Help me figure this one out (Virgo Guy)

Posted by gemini64

I simply don't have patience for their "push pull" routine and their withdrawal episodes. I need someone who communicates freely and doesn't go into his cave the majority of the time so days, months or years later, he can come to a final conclusion about someone.

Posted by celticlioness
Hi, I had a relationship with a Virgo man last year who also has Cancer moon, Cancer Venus! Towards the end it was like I could literally feel his "feelings" come up to the surface, in everything he did the emotion was there - it was a tangible thing, he had always said to me he wasn't one to "catch feelings" and everything happened in his head, but once it started happening in his heart he got scared, this is what I felt - and to be perfectly honest I think this frightened him, which is why he has disappeared. Oh well, i'm sad but happy that I knew him and only wish the best for him. Your virgo/cancer man may not be able to cope with "feeling" in his heart.

Posted by gemini64
Virgo men= Enigma. They aren't the typical romantic guy. They are usually somewhat shy and withdrawn. When they do make a move or give you some indication that "he's really into you" and "feeling it"....it takes them out of their comfort zone of self protection.

Virgo's are notorious for the "push-pull" thing and the grand escape. It's because they analyze everything to death. When you are already moving forward, they are taking steps backwards reliving each step and contemplating every detail about you and your comments and actions. . . . I need someone who communicates freely and doesn't go into his cave the majority of the time so days, months or years later, he can come to a final conclusion about someone.

Posted by RealTalk
BTW celticlioness, I also meant to add why I think it's bullshit is because I always believed that if a man is in love with you, he wants to be with you right? He doesn't run away. Maybe I'm wrong. IDK.

Posted by wateraries
Thanks for the responses, I really appreciate it!

but with my Virgo now, when it's just him and me, kissing or during lovemaking, wow it's really emotional and intense. Sometimes he can "pause" during the act just to kiss me on the forehead, he wants to have eyeconnection, he touches me very gently. My Mars in Pisces love this so damn much!

Posted by wateraries
capbaby - The thing is his Moon sign isn't Gemini, it's in Cancer. It's just me who thinks he acts like Gemini Moon. 🙂

celticlioness - It's wonderful and I don't know how I'll ever be able to feel that connection (emotionally during those sweet moments) with someone else. I fully understand you when you say you still miss him! I wish those guys weren't that hard, that they could just accept their feelings and be with you, instead of acting cold and running away as soon as they get out of their comfort zone.. 😢

Posted by celticlioness

Hey Wateraries, I thought the same as you, didn't think I would ever find someone with such emotional commitment during those moments - and honestly have barely been in a relationship since, although having a few issues with an Aries man at the moment! It took a long time to get over him and to come to terms with losing that level of intimacy during lovemaking - but I have gotten used to it and over it and it was hard to do, i will always miss him though - or maybe miss the promise of what could have been? Now its at a stage when I think, he didn't man up so even if he comes back around I couldn't start anything with him again as the leaving/pull back/running away does not demonstrate true love for a person. There will be someone else and if you love a person then the expression of that love and its own form of intimacy will come with that - and the lovemaking, whatever way it is will be equally as wonderful (I hope!). So while I miss him and can only think very, very fondly of him i couldn't go back to him - that's if he even wanted to! As the memory of his leaving would re-surface in the future. you stick with those you love, work through it, not run for the hills at the first sign of emotion.

Posted by miichii
this has become my situation too with my double virgo guy with libra moon and Venus in Virgo cancer mars ... They make it clear they want you, get you ready to go in a relationship ..and then they bail ... Can't leave you alone but if u start moving any pieces in the game they will retreat. Suddenly I am invisible and when I leave him alone he will come back to me but it hurts too much to think that he doesnt love me just that little bit extra to make it a relationship. That he can't decide for himself. I really feel bad for ur guy if he doesn't get it together for u because u seem like u care so much u will even look at his astrology to try to better understand and love him. Personally , I can no longer deal with him pulling me this way and that way anymore as sad as that makes me. but I hope that it will change for you, and you can be happy, just don't try to force it. 😄

