Jackstobo
@Jackstobo
12 Years
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First time dating a Virgo woman. Wow!
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At this point, why don't you keep it light and remind her of your feelings for her and then ask her straight up if it's mutual, so that this way if it isn't, you can know sooner rather than later and stop wasting your time. A forward conversation we can handle. I know it's a little confusing and frustrating as Virgos tend NOT to chase because we are a passive sign, but know that the passivity is not always a reflection of romantic interest but sometimes a way of hoping the other person will eventually come to the realization that we have no feelings for them, and will begin to wean themselves off. I know it sounds weird but it's just that it can be really akward and hurtful for us to let someone down all on our own, so that's why I say initiate a conversation if you wish to be brought out from the dark.
But don't be discouraged because that's ^^^ just one scenario...
She may simply be doing the shy, akward, reserved, Virgal thing. Really it can be like pulling teeth trying to get us to open up and come out of our shells (even worse when we really like you), and that's why you have to put in a little more detective work at this point or this can go on for a while and frustrate you even more as you seem ready to take it to the next step. Virgos can be slow as snails in love and we have the patience of saints...you have no idea!
Good luck and keep us posted.
But don't be discouraged because that's ^^^ just one scenario...
She may simply be doing the shy, akward, reserved, Virgal thing. Really it can be like pulling teeth trying to get us to open up and come out of our shells (even worse when we really like you), and that's why you have to put in a little more detective work at this point or this can go on for a while and frustrate you even more as you seem ready to take it to the next step. Virgos can be slow as snails in love and we have the patience of saints...you have no idea!
Good luck and keep us posted.
If she didn't like you then,she wouldn't have kept up the contact.She wouldn't have texted you back right away.I bet she is still recovering from her relationships and isn't in a hurry to get burned again.We move slow.Maybe she is wondering if you are interested in her because you are looking for a mom for your kids or whether she is up for the new role.I know she wouldn't replace the mother of your children,but she would still be dating "the package".If she isn't mature enough for that,then this isn't good.If she really has been drinking heavy when she contacts you,she's looking for that midnight call or is scared that you'll reject her ,so she is giving you a self-defeating reason not to contact her or invite her over.If she doesn't have children of her own,then she is hard time with your family time.Maybe she doesn't know how to fit in with your family dynamic.
If she is hanging out with her friends and wants you to meet them,she wants some input from them about you.It's hard switching back and forth from the friend zone to a relationship.Signals get crossed and feelings get hurt.There is something that must have happened between you to that makes her hesitate,it didn't have to be a big thing,but it was important enough to her,that makes her hesitate.Maybe you two have a bad sense of timing.It seems like one is ready and the other one wants to stop things,this miscommunication can be a form of hiding and hesitating,and not actually moving forward to have that relationship.I suggest you two spend some RL time together,and not in a bar or at night,to sort out whether this a relationship in the making or a friend zone keeper.Sounds like you two haven't talked in depth about the direction of this relationship in the making.Does she have a drinking problem or is she just wicked social??Sounds like there is an age gap between you.Things to take time to think about my friend.
If she is hanging out with her friends and wants you to meet them,she wants some input from them about you.It's hard switching back and forth from the friend zone to a relationship.Signals get crossed and feelings get hurt.There is something that must have happened between you to that makes her hesitate,it didn't have to be a big thing,but it was important enough to her,that makes her hesitate.Maybe you two have a bad sense of timing.It seems like one is ready and the other one wants to stop things,this miscommunication can be a form of hiding and hesitating,and not actually moving forward to have that relationship.I suggest you two spend some RL time together,and not in a bar or at night,to sort out whether this a relationship in the making or a friend zone keeper.Sounds like you two haven't talked in depth about the direction of this relationship in the making.Does she have a drinking problem or is she just wicked social??Sounds like there is an age gap between you.Things to take time to think about my friend.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
At this point, why don't you keep it light and remind her of your feelings for her and then ask her straight up if it's mutual, so that this way if it isn't, you can know sooner rather than later and stop wasting your time. A forward conversation we can handle. I know it's a little confusing and frustrating as Virgos tend NOT to chase because we are a passive sign, but know that the passivity is not always a reflection of romantic interest but sometimes a way of hoping the other person will eventually come to the realization that we have no feelings for them, and will begin to wean themselves off. I know it sounds weird but it's just that it can be really akward and hurtful for us to let someone down all on our own, so that's why I say initiate a conversation if you wish to be brought out from the dark.
But don't be discouraged because that's ^^^ just one scenario...
She may simply be doing the shy, akward, reserved, Virgal thing. Really it can be like pulling teeth trying to get us to open up and come out of our shells (even worse when we really like you), and that's why you have to put in a little more detective work at this point or this can go on for a while and frustrate you even more as you seem ready to take it to the next step. Virgos can be slow as snails in love and we have the patience of saints...you have no idea!
Good luck and keep us posted.
VirgoVixxxen, thank you for responding. We have had the "relationship" conversation and she tells me she is interested in seeing our relationship go further. I feel confident when we are together and we talk and talk. After five dates, I'm finally starting to see the affectionate side of her. As soon as we're not together, I feel like I'm starting over again. She goes back to not contacting me and never giving me positive affirmation. I always feel like I'm asking her out on our first date again. At least she is consistent and it seems to be that when a Virgo looses interest, you know it.
