quick question, any help would be appreciated :)

This virgo guy and I have been best friends (his words) for about 3 years now and things have been going great. He told me he loved me (and i told him i loved him too) about 6 months back but we never really discussed it since it only seemed natural.Other than this, we've never really defined the relationship since there was never any need to.
But recently i casually asked him where we were headed since he's more than just a friend to me and he said he'd like to postpone this conversation so i said ok. We usually talk everyday but now it has been 5 days and no word from him, I haven't contacted him either since i want to give him space.
Can someone please provide any insight?
I understand if he doesn't like me back 'in that way' but i don't want to lose a friend in the process.

Because he is afraid your fishing for something and if you don't like his answer it will change your relationship also if you define it Virgo men will now almost be obligated to follow the new terms of your defined relationship to the letter of the "decision."

Thank you for that...to be honest i wasn't really fishing for anything, we were talking about some friends of ours and then i just asked him this. But anyway, I don't want him to be scared and neither am i giving him an ultimatum, I honestly wanted to know where we are.
Is there anything i can do now? or should i just back off?
do they really scare that easy? (because we've been through more and i've never judged him or punished him for being who he is)

niko88 This is not a psychic hotline. You asked why a virgo male might want to talk about where your relationship is or is going. Anything ancillary is mute.

You asked I answered. What you do is up to you. And yes we scare is easy. Virgo's don't like absolutes we tend to wait and watch. If you want more you may lose all.

So basically this is a friends with benefits type of connection. I dare not call it a relationship because really it's not.

My question is...Why be in this kind of ambiguous situation with a man? What's your motive?

Does he love you like he loves warm coffee on a Sunday morning? Does he love you like he loves cake?

How can you really know what kind of love he's holding in his heart. Love could mean anything for him. For you it may mean something serious, something real and for him it may mean the same as anything else he loves.

I dunno what you want DXP users to tell you.

Why do women do this! Why do they get in these open ended ambiguous relationships and wonder why the men disappear.

Something seems off and maybe that's what he's sensing. Pretending...Pretending to be a friend when you really want something more. This can push a man away.

Posted by niko88

...to be honest i wasn't really fishing for anything ....

Of course you were .... you can't even be honest with yourself, yet, you expect him to be about where you stand, don't you?

@miami virgo: thank you for replying. Helped clarify things so thank you.


@datariesgirl:by more than just a friend i honestly meant more than just a friend. we've known each other since college but got really close after college so i'm counting only the years in which we were best friends. But ok, i think i shouldn't push him.


@tiki33: we've not had a physical relationship. we were friends in college and then after college we got closer, he comes back from office and we talk everyday, catch up with each other, talk about our lives and dreams and family. it's just friendship between two people. I think what binds us together is our brains because if we find anything interesting intellectually we immediately send it to the other person and talk about it in the evening. He finds my field interesting (sociology, i made a switch) and i find his world fascinating (software programming) {we're both computer science graduates}
and he really does love me, because he said telling me was one of the hardest decisions he had to make (i wanted to keep the first msg short so skipped over the little details, but i can talk about it if you want)
there's no hidden agenda, i think he's a solid,dependable, intelligent person and i've loved talking to him (i'm guessing you were asking why we've been friends for so long?)


@p-angel:maybe i understood the word fishing wrong (i'm sorry, English isn't my first language) what i meant was that i wasn't really looking for a particular answer i just wanted to know what he thought of us. we tell things to each other clearly, for example, when i mad, i don't shut down, i tell him i'm mad and i tell him why and he fixes it or if he worries too much or thinks too much, i shake him a little and clear out the fog. So now when i wanted to know what he thought, i just asked,
is that bad?

"it's just friendship between two people"

He's basically treating you like a friend after admitting he loves you well that's a fight or flight reaction and that is how some men are.

Some men will revert BACK to what the original relationship is even after admitting feelings, less confusion and he maintains his independence/freedom.

Plus admitting love for some men is like jumping off the freedom train. Men see this whole love thing differently. It's not fun anymore, it's work, it's planning, it's creating a life with someone, it's about marriage and providing. It's pressure basically for a lot of men so they run.

Read your above statement...

" he comes back from office and we talk everyday, catch up with each other, talk about our lives and dreams and family. it's just friendship between two people. I think what binds us together is our brains because if we find anything interesting intellectually we immediately send it to the other person and talk about it in the evening"

What you describe is more than friendship.

Think about what you're saying and how you're describing your situation with him. You speak as if he's your boyfriend and he's not.

You didn't really appear to ever be his friend. When I say friend I mean friend, the kind of friend you do not have underlying feelings of desire for and from what you describe, you appeared more like a woman who wanted a boyfriend.

This energy you have with him is the culprit. He know you are not seeing him as just a friend if you say I love you to him and now he's wondering was this your agenda all along.

To be his friend secretly hoping he'd fall in love with you, love you. That can make a man feel duped, manipulated etc.

When we women do this whole friendship crap when were really in love the whole time it's not cute. It's not okay to try to underhandedly slide into a mans heart. Maybe that wasn't a deliberate action or on your part but it sure seems that way.

Life isn't a romance novel or soap opera. You can't just stick around and some day he'll confess his love and you'll both start a new life together. Love does not work that way for men.

@tiki33: thank you so much for this...what you're saying really makes sense, so thank you. If you have some more time, then here's some more about us.

We lost touch for a year after college because i made that switch from science to arts and i got really busy. It was him who called/msgd about every 2 months and tried to get back in touch and sometimes i would be too busy to even return his calls. eventually things slowed down in my life and i started returning the calls and apologized for not being around and he said he wasn't mad in the first place since i was following my dreams (which is something he really likes about me). This was the start to this 3 year 'close friendship' i'm talking about. Since then, we've been there for each other through the highs and lows. That's why what i said seemed normal (to me).

My point is he knows i haven't had feelings from the start and he literally had to hunt me down after that first year we were out of college. And if you're still reading this, and don't think i'm a totally clueless could you please tell me what to do? should i still not try and talk or explain to him that i'm not looking for a commitment, i just wanted an update?

p.s. i know i'm obsessing and you can totally scold me for that but i miss my friend more than anything.

So anyway, the virgo got back to me...and said he really does love me but since we are at different points in our life...it looks difficult. He said his priority is his career right now but in a couple of years his priorities will definitely change.
Is he gently letting me down? or honestly asking me to wait?

i understand if i sound incredibly stupid, but please be patient, i'm blinded by all these feelings and can't really think straight.

He needed some time to think about what was between yall. He probably didn't let his thoughts go there until you asked.

I'm not a virgo, but my opinion is he is letting you down easy. He wants to keep the friendship and he likes you, loves you as a friend, but that's all he feels. At least that's what I think he's saying.

Just move on and try to get interested in someone else. Who knows, years from now yall might cross paths and things might be different, but I definitely wouldn't wait on him.

He's not interested in a relationship other than friendship at this time ... just because a person loves you doesn't mean they are suppose to be romantically involved.

Don't you love lots of people? That doesn't mean you're suppose to be all those people's girlfriend !!!

Yeah you probably freaked him out. We are slow to things like that, esp if caught off guard and he just wants to really thoroughly think it through. Him not talking to you isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe just a hey or something from you wouldn't be bad.

Thank you for the insights everyone. I really appreciate it 🙂

You need to be witty/smart... You should start a fun non-emotional conversation with him and when he gets really engage then subtlety/indirectly in a non-emotional way(lol) ask him "So, whats up body are we on or not... because I'm getting bored".

Good Luck!