Here's one

So...of course from my other posts you all know I'm dating this virgo.....today we were talking about previous relationships and the breakups.....to make a long story short I asked what would make you break up with someone so he said If I decide to be in a relationship it woule take a lot....my concern is the If I... he kept saying it. Now I guess my question is I thought that we were in a relationship and everything he has been doing lately has corresponded with my belief....however from our conversation it makes me think we're not the big if I....I don't want to ask. What do you all think?

I'm starting to think like "johnnie." ie. "Run for your life," menaremysteries.

No...I know it's not funny, and I don't mean it to be...I really don't know what to tell you.

Here are a couple of true stories I got from ladies recently:

1. Married for 45 years, no sex X 20 years. She left him after that for 4 years and found a boyfriend. When she was just about to buy a house together with the boyfriend, Virgo husband shows up and says..."I know I wasted most of your youth." He wanted her back and said "Do you want to keep doing what you are doing or come home with me?" She said she went home with him. He had cancer, and lived 5 more years. Still no sex.

2. Significant other Virgo to another lady: Said he was going to visit someone in the northern states for a couple of weeks. When she came home from work, found that all of his everything was completely gone from the house. Fifteen months later, he shows up again. She reads the riot act to him and takes him back, tho. Then he did it again. One day she came home and all of his stuff was gone again, but he called and begged her to take him back 7 days later. She took him back. On this one, I guessed the lady's man was a Virgo when she told me her bf had never been married and he is retired from the work force.

These are facts. No bias here. Just what I was told.

Wow that's really deep...scary and deep! I mean he hasn't been crazy like that! For one he would never get an opportunity if he ever did anything like you've mentioned in both of your scenarios HE WOULD NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SPEAKING TO ME AGAIN! and he knows this.......I guess I'm just a little confused I mean we weren't talking directly about us....just relationships and breaking up in general!

Virgos are so elusive they're confusing as I don't know what...I just it's worth it!

I'm a little baffled by this thread, menaremysteries.

If I'm reading this correctly, you asked him, what would make him breakup with someone. The key word being, "someone". You didn't say, "What would it take to break up with ME."

Then, turn his words around to make them mean, he was talking about you. You can't take objectivity, make it subjective and then give it the meaning that he doesn't care about your relationship with him, or, if you even have one with him.

Women tend to use these kind of loaded questions against men, I've been guilty of it myself in the past . . but, that doesn't make it right. You want him to be respectful of you and your intentions within the relationship? Then let him answer you honestly without fearing emotional-backfire.

This doesn't sound elusive at all. It sounds like he was being open and honest about what would bring him to the verge of break-up and you took it personally to mean how he views your union together.

Virgo's don't work that way . . they say what they mean and they mean what they say . . if he wanted to be critical your relationship with him, he will have no quarrels about being direct.

No I know that P-Angel.....I didn't say anything to him about my concerns....I'm just questionning the IF I decide to be in a relationship statement he used repeatedly. Maybe I'm wrong for projecting that on what's going on now...however with all that has happened between us everything makes me think a little...you know what I mean. So of course after the If I statement I'm thinking well maybe we aren't in a relationship...just exclusively dating and I don't want to ask in case I'm wrong and reading to much into it.
I understand you can't transfer objectivity to subjectivity but you can use objectivity to determine what a reasonable person would think in this situation. So I don't think that it was direct at me specifically however objectively I'm looking at whether he feels he's in a relationship by that. Does that kind of make sense?

Yeah, that makes sense . . it can be used as a tool in determining how he structures the considerations of relating.

The wait can be ages, though, I hope you have a lot of patience. The Virgo dictionary doesn't even have the word, "hasty" in it. Knowing these men as well as I do, I wouldn't put it past him to have said this as a test to you. Their paranoia about making the wrong move would certainly drive an insecure Virgo into testing the waters of your interpretation of a relationship.

I've not put my finger on it exactly, but, I think I'm close to the cause.

