Virgo expression of emotion

I never really noticed how hard it was until today.

For example, I wanted to tell the gem I'm seeing that I missed him.
It took me about five minutes to think of a way to say that.
It took me a little longer to realize that I just needed to say, "I miss you."
It took me another five minutes to just get the nerve to text him that.
And it only took a second for me to change that to something less emotional, like,
"so, I was going to go for a run today because you mention it so often."

Do any other virgos go through moments like these, where the most simplest of expressions are difficult to well... express?.

Mind you, it's not like this all the time.

I would say, yes for me.
Though I don't imagine it's as bad as you describe.

And you didn't even TELL him, you text it!
How lame! 😛

I find it very difficult to express emotions to a man Im interested in. It's like pulling. Texting is a start, Candeh. It is better than nothing, I think.

not really i always mean what i say and say what i mean i dont play around when it comes to people feelings or even my own.

maybe u just couldnt find the right words to say or maybe u didn't wanna look phony by saying something u dont mean and it catches up with you later.

virgos just like to be sure.

dont let it get to you.

oops its like pulling teeth.

Lol to be fair, I wasn't in front of him and I wasn't sure if he was in class; I would have called if I didn't think he was busy. Ironically, it's a lot easier for me to say these things in person. But the only reason why I was able to say it before is because he said it to me first.

My Virgo husband goes through this sort of thing nearly everytime he has to express emotionally ... and I'm pretty certain that the reason why this happens to him is because he has some kind of fear about what the other person is going to think of him, and him knowing that what he says coupled with how he says it, is going to leave such an impression of what they think of him.


Thing is though, and he doesn't seem to quite grasp this, though he probably does deep down ..... the fact that he's stepping back when he's suppose to be stepping forward IS THE IMPRESSION the other is getting.


So, in his need to protect, he actually blunders.

Just say it, do it ... people will think higher of you for that even if you're a goofball then they will if you give the impression you don't care.

Posted by P-Angel
My Virgo husband goes through this sort of thing nearly everytime he has to express emotionally ... and I'm pretty certain that the reason why this happens to him is because he has some kind of fear about what the other person is going to think of him, and him knowing that what he says coupled with how he says it, is going to leave such an impression of what they think of him.


Thing is though, and he doesn't seem to quite grasp this, though he probably does deep down ..... the fact that he's stepping back when he's suppose to be stepping forward IS THE IMPRESSION the other is getting.


So, in his need to protect, he actually blunders.

Just say it, do it ... people will think higher of you for that even if you're a goofball then they will if you give the impression you don't care.

Thanks P-Angel. You're right, and I know you are right because I've told myself the same thing when trying to break from this, lol. The thing is, I fear what the other person might think, that I'm being too emotional, that I'm going to feel too vulnerable. I feel a lot of things, but I almost fear I'm going to lose control if I open up and show them.

Legendaryvirgo also made a point in that I sometimes have trouble finding the right things to say. I think it's funny that the simplest things are are the most difficult to say, because like he said, when i say something, I mean it. I almost feel like, "I miss you," is not enough to express what I really feel. Funny little issue.

But I've been working on it. Like I said, it's a lot easier or me to say these things in person, or at least, I can show it in person.

Uggghh, I wonder if that's why my virguy has been acting off the past couple of days. I feel like we're in elementary school passing the "do you like me, check yes or no" letter back and forth. The problem is he's less communicative about how he feels while I on the other hand have to restrain myself whenever I am in his presence and when I'm not I still have no problem telling him how much I like him. LOL, I just realized that it was two days ago that he texted "...I like you!!!!...", blah, blah, blah and then when I saw him the next day it was like he could barely even look at me when we talked. He says he's okay, but I swear I go back and forth between wanting to walk away and just accepting that this is how he his/how will it may always be. He's such a sweetheart and really deserves my patience...it's just that I'm an aries and I have none.