Posted by VullcanLazz
If she didn't like you then,she wouldn't have kept up the contact.She wouldn't have texted you back right away.I bet she is still recovering from her relationships and isn't in a hurry to get burned again.We move slow.Maybe she is wondering if you are interested in her because you are looking for a mom for your kids or whether she is up for the new role.I know she wouldn't replace the mother of your children,but she would still be dating "the package".If she isn't mature enough for that,then this isn't good.If she really has been drinking heavy when she contacts you,she's looking for that midnight call or is scared that you'll reject her ,so she is giving you a self-defeating reason not to contact her or invite her over.If she doesn't have children of her own,then she is hard time with your family time.Maybe she doesn't know how to fit in with your family dynamic.
If she is hanging out with her friends and wants you to meet them,she wants some input from them about you.It's hard switching back and forth from the friend zone to a relationship.Signals get crossed and feelings get hurt.There is something that must have happened between you to that makes her hesitate,it didn't have to be a big thing,but it was important enough to her,that makes her hesitate.Maybe you two have a bad sense of timing.It seems like one is ready and the other one wants to stop things,this miscommunication can be a form of hiding and hesitating,and not actually moving forward to have that relationship.I suggest you two spend some RL time together,and not in a bar or at night,to sort out whether this a relationship in the making or a friend zone keeper.Sounds like you two haven't talked in depth about the direction of this relationship in the making.Does she have a drinking problem or is she just wicked social??Sounds like there is an age gap between you.Things to take time to think about my friend.
VullcanLazz, I swear you could be her. Our conversation on our last date was about my children. She said I was handsome, successful, and very kind to her (her exact words), but her only hang up is the fact I have kids. She does not. There is a 13 year age gap between us, but she assured me she has no problem with that. I'm 42 and she is 29. I told her I am not looking for a mom to my kids because they have a great mom. I explained that it would take 6 - 9 months until I was
I guess my answer got cut off.
I explained that it would take 6 - 9 months until I was comfortable introducing her to my kids. I would need to know she and I had a real solid foundation together before I brought their little hearts into it. She seemed to like my answer and I felt like some walls of hers came down.
Our first four dates were casual coffee and lunch dates. All we did was talk. Nothing physical happened during our first 4 dates. We didn't even hold hands. Of course, that made me think she wasn't interested and put me in the friend zone. Saturday night she explained that she couldn't take that step with me because the kid thing was all up in her head. Once we got the kid thing cleared, she started showing some affection. I would have to say I felt like Saturday night was really our first date. Of course, since Saturday she has resumed the lack of intitiation, but it still immediately responding to my communication.
I explained that it would take 6 - 9 months until I was comfortable introducing her to my kids. I would need to know she and I had a real solid foundation together before I brought their little hearts into it. She seemed to like my answer and I felt like some walls of hers came down.
Our first four dates were casual coffee and lunch dates. All we did was talk. Nothing physical happened during our first 4 dates. We didn't even hold hands. Of course, that made me think she wasn't interested and put me in the friend zone. Saturday night she explained that she couldn't take that step with me because the kid thing was all up in her head. Once we got the kid thing cleared, she started showing some affection. I would have to say I felt like Saturday night was really our first date. Of course, since Saturday she has resumed the lack of intitiation, but it still immediately responding to my communication.
We,Virgals worry about the details.All the details.Ah she probably doesn't feel like she's started in her career and you,Mr Established,what would you want with her—It takes us awhile to get used to the good.We're thinking ARE you REALLY,that good,are you a part time ax-murderer or roast hamsters in your spare time.If it seems to good to be true,then it probably is.I mean as my Cap was walking out of my place,he's says,you want a tv?I have a bigger one than that,I'm not using it.Just like that.This is the second time that he asked me,because I said no the first time,but explained why.
She doesn't need to know all your flaws,and you can tell her what you like about her but,it only makes her say-yeah right.Show her with some small gestures that you were paying attention.
Maybe she is wondering - do you want more children?-wil they all get along?- do you have baby mama drama?-if she is such a great mom,maybe you two will get back together??If you have ever discussed the ex and it didn't sound healthy,we're out.No one is going to boil our bunnies.I've been with one guy that was getting that 3 a.m. ring and hang up from the ex.I said,no and no thank you.All you have to do is change your number or block her and you don't.Sink in your own pile of self made crap without me.See ya.
Why don't you two do something together,a museum ? roller skating?start building memories toegther.Maybe she has gone with some guy and she thought they were headed somewhere and the only surprise was, that he forgot to tell her that he had gotten back with his ex.
You have to tell her point blank that you need to her to contact you and it is okay that she can.We really really really hate to call and think that we have interrupted anything at all.Awkward.We know you know other females,and don't want to think we are just in the rotation."which # am I?"just eeuuhh.
She doesn't need to know all your flaws,and you can tell her what you like about her but,it only makes her say-yeah right.Show her with some small gestures that you were paying attention.
Maybe she is wondering - do you want more children?-wil they all get along?- do you have baby mama drama?-if she is such a great mom,maybe you two will get back together??If you have ever discussed the ex and it didn't sound healthy,we're out.No one is going to boil our bunnies.I've been with one guy that was getting that 3 a.m. ring and hang up from the ex.I said,no and no thank you.All you have to do is change your number or block her and you don't.Sink in your own pile of self made crap without me.See ya.
Why don't you two do something together,a museum ? roller skating?start building memories toegther.Maybe she has gone with some guy and she thought they were headed somewhere and the only surprise was, that he forgot to tell her that he had gotten back with his ex.