Because they are so emotionally controlled withing themselves, it actually inadvertantly makes them out-of-control because emotions can't be dictated by logic. Of course, they have no awareness of this because they don't know - that they don't know.

So, in this theory, if they fall in a relationship, they've not the flexibility within their fixed confines of thier organized box, to know how to handle the chaos of irrational feelings that surface when a relationship is on the brink of destruction.

Therefore, it's imparative that they have the partnership clearly defined, so they know how and where to put it within the designated location.

I know that is so true.....I think he is trying to see if he can trust me with his feelings. He has been much more open lately about everything in general and more considerate of my feelings however his personality is one that if I were to ask about our relationship I fear it would take us back and he would think that I am unsure about him which I am not! My personality is I would like to know the direction that we are heading....I'm not really a go with the flow girl without knowing the direction I have a real problem with that.

That is a prudent fear. In knowing that, you will remain cautious.

If I were you, I'd let the comment be as it should be intended . . even if it was a manipulation. If he's testing you and you react as though it was innocent and absent of deception, then he'll deem you as a person he can be open with and not worry about the emotional playing of his feelings. If he thinks that you are worrying about what the word, "If" meant personally (even if he did it on purpose), then he might see you as a woman who lets her emotions run unchecked.

They can be slippery, this may not have been an innocent word thrown in there. However, in his mind, he would justify it as crossing his tees and dotting his eyes, before proceeding forward in determining whether you are worthy of his efforts.

Thanks so much...I never responded to the comments and acted as if he never said anything about and just kept talking and told him about my experience wirh breaking up...I personalized my thoughts he didn't at all

i think menaremysteries is just the same as her virgo.. all that is written here..

"That is a prudent fear. In knowing that, you will remain cautious.

If I were you, I'd let the comment be as it should be intended . . even if it was a manipulation. If he's testing you and you react as though it was innocent and absent of deception, then he'll deem you as a person he can be open with and not worry about the emotional playing of his feelings. If he thinks that you are worrying about what the word, "If" meant personally (even if he did it on purpose), then he might see you as a woman who lets her emotions run unchecked.

They can be slippery, this may not have been an innocent word thrown in there. However, in his mind, he would justify it as crossing his tees and dotting his eyes, before proceeding forward in determining whether you are worthy of his efforts."

"My personality is I would like to know the direction that we are heading....I'm not really a go with the flow girl without knowing the direction I have a real problem with that."

and

"They can be slippery, this may not have been an innocent word thrown in there. However, in his mind, he would justify it as crossing his tees and dotting his eyes, before proceeding forward in determining whether you are worthy of his efforts."


this relationship need alot of work. hey menaremysteries, don't think about it too much. 🙂

this relationship need alot of work. hey menaremysteries, don't think about it too much.

yeah it does...and I don't know what to do to let him know I won't hurt him....I'm trying but it's hard. I know he's worth it. He's shown me he's worth it. It's hard not to think about it though!

"yeah it does...and I don't know what to do to let him know I won't hurt him...."

he's paranoid and you don't have the power to change his attitude. that's how he is. change comes to those who choose to change.

It's hard not to think about it though!

what i mean by this is stop hurting yourself. thinking you can have all the answers to all your questions. i'm sure you know from your heart how much is your worth as a person. you don't have to lose yourself/identity just to be loved by someone.

i really hate giving advices and i'm not good at it. oftentimes it's easier said and done. you should never lose your principles and morals by loving. you have to become a better and happier person not a psychotic obsessive mess.

That is so right and I can say he is really trying.....so I can't really complain.

really hate giving advices and i'm not good at it. oftentimes it's easier said and done. you should never lose your principles and morals by loving. you have to become a better and happier person not a psychotic obsessive mess.

