For those of us back in the dating scene

Hello everyone, this is my first post here after lurking for a week or so. I wanted to see if anyone could relate to my situation, especially single parents. Ive been divorced about 2years now and I have dated off and on. I do like the game, but after 2 years of being alone would welcome a relationship. This being if the right one came along, was fate, love at first and all that wonderful jazz. Well, I think I has and I should be thrilled, but I am not sure how to react to what have been unfolded in the past few weeks. I have just learned that he is fresh out of a divorce (6months), and that he is in the process of changing jobs.

The divorce didnt bother me until now. I was under the impression that he had been seperated for a while and because he is a single parent like me, the divorce was the paperwork part of it. Now, I know that is none of my business and getting involved with him I knew that she would still be active in his life for there child, I know this because of my ex-husband and our son.

Here is the thing: now that were becoming more involved, it is time for us to meet families each others children and im happy! Then I get a call from my Sag, saying that his ex-wife will not allow him to introduce me to her daughter unless she meets me first. *gulp* I say ok and not a problem, I dont want to get in there business. Then when I meet her, she is cold! Im really trying to be nice and bite my tounge, not tell him that he is the father and can introduce me to his daughter when HE wants to, but I smile and act nice to her. She then decided about 20 mins later by txt message that I am unfit to meet her daughter and she in no way will have it!

Now she cheated on him, left him for some guy that left her and now is living with relatives. The thing that bothered me is he did not argue with her, I have still not met his daughter and I can see that he kind of lets her walk all over him. Again im not getting involved in there business, but this last weekend was the one that pushed me over my limit.

We made plans to go out either friday or sunday, these being the days he could get off work, when I told him that I could do sunday but im not sure what time I could get out he said just let me know so I can drop my child back with mom. I said I could tell him asap and about and hour past. Within the next hour, he texted me about 15 times, saying his ex's needs to know what time and place we are going to meet up and she needs to know now! Now at this point I was so upset, at all 3 of us. Her for being jealous and a control freak, him for not being over his wife and letting her order him around and me for not making it clear how uncomfortable I was with her knowing so much about our personal life. I didnt answer the messages at all, I was busy with work. Just then, (im still in shock this happened) the ex calls my job and says that I better give her a time because she is not about to cater to me. LOL I calmy threaten her life and called her an awful name or 2 then went in the back to cry. I then broke up with him. I am so hurt and confused, its obvious that he is not over his ex, and that she know she made a mistake and wants him back, I just hated being in the middle.

So what to do? He wants me back and swears that he will have a boundry with the ex, but I dont want to make bad blood with a fellow single mom, I mean I already have and she knows not to mess with me again lol, My heart is forgiving, but my head is holding me back. The game is looking so fun right now.
Sorry for the novel,
LouLou

Virgo In Red - Sorry this has diaster written all over it. He's still too tied to his ex and children. Believe it or not 6 months of being single is not enough time.

If you do meet someone I hope that they are healthier emotionally than this guy. It's trial and error these days sorry to say. I have been divorced for 15 years - and just settled into something nice with a Virgo gentleman - but I know what you mean about the dating scene - it does get old. Before I met the person I see now, I spent many, many nights and days alone. I did not jump at the first thing that came my way. I am a Scorpio and like VIrgo we are somewhat cautious about things anyway. I kept myself busy with my hobbies and my daughter. Got involved with church activites, went out with friends... and I am so glad I did it that way. I got to know myself all over again. Did I get lonely? Sure many times. But to me it's better to be lonely, then to be in something bad.

"He wants me back and swears that he will have a boundry with the ex..." that may or not be the case...time will tell but for me on reading your story, the situation is all about his ex and her feelings, motivations and animosity towards you especially.

She for one is certainly not "over" him. The opposite to love is not hate....as many tend to think......the opposite of love is indifference! and she certainly is not "indifferent" to him - if she was, she would be willing to comply, let go and be happy to a fuller degree to the fact that her ex husband has now met a nice lady (which no doubt you are from your description of the situatuion) who has his and even her own childrens best interests at heart. Women know how to use their emotional trump card and the trump card is usually not ever about money, but all about the "kids" - they become the emotional loop-the-loop for a woman to try keep her man, while getting her revenge on him to a certain degree, and doing her damnest to destroy you in the process.........

So where do you go from here?

Lots of options.............but for me, I would tell sag guy (and that's if you really still want to make a go of it or be with him!!) that YOU will not receive any more phonecalls, meet or talk with his ex-wife till YOU are good and ready and when she has calmed down to a civil level......then YOU will set YOUR boundaries....it's all about YOU - when YOU are free and available - his child can come over, not when Mama, child or even Sag guy want!!!! - You've got to turn the tables round and do it quickly, confidently and be a little cruel-ish! and hard-hearted for the moment(for want of a better word), you hold the ace of spades......no more middle man or middle lady stuff!!!...let them dance to your tune and see that this lady will not allow herself to be messed around.