You have to tell her point blank that you need to her to contact you and it is okay that she can.We really really really hate to call and think that we have interrupted anything at all.Awkward.We know you know other females,and don't want to think we are just in the rotation."which # am I?"just eeuuhh.
VullcanLazz, you have been very helpful. Most of the things you wrote are things she has communicated with me. I guess it is time for me to believe and stop thinking she is uninterested. I'm going to keep being consistent, tell her she is important to me, and show her that I care. I'll keep doing it until she tells me to stop. I simply think she is awesome and I just want to take care of her! 🙂. I will tell her she is free to contact me anytime and that I really enjoy hearing from her.
I have a decent relationship with my ex wife, but there is no drama and my virgal knows there is no way I would ever reconcile. Me and my Virgal were both cheated on by our spouses. We have that in common. I'm confident her ex spouse is out of the picture and she is confident mine is as well.
I have a decent relationship with my ex wife, but there is no drama and my virgal knows there is no way I would ever reconcile. Me and my Virgal were both cheated on by our spouses. We have that in common. I'm confident her ex spouse is out of the picture and she is confident mine is as well.
Well,Jackstobo,I'm glad that I could help you.Just don't forget the things that she has shared with you.Well, keep building that bridge of communication with her.I wouldn't try surprising her just yet.Just be warm,steady ,generous and kind.She'll slowly warm up to you.When you find out what it takes that she needs from you to keep her heart safe,things will go well. I'm glad you have patience,it'll pay off in the end.Remember the both of you need to keep the effort going after the first waves of passion have rolled through this budding relationship.And a divorced Virgo has walls like a castle.It not impossible to scale,just takes some effort.Good luck.
Well maybe the change has happened. I called late this afternoon and she didn't call back. So I texted her asking if she is ok and no response, which are both unlike her. So maybe the Siberian Winter in August is starting.
Posted by VullcanLazz
If she didn't like you then,she wouldn't have kept up the contact.She wouldn't have texted you back right away.I bet she is still recovering from her relationships and isn't in a hurry to get burned again.
This.
I do also believe she likes you though. She's just not jumping in head first...but I do see the interest she has for you. 😉
Also, I do believe she is testing your interest level in her. She wants to see how much you're into her before she really opens up to you. Don't give up, you seem like a sweetheart & I'm sure she knows that too. 🙂
You're welcome.
Ok, so it's more along the lines of my second scenario...wonderful. The consistency is a good sign. Trust me when I say that one of the hardest things to do in the world is to court a Virgo girl. You will absolutely need to tap into your resevoir of patience because undertaking this task is not for the faint of heart. Trusting someone doesn't come easy to us and the constant overanalyzing (which I am sure she is doing), coupled with the fight to let down all the walls are definitely things that slow the process to love. She will come (fully) around, but remember that only steady wins the race.
Hope this helped, and what's your sign btw?
Ok, so it's more along the lines of my second scenario...wonderful. The consistency is a good sign. Trust me when I say that one of the hardest things to do in the world is to court a Virgo girl. You will absolutely need to tap into your resevoir of patience because undertaking this task is not for the faint of heart. Trusting someone doesn't come easy to us and the constant overanalyzing (which I am sure she is doing), coupled with the fight to let down all the walls are definitely things that slow the process to love. She will come (fully) around, but remember that only steady wins the race.
Hope this helped, and what's your sign btw?
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
You're welcome.
Ok, so it's more along the lines of my second scenario...wonderful. The consistency is a good sign. Trust me when I say that one of the hardest things to do in the world is to court a Virgo girl. You will absolutely need to tap into your resevoir of patience because undertaking this task is not for the faint of heart. Trusting someone doesn't come easy to us and the constant overanalyzing (which I am sure she is doing), coupled with the fight to let down all the walls are definitely things that slow the process to love. She will come (fully) around, but remember that only steady wins the race.
Hope this helped, and what's your sign btw?
I am a full on Leo and we talk about our signs quite a bit. Did you see my latest post about her not responding? She still hasn't. Not good.
Posted by JackstoboPosted by VirgoVixxxen
You're welcome.
Ok, so it's more along the lines of my second scenario...wonderful. The consistency is a good sign. Trust me when I say that one of the hardest things to do in the world is to court a Virgo girl. You will absolutely need to tap into your resevoir of patience because undertaking this task is not for the faint of heart. Trusting someone doesn't come easy to us and the constant overanalyzing (which I am sure she is doing), coupled with the fight to let down all the walls are definitely things that slow the process to love. She will come (fully) around, but remember that only steady wins the race.
Hope this helped, and what's your sign btw?
I am a full on Leo and we talk about our signs quite a bit. Did you see my latest post about her not responding? She still hasn't. Not good.click to expand
Gotcha, and this is why I presented two scenarios in the first place, because sometimes you just never know. Quite honestly, at this point, it could be anything. We are the busiest little bees so possibly that is the reason for her not responding. Maybe she's involved with someone else and although being honest about her interest in you, not about that. Maybe her kitty kat died...
Point is, maybe you should speak with her again and really tell her how you feel. I say if it's causing you this much confusion, then go on ahead and get to the bottom of it?
This time don't ask her about her feelings. Ask her why her actions speak different from her words. Tell her that her behavior confuses you and you don't know what to think at times. Ask if she's with someone else. This way you give her the opportunity to verbalize herself and if she's not already aware of her behavior, she now will be, and will hopefully make the necessary changes.
After the talk if there isn't improvement then I would say leave her be. Hell, even the shyest, most reserved, un-trusting, overanalyzing Virgal would initiate contact and want to spend more time with someone she supposedly has feelings for, and it's not like you guys just started this thing yesterday.
