Mixed Messages, freak-outs, confusion...

In the 2 months since we've been hanging out I have made almost all of the first moves (texts, hanging out...). I know that's horrible and I make an effort not to be pushy but I do like to see him when I'm in town. He does send "interested" messages though but I don't know if I'm only seeing what I want to and making things more than they are.

He's done sweet little things like fix my car, get my car from the bar at which I forgot it when we were hanging out (I didn't ask - he offered), insist on buying my drinks, drive to get me a latte first thing in the morning (again I didn't ask), give me my own toothbrush and contact solution/case at his house. He invites me to stay at his house (I've stayed there almost every night I've gone back since we started hanging out), lets me drag him to strangers houses and parties (my friends), tells me he thinks we would be great together, says he hopes I still like him by the time he clears his head, tells me I look nice every time he sees me and that I'm amazing and out of his league, tells my friend he likes me and how great I am, asked my bday so that he could look up my astro chart, tells me how comfortable it feels to be with me...essentially drives me absolutely crazy.

Could these things he's doing possibly be because he's playing me? And being nice? I feel like he likes me when we're together but then I don't hear from him for days...and then he freaks out. I mean could he really be that messed up still? I know virgos don't jump into relationships and he's said that he takes a long time because he doesn't want to get hurt again and that once he's in, he's in...and I want to believe him. I am trying to be patient but I don't want to be wasting my time if he's really just not that interested and trying to find out how to make excuses not to be with me.

Added misc. info, some complicating things further: I have 2 children from my past marriage. He's dated several people I know but I don't know that he's ever been in a very serious relationship. We live an hour apart. Our best friends are just recently dating (as in weeks) and moving very quickly. I'm somewhat recently out of a long-term relationship (but he is not a rebound).

I would love any feedback, virgo advice, general advice, sanity...

Haha okay, fair enough - not quite player behavior. I see that my need for reassurance and my outright confusion may appear a tad ridiculous. I just don't understand why do these things but then rarely call or text or actually initiate contact? And why he keeps freaking out. What's his deal? I don't see how someone can be that broken after only 4 months. Or that confused. It's absolutely frustrating. I really did try to just be a patient, supportive friend...but then he looks at me intensely or kisses me and I'm all my practical sense is gone.

Also want to mention that I didn't LEAVE stuff in his bathroom (way too presumptuous - not me)...he had an extra toothbrush (in package) and contact stuff and so gave it to me when I stayed one night (and then it's still there when I have returned).

Dec is terribly good at spotting most every'fing.

Now that's interesting. What is confusing?

virgos are slow and insecure.
they are like cold water sulking on the stove; you have to let them warm up first.

"I do not know if I am ready," is what is meant by, "I can't be what you need."

any man in a general sense would most likely welcome sex after time alone, so I would not recommend using this as the ultimate guide on how interested he is in you; interested or not, sex is physical, not necessarily passionate at this point... and virgos have a tendency to be less interested in emotions shared physically than the overall mental connection exchanged during the early stages of intimacy.

he is jaded from his past relationship, so be patient. be kind, and give him space. when he says "once I'm in, I'm in," he probably means it. a relationship is something that he knows (and has said) would involve revealing his vulnerabilities again, and that makes him very uncomfortable. he is and will be observing you throughout your communication; analyzing and understanding you will be his primary activity, not telling you how he feels. this is something that he needs to do before he can get intimate emotionally, and you should respect that.

focus on being his friend. be honest; be you.
he will appreciate that more than anything, and give him time to trust again.

Ahh. Maybe the Bullette missed the damned point. If they're anything like me you have to not only lay down road flares but a neon sign that says "Yo..WOMAN! I'm feeling ya!" If you keep bringing smexi time to the table that's all a Bull will think you are after, so though a Tau is indeed most oriented in that fashion there are many other things going on in the cranium. Don't confuse *stoicism* for mis-read messages. Sometimes you need a ball peen hammer. Hopefully that helps a speck next time you tautly tie a rope between a couple of trees for a cow stampede. 🙂

^ Apparently dxp found that paragraph so damned important it posted it twice. 😛

Thank you 25thDecan and doubletrouble! Ok, more patience. Got it. I will try to focus on being a friend and hope that he finds me worthy of taking a chance with another relationship. Sigh.

I know that sleeping with him was a horrible move. I made that poor decision after drinking too much with him twice - not that that's an excuse. I don't often hook up with guys until in a solid relationship and I know this is part of the reason I'm so bothered about his being so hesitant. I also assume it makes him less interested in a relationship with me. Aaargh!

And yes 25thDecan and Venusionbull, I am one of those Taurus' who can be pretty dense about reading messages and reading people...hence the asking for advice. If I sensed this boy making a move, it would definitely not be ignored.