As for calling calling her those awful names etc.:-) - nice one:-)!!!!

I wish you the best Virgo In Red:-)

Alana x

Thank you all for your input!!
Well I had a long talk with him and I said many things that were in the responces here (it was what I felt as well). He is going through a hard time right now, all this divorce stuff is new to him and I can understand he is overwhelmed. However, (and this took so much strength) I told him I could no longer see him. I said the whole we can be friends song and dance, and of course I will be a friend to him, but this is a huge mess that im steering clear from.
I think what kept me around, was that I didnt want to be seen as this other woman type of thing, dont ask why I still am wondering why I wasted my time. I am still sad about it, and who knows maybe in a year or so if we keep in contact (and he is lucky enough, hehe) we can maybe pick up.
LouLou
P.S. Happy Holidays to All!!!

Virgo In Red - Wise move I think. If something is meant for you then it will happen. I think sometimes it's about timing is all. Sometimes you can be the right people at the wrong time.

Normally right after a divorce there are several things that need to happen.
Not only do you physically leave a person, but emotionally, financically, spiritually -
It entails a lot - after six months for him it would have been like you were a rebound thing - and you don't want to be that for anybody. I am sure you will meet someone else that maybe more on the line of what you are looking for. He is still caring alot of baggage from his marriage.

Virgo_In_Red

Hmmm

Have you ever consider about manipulators or emotional black mailers..??

As far as I know.. you are facing one of those common people in your relationship.

Let me reminding you, those people KNOW exactly which bottom to push in whatever scenario..

Right now, your partner needs your guidance and support? what you come up with is pointing your finger and limiting your contacts....??

Even the strongest people may get lost in this circus, only support from true lover could save those from this terrible self destruction, and you call yourself a lover..?

Ahh? so much for the understanding and support..!

Go to this damn site and get wise for a while, will you..??

http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/emotional_blackmail.htm<BR>
hope you can get a grip of things that confusing you and your relationship.

and welcome to this board

In other word..

BATTLE ON—Of course if you are still interested in your partner and wish to save your relationship.

Stay focus and fight for what is rightfully yours? you know the drill? just reminding you..

Pride and dignity..? ring a bell..??

People has their own standards?(at lowest possible level) to begin with of course?!
This YES man can be transformed to NO man mind you, if he get enough mental and emotional support.

Problem is? people that declare LOVE (nowadays) they think so selfish and being so self centred that it will be difficult to sort?em out.

90% of people in relationships are total egoist and self cantered.

centered*.... sorry typos

Meaning is?

If couples truly love each other, then there is no place to complain.

Many of us need to understand the meaning of ?being in love? and not ?infatuations?.

Sorry to say that (Virgotome)

Your post is indicating that you?ve been never in (confusions) state before.

You chose to run and close the relationship that you had before ?without sweating to solve the problem? in the first place.

It?s ok.. I am not criticising you, people has their own agendas and life frame work? but to suggesting or even confirming/encouraging one?s actions about her/his life, needs profounder knowledge —?.. do you have one..??

Well?

16 YEARS LATER in my relationship with my ex Aries, it?s all I know so I can?t be wrong again?. You kidding me..??

Proverb from east says?

?even lions would act as mouse, when they are confused?

Now you tell me ?tough lady?? what is wrong here..?

She has two choices here (as human in love).. RUN? or STAY

You encouraging her to RUN.. Me dose other wise?

I want to push here to know? Why she wanted to be with this guy in the first place!

here=her. sorry typos

The reason.. what ever it is, its sacred to HER and we may never know.
The question is?
She is not out here about her feelings about him.. But her feelings about herself and her indecisions..!
That?s why she asked.. she is VIRGO?.!

Qbone I checked out the site and thank you for it, very intresting,

Actually I dont know this man long enough to say I love him, I do care for him very much and right now I am in the "did I do the right thing, lets analize this" mode, because I cant get him off my mind, But do you think you could handle dating someone with there ex demanding knowing where u are and what you are doing? Last time I checked I was an adult, I only answer to me. I have a responsibilty to be a strong women because I am just dating now after my divorce. So you have to understand this is a bit of a shocker to me. Right now the only thing I am going to give him is time, and my friendship. True love is limitless, I understand that to the core, and when I want someone or something I put a fight to the death. But what is that saying, cant beat a dead horse? lol

I just see planning my wedding and checking to see what times would be good for her, lol. Yea, right.

We talked today and he bought me a wonderful present that took my breath away, I cried like a baby because of how full of thought it was. He is worth me taking time to think things over and he is beginning to see that is how things are going to be.

Again, thank you all for your responces and Happy Holidays!!!!

You are welcome lady and I wish you luck with your aventure.