VirgoVixxxen, I did ask her if she was seeing someone else and she said "not currently" which I thought was funny. I know that is a difficult question to answer truthfully. She very well could be. All I know is something changed after our date Saturday night. She let her guard down with me and showed me a side she had never shown. She showed her affectionate side. It seems like she woke up Sunday morning and got distant with me.
Do Virgo women get all up in their head when something is good? Do you get scared and pull yourself back in fear? I just find it hard to believe she woke up Sunday after our date and decided she no longer likes me, but something is different.
Do Virgo women get all up in their head when something is good? Do you get scared and pull yourself back in fear? I just find it hard to believe she woke up Sunday after our date and decided she no longer likes me, but something is different.
Posted by Jackstobo
Do Virgo women get all up in their head when something is good? Do you get scared and pull yourself back in fear? I just find it hard to believe she woke up Sunday after our date and decided she no longer likes me, but something is different.
YES.
Because we are such scary cats in love and supervulnerable and the thought of true intimacy frightens us (although we need it and desire it) we do tend to pull back sometimes once we've let someone in or realize that they are the one. Our insecurities can get the better of us and we can suffer from an inferiority complex. Keeping our hearts closed is how we protect ourselves so once it's penetrated, we're fully aware we've reached the PNR and our fight AND flight modes will kick in all at once.
If this is the case with your V-gal, then absolutely. Sometimes pulling back is our way of restoring emotional self-control because we really do fall hard and the last thing a Virgo wants to be is emotionally out of control for another person. Not saying that it doesn't happen, but overall, it's not really our bag.
What's your plan, dude?
I think we can all agree it's one of two things. She is either no longer interested or scared. I believe either scenario warrants me sitting back and giving her time and space to think. I'm a Leo so you don't know hard that will be for me to do, but she is worth it, so I have to find the strength. I called her and texted her yesterday and she hasn't responded, so she will make the next contact when she is ready. Maybe she needs to hear that I am human and flawed, but you Virgos are so into perfection. Maybe I've portrayed some perfect image, which I am far from. Since she doesn't think she is perfect and her husband left her for another woman, maybe she doesn't think she is good enough. Maybe I need to keep reassuring her in some way, although I feel I do that to the point I think I'm not being a challenge. I need to be careful, because she could say to herself, "see, he gave up, which means he wasn't really that into me." So it's a fine line I need to walk. Bottom line, I need to sit back right now and wait for her to contact me.
I have come real close to freaking out on her with some "I'm done" text, but I am fighting it hard. What do you think of that plan?
I have come real close to freaking out on her with some "I'm done" text, but I am fighting it hard. What do you think of that plan?
A fine line indeed.
I had to chuckle because...aaahhhh...that fearful/pessimistic/self-defeatist/beat myself up over and over again thing that leaves the other person no choice but to let you go, and then rationalize it with the "well he/she was never really into me then" line...priceless!
I think giving her some time is a good strategy.
I had to chuckle because...aaahhhh...that fearful/pessimistic/self-defeatist/beat myself up over and over again thing that leaves the other person no choice but to let you go, and then rationalize it with the "well he/she was never really into me then" line...priceless!
I think giving her some time is a good strategy.
Posted by CluelessCancer
Its good too see men can be needy and insecure too.
A Leo male who has fallen for a woman? Yes, absolutely.
Posted by Jackstobo
Well maybe the change has happened. I called late this afternoon and she didn't call back. So I texted her asking if she is ok and no response, which are both unlike her. So maybe the Siberian Winter in August is starting.
Oh,Jackstobo,you were doing so well,a text AND a call,really,urg.MY throat is closing up for her.Seriously tho',if her life is running like mine,We have our hands full.More than usually.We put on the blinders and focus on the task at hand.She may be having tax issues with the ex—Changes at work?Did she tell you eariler that something big was looming on her personal horizon??
On an aside,Mr Leo ,knowing that you folks like to hole up in your lair,have you ever met any of these friends of hers?We want to know that you can play well with others.Just how many times has she asked you to meet her amigos?Why I ask is because,we will have an exclusive relationship with you but we want you to fit with our friends as well.Not that they will be camping over,but it is nice to be able to hang out altogether sometimes.
The comment "not currently seeing anyone" has to be taken in context of the tone she said it in.Just calmly ask a follow up question.A clear answer can stop the weaving.
Meanwhile,she will resurface.Just be ready with a clear plan.Heck,my Cap called me and said"it's the girl that has gone missing".Yes, we can be that busy.Hang in there.
Yep, I feel dumb. I should have just been patient. My virgal is feeling really sick and has a crazy week at work. She messaged me a little bit ago letting me know what she's going through. Thank the Lord I didn't do anything stupid. I'll give her space this week. Any suggestions from you Virgo women as to what to do when you're in a crazy busy stage? Do I do nothing or do I do little things just letting her know I'm thinking of her? What say you?
Awww,I hope that she feels better soon.It has been a looonnngg week.Well, bring her some dinner and share it with her,make her a nice cup of tea with her favorite crackers,help with an item on her to do list,give her a warm liony hug.And tuck her in with a big fuzzy blanket.Do light grocery shoppong for her.Then she'll start to think,hmmmmm be he can really take care of me...
Noticed you dodged the"friends "question I asked.I'll take that as a no.Better learn to share us.Not smothering your Virgal between your big velvety paws.....
