How to stop OBSESSING over crushes?

Hey guys-

I'm starting to get really annoyed with myself. I have ADD so it's hard enough to focus on anything but my daydreams. But having a crush is a whole other level. If I don't have anyone to crush on, I feel aimless and bored with everything about life - and still not able to focus. But when I do have a crush, it's all-consuming, endless analyzing, reading into things, fantasizing about what will happen when I see them next, trying to figure out if they're interested or not.. etc. I read this article about "limerence" and it hit the nail on the head. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-sack-md/limerence_b_1627089.html<BR>
I have almost all the symptoms with pretty much every crush throughout my life. In particular: Uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts about the other person, fantasizing about or searching obsessively for signs of reciprocation ("reading into things"), Replaying in your mind every encounter with the other person in great detail,Endlessly analyzing every word and gesture to determine their possible meaning, Arranging your schedule to maximize possible encounters with the other person.

I hate this. I hate not being able to focus or get ANY work done. I'm bored without a crush, but incapable of normal human function when I have one. What can I do— I'm miserable right now.

You have a young undisciplined mind thats normal.. however if you wish to have your mind at ease there is a technique to help.
But I stress it is dangerous if not done exactly as mentioned.
Take one day out of each month in a quiet room close your eyes and think of a black blank chalkboard.
hold that thought for as long as you can, which will usually be five to ten seconds before foreign thoughts come in.
Once the foreign thoughts come in your done.
Do not do this every day or every week... only once a month.

I'm pretty sure my moon is Virgo @damnata, so not sure how that would work. although my rising sign is aries?

Oh man..

Ok then, I have to bring up the big guns in here then.

I DIDN'T WANT IT TO COME TO THIS!

I can relate to everything you mentioned there. It's Virgo extremism. The middle way needs to be enforced daily, moderation.

Well, I think I may have found something that will help....it seems extreme but I'm apparently crazy so this will have to do haha. I found a browser add-on called Block Site and you can block specific URLs on Firefox and Chrome. So I've blocked his facebook, instagram, twitter, google search, imdb page, etc.. I didn't want to actually unfollow or block him because I'm still interested in him and don't want him to think I'm mad or something, I just need to stop obsessively checking his social media. Now I just have to figure out how to block it on my phone too...

Posted by busyeyes88


@Weeds. Where did you hear about that technique? Were you being serious? Why is it dangerous?

the story goes that special teachings were passed down to Abraham from God..
and through word of mouth kept amongst certain sects of jewish ppl.
Yes im serious it works I have used it myself.
Have you every played with a light switch? Play with a light switch enough times the bulb will eventual burn out, this is what happens to your brain.
Your brain is made to always think so when you abuse this technique the out come is insanity.

Its called chakhmah consciousness or the thought of nothingness.
the whole point of it is to maintain a disciplined mind within reason so it should work for you busyeyes. its not a quick fix its for long term development, so with practice and consistency you should have a more manageable thought process.

Posted by SingASong41
..I thought that was just meditation in general. Without the chalkboard.

Its original where meditation came from but has been altered to a less affective status. Whats the general advice to start meditation? Clear your mind? your mind won't comprehend that. Your mind cant visualize nothingness... But by focusing on visualizing an empty chalkboard you have giving your brain a substitute which it can understand.
Its something simple no need for the brain to over think it all the brain wants to do is fill that emptiness with something.

So how do you think it has affected you as an adult @dontgetmewrong?

Posted by Weeds
You have a young undisciplined mind thats normal.. however if you wish to have your mind at ease there is a technique to help.
But I stress it is dangerous if not done exactly as mentioned.
Take one day out of each month in a quiet room close your eyes and think of a black blank chalkboard.
hold that thought for as long as you can, which will usually be five to ten seconds before foreign thoughts come in.
Once the foreign thoughts come in your done.
Do not do this every day or every week... only once a month.

Weeds, will this technique work in a case where you have known the person for 3 decades and you have an emotional bond with them? I'm not referring to dating. Call it more a deep friendship that developed through life experiences.

My case isn't an obsession, it's more just wanting to rid the thoughts that are deep rooted in my psyche. Our friendship dissolved a few months ago, not by my choice. And without any explanation.

I have been somewhat successful moving on, but there are times when it all comes back and hits me like a brick.

thanks

@gemini64 I really wish it could do that but the most it can do in that situation is keep your mind from straying too much into it.
You will always have those memories, and there may be triggers to those thoughts that will pop up that you have little control over.
time is what really heals something like that.
I still think about things that happen 6-7 yrs ago if I could have just done something different ect ect. I learn to blow it off as soon as it creeps in and sometimes I think about it and resolve it.. aannddd other times I get angry at the thought and myself for thinking about it Lol.

Posted by Weeds
@gemini64 I really wish it could do that but the most it can do in that situation is keep your mind from straying too much into it.
You will always have those memories, and there may be triggers to those thoughts that will pop up that you have little control over.
time is what really heals something like that.
I still think about things that happen 6-7 yrs ago if I could have just done something different ect ect. I learn to blow it off as soon as it creeps in and sometimes I think about it and resolve it.. aannddd other times I get angry at the thought and myself for thinking about it Lol.

Yea, that's what I thought, those memories are so embedded in me, it's nearly impossible to let them go. I do have an active life, so that helps.

I try to blow it off too but sometimes it just gets to me because we were so close in a very special way. I tend to overanalyze as well. Damn mercury!

And yes, I get pissed at times too. I'm the type who will bend over backwards for my friends and those I care about. It's really painful when someone you really cherish cuts you off without any reason, head's up or further explanation.

Posted by dontgetmewrong
Gemini64 - in those moments, my mom told me is to allow yourself a few minutes to feel the pain, you have to be aware enough to only give yourself the few minutes, and once those few minutes are up think of something else. But you must go through the feelings, (you are human) but aware enough to not allow yourself to stay there. If you allow yourself to grieve a loss, it'll be easier over time to let it go.

It worked for me, hopefully it works for you.

Your Mother was correct. I try to do the same thing. There are times when it hits me really hard and I tear up. Then there are times when I think, "why the hell am I upset about this considering he didn't even think about my feelings..." Then I get pissed and move on.

It's all a purging process. If I didn't have such a soft heart and wasn't so damn loyal to those I cherish, life would be so much easier.