Dy's amusing description of sex

I know someone asked for this recently... forget who tho. I was going through some of my old files and found it... but don't remember now if it's something Dy posted recently, or if it's THE story he wrote a couple of years ago... anyway, here it is in two parts:

Pt.1

"Guys are quiet in bed because we are too busy thinking. You heard me right. Thinking. Deep thoughts. You see, it seems to generally be the guy's job, (at least in my experience) to make the girl feel as good as possible and have sweet, sweet orgasms. The girl, on the other hand, is generally content to just lay back and see what I've got to offer. Again, I can't speak for anyone else, this is just in my personal experience.

Not only am I thinking during sex, I am multi-tasking. My neuro-net processor of a brain is pounding algorithms as fast as my penis is pounding pussy.

Just what is going through my head during sex? Like the moon, this is a frontier so far journeyed only by man. But here is a small window of what goes on in my head during sex:

Do you ever find that pre-orgasm expression on a guys face funny?
Ever wonder what he's feeling"
Its not pain
Its not pleasure
It is deep, hard, seething thought.

Pt.2

"Alright, time for some action"
"I hope I don't fuck up this time"
"Is that the right hole?"
"Oh wait, there it is"
"All right, lets start out slow"

It isn't long before my thoughts turn into a quiet panic.

BRAIN: "Damn, she just moved."
BRAIN: "Did I do something right, or did I hurt her"

BRAIN: "She's making noises!"
BRAIN: "Pain noises or pleasure noises?"
BRAIN: "Let try stepping up the pace a little"

BRAIN: "More noises, I pretty sure that's pleasure now"
BRAIN: "Oh yeah, she's starting to flush, I like that"
BRAIN: "Lets try changing the angle a bit"
...........

BRAIN: "Nope, didn't like that"

BRAIN: "Damn, what was I doing before?"
BRAIN: "Fuck it, lets try a different position"
WOMAN: "OUCH!"
BRAIN: "Yeah....that one was definitely pain>
WOMAN: "What are you doing?"
BRAIN: "Mayday! Mayday!"
BRAIN: "Decrease Velocity!"
BRAIN: "Open flaps"
BRAIN: "Landing gear engaged"
BRAIN: "Disengage primary thrusters"
BRAIN: "Systems check"
ME: "You allright?"
WOMAN: "Uh....Yeah"
BRAIN: "No system damage"
ME: "Allright, lets try this again"
—five minutes later....computer pretty much takes over—
BRAIN: "Allright, back on track"

BRAIN: "Target in sight, hold position"

BRAIN: "C'mon.......C'mon"

BRAIN: "Hold it......Hold it....."
COMPUTER: WARNING! WARNING!
COMPUTER: ERR-ERR-ERR
BRAIN: "Oh shit"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT
BRAIN: "Oh shit, not yet!"

BRAIN: "Just a little longer"
COMPUTER: DANGER HULL INTEGRITY
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD COMMENCING
BRAIN: "FUCK! I'm not going to make it"
BRAIN: "Pull out and prepare for manual override"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: "Pull out, pull out"
COMPUTER: AUTO PILOT ENGAGED
BRAIN: "NO! UNENGAGE! UNENGAGE!"
COMPUTER: TARGET LOCKED....TARGET LOCKED
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
COMPUTER:
COMPUTER:
BRAIN: "Must....hold....on"
COMPUTER:
BRAIN: "can't.....hold it"
COMPUTER:
BRAIN: "Its out of my control, its in God's hands now"
COMPUTER: "PRIMARY VALVE: EJACULATING"

COMPUTER: "AUTOMATIC SYSTEM SHUT DOWN: COMMENCING"

WOMAN: "Honey, are you alright?"
ME: Yeah.....my head hurts...."
WOMAN: "Sorry"
ME: No, the other head"
WOMAN: "What?"
ME: Nothing"
ME: Did you cum"
WOMAN: "What, you didn't notice"
ME: Actually, I was kinda too busy to notice"
WOMAN: "You're so weird"
ME: You should try being the pilot

ME: You should try being the pilot next time"
WOMAN: "Get off me, I need to pee"

FIN

Genius LOL 🙂

lmao lmao lmao

That ain't a story... it's truth.

LOL!!!!!!!

Hahaha I think it was me who requested someone dig up the old story. Thank you, Fergus.

LOL that was pretty funny. Kudos for a good story

Well, I do! That's your stuff, Dy, sure as the moon! 😄

Posted by DyTryin

Ferghus,

I would love to take credit for the accurate account of Virgo Man during sexual intercourse, but I honestly have no recollection of it...

I'm pretty sure it was posted by you, but I always thought you probably "borrowed" it from someone else, lol. OR, you might have just forwarded it from something you saw online. I don't have the original post, only the story and I found it in a folder containing some banter you and I had back and forth several years ago. I see SA agrees with me as she probably remembers seeing the original.

"borrowed"

http://www.mindifidoaj.com/forum/f27/men_deep_thoughts_during_sex-6200.html

Posted by DyTryin

Ferghus,

I would love to take credit for the accurate account of Virgo Man during sexual intercourse, but I honestly have no recollection of it...

Yea, if I remember right, Papa Dy didn't write it. It was just random entertainment that ended up here. I think I originally had asked if Dy still had it as he's somewhat of a local historian / librarian of the joint.

>"borrowed"

http://www.mindifidoaj.com/forum/f27/men_deep_thoughts_during_sex-6200.html<BR>
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THAT'S IT! And with the missing bits! Thanks *

hillarious...!

😄