Noticed you dodged the"friends "question I asked.I'll take that as a no.Better learn to share us.Not smothering your Virgal between your big velvety paws.....
Oh sorry. I have not met any of her friends. She has two very close friends. She told me I probably wouldn't meet them until she knew we had a solid relationship. She has another group of friends, whom she was out with the night she asked me to meet her. I suspect I will meet them soon. I enjoy meeting friends. I'm not big on going to parties, but I love going to dinner and hanging out with a small group of people. I know I'll do well when that moment happens.
Nice update.
Go on over and see her. Are you allowed? I'd tell you to make a spontaneous visit but, maybe that's not the best idea? Put together a little healing basket or something. Be creative. things you think will be of help to her getting over her sickness. We enjoy that. When people show us that they care.
Glad to hear that all is well.
Go on over and see her. Are you allowed? I'd tell you to make a spontaneous visit but, maybe that's not the best idea? Put together a little healing basket or something. Be creative. things you think will be of help to her getting over her sickness. We enjoy that. When people show us that they care.
Glad to hear that all is well.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Nice update.
Go on over and see her. Are you allowed? I'd tell you to make a spontaneous visit but, maybe that's not the best idea? Put together a little healing basket or something. Be creative. things you think will be of help to her getting over her sickness. We enjoy that. When people show us that they care.
Glad to hear that all is well.
Are you sure about this advice? After she told me what she was going through I said I understood and would give her space. We have not communicated since. That was late afternoon yesterday. I feel like if I bring her something, it would be contradictory to me giving her space. BTW, she said she does not take medication or even vitamins when she is sick. What would be a good care package with that in mind?
What I am not 100% sure about is you making a visit...that's why it's called being spontaneous, and that's why I asked if you're at a place in the relationship where you are allowed to just go over? What I am sure about? Yes, we do absolutely love it when people show us that they care.
Things that she can really use like a good book, a cd, scented candle, cute comfy socks, a coffee mug, flowers, a healthy recipe, decadent herbal shampoo & conditioner, a V.V.S. diamond ring (you're a Leo for chrissakes!),...you get my drift.
All in all, I say follow your gut and if space is what you desire to give her, then do just that.
Things that she can really use like a good book, a cd, scented candle, cute comfy socks, a coffee mug, flowers, a healthy recipe, decadent herbal shampoo & conditioner, a V.V.S. diamond ring (you're a Leo for chrissakes!),...you get my drift.
All in all, I say follow your gut and if space is what you desire to give her, then do just that.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
What I am not 100% sure about is you making a visit...that's why it's called being spontaneous, and that's why I asked if you're at a place in the relationship where you are allowed to just go over? What I am sure about? Yes, we do absolutely love it when people show us that they care.
Things that she can really use like a good book, a cd, scented candle, cute comfy socks, a coffee mug, flowers, a healthy recipe, decadent herbal shampoo & conditioner, a V.V.S. diamond ring (you're a Leo for chrissakes!),...you get my drift.
All in all, I say follow your gut and if space is what you desire to give her, then do just that.
Ok, we're not at the stage where it is appropriate I just stop by, but I am comfortable to just leave something at her door. So thank you for all of those suggestions!!
Ok, good. Leaving something at her door sounds like an even better idea, and it'll come with a touch of mystery...I like it!
Other ideas for gifts...cans of Campbell's soup, scented tissues, Purell, a great box of herbal tea, puzzles, mags, fruit.
Keep everything healthy and natural. We are people of the earth, and extremely particular about what we put into our bodies. Our diets, hygiene and overall grooming are very important to us so we like to keep it simple yet of good quality. Like simply the best. Make sense?
Other ideas for gifts...cans of Campbell's soup, scented tissues, Purell, a great box of herbal tea, puzzles, mags, fruit.
Keep everything healthy and natural. We are people of the earth, and extremely particular about what we put into our bodies. Our diets, hygiene and overall grooming are very important to us so we like to keep it simple yet of good quality. Like simply the best. Make sense?
Posted by Jackstobo
Oh sorry. I have not met any of her friends. She has two very close friends. She told me I probably wouldn't meet them until she knew we had a solid relationship. She has another group of friends, whom she was out with the night she asked me to meet her. I suspect I will meet them soon. I enjoy meeting friends. I'm not big on going to parties, but I love going to dinner and hanging out with a small group of people. I know I'll do well when that moment happens.
Okay,that sounds good.That's really a good sign if she is counting you into future plans.She even mentioned the "R" word in a sentence.She's been definitely thnking of you.
Yup,we are not good with strangers sharing our space either.I like your attitude and confidence !
Yeah,I also like the door drop off as well.A pair of matching mugs filled with green tea bags ,hand sanitizers and a little trinket like a favorite candy bar... or a budding house plant...
I dropped off a honeysuckle scented candle (her favorite flower), the second Shades of Grey book since I know she read the first, and bottle of wine. We'll see what happens. I'm keeping all your other ideas for future deliveries. 🙂
OOOOO you're good.You're really good.Something for the all the senses ,for now and for later...,got her thinking she might have to...
She called me to thank me for her gift. It was not a over the top thank you by any means. We spoke for about 30 minutes and it just seems strained. Communicating with her through text or the phone is just so different than in person. I really need to evaluate this, because I just don't feel wanted or special in this relationship. When we're together it's great. In between times together sucks. This better change soon.