Absolutely...no I'm good there is nothing like that going on....we are still individuals. I am and we compliment each other well. My friends say we're both nuts...in a good way 🙂 we laugh a lot and joke with each otjer so it's good in that aspect

i hope he'll see the rainbow on top of your head 'coz his head is always bowed to the ground. i also hope he can give you the commitment both of you need and a never changing love, it might not be the same amount of love you give him but at least he should appreciate you as a person..i know what you're going through is really tough..it's part of loving

Thank you..and you're right. Like I said he is trying...but one can't change overnight I know this! I'm looking online now for a poem or something that puts into words what I want to say but can't find a way to tell him that he can trust me.....

Thanks dyr....I mean tthe time thing come on....it's been 8 months....7 3/4 of which he was 'confused' because he didn't know what he wanted in a relationship....I mean he's trying now he really is but how much patience am I supposed to have—?? You have to admit that is a tad ridiculous! That's why I'm like is there something I can say or what....I don't want to date anyone else but at the sametime I almost feel stagnate and like he just has a whatever kind of attitude like well if you call I'l talk.....If I see ya well I see ya

I guess I don't know what else to do besides send him some blood sweat and tears in a vial.......he said that he's always been broken up with in relationships.....I don't know it's just all so crazy to me.

He then complains to me about how good guys like him don't attract women and women are attracted to bad boys who disrespect them. I share the same sentiments however as Steven A. Smith would say....why the hell would you care if we are in a relationship!

yeah Dyr....now do you see why I'm trippin.....I mean during that time he's had a lot to deal with...understandable. However I feel I've invested to much time and energy to just give up not to mention the feelings....Right now I'm also now in an environment that is conducive to meeting new people or starting new relationships....know what I men. Plus he is what I look for in a man

That's the thing Dyr....I did date other guys....he doesn't know this....and IT WAS HORRIBLE.......YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS OUT THERE IT'S BAD. That's why I don't wanna let go and he's trying however.....it's taken 8 months for him to try!!!

Not advising this as way to make him jealous, or spur him to act; I suspect he'll just internalize it - like any other neurotic...

Absolutely he'll shut down........he's shut down before. it's like walking one step every day to get to the other side of the room...just to throw a piece of paper away

Dyr,

I don't know if this is true of other ladies...but, when it comes to dating "some of the other guys," it seems like

1. just going through the motions...dinner, small talk, no depth to anything
2. frightening to let go of Virgo enough to maybe find that some really good feelings could actually come with someone other than the Virgo who your heart was set on...
3. then the clencher...Virgo returns out of nowhere and wants to pluck you out of the arms of someone who has been so good to you, like gold.

The stories of the other 2 ladies I mentioned at the beginning...they both went back with their Virgos. They were put through hell, and went back. What is it about you Virgo men? You know how to make your imprint on the soul of a woman, but then what's that next thing that happens?

Somebody should write a dedicated book.

Dy?

then the clencher...Virgo returns out of nowhere and wants to pluck you out of the arms of someone who has been so good to you, like gold

This guy was a bum....he was horrible and so is everybody else I encounter

No book.....we're all just confused

Can we get some feelings here......virgos need solitude...yet they like to have significant others.....or they won't come out of their shells long enough to see that the perfect person is right in their face.......KRAZY if you ask me.

and just how do u do that to a virgo......they jump before the boot connects

Dyr,

I don't know if this is true of other ladies...but, when it comes to dating "some of the other guys," it seems like

1. just going through the motions...dinner, small talk, no depth to anything
2. frightening to let go of Virgo enough to maybe find that some really good feelings could actually come with someone other than the Virgo who your heart was set on...
3. then the clencher...Virgo returns out of nowhere and wants to pluck you out of the arms of someone who has been so good to you, like gold.

The stories of the other 2 ladies I mentioned at the beginning...they both went back with their Virgos. They were put through hell, and went back. What is it about you Virgo men? You know how to make your imprint on the soul of a woman, but then what's that next thing that happens?

Somebody should write a dedicated book.

Dy?