Posted by Geminithefox
virgo men hate women to play games or fish for compliments,
they like independent women who can take care of themselves
but who also need them at the same time.they like a woman to
be a challenge if she's not they may stray like in the case of
virgo man hugh grant when things get too certain & he's sure
he's got you.No sparks left and he may very well keep you on a string
or drop you altogether but if he wants you for keeps then your
doing things right.Be a Challenge but not to where he feels your
playing games and never make threats to be with another guy!
Virgo men are perfectionists and they really want traditional
good girl types.they can overlook your past as long as you
were not too wild ect... but if your known for too many men &
relationships it turns them off fast.They are very caring &
understanding but they don't want to worry about their girl
cheating or being a tramp and virgo's worry all the time any
way! Classy not trashy even in the slightest is the best way
to go with virgo! don't scare him with your sex tricks or
great bj's ect... take sex slow and steady and allow him to
show you what he needs.a woman who seems too experienced may
scare him away.He wants literally a lady in the kitchen and
in bed until he feels he taught her what she knows and when he
feels sex is mostly his idea unlike some other signs,and he
wants to know you need him once the relationship gets further
along but don't be clingy or call too often. they are picky
men and want the best lady for a girlfriend or a wife.
LADY is the word,with lots of brains & class.keep your goodies
covered up in classy clothing and don't cuss or smoke even if he
does.I didn't make the rules,just sayin'

Posted by wateraries
It's really pathetic that we're still meeting up sometimes and still doing stuff that "just friends" would not be doing, but we have such a great time together! We laugh, we always have something to talk about though sooner or later we always end up in some intense, passionate moment where we just start to kiss and sometimes lovemaking is added too. I don't feel he is using me, since I want it too. But the weird thing is afterwards we just talk and laugh again, like nothing just happend.

Posted by wateraries
And he has done this before, telling me something, giving me little hints like "You are perfect gf-material" or "I don't know what in love feels like, but I like you more than any other girl and I am not interested in any other girl", but N-O-T-H-I-N-G happens. Why would he even say that then? He's a weirdo.

Posted by tiki33
" As I mentioned before, I don't feel he is using me but at the same time I am giving him exactly what he wants, no feelings, no relationship and boundaries, just physical connection which won't choke him as the emotional-things and feelings do."

And as long as you are GIVING him everything he want and need, basically "rewarding" him for being iffy, back and forth, stalling he'll never change, there is no real threat nor incentive to change, he's getting exactly what he wants, you with no boundaries, you with no commitment, you with no no feelings, you with no relationship responsibilities. He GET'S IT ALL WHILST YOU GET NOTHING or maybe scraps and crumbs but you definitely are getting the shit end of the deal.

His Confusion = He likes you...He doesn't love you and can't see a future with you romantically, it's comfortable being with you, you both have a history together and as long as he keeps in touch the sex will continue to flow freely and so he keeps in touch to keep the sex flowing. Hopefully you've cut out the sex or doing anything that feels like relationship stuff.

When a man has commitment issues it's just best to let him go, give him back all his stuff/issues b/c you giving him what he wants actually serves to ADD to the pressure he feels, you are not helping your situation, you are actually adding more stress, more pressure by GIVING him what he wants because every time you give him what he wants he has to THINK about someone other than himself, he KNOW he's supposed to reciprocate, give back to you and because he can't he walks away feeling guilty which creates MORE distance and creates the very thing you don't want PRESSURE, he feel pressured to be real with you so he'll flip flap back and forth to create confusion which only keeps you hanging on for dear life hoping he'll stop but the reality is he'll never stop running away from you.