Everyone, I am so frustrated. I know I'm going to sabotage this relationship because I cannot relax. I feel like on one side I'm dating this woman who does not believe I like her, so I'm making strong efforts to show her, yet on the other side she does not show anything and expects me to believe her. I've said in previous comments she doesn't text me, call me, and always makes me ask her twice to commit to a date. When I ask her about her interest in some fashion, she says I should know how she feels by the fact she responds to my texts, answers my calls, and eventually says yes to my dates. Yet when I express my feelings to her, she says ya ya ya, you say that to all the girls. I told her last night that I do not drive over to a woman's house and leave care packages if I'm not crazy about her (this was through text). She responded with I believe you. So now I know she knows I am for real so I can relax about that. My last text last night was: I want you to know, I like it when you call or text me on your own. It makes me feel good. I know you don't like doing it, but I wanted to let you know I welcome it anytime from you. Her response was: OK thanks for telling me 🙂
That was it last night. I know I'm pushing too hard. I know it, but I'm simply not hearing what I need to hear. I find it difficult to believe most men can feel a strong interest from someone just because they respond to your texts, calls, or EVENTUALLY say yes to a date. I need some calming down by all you Virgos out there to stay the course and not blow this.
That was it last night. I know I'm pushing too hard. I know it, but I'm simply not hearing what I need to hear. I find it difficult to believe most men can feel a strong interest from someone just because they respond to your texts, calls, or EVENTUALLY say yes to a date. I need some calming down by all you Virgos out there to stay the course and not blow this.
I think you should go NC. I honestly don't think the gift was a good idea. She may view it as a manipulative tactic. I know you care for her & it's not easy but I do believe you're becoming the "nice guy". Not saying that's a bad thing but she probably doesn't trust it & is being cautious. I would go NC for a while.
Posted by RealTalk
I think you should go NC. I honestly don't think the gift was a good idea. She may view it as a manipulative tactic. I know you care for her & it's not easy but I do believe you're becoming the "nice guy". Not saying that's a bad thing but she probably doesn't trust it & is being cautious. I would go NC for a while.
Wow, we can't even do something to show we care without the fear of manipulating. I agree with you RealTalk and it's just a shame. I am genuine and honest about my feelings, yet I have to play this game. Well I would rather meet someone who appreciates me for what I do. I have met some great women, but if the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there. I'm not going to string someone along. I understand that just because I'm attractive and successful, doesn't make me attractive to every woman. I think NC is the right move and knowing her Virgo self, I will never hear from her again. But that should be telling in itself.
Just give it some time now. The gifts were a great idea. You were simply showing concern and care during a trying time. If she doesn't come around, then you can leave well enough alone and find that girl who will appreciate you. At this point, be prepared to never hear from her, and don't contact her again. You've done enough and it's high time she initiates communication first.
Sidenote: Interested to hear a little more about what she was referring to when she said - "you say that to all the girls"? Has someone been a flirty birdy?
Sidenote: Interested to hear a little more about what she was referring to when she said - "you say that to all the girls"? Has someone been a flirty birdy?
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Just give it some time now. The gifts were a great idea. You were simply showing concern and care during a trying time. If she doesn't come around, then you can leave well enough alone and find that girl who will appreciate you. At this point, be prepared to never hear from her, and don't contact her again. You've done enough and it's high time she initiates communication first.
Sidenote: Interested to hear a little more about what she was referring to when she said - "you say that to all the girls"? Has someone been a flirty birdy?
I am not a flirt at all. She says stuff like that. I'll write I miss her and her response will be "don't sweet talk me mister, I'm smarter than I look". We had a discussion about being exclusive and she asked what all my girl friends would say. It just makes me frustrated. She made a comment about Facebook and girls on it. When I post stuff, I get likes and comments from women. So to show her I was being genuine, I check us in at the restaurant we were at. I continually have to prove to her that I am genuine and truthful. I have done enough. If she is that insecure, than she is not right for me. Dang, after one month of dating, she can't even muster a good morning text all on her own.
Its only been a month...she is still trying to analyze your intentions. Yeah youre showing her all this but she trying to figure out if its genuine or not something you do to every girl. I would be the same way. We are slow when it comes to relationships and your wanting praise for doing stuff that you should want to do but it seems to me like youre trying to hard. I wouldn't like that at all and I wouldnt give you the praise that youre desperately seeking and maybe this is what she is picking up on. Its seems like youre more worried about that then actually getting to know her etc. Maybe Im wrong...but thats how I see it.
Posted by LostinmyMind11
Its only been a month...she is still trying to analyze your intentions. Yeah youre showing her all this but she trying to figure out if its genuine or not something you do to every girl. I would be the same way. We are slow when it comes to relationships and your wanting praise for doing stuff that you should want to do but it seems to me like youre trying to hard. I wouldn't like that at all and I wouldnt give you the praise that youre desperately seeking and maybe this is what she is picking up on. Its seems like youre more worried about that then actually getting to know her etc. Maybe Im wrong...but thats how I see it.
Ugh, this is so tough. We've been dating a month, but we were friends for two months before that. It's a drag that after three months she can't initiate a conversation. I'm going to agree about the praise, but not in return for the things I do. I'm not bringing her care packages, complimenting her, or taking her out to get praise. I'm doing those things to show her my interest. I don't think it's unreasonable after a month to expect someone to show you their interest in some form. So what are you suggesting I do from here. I'm currently going with the NC.