Two of my best friends are virgos but I have no experience with male virgos. Thanks again!

And dammit he delivered this week's blow. No word from him since Sunday, when he invited himself over for dinner (a couple of texts that same day). I texted to see if we could postpone the food poisoning (I want my house spotless if/when he sees it and also my kiddos will be with me tomorrow) until Friday and he sent a brief reply that he's sick anyway. Now I think he really might be sick but that may have been his latest version of his bi-weekly freak-outs.

-Are virgos notorious for sending mixed messages?
-Are they prone to depression?
-Are they known for playing head games? Or being very wishy washy?
-Would I totally freak him out if I just asked him straight out if he liked me?

Geez, I see my words in print and am embarrassed that he has me turning into one of those clueless, insecure, needy girls. Apologies for my middle school behavior.

do not apologize, communication is the most difficult thing to understand when two people of any sign come together.
it is something that constantly breaks, makes, and shakes up relationships; do not be embarrassed. that you are needing help only makes you human.

virgos have a peculiarity when it comes to their own way of expressing themselves.
they do not necessarily communicate who they are, but rather what they are, and you find this by what they do with their time and how they share it with others. you will often find them doing things rather than talking about them. this can either be an admirable thing or a frustrating one, depending on how you look at it.

they are not easy to understand. as women, we tend to think too much into the relationship and men in general, and it can complicate things. he especially, will sense that you are not at rest about the situation, and this may prevent him from opening up to you. he is nervous enough as it is, about everything, and trying to understand the what's/why's will only be a pressure that he may or may not want to deal with immediately. at worst, you won't get anything out of him.
you have to be accepting of his nature; enjoy the time that is spent together, and when he is distant (this is something that he needs too) do something else. this will make you confident with yourself, and he will sense that too. I would not say he is playing head games, virgos tend to shy away from drama and do not like dishonesty. they mostly tell it like it is. it is a waste of his time and serves no purpose to you or him trying to play games with you.

"why? why? why?" will not work with him. and asking directly probably won't either. like I said, he's not going to reveal much of himself at this point. asking him, "do you like me? why? where is this going?" will not get you the results you want to hear. he does not know yet, but that does not mean he isn't thinking about it.

I hope I am being of some use. I have a taurus rising, so I can understand your frustrations.

Yeah... What doubletrouble said. Also, like seraph said, it is a lot of work. I tried being direct and he (a virguy I once pursued) did the freak out thing. Oy. I just let it go. What are ya gonna do? Meh. I'm too leo for all of that. Even my virgo moon doesn't get it and that probably rules me more than my sun.

Posted by doubletrouble
do not apologize, communication is the most difficult thing to understand when two people of any sign come together.
it is something that constantly breaks, makes, and shakes up relationships; do not be embarrassed. that you are needing help only makes you human.

virgos have a peculiarity when it comes to their own way of expressing themselves.
they do not necessarily communicate who they are, but rather what they are, and you find this by what they do with their time and how they share it with others. you will often find them doing things rather than talking about them. this can either be an admirable thing or a frustrating one, depending on how you look at it.

they are not easy to understand. as women, we tend to think too much into the relationship and men in general, and it can complicate things. he especially, will sense that you are not at rest about the situation, and this may prevent him from opening up to you. he is nervous enough as it is, about everything, and trying to understand the what's/why's will only be a pressure that he may or may not want to deal with immediately. at worst, you won't get anything out of him.
you have to be accepting of his nature; enjoy the time that is spent together, and when he is distant (this is something that he needs too) do something else. this will make you confident with yourself, and he will sense that too. I would not say he is playing head games, virgos tend to shy away from drama and do not like dishonesty. they mostly tell it like it is. it is a waste of his time and serves no purpose to you or him trying to play games with you.

"why? why? why?" will not work with him. and asking directly probably won't either. like I said, he's not going to reveal much of himself at this point. asking him, "do you like me? why? where is this going?" will not get you the results you want to hear. he does not know yet, but that does not mean he isn't thinking about it.

I hope I am being of some use. I have a taurus rising, so I can understand your frustrations.

Err apparently I do not know how to properly comment on a quote....take 2. You're right - I shouldn't apologize for human emotion and needing clarity. I am just not very content in this current role of needy, confused girl. I am accustomed to be the one requiring the patience from others as I move too slowly, contemplate too long...

So 2 paragraphs not allowed with a quote. Huh. Well thank you everyone else too. Yes, a lot of work indeed. Especially since boy has issues that I can't help him with. Really trying to shift it towards friendship for now but it's challenging since I have grown wayyyy too fond of his kisses. And I melt when he gazes at me. But @25thDecan I saw your post on someone else's thread and I agree that I should get to know HIM more instead of just focusing on how he makes ME feel. New game plan. Here we go.