Geez...I just remembered something else I told him a couple of times. The gist of it was that I like him too much and think I need unattach myself to help get him out of my system. He asked me what I meant and I told him it was because the way I feel about him is frustrating. We went from 0 mph to 120 mph so fast that it now seems weird to be back down to what feels like 20. I like stability, he always say he's into me and is there for me, but I just don't believe him 100% .

Posted by DyTryin

Candeh,

Way back when I was your age: Yes! I had trouble saying what I felt -- and it wasn't that much easier to show it.

Over the years, it's gotten easier to get the words out, and I no longer sound like Mr. Spock on Quaaludes doing it.

Just wanted to say that I love you for making that comparison.

Posted by Candeh15

Posted by DyTryin

Candeh,

Way back when I was your age: Yes! I had trouble saying what I felt -- and it wasn't that much easier to show it.

Over the years, it's gotten easier to get the words out, and I no longer sound like Mr. Spock on Quaaludes doing it.

Just wanted to say that I love you for making that comparison.

click to expand

I just want to say that I find your using the word, "love" to express how you feel about the comparison, yet, applying it to a person, who in reality, you really like, and not love .... the most appropriate comment on this thread, taking into consideration the whole meaning of the topic.

I just want to say that I find your using the word, "love" to express how you feel about the comparison, yet, applying it to a person, who in reality, you really like, and not love .... the most appropriate comment on this thread, taking into consideration the whole meaning of the topic.

I suppose so. But I'm around friends who do the same thing as well, so it's also just something I picked up *shrug*. I will admit, that the moment you pointed it out, I saw the mistake.

I don't know if it's a mistake ... perhaps, just reality.


This is something more relevant to the subject of the thread than all else from my perspective. People have come in here and supported you in saying they can relate .. but, no real analyzing of the issue at any depth.

And then when you said that to Dyr ... you used the word "love" to infer feelings for him, which obviously were meant for what he said ... realization hit.

Perhaps the reason why it is so hard to express real, true feelings is because ..... we as people speak out things to others that are false, and we don't even realize it .. so how can we possibly be able to speak real feelings?


Like for example .. a friend is going through something in her life, and you respond to her by saying something like, "I know what you mean, honey, it's not your fault, baby, don't be upset" .... when in reality, you are thinking 'what the hell did you expect, you fucked up dude'


We SAY to people things that are untrue ... all the fucking time. We do this because we want to be nice .... but, in reality, it fucks us up because it as altered our sense of truth.

I can see what you're saying. It's true; it's become harder to differentiate between the real thing and what we usually throw around, making it harder to express the truth.

I just thought of something else. One day, when I was with the gem that I'm seeing now, he said something that I found very cute, funny, witty, ect. Instead of referring to what he said, I almost said, "I love you!" while laughing when what I meant is I loved what he said and I liked him more for saying it. But I stopped myself before I could say t because I realized that would have been wrong. I don't love him yet; yes I like him a lot and I have developed strong feelings for him, but it would be a while before love developed.

It's one of those situations where you realize how often you twist the wrong words to mean something, but they say something else.

The thing about me is, I don't say those things truly until I feel it's okay to say them and I'm sure I'm ready to say them. don't like to throw my emotions out like that, but I'm still guilty of doing what I just did above. I guess I expect other people to realize it so that when I truly say something, they'll recognize it.

"I guess I expect other people to realize it so that when I truly say something, they'll recognize it."


Indeed, but, they (everyone) do it too ... so, recognition has no choice except to be based purely on personal perception, rather than any factual baseline.

You know .. that's all it is anyway. If you told him you loved him, or he said it to you .... you can only know what he means by it according to your own sense of what the word means and it's possible he meant something else entirely.

hence: the reason for your example of an almost blunder


Perhaps, next time you shouldn't withhold what you want to say for fear of what he will think of you and instead ... re-adjust your wordage for clarity. What you have proposed is just the throwing of words out there and letting them fall where they will = the fear.

Calculate your words so that they have the meaning you intended, rather than how his perception measures them .. it's pretty much that simple.


Example: Honey, I really love that you did that for me, it makes me feel special. Thank you so much for being the you I'm growing fonder of.