Posted by JackstoboPosted by LostinmyMind11
Its only been a month...she is still trying to analyze your intentions. Yeah youre showing her all this but she trying to figure out if its genuine or not something you do to every girl. I would be the same way. We are slow when it comes to relationships and your wanting praise for doing stuff that you should want to do but it seems to me like youre trying to hard. I wouldn't like that at all and I wouldnt give you the praise that youre desperately seeking and maybe this is what she is picking up on. Its seems like youre more worried about that then actually getting to know her etc. Maybe Im wrong...but thats how I see it.
Ugh, this is so tough. We've been dating a month, but we were friends for two months before that. It's a drag that after three months she can't initiate a conversation. I'm going to agree about the praise, but not in return for the things I do. I'm not bringing her care packages, complimenting her, or taking her out to get praise. I'm doing those things to show her my interest. I don't think it's unreasonable after a month to expect someone to show you their interest in some form. So what are you suggesting I do from here. I'm currently going with the NC.click to expand
Yeah I understand she should give you something. I actually hate initiating conversations....its really one of my downfalls. I dont know what it is...I just wait til "they" get a hold of me first...that way I know Im not bothering them etc. she maybe the same way. I still say she is analyzing your intentions and being cautious. 3 months really isnt that long...it takes a long time for us to open up and be comfortable with someone. I think NC is a good idea....you dont want to come off as needy and desperate cause she will run.
Posted by LostinmyMind11
Its only been a month...she is still trying to analyze your intentions. Yeah youre showing her all this but she trying to figure out if its genuine or not something you do to every girl. I would be the same way. We are slow when it comes to relationships and your wanting praise for doing stuff that you should want to do but it seems to me like youre trying to hard. I wouldn't like that at all and I wouldnt give you the praise that youre desperately seeking and maybe this is what she is picking up on. Its seems like youre more worried about that then actually getting to know her etc. Maybe Im wrong...but thats how I see it.
That's something I was thinking too that's why I believe he needs to fall back. That's why giving her a gift at this time was just the wrong thing to do.
Posted by JackstoboPosted by RealTalk
I think you should go NC. I honestly don't think the gift was a good idea. She may view it as a manipulative tactic. I know you care for her & it's not easy but I do believe you're becoming the "nice guy". Not saying that's a bad thing but she probably doesn't trust it & is being cautious. I would go NC for a while.
Wow, we can't even do something to show we care without the fear of manipulating. I agree with you RealTalk and it's just a shame. I am genuine and honest about my feelings, yet I have to play this game. Well I would rather meet someone who appreciates me for what I do. I have met some great women, but if the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there. I'm not going to string someone along. I understand that just because I'm attractive and successful, doesn't make me attractive to every woman. I think NC is the right move and knowing her Virgo self, I will never hear from her again. But that should be telling in itself.click to expand
Yeah it's a shame but that's some real shit. Nice guys finish last, sad but true. I bet if you were ignoring her, disappearing or just giving her shit, I bet she'd be all over you. That's just how it is sometimes in the dating/relationship world. You're buying her gifts trying to be nice when you don't even know for sure how she feels about you & she probably feels pressured. NC will put you back on track & if she was interested at all, she'll return.
Posted by Jackstobo
She called me to thank me for her gift. It was not a over the top thank you by any means. We spoke for about 30 minutes and it just seems strained. Communicating with her through text or the phone is just so different than in person. I really need to evaluate this, because I just don't feel wanted or special in this relationship. When we're together it's great. In between times together sucks. This better change soon.
Jackstobo- remember she was sick.No one does well when they are sick.She is still getting to know you.You two haven't developed a relationship pattern yet.You two are still getting to know each other.And if she caught " this better change"vibe coming from you,the hairs on the back of our delicate little necks will go up. But seriously,you two are still getting to know each other.That's the fire vs. the earth aspect in a nutshell.You saw your prize,want to get your prize and want to keep prize.We have to look at it,measure it,weight,shake it and form an opinion about it.I agree,if it is going to work,you both have to agree to meet in the middle,then work towards finding your middle.You've got to slow down and she's got to get to speed up,on the emotional plan.This is the self-reliant aspect of the Virgo women that people deem us cold.
Posted by VullcanLazzPosted by Jackstobo
She called me to thank me for her gift. It was not a over the top thank you by any means. We spoke for about 30 minutes and it just seems strained. Communicating with her through text or the phone is just so different than in person. I really need to evaluate this, because I just don't feel wanted or special in this relationship. When we're together it's great. In between times together sucks. This better change soon.
Jackstobo- remember she was sick.No one does well when they are sick.She is still getting to know you.You two haven't developed a relationship pattern yet.You two are still getting to know each other.And if she caught " this better change"vibe coming from you,the hairs on the back of our delicate little necks will go up. But seriously,you two are still getting to know each other.That's the fire vs. the earth aspect in a nutshell.You saw your prize,want to get your prize and want to keep prize.We have to look at it,measure it,weight,shake it and form an opinion about it.I agree,if it is going to work,you both have to agree to meet in the middle,then work towards finding your middle.You've got to slow down and she's got to get to speed up,on the emotional plan.This is the self-reliant aspect of the Virgo women that people deem us cold.click to expand
I hear you VullcanLazz. I agree she needs to take some steps towards the middle if she wants to keep my interest. I'm not giving her an ultimatum or anything, but right now the ball is in her court. I can handle not contacting her for three or four days.