I am a Taurus woman, and I do have a moon in Pisces and I also have Scorpio rising with my Venus in Gemini...Mercury too, and Mars in Taurus! What luck! What irony! What the hell! Do you think I am scared shitless having learned what all that means? Knowing that? Hell yessss! But, now I can learn something about how I have related to people in my life besides just "because." And I can begin to change some of the things that I can change. Like in the Serenity Prayer...there ARE things that I can change. And lucky stars...I can change some important aspects of my personality, but I cannot change the Virgo I love. And most things, I would not even want to change. But, yes, Dy, I want the secrets you have not revealed...each and every detail, because I am so dammed determined, and persitant, and while I was taught that persistance and determination were omnipotent, growing up, and I had plenty of that, no one said, "but if you have a moon in Pisces" you would be lost in love, especially when it comes to the Virgo in your life, LTVM, ........ write the book. k? (run-on sentence)

Well, you asked why I would want the book....there ya go.

I know you cannot bring my V home to me with a book, but maybe you could help me and others know the V's in our lives better and maybe our own astrological personality traits that could help us to deal with our V's. YOU could do it and in such a way that we could accept it.

You say that you study astronomy and not astrology, but your attention to astrology in this matter would certainly be a huge contribution to the women of the world in love with Virgo-gone that we would thank you endlessly. And for those with more hope than I have for a future, maybe they could better cope with the probabilities they face.

Sextrology is a good book, but it does not delineate any PROBLEMS that you keep seeing here on DXP repeatedly and painfully portrayed by numerous women who are not sure if they should tread water or give up the VirShip.

I'm sure you have seen all of the ups and all of the downs...the endless hopes of so many of us who share the same problems day in and day out. We are all asking the same question in different, yet similar circimstance....should we hang in there or not? There are certain circumstances when we should, and some when we should not. You could help to define them.

Write it. Me and others are so happy to have your expertise. We know you couldn't have been there to know the exact details, but you know the usual circumstance/response delemmas that we go through...just a little helpful advice along our paths to a healthy love life with or without our Virgos would be easy for you to discuss (another run-on sentence)

Must sign out and hit the hay (exhausted), though I fel there is really a lot more to be said about the matter.

Thants, Dy!

Oops...had a couple glasses of cabernet last night before writing that stuff up there. Welllllll...enough said.

being nice means worshipping the whole world. one can never serve two masters all at the same time.

do you think this is applicable when one is in a steady committed relationship?

oops wrong thread.

menaremysteries.. your man is full of drama.. is that a scapegoat for not giving you commitment or what.. sorry to say but he really still need a lot of growing up to do.. he's not ready..

it's actually your call. you know better how long you can put up with him. you said you love him right? then accept him for who he is and wait until he's a fully grown up man.

menaremysteries.. your man is full of drama.. is that a scapegoat for not giving you commitment or what.. sorry to say but he really still need a lot of growing up to do.. he's not ready..


Actually he is not as full of drama as other men I have dated....he's actually pretty drama free! Just going through a lot of life changes right now.....Honestly I think I contribute to my misunderstanding because I analyze every little thing I'm a libra on the cusp of virgo plus my dad is a psychologist......bad combo. He's really a good guy I think a lot of it is that I tens to share how I'm feeling....he does to but not as often as I do. He's more of a well if I do this you should know what I mean kind of guy. In the scheme of things I've seen a lot worse which is why I'm not going to let him go. When I voice my concerns to him he really does try to be cognizant of them and is working to improve......

menaremysteries.. your man is full of drama.. is that a scapegoat for not giving you commitment or what.. sorry to say but he really still need a lot of growing up to do.. he's not ready..


Actually he is not as full of drama as other men I have dated....he's actually pretty drama free! Just going through a lot of life changes right now.....Honestly I think I contribute to my misunderstanding because I analyze every little thing I'm a libra on the cusp of virgo plus my dad is a psychologist......bad combo. He's really a good guy I think a lot of it is that I tens to share how I'm feeling....he does to but not as often as I do. He's more of a well if I do this you should know what I mean kind of guy. In the scheme of things I've seen a lot worse which is why I'm not going to let him go. When I voice my concerns to him he really does try to be cognizant of them and is working to improve......