amysue38
@amysue38
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 17 · Topics: 4
Broken-hearted Libra woman over Virgo man #2
You didn't finish this in the first post and so that's why I was left telling you that he didn't even hurt you.
YOu don't have to start a new thread every time you need to say something.
This guy has broken up with you, and it looks like you won't let yourself come to terms with it.
1. Is this common behavior for a Virgo, or is he just an ahole in general?
**** if a man decides he doesn't want to see you anylonger, doesn't make him an asshole, it means he has a right to his choices.
2. Do these men come back in situations like this or has the damage been done with the "drama" of texts, conversations, etc...?
**** the damage of drama has been done. I would suggest in the future if a guy needs time in his head to sort his life out, you should leave him alone regardless of sun sign. People are allowed to have space to sort their life out, and by you continueing to bombard them with texts is only going to end up with them getting irritated with your insecurity and them dumping you.
3. What is with the pictures? I thought Virgo men were more one woman only and not such dogs. He has maintained that this is not about finding someone else.
**** you've lost him, for him to put pics back up on his profile doesn't make him a dog, he makes him a man who considers himself single now and has a right to put up his pics. He has blown you off, he doesn't have to justify to you to maintain anything to you. I would suggest you stop trying to contact him because to continue to doso to get him to maintain any answers to you is just you trying to suffocate a man who has finished a relationship with you and is avoiding the confrontation of it .... because from the way you are smothering, I'm sure he fully realizes that to come straight out with it would mean you would consider it a battle.
4. How do I handle this going forward? Do I have to wait for him to contact me?
**** you handle it by realizing he doesn't want to have a relationship with you ... it's not rocket science. He told you, "Doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now and did not want to take it to the next level with me (sex) when he wasn't 100% in it." .... are you daft? That means what it says.
5. Is he just being kind and not letting me down hard, or when he says it really is him and not me, should he be believed?
**** he tells you how he is feeling and how he isn't able to have a relationship and you think he's not telling you the truth? You think he's
YOu don't have to start a new thread every time you need to say something.
This guy has broken up with you, and it looks like you won't let yourself come to terms with it.
1. Is this common behavior for a Virgo, or is he just an ahole in general?
**** if a man decides he doesn't want to see you anylonger, doesn't make him an asshole, it means he has a right to his choices.
2. Do these men come back in situations like this or has the damage been done with the "drama" of texts, conversations, etc...?
**** the damage of drama has been done. I would suggest in the future if a guy needs time in his head to sort his life out, you should leave him alone regardless of sun sign. People are allowed to have space to sort their life out, and by you continueing to bombard them with texts is only going to end up with them getting irritated with your insecurity and them dumping you.
3. What is with the pictures? I thought Virgo men were more one woman only and not such dogs. He has maintained that this is not about finding someone else.
**** you've lost him, for him to put pics back up on his profile doesn't make him a dog, he makes him a man who considers himself single now and has a right to put up his pics. He has blown you off, he doesn't have to justify to you to maintain anything to you. I would suggest you stop trying to contact him because to continue to doso to get him to maintain any answers to you is just you trying to suffocate a man who has finished a relationship with you and is avoiding the confrontation of it .... because from the way you are smothering, I'm sure he fully realizes that to come straight out with it would mean you would consider it a battle.
4. How do I handle this going forward? Do I have to wait for him to contact me?
**** you handle it by realizing he doesn't want to have a relationship with you ... it's not rocket science. He told you, "Doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now and did not want to take it to the next level with me (sex) when he wasn't 100% in it." .... are you daft? That means what it says.
5. Is he just being kind and not letting me down hard, or when he says it really is him and not me, should he be believed?
**** he tells you how he is feeling and how he isn't able to have a relationship and you think he's not telling you the truth? You think he's
Thank you for your responses. This is just hard because I responded largely to his enthusiasm over the relationship. We joked about moving, jobs, etc....only because it was clear how well things were going and we might be together for the long-term. He always said that he wanted a best friend and relationship, not something casual. Told me he was not a serial dater at all. He brought up bringing me to a wedding in the fall and other events in the future as well. So, knowing all of these things I relaxed and figured he was telling the truth. I think we both had strong feelings for each other very quickly and that is probably what scared him off.
