Gifts & boundaries

My virguy friend & I don't normally exchange birthday or xmas gifts. But this year when I was shopping for myself, I saw this excellent goose down filled fleece blankie that would be perfect for him. He's been sick a lot, gettign really chilled and unable to warm up (he's kinda skinny and keeps his house cold). He also got this new lounge chair for his sitting room and likes to fall asleep watching movies, and I thought it would be a nice blankie for that too. So I ordered it with my other items, and told him I had so it wouldn't be a complete surprise when I gave it to him.

He kind of mutter-grumbled but not for-reals, and the topic was dropped until I told him the next time I came to visit, I'd bring his gift. When I called that morning, I half expected him to go missing. (Our saturday visits started out rather casual, if I had time on my errand run, and if he happened to be home. Now it seems like he's clock-watching for my call, and changes his plans around our visits. Last weekend he was like It's 9:57, and I just started the coffee brewing, where are you?) But he answered and was waiting for me to get over.

When he saw the shopping bag in my hand, he said in this grumpy-smiley voice 'there's too much in your hands'. So I say it's not an xmas present, no obligatory exchange needed etc. and you're supposed to open it now. After a bit of hanging out, he went to open it, looking down at the package grumbling something about me trampling his boundaries. But he was smiling as he said it. He seemed genuinely pleased with it, and my reasoning for choosing it for him. He brought it up a few times at work since, which makes me happy because I really wanted him to have something that would be practical and nice.

What do you think virgos? Do you consciously monitor and filter boundary stuff like this? What would you do if someone tried to gift you and you didn't feel at that level with them? When you decide someone meets your standards, do you have some kind of 'program' of increasingly permissible behaviors? Reading through some of the posts here, I catch hints of that. Enough that I get the idea you all apply that methodical thinking even to escalating friend/relationships with new people. Interactions with my VG friend seem to bear tht out, but I'm curious if it's a planned thing or just a by-product of the way virgos tend to think.

Posted by 69virgo
You buy me something i buy you something...you scratch my back i bite yo neck....oh damn i meant i scratch yo back...😉....LOL

😉

That's how I am too, which is why I only like gift giving with people I like. Then it's fun to pick out just the right thing. Not too sure if there'll be any neck biting exhanged tho 😛

Seriously tho, I was concerned about putting the obligation on him, mainly for financial reasons. He does share a certain item/substance I won't mention in public when we hang out together, which I can't easily get elsewhere. Hopefully he'll take that as fair trade.

I think there are similarities with the cancer shell and the virgo reserve. I tend to keep my shell up to prevent people I'm not sure about from getting close enough to give gifts/do favors until I know them well enough to want to return the favor. There's a newish friend I met that I like ok, but she's very very 'friendly' and I try to keep the pace slow until I feel more connection. I imagine the virgo reserve is similar??

Posted by 69virgo
@sandyclaws...yes the reserve is the same for us well at least for me....plus my rising is in cancer so i got a double wall up and its really hard for me sometimes but when i have the trust in somebody to let my guard down which is rare...😉 I will do anything for them....anything..

I have this crazy fantasy of finding only friends/lovers that are worthy of being in that anything space. Then you know your efforts are appreciated, respected, and never betrayed. I'm reading a series of 21 books set in the early 1800's naval war era between England & France. My virguy friend got me into them, but he didn't go past the first book. Anyway, they have this concept called 'particular friends', basically people who have a VIP pass into your life. In the books the characters use all this formal speech, call each other my dear and brother and love, but pretty much they would do anything for each other and families. That's the kind of friends I want to have, including the FWB kind.

Imagine a 'family' of people like that....

Posted by 69virgo
Sounds interesting😉 what's the name of the books?

It's informally called the Aubrey-Maturin series, by Patrick O'Brian. The first one was the basis for the movie Master and Commander.

Seriously tho, I was concerned about putting the obligation on him, mainly for financial reasons. He does share a certain item/substance I won't mention in public when we hang out together, which I can't easily get elsewhere. Hopefully he'll take that as fair trade.

moochin his drugs, eh?