TypicalScorpio
@TypicalScorpio
15 YearsScorpio
Comments: 0 · Posts: 401 · Topics: 24
Best way to talk to brother about drinking problem
Definitely sounds like the Scorpio has some influence there.
Is he a 3rd Decan?
He will not realise or understand the gravity of the situation, til a major occurrence happens.
Is he a 3rd Decan?
He will not realise or understand the gravity of the situation, til a major occurrence happens.
He's the first day of the second decan...I don't know if that means he's a bit of both but I guess he would be considering they're all part of virgo 😛 I agree that the scorpio moon has some influence and I thought I could use that to help him but I think it could be what's keeping him in his problem.
That's what I'm worried about, the major occurrence. He's only just gotten into the Navy...he has so much ahead of him I would hate to know what would happen if his problem got him kicked out...or if it even took his life.
That's what I'm worried about, the major occurrence. He's only just gotten into the Navy...he has so much ahead of him I would hate to know what would happen if his problem got him kicked out...or if it even took his life.
His life, his choices.
The best you could probably do is video record him when highly intoxicated and show him how ridiculous he can get as a result.
Being a 2nd decan leaves us very hard headed, gotta come with solid facts at the right time....
The best you could probably do is video record him when highly intoxicated and show him how ridiculous he can get as a result.
Being a 2nd decan leaves us very hard headed, gotta come with solid facts at the right time....
I'm a virgo with a scorp moon. It has more influence than you would imagine. He's all virgo on the outside, but the scorp moon overpowers a lot of that virgo on the inside. He feels more so before he thinks. So in a way, he may almost find a way to rationalize/justify something he feels is right, which in this case, could be his alcohol consumption.
@TypicalScorpio,is there any one of his non drinking friends,or someone like a mentor that he respects that can talk with him.Maybe they can schock him,by taking him to the morgue.They did that with young offenders in L.A.About 98% stopped what they were doing. I don't know what they call it,but his unit commander will get him straightened out.Maybe he is scared about the choice he made to go in.Was he ever in an accident,maybe he has pain and drinks to dull it.Tell him serious long term drinking inhibits testosterone.It's a form of slow suicide.Let him know he counts in your life andthe world.But whatever you do,don't stop trying to save his life.
VulcanLass - He doesn't have anyone around him that would take him to the morgue unless it was someone above him in his training but I think that would be an awesome idea. I don't know if I would be able to tell anyone there about it though...I wouldn't know WHO to tell first off and I don't know if it's crossing any boundaries bringing it into his work life.
I don't think he's scared about his choice. He had been working on it for near on 2 years after he decided not to go with the something else...and maybe he is scared but he's had this problem for a while now. While he was living with dad I thought maybe it's just a teenage thing he's doing but nothing is changing.
As for an accident...no nothing like that has happened but he has had a hard life, we both have, but so has pretty much everyone else 😛. He's had a harder time dealing with our life and getting it out of his system. I feel like this could be a big part of his drinking problems.
I really love the morgue idea though I think I will look more into that one.
Cajunspirit had a good idea with recording him while he's like that. We did that on his 18th but he brushed it off as being a special occasion and didn't really take it in. He also couldn't handle watching it so maybe doing that at a time where he doesn't have any good excuses would be a better idea. Obviosuly he will find excuses but I know he will know the truth deep down and will probably stop and think about it.
Maybe a bit of both is what's needed 🙂
Thanks guys, I really appreciate your advice!
Oh and Candeh15, that's why I asked what you meant on your scorpio thread, I was trying to understand him better..I think I might go back and read it again!
I don't think he's scared about his choice. He had been working on it for near on 2 years after he decided not to go with the something else...and maybe he is scared but he's had this problem for a while now. While he was living with dad I thought maybe it's just a teenage thing he's doing but nothing is changing.
As for an accident...no nothing like that has happened but he has had a hard life, we both have, but so has pretty much everyone else 😛. He's had a harder time dealing with our life and getting it out of his system. I feel like this could be a big part of his drinking problems.
I really love the morgue idea though I think I will look more into that one.
Cajunspirit had a good idea with recording him while he's like that. We did that on his 18th but he brushed it off as being a special occasion and didn't really take it in. He also couldn't handle watching it so maybe doing that at a time where he doesn't have any good excuses would be a better idea. Obviosuly he will find excuses but I know he will know the truth deep down and will probably stop and think about it.
Maybe a bit of both is what's needed 🙂
Thanks guys, I really appreciate your advice!
Oh and Candeh15, that's why I asked what you meant on your scorpio thread, I was trying to understand him better..I think I might go back and read it again!
Only he can make the decision, your concern will only annoy him I am afraid.
Sounds to me like you want to control him ... perhaps this is the real reason why he isn't listening to you.