I am trying very hard not to contact him, because I know it will make things worse. If he knew the reaction I would have, being a Virgo, does that mean he can overlook it and even come back to the relationship in the future? Can he ignore the ending (since it was supposed to be about him and the divorce) and focus back on how good things were? Also, if he really didn't ever want to talk to me again would he not have made that clear? He left it as he would talk to me later and to take care of myself until then. Wouldn't it have been easier just to tell me to get lost if you didn't want the "drama" or any contact in the future? He had every opportunity to do so.
The hard part for me is having no contact at all. We used to talk all of the time and laugh about stuff and now it is gone. He told me he could talk to me about anything and now doesn't at all. I just wish we could be at least friends for now like we were.
I am trying very hard not to contact him, because I know it will make things worse. If he knew the reaction I would have, being a Virgo, does that mean he can overlook it and even come back to the relationship in the future? Can he ignore the ending (since it was supposed to be about him and the divorce) and focus back on how good things were? Also, if he really didn't ever want to talk to me again would he not have made that clear? He left it as he would talk to me later and to take care of myself until then. Wouldn't it have been easier just to tell me to get lost if you didn't want the "drama" or any contact in the future? He had every opportunity to do so.
The hard part for me is having no contact at all. We used to talk all of the time and laugh about stuff and now it is gone. He told me he could talk to me about anything and now doesn't at all. I just wish we could be at least friends for now like we were.
Posted by amysue38
Can he ignore the ending (since it was supposed to be about him and the divorce) and focus back on how good things were? Also, if he really didn't ever want to talk to me again would he not have made that clear? He left it as he would talk to me later and to take care of myself until then. Wouldn't it have been easier just to tell me to get lost if you didn't want the "drama" or any contact in the future?
You're an idiot ... probably why he kicked you to the curb without telling you.
It's not like you'd be able to even get it if he told you .. so why would he waste his breath on you?
Amysue. We weigh things. All the joking about moving in and changing jobs, he has thought all the way through. He puts himself in that situation mentally and judges compatability. Everything you joked about probably checked off positively in his mind. The problem was when he started thinking about actually getting that ball to roll; the effort required to actually uproot and change jobs (We have HUGE work ethics and probably cling to a field/occupation/or actual building location) and couldn't bring himself to do it.
Call us lazy. Call us what you want but my belief is that we operate like this; in a potential long distance relationship, if the benefit doesn't vastly outweigh the risk then we get cold feet. We are in the moment people and that's why you two had an excellent time together. As a service sign, we naturally feel it's our obligation to provide the best possible time when we are with you. Gentleman qualities, humor, entertainment all to make you feel great. . . In the moment. I think that's why so many women on here come here trying to understand why the male Virgos did them so wrong and toyed with their feelings and "broke their heart"; because if we went into these potential relationships apprehensive and not whole-heartedly then you letting us go wouldn't be that hard of a task. I believe we go all out and trust and let go on a date for a couple of reasons. I already listed the first; it is basically our "duty" to provide an awesome date. And second, coming from a divorce myself, we are desperately looking for that "spark" and feel the only way to see if it happens is to give dates our all.
In retrospect, this guy wasn't for you. You feel so bad cuz he made you feel so good, and now it's gone. He probably didn't feel the spark or at least a spark that was worthy of turning his life upside down. He moved on and I bet his dating profile now includes a dating range of less than 2 hrs drive. You should move on and use this. Hope any of this helped.
Call us lazy. Call us what you want but my belief is that we operate like this; in a potential long distance relationship, if the benefit doesn't vastly outweigh the risk then we get cold feet. We are in the moment people and that's why you two had an excellent time together. As a service sign, we naturally feel it's our obligation to provide the best possible time when we are with you. Gentleman qualities, humor, entertainment all to make you feel great. . . In the moment. I think that's why so many women on here come here trying to understand why the male Virgos did them so wrong and toyed with their feelings and "broke their heart"; because if we went into these potential relationships apprehensive and not whole-heartedly then you letting us go wouldn't be that hard of a task. I believe we go all out and trust and let go on a date for a couple of reasons. I already listed the first; it is basically our "duty" to provide an awesome date. And second, coming from a divorce myself, we are desperately looking for that "spark" and feel the only way to see if it happens is to give dates our all.
In retrospect, this guy wasn't for you. You feel so bad cuz he made you feel so good, and now it's gone. He probably didn't feel the spark or at least a spark that was worthy of turning his life upside down. He moved on and I bet his dating profile now includes a dating range of less than 2 hrs drive. You should move on and use this. Hope any of this helped.