That's it ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ that tells him how you feel without him having to guess.

People seem to want to use the word "love" to describe how they feel and then they completely choke on the word because they are like a deer in headlights ..... fear, panic



When alls they have to do is use the word appropriately and precisely, rather than just saying the word and hoping like hell the other person is a mind reader ... actually, that would be heart reader.


It's pretty much equivalent to yelling "fire" ... same reaction, pretty much. The word "love" only causes this reaction BECAUSE of the failure in communicating what is intended in the heart, but, people think it's the word.


Pity, actually ........ because we know how to talk, we're not cave-men of grunts and belches.

Perhaps, next time you shouldn't withhold what you want to say for fear of what he will think of you and instead ... re-adjust your wordage for clarity. What you have proposed is just the throwing of words out there and letting them fall where they will = the fear.

Calculate your words so that they have the meaning you intended, rather than how his perception measures them .. it's pretty much that simple.


Example: Honey, I really love that you did that for me, it makes me feel special. Thank you so much for being the you I'm growing fonder of.



That's it ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ that tells him how you feel without him having to guess.

This was really well put. It's funny because about a week ago, when I was talking to the gem, he told me he "hearts me." Now, from and outside perspective, it seems almost silly, but it was a sincere expression, as if he was taking baby steps to express himself but knew it wasn't at a certain level yet. He said it without hesitation too. In a way, he said exactly what I felt about him, but still didn't really know how to express.

Posted by Let*It*Be
"The gist of it was that I like him too much and think I need unattach myself to help get him out of my system. He asked me what I meant and I told him it was because the way I feel about him is frustrating. We went from 0 mph to 120 mph so fast that it now seems weird to be back down to what feels like 20. I like stability, he always say he's into me and is there for me, but I just don't believe him 100% ."


He's into you and there for you, but he hasn't decided yet if you are "the one" for him. So why not go with the flow, be yourself, and let time dictate that answer? You can't rush/push these guys (virgos), it will only extend the time factor. You saying you need to unattach yourself because you are frustrated certainly doesn't help either. In fact he probably senses that as a threat or a form of emotional blackmail to shit or get off the pot...and trust me, that won't be to your benefit either. Things SHOULD go slow, if you don't have the patience, move on. Attempts at manipulation do not work on Virgo or Scorpios...we sense it immediately and back off.

I am not trying to manipulate virguy, I just have a tendency to be too honest. Our relationship is complicated and I know I would be better off with someone else at some point, I just have no interest in letting what we have go. He frustrates me, but the laughter and fun outwiegh that. I don't doubt that he likes me, hell I really don't give him a reason not to (not trying to sound conceited, we just really do have a good time together). Trying to be "the one" isn't my goal. I have been there done that and would NEVER get married again (or at least won't within the next 10 years). He knows this and has no issues with it because he doesn't want to go that route either (told ya it's complicated).

One thing I have noticed though is that he is involving himself in my life in a lot of different areas. While I'm more of a day by day, enjoy the moment type gal, he's invited himself to some events I have coming up in the fall (like pulled out his calendar and saved the date), then the other day he came to my office for the first time and was just in a zone. He went from room to room observing everything (no one was there but us). He looked out all of the windows, looked at my employees desks, tested the pens on the desk, went thru the refrigerator, asked me a thousand question

(ughh, I hate being cut off)

...a thousand questions, and as unneccessary and uninteresting as I thought it was, I just sat back and let him do his thing.

He still weirds me out a bit though. He has no problems telling me he misses me, how much he likes me, how he thinks I'm the best, how happy I make him, but when it comes to being affectionate, he is an all or nothing guy. If we're out somewhere where we have to be discrete he'll throw something at me when I'm not looking, or hit me something to get a reaction (we're just kinda silly like that). Hugs or kisses...naw that ain't happenin'. Those only come along with the FULL package and if I'm not careful he has no problem skipping it all together to get to the main course. I may have to find a way to work on that with him. Sometimes i wonder if it's a defense mechanism or maybe I'm not a good kisser, lol.