+1

Posted by tiki33
Just cut him off, meaning shift all your attention on finding/dating someone who can and will appreciate you, someone who lifts you up inside and not bring you down inside, someone who not only wants to be in your life but will have no problem displaying how important you are to him and will fight for you, life's too short to hand hold a grown man that has issues that can only BE FIXED by him, he has to want you to fight for you and he's not fighting for you so he doesn't want you in the way you want/need/hope for, allow him the time and space to sort out his issues, you are not necessarily dumping him for good but you are no longer going to ENABLE/MAKE EXCUSES for him anymore either. How do you do that? You stop making it easy for him to have his cake and eat it too, stop enabling, stop using his commitment issues and astrological make-up as an excuse for his behavior, start focusing on YOU/YOUR LIFE not him/his life and then he will shift out of being self absorbed but as long as you make excuses, keep enabling HE'LL NEVER THINK ABOUT YOU least not in the way you want him to, he'll only think about himself and analyze all the reasons why you are not the one for him.

Posted by celticlioness


Also this. By saying this he is being forced to confront his own feelings about you that he doesn't want to/is incapable of confronting. When my guy said to me he missed me and later said its horrible meeting someone and realising you married the wrong person (he was separated) I knew, from knowing him, that this was the beginning of the end, because now he had to think about these things and what he "owed" me. The last time we were together and I told him we were almost together a year I knew the moment the words were out of my mouth that that was it - and like magic he disappeared :-) I called him later on it, not in an attempt to get him back, but to tell him that disappearing was fine, but doing it the cowardly cruel way was not, he called and apologise, explained his position and that was that - didn't mean it didn't hurt but with these types of guys, who feel like they should be giving you something back - its too much for them. Your guy sounds like this and you need to cut your losses now. Back away with no contact. Funnily enough 6 months on mine called me today - we had a nice friendly chat and left it at that - you do get over these things if you let yourself, if he's not reciprocating now he never will.

Posted by wateraries

Posted by celticlioness


Our guys sounds a lot alike, but no wonder (Sun, Moon, Venus in the same position).
I know I need to get over him and move on, since he wont give me what I want. I can't pretend that I am "just a friend" (even though he knows I have feelings, but maybe he thinks mine dissapeared?), I feel fake and untrue. And I am starting to wonder if he could ever make me happy? I know how I work, I would've given him anything he wanted and adjust totally to his needs. I have a tendency to always do that, but I just realized maybe it's time for me to focus on my own needs too? I've always sacrificed everything for the guy I love, but not really getting anything back. I think I need someone who can actually give me something back too, I feel like a damn failure in love, always ending up with guys that hurts me, but I realized that maybe the problem is within myself and the way I tend to have absolutely no demands in a relationship. Well, getting a little bit off topic, my main point is I know that I should let him go and I will do it now. Thank you!

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Yes they do - and you will get over him. You will have to cut ALL contact though if you really want to get over him - this means nothing whatsoever, texts - emails - "chance" meetings! A good way to do it is to give youself a time limit and then mark off each day like you're in prison and marking off the days till release day :-). The more days you mark and can visually see the stronger you will get - because you will feel the pride in your own newly found strength. And yes you are right too about having no demands in a relationship - you can't change yourself chameleon like into what it is another person wants or what you perceive they want, you have to have those qualities within yourself, "I am what I want", once you have that you will be like a magnet - i'd say hold off on dating for a while and get to know yourself - I did this, with a minor slipup recently, but am back on track - and now the "slip up" is homing in cause he now see's that I am what he wants. Your an Aries, take out your fire and light it up - see in yourself the wonderful qualities that you posess and others will flock to your flame - you will know then who to burn and who to warm gently.

Posted by MoonMan



I hope you do.
So do I. Where there is a mutual love, connection & understanding.



I saw a bumber sticker some time ago which said:

"Magic Happens"

My bumber sticker would read:

"Still Waiting For The Magic To Happen"

Posted by tiki33
" I think I need someone who can actually give me something back too, I feel like a damn failure in love, always ending up with guys that hurts me, but I realized that maybe the problem is within myself and the way I tend to have absolutely no demands in a relationship. Well, getting a little bit off topic, my main point is I know that I should let him go and I will do it now. Thank you!"

