Virgo husband said, let's continue fucking love will follow

My Virgo husband and have been married for almost a year. We dated each other long distance for about a year and half. No sex. We got married and stayed a month together, had sex almost everyday twice to thrice. Then he had to leave the country for work.

I'll be moving there too once in few month's. Meanwhile this distance has played on my mind for many time's during our time apart and some day's have felt he doesn't love me enough!! Or thing's like. Although he says it's all in my mind. But he haven't been too vocal about topic of love and care. On our last disagreement he said, once I fuck you ,love and care will automatically follow as I haven't been disciplined. And asked me not to bring about any topics.

Is he indirectly telling me he can only offer sex and no emotional intimacy or security?!

So why did you marry him.

My problem with love is that love is not and will not fixe any relationship when there is a problem. You must have wisdom To know how to handle problems, understanding to know why there is a problem, knowledge to know how to fix a problem. Etc etc

Imagine your car. And imagine how much You love your car. If your car runs out of gas one day, no matter how much love you have for your car it will never start just off that love you have for it.

Wisdom Knowledge and understanding tells you you need to fix this problem first.

No relationship can run off love alone you need Some kind of compromise.

Most women resent their men because they hold on to baggage and the guy is never full aware of the baggage and you dump everything on him one day and he’s caught off guard. Now he’s carrying your baggage or vice versa and all of a sudden 10 20 40 years is gone by the stroke of a pen on paper.

I’m all for forgiveness and compassion. We own our own happiness it is our own obligation. You must love you soo much that others will feel love in your presence. And no need of out side validation to make you feel loved or unloved.

I'm thinking maybe different culture backgrounds here

🤔

Posted by StubbornTaurus

My Virgo husband and have been married for almost a year. We dated each other long distance for about a year and half. No sex. We got married and stayed a month together, had sex almost everyday twice to thrice. Then he had to leave the country for work.

I'll be moving there too once in few month's. Meanwhile this distance has played on my mind for many time's during our time apart and some day's have felt he doesn't love me enough!! Or thing's like. Although he says it's all in my mind. But he haven't been too vocal about topic of love and care. On our last disagreement he said, once I fuck you ,love and care will automatically follow as I haven't been disciplined. And asked me not to bring about any topics.

Is he indirectly telling me he can only offer sex and no emotional intimacy or security?!

for some people, the sex really helps to secure/cement the emotional bond....I think its like that for most people, even if they don't realize it...regular sex benefits the relationship in many ways - the lack of it might even be one of the main reasons why you're feeling unloved...The act spikes your oxytocin and you feel more closely bonded, more trusting, etc. Just try what he's recommending w/o over-analyzing it and see how you feel afterwards...From my experience, in *early* phases of a relationship, going from a period of having a ton of sex, to then not having any at all can wreak havoc...

Doesn't love come before getting married? 🤔

Posted by Fanta

Posted by Basorexia

Doesn't love come before getting married? 🤔

Yes. Big WTF?

click to expand

😆

"But he haven't been too vocal about topic of love and care."

He doesn't have to be "vocal". He could show you he cares in other ways. Is he attentive and helpful for example?

Are YOU in love? If you are getting cold feet because you are about to move to a foreign country with him...Have you done your searches, do you know everything you need to know about that country? Are you fluent in that language? Have you checked the divorce laws over there? How is the job market? Do you know anybody there?

It's adventurous enough to marry someone you barely know, but leaving your safenet to follow him abroad could be one adventure too far...

Posted by SuperSize9

So why did you marry him.

My problem with love is that love is not and will not fixe any relationship when there is a problem. You must have wisdom To know how to handle problems, understanding to know why there is a problem, knowledge to know how to fix a problem. Etc etc

Imagine your car. And imagine how much You love your car. If your car runs out of gas one day, no matter how much love you have for your car it will never start just off that love you have for it.

Wisdom Knowledge and understanding tells you you need to fix this problem first.

No relationship can run off love alone you need Some kind of compromise.

