his already overloaded resources. Being told (gently, without anger or defensiveness) that you need something does not come across as selfish and needy to a man who loves you. It's like being given a map and a flashlight to a man! Lifting your spirits will lift his in return, connecting you and giving you both strength, because a man is empowered when he makes his woman happy.

I scripted those words specifically for you, it's THE most effective way to communicate your feelings, needs, and desires to your man in a loving way. I know it's scary to say them, especially for a Pisces - but should you decide to try it... I bet you'd be surprised at the results. This man loves you, appreciates you, and would probably feel lost without you -- he wants to be able to make you happy, to give you what you need, but he needs to know what those things are, and only you can tell him.

My Libra beloved has a Virgo Moon (emotions of a Virgo), and guess who forgets to SAY (but always SHOWS) he loves me for days or weeks at a time? And usually then it's saying, "But.. you KNOW that I love you..." And me telling him my needs with a similar simple statement was pure magic. He was not angry or upset that I needed something from him when he's already over-stressed and over-worked... He just needed to know what I needed from him to be emotionally supported, and he gave it gladly!

Also, Angel... Cajun was not trying to be antagonistic or judgmental (that was his Virgo peeking through! lol) -- he was pointing out that you seemed to be doubting your beloved's intentions, because you did seem to, at least from a Virgo's point of view. Virgos tend to forget that we don't already KNOW something, or that hearing it once or twice does not mean we never need to hear it again, and that we (women especially, and Pisces women in particular) sometimes need reassurance, out loud and upfront, and not just Virgo SHOWING how much they care about you day to day. A Virgo who learns to give his Pisces more reassurance soon finds her needing less reassurance as time goes on. That's one of the magic parts of the Virgo/Pisces match and learning from one another!

And Cajun... just wow. *accepts olive branch* You continue to surprise me, sir!

Careful, Sorti -- your Leo is showing 😉