Wow, PandorasBox, I feel the same way about relationships. I have Sun/Venus/Asc in Scorpio so my reactions with love are very intense like your described. I agree that the way I feel in love cannot be summed up with "i love you". It's more like "you have changed EVERYTHING" than "i love you".

I have only ever been in love once but I understand that you sometimes don't like it and feel stupid for being in love. I did feel that way myself. It was the loss of control that hit me; I was not the way I used to be, I was this blundering wreck of a person. Now that I am not in love anymore I feel a lot more in control. I will repeat the experience only for someone who is completely worth it. I kind of hope I don't fall in love again for a long time because I'm not sure my nerves could handle it!

Hey virgos, do you all have an easier time expressing your feeling via text than you do actually having the words come out of your mouth?

Yes.

Posted by Amandus
Yes.

I don't know why this response made me LOL. Seems like something my virguy would say I guess.

I relate with virgos a bunch. I'm only shy about expressing feelings to the girl I like.

Posted by PandorasBox

Posted by *~ariesgal~*

Posted by Amandus
Yes.

I don't know why this response made me LOL. Seems like something my virguy would say I guess.

Definitely yes.

click to expand

The reason I'd asked is because recently my virguy has gotten borderline sappy in some of his texts, just laying it on a little bit thicker than he has in the past. But then when I see him in person, he's not as expressive, he even comes across as nervous/guarded. I figured he was displaying classic virgo tendencies, bless his heart. Thank God I'm not a needy chick, I'd be starving sometimes.

Posted by PandorasBox
Lol..

The transition from "dude" to "babe/baby/affectionate petname here" has been difficult for me. In txts, it's babe this babe that, on the phone it's B....*choke* *smackkmyself silly*...abe... *nervous psychotic breakdown*...

Lol.. Jk, but you catch my drift... 😛

It's an endearing term, I don't throw it around like some folks (ie. my Gem galpal calls everyone sweetie, babe, etc..) so it's a "little big" deal cus it's showin feelings.. Lol. Sad right? Maybe it's my Virgo, maybe it's my lack of experience? W/e..

It's lame-o. Idk what it is about texting that makes speakin your mind so easy. Or even here, typin, all the crap I say here... I don't think I'd blurt it out iRL unless I was w/ my select elite buddies. Even then, just now am I learning to let loose and be like a kid again; speakin my mind freely and as I please.

My mind wants me to say it but my heart questions how much of it is sincere, not due to my feelings, but due to the receiver's. If unsure that the other person has that ride or die mentality with/for me, then I'll prolly hesitate.

Awwww. You sound like him. Within the past two weeks I've been referred to as babe, sweetheart and honey. He'd used babe before, but I almost dropped the phone when I saw the other two words on my screen. Not sure what's gottrn in to him, but I like it.

Posted by PandorasBox
@Ariesgal

Are you expressive towards your Virguy in person regardless of his lack of expression or do you follow his lead?

The reason I ask is because I feel like the more my SO eases me into something I already mean to do by showing me it's aaaalright to do it, the more I wanna do it... SOmetimes I just do things to overcome the damn thing, but of course a little supportive nudge/push never hurt anyone to get things moving along 😛

I have to practice major restraint when we're together because I'm afraid I'm going to overwhelm him. Once it was out there that I liked him, to me there was no reason to really be hesitant. He wasn't like that though. He pursued me pretty relentlessly in the beginning. Once our relationship went "there" he pulled a virgo and seemed to pull back a bit. That bothered me and made me think I need to be a bit more guarded because he seems capable of turning his feelings on & off at a moments notice. I've since come to realize his feelings are never off, he's just holding back for whatever reason. That's okay for me because I don't have any expectations of him, i.e. marriage. He makes me happy whenever we're together and that's all I want out of him (well not all, but I'm going to keep this G-rated). I pretty much always give him the green light to whatever he's comfortable with because I like him. Sometimes I have to nudge him, sometimes he nudges me.