Maybe you should check that ... otherwise, you will just continue to piss him off.
If help is what you think you're doing, then that's fine ... but, so long as you are coming off as controlling, then he'll never consider you as helping.
Why do I think this, about you being controlling? Because he's getting ready to join the service, and you are already talking about him getting kicked out because of an issue you percieve he has .... there's nothing in what you said that has any positive input about how the service could be good for him, or about how he might be making a good move in his life.
Nope ... you only talk about how fucked up he is with drinking.
maybe it's not a problem at all .. maybe you wanting to direct his life is a problem.
I mean, he hasn't even fallen yet in his life due to drinking ... and you're already trying to tell him what to do, as if you have no confidence in him.
Back off ... sister
Maybe you should check that ... otherwise, you will just continue to piss him off.
If help is what you think you're doing, then that's fine ... but, so long as you are coming off as controlling, then he'll never consider you as helping.
Why do I think this, about you being controlling? Because he's getting ready to join the service, and you are already talking about him getting kicked out because of an issue you percieve he has .... there's nothing in what you said that has any positive input about how the service could be good for him, or about how he might be making a good move in his life.
Nope ... you only talk about how fucked up he is with drinking.
maybe it's not a problem at all .. maybe you wanting to direct his life is a problem.
I mean, he hasn't even fallen yet in his life due to drinking ... and you're already trying to tell him what to do, as if you have no confidence in him.
Back off ... sister
@TypicalScorpio,look for my pm.
Has the guy hit rock bottom yet? It seems like he's on the way up, if he's joining the service, have you've ever been in the military, they control everything.
Bringing him to a morgue when all you see him doing is getting plastered is in my impression a bit of an overkill. You can express to him how you feel on his eventual direction towards alcoholism can keep that in mind, since you're a scorpio, and he's a scorp moon, he can more than likely understand if you expressed your feelings..but expressing what hadn't even happened yet seems like you're trying to 'express a horrible circumstance to your brother's life' which really isn't cool.
It's like creating a self-fullfiling prophecy..and your'e the one creating it, not him..you don't think that's messed up in a way.
Anyway, I think p-angel is right on the money with this, you'd be much more effective backing off and just express that you're there whenever he needs it. He's a virgo for crying outloud, you 'literally' can't tell them nothing and expressing to them their flaws is only going to give you heartache and sever relationships and that is one thing you DO NOT want to have happen to a person you are afraid is leading towards alcohol addiction.
So just ease up a bit, and pray that you hadn't completely ruined your relationship with your brother to the point where he doesn't think he can talk to you without you being judgemental.
Bringing him to a morgue when all you see him doing is getting plastered is in my impression a bit of an overkill. You can express to him how you feel on his eventual direction towards alcoholism can keep that in mind, since you're a scorpio, and he's a scorp moon, he can more than likely understand if you expressed your feelings..but expressing what hadn't even happened yet seems like you're trying to 'express a horrible circumstance to your brother's life' which really isn't cool.
It's like creating a self-fullfiling prophecy..and your'e the one creating it, not him..you don't think that's messed up in a way.
Anyway, I think p-angel is right on the money with this, you'd be much more effective backing off and just express that you're there whenever he needs it. He's a virgo for crying outloud, you 'literally' can't tell them nothing and expressing to them their flaws is only going to give you heartache and sever relationships and that is one thing you DO NOT want to have happen to a person you are afraid is leading towards alcohol addiction.
So just ease up a bit, and pray that you hadn't completely ruined your relationship with your brother to the point where he doesn't think he can talk to you without you being judgemental.
Posted by thomas1214
hey bitch you have absolutely no fucking right to say that to her. if he has a drinking problem then help is what he needs whether he takes it as help or not. so why don't you just back the fuck up, get the fuck off the gemini and virgo board.click to expand
Getting plastered to the point of falling down /= a drinking problem.
Is his drinking preventing him to go to work?
Is his drinking affecting his relationship with his parents/loved ones, like seriously affecting his relationship with his parents as in he comes to dinner drunk, he's in his room, drunk he's plastered all day.
Is his drinking affecting his health as in, he's drunk so much they needed to take him to the hospital to pump out his stomach because his blood/alchol content is well above the average and he coudl have died?
Does he consistently drive home drunk? Has he gotten any DWI's or whatever austrailian british equivelent they have over there?
if he doesn't have a yes to one of those, and they happen on more than three occassions, than yes, he has a drinking problem. IF not, she needs to back off before she actually pushes him to having a drinking problem. Because that CAN be done..especially with a scorpio towards a scorpio moon.
well make that two....after the first incident people would normally stop/
I appreciate everyones opinions...even the ones that seem harsh. I've talked to him about it twice since this started (he was caught buying alcohol at school when he was 15 and openly drinking like this since 16). I told him I'm worried about him and where he is going with this.
The thing that caused me to write this is he came to stay on his last night of leave because I live not far from base. He said he was going out for a few drinks in town and would be back but if he found a girl he wouldn't lol.
4am I get a call to unlock my door...sweet as I was still awake (insomnia). 5am I get a call saying he's lost. He's down the other end of my street not able to walk very well at all. We have some seriously troubled people down this street so him walking around like that is bad enough. He rings me again and can hardly speak. I use a wheelchair so there was no way I could get to him to help..I had to just listen to him get too lost. I put my lounge lights on and sat outside to see if I could see him from the deck...it took him half an hour to get here. He got inside, told me he had paid the taxi driver $ 50 bucks to drive him around my area (which I thought was pretty funny) but while he was telling me this he couldn't even sit...it was like what I've seen people do when they are standing and drunk...but he was sitting on the couch.
Last year him and his friends went out into the country for new years. He rang me, again, because he had crashed his friends car. It sounded innocent. The way he explained it he was driving over a dirt/gravel road and lost control. He said he was way under speed limit. The next thing I find out they had been drinking (I don't think it was excessive drinking) and he had been speeding out in a really dangerous back road.
Another time a friend of his decided they should go drifting (they live just out of the city so they have lots of roads to do this on) He got in a car and his friend got in the other. They were pretty off their faces at this point. Dylan said they were having trouble keeping up and then suddenly his friend who's car was infront of them disappeared around the corner...when they had gotten there the guy had crashed his car and the police had said if he had a passenger, the passenger would have died. My brother was supposed to be the passenger.
His 18th birthday started at 3 because we were supposed to have lunch first. He arrived already drunk. Not to the point where it was a problem..but you could probabl
The thing that caused me to write this is he came to stay on his last night of leave because I live not far from base. He said he was going out for a few drinks in town and would be back but if he found a girl he wouldn't lol.
4am I get a call to unlock my door...sweet as I was still awake (insomnia). 5am I get a call saying he's lost. He's down the other end of my street not able to walk very well at all. We have some seriously troubled people down this street so him walking around like that is bad enough. He rings me again and can hardly speak. I use a wheelchair so there was no way I could get to him to help..I had to just listen to him get too lost. I put my lounge lights on and sat outside to see if I could see him from the deck...it took him half an hour to get here. He got inside, told me he had paid the taxi driver $ 50 bucks to drive him around my area (which I thought was pretty funny) but while he was telling me this he couldn't even sit...it was like what I've seen people do when they are standing and drunk...but he was sitting on the couch.
Last year him and his friends went out into the country for new years. He rang me, again, because he had crashed his friends car. It sounded innocent. The way he explained it he was driving over a dirt/gravel road and lost control. He said he was way under speed limit. The next thing I find out they had been drinking (I don't think it was excessive drinking) and he had been speeding out in a really dangerous back road.
Another time a friend of his decided they should go drifting (they live just out of the city so they have lots of roads to do this on) He got in a car and his friend got in the other. They were pretty off their faces at this point. Dylan said they were having trouble keeping up and then suddenly his friend who's car was infront of them disappeared around the corner...when they had gotten there the guy had crashed his car and the police had said if he had a passenger, the passenger would have died. My brother was supposed to be the passenger.
His 18th birthday started at 3 because we were supposed to have lunch first. He arrived already drunk. Not to the point where it was a problem..but you could probabl
but you could probably say he had an awesome feed that day. Little than an hour or to later he couldn't walk. He was pulled back by our dad twice from almost flying through the sliding door. He was put into bed once he stopped puking and yelling abuse at people and we all carried on the party for him well into the night.
He also starts drinking at one place and wakes up in a different place having no idea how he got there. You're also guaranteed that he's got blocks of the night that he's blacked out each time.
These are serious things to me. This signals a drinking problem to me. I don't understand how speaking to him about it twice and then needing more help from other people is being controlling.
When you can't walk and you see your brother can but he's so drunk that when he starts swaying side to side and moving faster just to keep his balance....and you can see he's going straight through a glass sliding door with concrete on the other side...I think anyone would be worried. And then the car thing!
These are just things that have happened when I was around or staying at my dads for the weekend but there are videos on his myspace and everything of him doing this.
It's not that he drinks all day, every day...it's that he binge drinks. He will hurl abuse when people haven't even said anything because he's so drunk. I am freaking out for him.
I know that the navy will have a good affect on him and I'm so proud of him going there. They have a '1 drink only' policy when he gets weekend leave which is great. But what about the next time he gets a weeks leave and gets lost?
I'm just worried about him and I have no idea to help him. I know I over-worry about people so if I'm over-reacting I want to be pulled up on it...but I just can't handle worrying about him like this. I truly believe he needs some help.
He also starts drinking at one place and wakes up in a different place having no idea how he got there. You're also guaranteed that he's got blocks of the night that he's blacked out each time.
These are serious things to me. This signals a drinking problem to me. I don't understand how speaking to him about it twice and then needing more help from other people is being controlling.
When you can't walk and you see your brother can but he's so drunk that when he starts swaying side to side and moving faster just to keep his balance....and you can see he's going straight through a glass sliding door with concrete on the other side...I think anyone would be worried. And then the car thing!
These are just things that have happened when I was around or staying at my dads for the weekend but there are videos on his myspace and everything of him doing this.
It's not that he drinks all day, every day...it's that he binge drinks. He will hurl abuse when people haven't even said anything because he's so drunk. I am freaking out for him.
I know that the navy will have a good affect on him and I'm so proud of him going there. They have a '1 drink only' policy when he gets weekend leave which is great. But what about the next time he gets a weeks leave and gets lost?
I'm just worried about him and I have no idea to help him. I know I over-worry about people so if I'm over-reacting I want to be pulled up on it...but I just can't handle worrying about him like this. I truly believe he needs some help.
Thank you, Yossarian, someone kindly messaged me on here and mentioned that as well about al-anon. Considering my Dad and Mum are also addicts I think I'm going to get onto it quickly.
I've never heard that saying before but I think I understand. I don't think my brother is consuming me but I don't live with him OR either of my parents...so the only things he consumes is my worry.
I'm very sorry about your father.
Thank you for your advice.
I've never heard that saying before but I think I understand. I don't think my brother is consuming me but I don't live with him OR either of my parents...so the only things he consumes is my worry.
I'm very sorry about your father.
Thank you for your advice.
If he binge drinks, that doesn't neccessarily make him an alcoholic..the drunk driving is an issue but if he's done that shit recently..as opposed to last month or 'sometime last year.' than I would see that as an issue..not 'last year'...is he still driving drunk?
If you're worried about his friends and he's going to the navy, then you shouldn't worry much about his friends, becase they will no longer be as much of an influence to him..and I doubt that they'll kick him out for getting drunk, they might discipline him or suspend him, but kick him out? nah, they take care of thier people..they'll be the ones sending him to AA. His fellow solidiers will be keeping an eye on him, once he sees people within his immediate viscinity looking at him like he's fucking it up for everyone in basic training..he'll change his tune..this couldn't be anything less but good for him..you should be giving him positive energy. Let him feed off of that, remember, virgoes ultimately aim to please, he'd thrive more on what's working and that he should keep it up , than what he did last year and how you're afraid he's going to ruin his life, when he's just getting started..how much of a killjoy is that.
Binge drinking, I can understand it's scary to watch and it's annoying and it's worrisome, I've had plenty of friends that binge drink, but it isn't a straight death sentence, him going to the navy, I bet will curb that shit exponentially, especially if he has to do basic training, I'm willing to bet he'd be lucky to be able to have ONE drink let alone enough to get plastered.
But bsaically, i understand your concern and fear, but I still think you should try to back off a bit. Like what alot of people are saying, it's his life.
If you're worried about his friends and he's going to the navy, then you shouldn't worry much about his friends, becase they will no longer be as much of an influence to him..and I doubt that they'll kick him out for getting drunk, they might discipline him or suspend him, but kick him out? nah, they take care of thier people..they'll be the ones sending him to AA. His fellow solidiers will be keeping an eye on him, once he sees people within his immediate viscinity looking at him like he's fucking it up for everyone in basic training..he'll change his tune..this couldn't be anything less but good for him..you should be giving him positive energy. Let him feed off of that, remember, virgoes ultimately aim to please, he'd thrive more on what's working and that he should keep it up , than what he did last year and how you're afraid he's going to ruin his life, when he's just getting started..how much of a killjoy is that.
Binge drinking, I can understand it's scary to watch and it's annoying and it's worrisome, I've had plenty of friends that binge drink, but it isn't a straight death sentence, him going to the navy, I bet will curb that shit exponentially, especially if he has to do basic training, I'm willing to bet he'd be lucky to be able to have ONE drink let alone enough to get plastered.
But bsaically, i understand your concern and fear, but I still think you should try to back off a bit. Like what alot of people are saying, it's his life.
Posted by TypicalScorpio
.... there are videos on his myspace and everything of him doing this.
It's not that he drinks all day, every day...it's that he binge drinks. He will hurl abuse when people haven't even said anything because he's so drunk. I am freaking out for him.
...but I just can't handle worrying about him like this. I truly believe he needs some help.
If he has videos that he put up the link for .. then he's not in a bad place in his life, as he percieves his life.
The problem with addiction, is that the addict doen't know they are addicted .. so any effort on your part to treat the addiction will cause him to scream at you for abusing him because he is in denial ... therefore any conversation you have with him is only for yourself to feel like you're doing something ... when really you only make the matter worse.
He is never going to worry about this in his life, so long as you are. Addicts have people caring for them, doing everythign for them ... which only enables them to continue using.
If you truly believe you want to help him, then you have to let him believe you have stopped helping him. So long as you protect him, feed him, give him a place to pass out, so long as you are taking on all responsibility of worrying about his well-being ... then he doesn't have to.
The goal is to make him realize he has a problem ... how is he suppose to realize this, if you all are guiding him around, wiping off his mouth after he pukes and then guiding him to bed?
You want to help him?
Then let him fall. Let him have to wake up on the wrong side of a gutter .... only then will he begin to realize that his life sucks.
Typ
for real your to close to help much get ahold of your local AA they have a group they work with that helps people who are close to AL K HOLICS.
for real your to close to help much get ahold of your local AA they have a group they work with that helps people who are close to AL K HOLICS.
Binge drinker is a different story ... and usually not even an alcoholic.
Sounds to me like he jsut likes getting fucked up .. some people like to party.
If he is going to work, and still owning up to his responsibilities, then what's the problem here?
Sounds to me like he jsut likes getting fucked up .. some people like to party.
If he is going to work, and still owning up to his responsibilities, then what's the problem here?
If you are wheelchair bound, then your own sense of helplessness might be triggering a condition in you which makes you want to make his life useful.
Do I need to clarify what I meant there ^^^^^^ .. because it wasn't intended to mean anything except what it says.
TheBeautifulStruggle - I actually haven't spoken to him about this for a couple of years. My step mum recorded his 18th and all I did was agree when they pointed out how he was like...so I don't count that. When I talk to him it's a heart to heart...not actually "stop drinking or else!!" I'll ask him how he thinks/feels about stuff...because I believe it's some sort of emotion behind his drinking.
He's my best friend and I've been absolutely supportive of his navy life. There is no way I would bring this or anything negative into him moving on. He has a room here for free set up for when he gets off base or has longer times off. I think people on here are getting the feeling that I nag him or talk to him about it a lot...I honestly have only mentioned it around 2 times and it hasn't been anytime recently. He's just finished his basic training so they're allowed alcohol on their weekend leave now but if they go back with a blood count higher than 1 standard drink they get into trouble.
The thing with binge drinking is it IS alcoholism. A weekend binge drink in our country is usually from Thurs (pay day) to Sunday morning. There are big things in place because we're losing our youth to binge drinking. It it's not the alcohol itself it's the silly things they do while they're that gone.
Thankfully, though, he doesn't have his licence yet so he can't drive and as he's only just left school he's never driven drunk from work or anything.
Our dad was the type to get ALMOST drunk everyday and drive around and all of that so I think he knows not to do that.
So yeah...basically I don't hound him or anything like that. He has no idea I was worried the other night. He has no idea that I worry at all and when he rings me to tell me the things he's done wrong (like the car accident and drifting) I never once said anything negative. I tried to help out and support him as much as I could and once I heard about the accident happening because he was being a dick I said nothing of it and thought of it as a learning experience for him...
But just because I'm not verbalising my thoughts and feelings doesn't mean I'm not worried. So I'm glad you understand my concern and fear.
He's my best friend and I've been absolutely supportive of his navy life. There is no way I would bring this or anything negative into him moving on. He has a room here for free set up for when he gets off base or has longer times off. I think people on here are getting the feeling that I nag him or talk to him about it a lot...I honestly have only mentioned it around 2 times and it hasn't been anytime recently. He's just finished his basic training so they're allowed alcohol on their weekend leave now but if they go back with a blood count higher than 1 standard drink they get into trouble.
The thing with binge drinking is it IS alcoholism. A weekend binge drink in our country is usually from Thurs (pay day) to Sunday morning. There are big things in place because we're losing our youth to binge drinking. It it's not the alcohol itself it's the silly things they do while they're that gone.
Thankfully, though, he doesn't have his licence yet so he can't drive and as he's only just left school he's never driven drunk from work or anything.
Our dad was the type to get ALMOST drunk everyday and drive around and all of that so I think he knows not to do that.
So yeah...basically I don't hound him or anything like that. He has no idea I was worried the other night. He has no idea that I worry at all and when he rings me to tell me the things he's done wrong (like the car accident and drifting) I never once said anything negative. I tried to help out and support him as much as I could and once I heard about the accident happening because he was being a dick I said nothing of it and thought of it as a learning experience for him...
But just because I'm not verbalising my thoughts and feelings doesn't mean I'm not worried. So I'm glad you understand my concern and fear.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by TypicalScorpio
.... there are videos on his myspace and everything of him doing this.
It's not that he drinks all day, every day...it's that he binge drinks. He will hurl abuse when people haven't even said anything because he's so drunk. I am freaking out for him.
...but I just can't handle worrying about him like this. I truly believe he needs some help.
If he has videos that he put up the link for .. then he's not in a bad place in his life, as he percieves his life.
The problem with addiction, is that the addict doen't know they are addicted .. so any effort on your part to treat the addiction will cause him to scream at you for abusing him because he is in denial ... therefore any conversation you have with him is only for yourself to feel like you're doing something ... when really you only make the matter worse.
He is never going to worry about this in his life, so long as you are. Addicts have people caring for them, doing everythign for them ... which only enables them to continue using.
If you truly believe you want to help him, then you have to let him believe you have stopped helping him. So long as you protect him, feed him, give him a place to pass out, so long as you are taking on all responsibility of worrying about his well-being ... then he doesn't have to.
The goal is to make him realize he has a problem ... how is he suppose to realize this, if you all are guiding him around, wiping off his mouth after he pukes and then guiding him to bed?
You want to help him?
Then let him fall. Let him have to wake up on the wrong side of a gutter .... only then will he begin to realize that his life sucks.click to expand
When you put it this way I can absoluetly understand what you're saying. 100% . The other way got me defensive but when you spell it out clearly like this I get it 😛
He didn't put the link up his friends did but he didn't take it down so same difference.
Again, usually my conversations with him aren't about the drinking itself but about what's going on with him. and then I'll mention that he can go overboard sometimes..it's really a peacful sister to brother conversation.
But I can see what you're saying and I know exactly how to put it into effect. Like when he couldn't sit he was going to sleep on my tiny co
tiny couch. I made up a bed for him and forced him to go get into because I could see how painful it would be for him the next day and I think they get straight into the physical stuff when they get back to base. If I just let him stay there then he would understand it was his fault for getting too drunk the night before going back. I know that's just a small example but I just wanted to make sure I understood properly.
As far as the wheelchair thing. Yes that does have a big thing to do with it. I don't know what you ment about it making me want to make his life useful but the helplesness does trigger something in me that kinda...I don't know I go into panic mode quickly when something might happen with other people because I can't help them.
So if my brother fell asleep on someones lawn...I wouldn't be able to get to him. That scares the shit out of me. And don't get me started with children around moving fast and looking like they could hurt themselves at any moment. So that is something I need to work on. I guess maybe it makes me want to mother people more than I need to...or wrap them in bubble wrap and smother them...but I don't think I've let it get that far yet.
As far as the wheelchair thing. Yes that does have a big thing to do with it. I don't know what you ment about it making me want to make his life useful but the helplesness does trigger something in me that kinda...I don't know I go into panic mode quickly when something might happen with other people because I can't help them.
So if my brother fell asleep on someones lawn...I wouldn't be able to get to him. That scares the shit out of me. And don't get me started with children around moving fast and looking like they could hurt themselves at any moment. So that is something I need to work on. I guess maybe it makes me want to mother people more than I need to...or wrap them in bubble wrap and smother them...but I don't think I've let it get that far yet.
We'ere from different countries binge drinking is not that big of a deal for us esp among 18-25..it's expected. I already explained the parameters of what alcoholism is, if it's just making you feel bad watching him drunk..that isn't alcoholism..if it's affecting his life to the point that he can't take care of himself. Or that he's drinking all of the time, besides the weekend..or if he is consistently putting his life in danger..( or acting like an asshole drunk isn't life threatening) Than those the are the parameters in our country that you're an alcoholic, NOT that you just happen to consume alcohol in excess. Now mind you, I hear you and agree with you that it's a problem,..and I occasionally talk to this with my friends, but I don't ever imply or insist that they're an alcoholic. It would be just plain wrong, because, it doesn't match the parameters.
Does that make sense?
It's the difference between being 'blind' and being 'legally' blind. Yes the binge drinker is 'technically an alcoholic'. but he can still function normally....so, where's the problem?
Does that make sense?
It's the difference between being 'blind' and being 'legally' blind. Yes the binge drinker is 'technically an alcoholic'. but he can still function normally....so, where's the problem?
Posted by TypicalScorpio
As far as the wheelchair thing. Yes that does have a big thing to do with it. I don't know what you ment about it making me want to make his life useful but the helplesness does trigger something in me that kinda...I don't know I go into panic mode quickly when something might happen with other people because I can't help them.
So if my brother fell asleep on someones lawn...I wouldn't be able to get to him. That scares the shit out of me. And don't get me started with children around moving fast and looking like they could hurt themselves at any moment. So that is something I need to work on. I guess maybe it makes me want to mother people more than I need to...or wrap them in bubble wrap and smother them...but I don't think I've let it get that far yet.
Do you get emotional counseling?
Because it sounds to me like the issue has more to do with your condition, than it does his desire to party .... which it just sounds to me like he wants to party while he's young, and probably smoking weed, rolling, etc.
Meanwhile, it appears to me like you are the one in need ... because it sounds like you have this sense of being helpless and that can't go over very well with a Scorpio, I'd imagine. I'm not eloquent enough to talk to you about this since I don't really know you .. my direct bluntness is probably the last thing you would need. But, I'm sure there are people in your life who are thinking along the same lines as I am, and are probably looking for a crack in your wall to get in.
Is there a support group for you to join?
As for your brother ... he's just a weekend warrior .. nothing to worry about, really.
If the time comes that he drinks everyday .... then he might be an alcoholic.
If the time comes that he drinks everyday .... then he might be an alcoholic.
Yeah I absolutely agree. Technically and practically are still different. We're told that binge drinking is a lower form of alcoholism but we're also told it can move into the more common type as you get older. I also don't think it's as serious as a proper alcoholic problem because it can easily be a phase. It's usual for people here 18-25 to also go out and get wasted. Come home singing, walking all over the road and thinking they're walking straight, ending the night in a hot guy/girls bed and waking up to something....not hot.. That's basically our culture here. But he takes it further than that moment.
The problem, as I see it, is not the drinking but the situations he gets himself into because of them. I don't want him to get hurt but some of the stories him and his friends tell me are scary. I've only said things that I know happened...not that the stories I hear are much different. I worry that one day I will get a call that he's in hospital because he fell through/off something. Got in a car at the wrong time or place. Vomited in his sleep and couldn't breath. Now I know a lot of that will be me worrying TOO much but considering he's done all of those (except the last) and was lucky enough that he didn't need to go to hospital I still see that as a problem because all it takes is for that to happen when no one is around.
I feel the problem is he goes way beyond his limits. Tipsy is all good, drunk is fine...but he often goes further than that and THAT'S why I think he has a problem.
I've gotten drunk a few times and have been unable to get back into my chair 😛 I've done silly things and gotten into tough situations so I'm not one of those people who look down on people that party. It really is just the type of sitations that he gets himself into that I'm worried about.
I've never said to his face that I think he's an alcoholic. I've just had a couple conversations with him about what he thinks/feels about his drinking and that's usually just in with a whole lot of other things we're talking about at the time and he doesn't seem to have a problem talking about it with me.
When I said he thinks he's more mature and experienced than I am so doesn't have to listen to me...That wasn't a direct thing he said in a conversation about drinking. He says that all the time. Even when he asks for advice on girls he'll find a way to put that in there lol. Those are actually his words.
The problem, as I see it, is not the drinking but the situations he gets himself into because of them. I don't want him to get hurt but some of the stories him and his friends tell me are scary. I've only said things that I know happened...not that the stories I hear are much different. I worry that one day I will get a call that he's in hospital because he fell through/off something. Got in a car at the wrong time or place. Vomited in his sleep and couldn't breath. Now I know a lot of that will be me worrying TOO much but considering he's done all of those (except the last) and was lucky enough that he didn't need to go to hospital I still see that as a problem because all it takes is for that to happen when no one is around.
I feel the problem is he goes way beyond his limits. Tipsy is all good, drunk is fine...but he often goes further than that and THAT'S why I think he has a problem.
I've gotten drunk a few times and have been unable to get back into my chair 😛 I've done silly things and gotten into tough situations so I'm not one of those people who look down on people that party. It really is just the type of sitations that he gets himself into that I'm worried about.
I've never said to his face that I think he's an alcoholic. I've just had a couple conversations with him about what he thinks/feels about his drinking and that's usually just in with a whole lot of other things we're talking about at the time and he doesn't seem to have a problem talking about it with me.
When I said he thinks he's more mature and experienced than I am so doesn't have to listen to me...That wasn't a direct thing he said in a conversation about drinking. He says that all the time. Even when he asks for advice on girls he'll find a way to put that in there lol. Those are actually his words.
P-angel - I don't mind your bluntness it's just I don't know when to take you seriously or if you're being over the top. Although I do react badly if I feel I'm being attacked.
I don't get emotional counseling but I know it need it. I haven't found a counselor, yet, that I click with. The problem with a lot of them is they see I'm in a wheelchair and I guess they try to make excuses (or not be honest) for my emotional...imbalance I guess you could call it. So when I'm talking to them about it they tell me I'm right to feel the way I do when I know I'm not. So you're absolutely right about that.
The brother thing...that's basically what I came here looking for. To me it's a problem because to me it seems a little worse than just going hard for the weekend. But if so many other people see differently then I know that I'm doing my usual over-worrying thing.
I don't get emotional counseling but I know it need it. I haven't found a counselor, yet, that I click with. The problem with a lot of them is they see I'm in a wheelchair and I guess they try to make excuses (or not be honest) for my emotional...imbalance I guess you could call it. So when I'm talking to them about it they tell me I'm right to feel the way I do when I know I'm not. So you're absolutely right about that.
The brother thing...that's basically what I came here looking for. To me it's a problem because to me it seems a little worse than just going hard for the weekend. But if so many other people see differently then I know that I'm doing my usual over-worrying thing.
Posted by TypicalScorpio
The brother thing...that's basically what I came here looking for. To me it's a problem because to me it seems a little worse than just going hard for the weekend. But if so many other people see differently then I know that I'm doing my usual over-worrying thing.
I mean I still think it's a problem and am still worried. But because of other peoples opinions I can see where I may be over-worrying...I still think there's cause to be worried for him and his safety though.
I'm glad you understand that I'm a direct person.
You know, Virgo's are servers by nature ... you could try needing him to help you.
Usually, when a Virgo realizes that a person they care about is in need of them ... they tend to morph into being the servant. I guess this explains how they are mutable.
Maybe if he knew that you need to find an emotional counselor to help you with your handicap, then he would turn around because of his desire to assist you.
You know, Virgo's are servers by nature ... you could try needing him to help you.
Usually, when a Virgo realizes that a person they care about is in need of them ... they tend to morph into being the servant. I guess this explains how they are mutable.
Maybe if he knew that you need to find an emotional counselor to help you with your handicap, then he would turn around because of his desire to assist you.
It sounds to me from everything you've said in here that he is the baby, and surely still acts like it ... while big sis (you) is confident and capable.
Perhaps, if you reversed that role .. he would have a reason to man-up
Perhaps, if you reversed that role .. he would have a reason to man-up
Again, he's just a weekend warrior and not an alcoholic at all.
There's really nothing to worry about.
There's really nothing to worry about.
Posted by TypicalScorpio
I haven't found a counselor, yet, that I click with. The problem with a lot of them is they see I'm in a wheelchair and I guess they try to make excuses (or not be honest) for my emotional...imbalance I guess you could call it. So when I'm talking to them about it they tell me I'm right to feel the way I do when I know I'm not.
I know exactly what you mean .... I have a medical issue also, and everytime I try to find a doctor to help me, they always falls back on using it as an excuse, rather than assistance.
The thing with your brother, though .... there isn't really anything wrong with him. He jsut wants to party and have fun. It looks like you have a fear of not being able to help him physically and because of this, you have developed a paranoia.
He's fine. He hasn't even really done anything except party on weekends .. and that's perfectly normal for someone his age.
How are you going to go from " yah, just be there for him and keep an eye on him" to "OH SHIT HE'S GOING TO RUIN HIS LIFE CUZ MY DADDY AND RANDOM PERSON I KNEW DIED AND NO ONE KNEW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!" and then back to.."he's gotta learn for himself..."
You don't think that your changing positions sound a bit crazy to you—...If I was a person legitimately concerned with welfare of my brother, your posts would not be helpful, they would freak me the fuck out and make me feel worse.
You don't think that your changing positions sound a bit crazy to you—...If I was a person legitimately concerned with welfare of my brother, your posts would not be helpful, they would freak me the fuck out and make me feel worse.
oh so, you think she should back off and go see some counseling and just be there for her brother until he wants her to help him, because she can't tell him what to do.
Really, well, that's very curious..because if I'm reading it all correctly, this is EXACTLY what P-Angel said.
I think you owe that woman an apology.
Really, well, that's very curious..because if I'm reading it all correctly, this is EXACTLY what P-Angel said.
I think you owe that woman an apology.
Posted by Yossarian
Why take it so personal, are you a reckless drinker?
LOL!!!..nah, but I've had a friend assume and react that I had an alcohol problem from one night of drinking...it turned out the person gets nervous around drinking/drug use in general and had a history of alcoholism in his family.(just one distant family member) so it turned out he was the one that needed help, not me. And I wasn't even that drunk, I've never blacked out, never engaged in overly risky behavior, didn't even own a car...it was just his insecurities manifesting because he was uncomfortable being around alcohol.
You see how that could also be a possibility? That she could be making this bigger than it is? I don't deny she shouldn't be cautious, but she shouldn't go out of her way to keep pressing that this person has a problem when it could be he's just having fun.
I've already stated everything I needed to say, most of it is basically a rehash of what ya'll said with a dash of astrology.
Posted by Yossarian
You know it's funny you accused others of not reading so well, yet after reading my posts you can somehow misquote me so thoroughly.
Ugh I don't feel like going through the thread and pin point phrases of where you and her said the exact same thing...but if you don't want to beleive me that's fine. It doesn't hurt me none.
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