Most women resent their men because they hold on to baggage and the guy is never full aware of the baggage and you dump everything on him one day and he’s caught off guard. Now he’s carrying your baggage or vice versa and all of a sudden 10 20 40 years is gone by the stroke of a pen on paper.

I’m all for forgiveness and compassion. We own our own happiness it is our own obligation. You must love you soo much that others will feel love in your presence. And no need of out side validation to make you feel loved or unloved.

You brought tears to my eyes. I remembered my mom giving me similar example to make me understand, how we shouldn't rely on anyone to love us. Instead we should love ourselves first.

I have a tendency to fall head over heels in love with the person I'm with. Had similar experiences with my boyfriends before my marriage. I change the way I style , the way I talk, the eating habits, my friends and basically everything which I know would please them and they ask! In process of doing so, I change my own self. And yet my exes found me to be over emotional, over powering, over clingy. Nobody could see my love but in a way couldn't function without me. There are many things I do in a relationship, and I'm beginning to see a pattern now. Although I try to follow what you have mentioned about, wisdom and so forth. Yet I'm left alone.

Now, in MN y husband's case, I'm still doing as being asked. That's why I had no bone to ask him to take me with him when he was leaving. I and He knows I love him very much. But he's just too cold towards me emotionally.

Going back to what you said, and what my used to advice. I'm not sure how to love myself first!!! I feel if I'm thinking more about me, then the person wouldn't want to be with me. But these are just my insecurities I know. Afterall one thing I have realized something far, you can't force a person to love you.

Posted by Metatron

Posted by StubbornTaurus

My Virgo husband and have been married for almost a year. We dated each other long distance for about a year and half. No sex. We got married and stayed a month together, had sex almost everyday twice to thrice. Then he had to leave the country for work.

I'll be moving there too once in few month's. Meanwhile this distance has played on my mind for many time's during our time apart and some day's have felt he doesn't love me enough!! Or thing's like. Although he says it's all in my mind. But he haven't been too vocal about topic of love and care. On our last disagreement he said, once I fuck you ,love and care will automatically follow as I haven't been disciplined. And asked me not to bring about any topics.

Is he indirectly telling me he can only offer sex and no emotional intimacy or security?!

for some people, the sex really helps to secure/cement the emotional bond....I think its like that for most people, even if they don't realize it...regular sex benefits the relationship in many ways - the lack of it might even be one of the main reasons why you're feeling unloved...The act spikes your oxytocin and you feel more closely bonded, more trusting, etc. Just try what he's recommending w/o over-analyzing it and see how you feel afterwards...From my experience, in *early* phases of a relationship, going from a period of having a ton of sex, to then not having any at all can wreak havoc...

click to expand

Maybe with him its the case. He once had mentioned to me before our wedding, that for him sex is above everything. He just loves the act. And if the sex is flowing, everything else flows with it.

So yes, I'll give it time. And try not to over analyze thing's for now, as there's still time for us to reunite. And this pandemic is making it crucial since the borders are closed.

And I guess I should keep our talks limited a NV d not expect any kinds of emotional soothing from him.

Posted by LikeABOSS

Seems like plenty of speculation in here but as a Virgo Man if he married you, you're wasting energy worrying about anything. That Virgo Taurus sexual chemistry is still ever present. Just don't mess it up by overthinking.

Thank you. You brought a smile to me with this message.

Everyone asking me about, if I love him. Or if it's an arranged marriage!?!!

Answer : We fell in love first ( We met through a friend). I was only visiting the country. We hung out in groups a bit. Twice went to dinner alone. Realized the attraction is strong. He proposed marriage straight. We knew we both were looking for a life partner. So it was easy to jump to marriage. I left. We stayed in touch through phone. We decided on a date. And got married. And he had to leave. I was supposed to leave this April, but due to current situation O can't leave the country.

I know there's love between us. But he's not a lovey dovey person when talking. Although there are some days when he surprises me with being extra romantic on phone, since we are distant currently. But most of the days he's just plane boring talking about the day and so on. No romantic talks. So I feel he can be romantic but choose not to.

Love is not only a feeling but a choice you make, every day.