NOPE! You are not off topic...Keep communicating this way because everything you said is profound and can help you begin to be a little bit more selfish. IMO it's how you behave that turn men off, (you think like so many women) so your not alone that GIVING a man everything will make him love you and it couldn't be further from the truth, giving a man everything won't make him love you, won't make him like you more nor love you more because giving too much TRANSLATES over to a man as something is wrong with you, maybe he's walking into a trap, you are giving too much b/c you are needy, desperate and will make his life miserable, once you connect how you behave with how men respond then you are EMPOWERED to do something about it, like STOP giving all of yourself away unless you are absolutely certain he's in it for the long haul with you. Giving depending on how you're giving can easily be translated over as NEEDY and a man will back pedal on you no matter how great you appear to be.

You are just "GIVING" yourself away which PLUMMETS YOUR VALUE/WORTH and make what your giving LESS valuable and valued. If it's free, if your heart, body, mind, soul is free then what's so special about it? Who wants free, LAZY PEOPLE WANT FREE, real men don't want easy.

Sacrificing yourself TRANSLATES over to a man as needy, desperate, clingy and just overall UNATTRACTIVE. Your not unattractive as a person but your behavior with men is unattractive, you're GIVING AWAY ALL YOUR POWER and you are placing yourself on the begging end of the relationship and you don't even realize it and only you can resolve this behavior by changing how you behave, you aren't changing you b/c everything about you is perfect, your behavior is not so perfect and bring you the kind of results that make you question your desirability around men.

I can guarantee you that there is nothing wrong with you, I'm sure you are beautiful, desirable, lovely and a very giving soul but even GIVING TOO MUCH OR GIVING YOUR ALL can inv

Posted by celticlioness

Yes they do - and you will get over him. You will have to cut ALL contact though if you really want to get over him - this means nothing whatsoever, texts - emails - "chance" meetings! A good way to do it is to give youself a time limit and then mark off each day like you're in prison and marking off the days till release day :-). The more days you mark and can visually see the stronger you will get - because you will feel the pride in your own newly found strength. And yes you are right too about having no demands in a relationship - you can't change yourself chameleon like into what it is another person wants or what you perceive they want, you have to have those qualities within yourself, "I am what I want", once you have that you will be like a magnet - i'd say hold off on dating for a while and get to know yourself - I did this, with a minor slipup recently, but am back on track - and now the "slip up" is homing in cause he now see's that I am what he wants. Your an Aries, take out your fire and light it up - see in yourself the wonderful qualities that you posess and others will flock to your flame - you will know then who to burn and who to warm gently.

Posted by wateraries

Posted by celticlioness

I don't know if I'll be able to not answer him if he texts me, because we still said we should be "friends" since we have been close friends for a couple of years and I don't think I'm quite ready yet to let go of that friendship.

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This is the hard part alright - it is difficult not to answer contact when made - But.... my only advice to you is to be strong, let go of the friendship because its not even really a friendship at this stage - with a recent man whom we also said we would remain friends, what I did was to reply to his emails and then send them to myself rather than him, so I poured all my venom, emotion, love into the responses but he never got them - i say thank god now! The one response he did get I only sent because he had emailed to see if i was alright following very bad flooding in my town and I couldn't ever leave someone wondering so I replied to myself loads of times with my emotional, oh thank you for caring email, and then after a few days of doing this - i got over the need to send it to him so sent him a very short response saying I was fine thanks - end! Its very liberating.

One of the big things I did with my Virgo was to mentally put thoughts of him out of my mind, so when they came in, 100's of times a day, I just shoved them right out - its hard to do but you can do it. Another thing I do is to read these forums a lot, when you see things like what Tiki and others write, it makes you feel stronger instantly - yeah you'll get weak again but just jump right back here and read a few of the threads and it will bolster your will to continue this.

You're not weak when it comes to love, your obviously a loving, caring and giving person, the right person to receive that just hasn't happened by yet, but he will and will give it right back to you in bucket loads xx