Posted by Jackstobo
Everyone,.. know I'm going to sabotage this relationship...I feel like on one side I'm dating this woman who does not believe I like her, so I'm making strong efforts to show her, yet on the other side she does not show anything and expects me to believe her. I've said in previous comments she doesn't text me, call me, and always makes me ask her twice to commit to a date. When I ask her about her interest in some fashion, she says I should know how she feels by the fact she responds to my texts, answers my calls, and eventually says yes to my dates. Yet when I express my feelings to her, she says ya ya ya, you say that to all the girls. I told her last night that I do not drive over to a woman's house.. That was it last night. I know I'm pushing too hard. I know it, but I'm simply not hearing what I need to hear. I find it difficult to believe most men can feel a strong interest from someone just because they respond to your texts, calls, or EVENTUALLY say yes to a date.
Yes.Jackstobo,you are going to shoot yourself in the foot soon.You have got to a hold of yourself.Why? It has been less than 24 hours,since you said that she was stressed,overworked and getting sick.And if she celebrates Easter or not,she still might be getting some unwelcomed missives from the exes family. You have the literally pounced on her."This is how I need to be treated ,why are you hesitating?React to me the way I need to be reacted to ,grrrrr".No offense,but this is why things are getting awkward.Look,this is where the men are from mars and women are from venus view of communication comes into play here.By John Grey,read it. You're like gotta get the girl and she is like we barely know each other.Where's the fire??- She knows you are interested and thinking about her.You two barely know each other.Talking daily,is one thing,experiencing being in the same space as each other is totally different.That's why she is different in person.You haven't learned her nuisances,and she yours.You don't know her well enough to know if she is really shy or really hurt,when she gives you a brusque answer.She might be smiling so hard,her face hurts.2 months,as friends,1 dating,it takes longer to plan and build a deck,nevermind a relationship.Put that safety back on.
Posted by VullcanLazzPosted by Jackstobo
Yes.Jackstobo,you are going to shoot yourself in the foot soon.You have got to a hold of yourself.Why? It has been less than 24 hours,since you said that she was stressed,overworked and getting sick.And if she celebrates Easter or not,she still might be getting some unwelcomed missives from the exes family. You have the literally pounced on her."This is how I need to be treated ,why are you hesitating?React to me the way I need to be reacted to ,grrrrr".No offense,but this is why things are getting awkward.Look,this is where the men are from mars and women are from venus view of communication comes into play here.By John Grey,read it. You're like gotta get the girl and she is like we barely know each other.Where's the fire??- She knows you are interested and thinking about her.You two barely know each other.Talking daily,is one thing,experiencing being in the same space as each other is totally different.That's why she is different in person.You haven't learned her nuisances,and she yours.You don't know her well enough to know if she is really shy or really hurt,when she gives you a brusque answer.She might be smiling so hard,her face hurts.2 months,as friends,1 dating,it takes longer to plan and build a deck,nevermind a relationship.Put that safety back on.click to expand
Ok ok ok...safety is back on. I'm using this forum to vent so that I don't react stupidly to her. I'm just sitting back right and waiting for her to come to me. Do you suggest anything different. Most here feel NC is a good thing to do right now.
And when she says - bet you say that to all the girls"That shows ,she is still in defense mode from the last relationship.She's waiting to see if you are going to cheat on her.If the ex didn't get what he wanted,may be the way you are aproaching her,may be what he used to say to her or maybe it was your tone.This is why you two need to spend more time together,just getting to know each other.-When you told her that you don't show up at just any woman's house and deliver...-she doesn't have a sense or whether this is true or not,she doesn't know you.If seems you're like let's hurry into a relationship and she's like-you REALLY want to date me—She may want to,but she doesn't sound ready.Then you think,well,if she's isn't up to speed in 48 hrs,you're out.She's waiting to see if you are going...The best time to communicate is when you are both relaxed and have time to discover each other.You haven't even given her time to enact,what type of communication you need from her.You need to give her space,she isn't going anywhere.Trust her that she won't and she'll grow to understand what you need.Yes,this is a form of clinging.
Now,I totally get why she wants her friends to meet you,she's wondering how did things move along so fast..It's sounds like you are just begining to develope trust -you have to trust that she won't disappear for long periods and she has to trust you'll say what you'll do-the hesitating of excepting a date as an example.
Right there -you have ramped up the stakes enough to make her pause-you skipped the seeing each other stage,and went straight to dating.You have skipped the stages of flowing into more intimacy- the steps of experiences that bond you together.you're like BAM!This-BAM!-freaks a Virgal out.Dude chill.Your thoughts?
Now,I totally get why she wants her friends to meet you,she's wondering how did things move along so fast..It's sounds like you are just begining to develope trust -you have to trust that she won't disappear for long periods and she has to trust you'll say what you'll do-the hesitating of excepting a date as an example.
Right there -you have ramped up the stakes enough to make her pause-you skipped the seeing each other stage,and went straight to dating.You have skipped the stages of flowing into more intimacy- the steps of experiences that bond you together.you're like BAM!This-BAM!-freaks a Virgal out.Dude chill.Your thoughts?
Yes, I would give her at least a few minutes to herself.(LOL)You two are still learning each others boundaries...It's like she's a size two and you've just smothered her with a size 28xxx coat.Yes,I get that you want to make her understand that this relationship has legs,but she needs to digest that fact.When burned ,we don't bounce back that fast.
VullcanLazz, what you are saying sounds very reasonable. Only she knows if what you are saying is spot on to what she is thinking. I've been reading what everyone is writing and I am chilling. Most seem to think she will come back to me when she is ready. I'm willing to wait for that to happen. She knows how I feel about her and shouldn't need me to keep reminding her.
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