I have to say something here to anyone who posts on this board. I have blocked a poster who will remain nameless from this point forward, due to her vitriolic, spiteful posts in response to my problem. As an educator and human being, I have to say that I am disturbed that someone would respond in such an irresponsible way to a person's question/request for advice on a message board. What if I was an unstable person, in danger of harming myself due to this problem I am experiencing? What if that poster's suggestion that I am an idiot and bitter comments made me think even worse of myself, worse enough to do something horrible? Thankfully, I am not that weak and will not take one woman's hatred to heart. However, there are people who may not be that strong and could be influenced by the words of others. This is one person who responded in such a way, but it only takes one. Think before you respond folks--honesty is fine, but humanity is a must.
@Amysue38*hands you a glass of wine*,it certainly a real jolt to your system,thinking things are moving full steam ahead then,wow, you're sitting there with a new twist to your life.I really think it is more of a new divorced thing than more of a Virgo thing.It could be as simple as his single friends glad to have him back on the scene or his family whispering in his ear to slow down.Be mindful of what exactly what his issues were/are,they might be his or the ex's.Things for you both seems to be moving really quickly for just a few months from just dating to hey,someone's going to have to get change of address cards and moving boxes.Big changes there.And who would that be,him or you??Change of jobs? Habits? Talk about speed dating/relationship!
To answer:
1.Common behavior for someone who doesn't know what they want
2.Could be ,it takes you knowing him better,has he given you any examples of drama that he's sidestepped?
3.He just figured out his ego works
4.Don't think of it as waiting for him,think of it as "gee,you're back on the scene and how easy is it going to be to slip into go us mode?Nothing snarky but your heart doesn't have a revolving door on it either
5.Time will tell
It's really tough when one heart says go and the other say wait/stop.Yeah,don't contact him, but if you can't help yourself,give it at least a couple of weeks,don't even look at his fb during this time either.I know dear,but keep busy,give your self time to heal and to breath.The nice weather is coming ...everyone's coming out to play...
No,you don't have to forget about him,but if he did pop up again what would you have to say?Is this the way he deals with everything?Even though he sounds like a gentleman,it really sounds like he isn't ready and since you didn't hunch,you don't have that question of now that we did it,are we getting deeper in ?And how deep are we?In the meanwhile treat yourself well.Good Luck
To answer:
1.Common behavior for someone who doesn't know what they want
2.Could be ,it takes you knowing him better,has he given you any examples of drama that he's sidestepped?
3.He just figured out his ego works
4.Don't think of it as waiting for him,think of it as "gee,you're back on the scene and how easy is it going to be to slip into go us mode?Nothing snarky but your heart doesn't have a revolving door on it either
5.Time will tell
It's really tough when one heart says go and the other say wait/stop.Yeah,don't contact him, but if you can't help yourself,give it at least a couple of weeks,don't even look at his fb during this time either.I know dear,but keep busy,give your self time to heal and to breath.The nice weather is coming ...everyone's coming out to play...
No,you don't have to forget about him,but if he did pop up again what would you have to say?Is this the way he deals with everything?Even though he sounds like a gentleman,it really sounds like he isn't ready and since you didn't hunch,you don't have that question of now that we did it,are we getting deeper in ?And how deep are we?In the meanwhile treat yourself well.Good Luck
Thank you VulcanLass-- I can use the wine! Just for information, his ex-wife cheated on him with a coworker. He actually ran into her by accident a week or two ago and it was the first time he saw her after months. Then coincidentally, he stopped barely texted me the next week. He explained to me that he basically grew up with her and now sees that he has these demons to deal with when he thought he had passed this point. He said that anytime he senses "drama" he runs, but that I didn't cause it--there was nothing different that I could have said or done. It isn't me, it's him. I buy the whole divorce issue too and that he freaked out. His schedule at work changed as well, smack in the middle of dating me. It was drama for him I think, to try and schedule time to see one another given how bad his schedule became. I would buy all of his explanations if it wasn't for the posting of new pictures. Maybe he needs to see what is out there to understand what he had, I don't know.
Anyway, I appreciate the good thoughts. I am going to try to last as long as possible to contact him. For me, until he says he doesn't want anything to do with me and closes the door for good, it will be hard to completely move on. I feel like he left it open and that is almost worse.
Anyway, I appreciate the good thoughts. I am going to try to last as long as possible to contact him. For me, until he says he doesn't want anything to do with me and closes the door for good, it will be hard to completely move on. I feel like he left it open and that is almost worse.
@Amysue38 you're welcome.That's more like trauma.All areas of his life are involved.Whatever their issues were,wow,to have your alledged soulmate,that you married,that you had a life with, rip your heart out while it's still beating and hand it to you,instead of being mature ..."gosh honey,this doesn't seem to be working,I'll be leaving now".And with his coworker!Of all the people in the world,she made it even more personal than it already was.He's probably wondering,if everyone at work knew?And if they did and not telling him?He wouldn't be to jazzed with any of them right about now.And does he stay there?Or find a new job?How do you soft soap that in an interview??Then she pops up out of the blue...
Yup that pretty takes care of every major areas of his life.He's not even close to being ready for anything.(Probably doesn't even trust the mailman LOL).He's definitely got post traumtic relationship issues.Nope,if he can't trust himself about his judgements and decision about the basics,he wouldn't be emotionally in a position to trust himself about his feelings concerning you.Or he might be second guessing you and your feelings so much that he might drive you away with that brand of craziness.If she freaks him out that easily then he's not given her her baggage back.She's still able to pull his strings and he dances..Hence,(he probably put those pix up on fb to get at his ex,..see he's having a great time,yep he's moved on,no flies on him...).It is almost like there is the three of you in the relationship,if he can't face her and have himself under control,not letting her crawl under his skin,then it's like arrgh!Who needs that?
Ya,I've done that half in/half out thing.That doesn't work on so many levels.Your friends will be like,"Lord no,here she comes again,don't ask her about him.Run."LOL.
Seriously,it looks like it's on you to make the big decisions here.He's kinda scattered at the moment.He does need space,you're giving him that.Give him the time.He has to heal himself,if you become a part of THAT process,he'll think of you as the pal that got me through it,not the woman who will there for the relationship.He's got to decide how he is going to fix this.You will have seen him at his low point,his vulnerabilities exposed.You care for you,don't be the therapist.He knows you care.While he's healing,take all that nuturing,put it to good use,have a couple of you first minutes.Treat yourself like your bff.
Yup that pretty takes care of every major areas of his life.He's not even close to being ready for anything.(Probably doesn't even trust the mailman LOL).He's definitely got post traumtic relationship issues.Nope,if he can't trust himself about his judgements and decision about the basics,he wouldn't be emotionally in a position to trust himself about his feelings concerning you.Or he might be second guessing you and your feelings so much that he might drive you away with that brand of craziness.If she freaks him out that easily then he's not given her her baggage back.She's still able to pull his strings and he dances..Hence,(he probably put those pix up on fb to get at his ex,..see he's having a great time,yep he's moved on,no flies on him...).It is almost like there is the three of you in the relationship,if he can't face her and have himself under control,not letting her crawl under his skin,then it's like arrgh!Who needs that?
Ya,I've done that half in/half out thing.That doesn't work on so many levels.Your friends will be like,"Lord no,here she comes again,don't ask her about him.Run."LOL.
Seriously,it looks like it's on you to make the big decisions here.He's kinda scattered at the moment.He does need space,you're giving him that.Give him the time.He has to heal himself,if you become a part of THAT process,he'll think of you as the pal that got me through it,not the woman who will there for the relationship.He's got to decide how he is going to fix this.You will have seen him at his low point,his vulnerabilities exposed.You care for you,don't be the therapist.He knows you care.While he's healing,take all that nuturing,put it to good use,have a couple of you first minutes.Treat yourself like your bff.
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It has been a week and I have held to my promise, but I am eating myself up inside. I have some questions maybe you Virgo smart people can answer:
1. Is this common behavior for a Virgo, or is he just an ahole in general?
2. Do these men come back in situations like this or has the damage been done with the "drama" of texts, conversations, etc...?
3. What is with the pictures? I thought Virgo men were more one woman only and not such dogs. He has maintained that this is not about finding someone else.
4. How do I handle this going forward? Do I have to wait for him to contact me?
5. Is he just being kind and not letting me down hard, or when he says it really is him and not me, should he be believed?
I am having such trouble understanding how things were so good and have come to this. The lack of ending to things is killing me as well as not having any contact with him at all. I am not a weak woman and have strong feelings for him. I don't know how long I can go without the answers I need to either move on with him or without.
Sorry for the lengthy post, but it's complicated. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks