Virgo Man - Totally Confused! Help!

Ok you know honestly I have never met anyone like this guy before. Hes interesting, good looking, funny, smart, ambitious. The list could go on. However he does have his faults yes I understand that, but one I can't seem to wrap my head around and Im looking for advice. As you know I am a Gemini and I thrive on communication. So Im at a complete loss when it comes to this Virgo Man. We get along great! We do a lot together but just recently he got out of a relationship that was terrible with a capital T. I mean atrocious. This female was tearing him down. Normally he would go back to her (something he mentioned hes done many times) but since I've been in the picture Ive helped him realize (as a friend) that this was not the way relationships should be. In the midst of all this we ended up liking each other. He tells me he really enjoys my company, likes talking to me, even hinted that he may be in love with me.

Of course I take this with a grain of salt due to the fact that I've seen this same song and dance time and time again. But there is one thing I don't seem to understand. He texts me all the time, but hardly calls me. Ive mentioned it ONCE before, and I will NOT mention it again. God forbid I become like his clingy exes. The guy texts me pretty much as our major form of communication. Or he will use Skype. But hardly does he ever call. Lately I've been suspicious about his ex. Since she is an Aries and you know how fire signs stop at nothing to get what they want. She's treading on my territory and given that in the past he's gone back to her, she's pulling out all the stops. I'm not sure if he IS talking to her, but I'm like hell he won't call me so he can't be calling her?!?! As a female yes I run that over in my mind. But what is with Virgo's and going MIA? I know three other Virgo's the same thing happens. They just mysteriously go missing and pop back up a few days later. Of course I'm seething by now. But what is that all about?

That be his "friend" then he'll see how great I am crap doesn't work. You know the ex is in the picture and honestly why would you even want a man that has the kind of relationship background that's toxic. He is "ATTRACTED" to women who tear him down not build him up. He'll not only keep you at a safe distance because unfortunately you are playing that "good woman" role which is something that he's NOT ATTRACTED TO, least not enough to dump his past and start new, he's most likely in an emotionally dark space in his life and isn't really trying to develop his good qualities with anyone.

I would suggest you back off, stop being his "FRIEND" and let your real intentions and motives BE CLEAR. Being a friend and then trying to ease into romance can create deep confusion in a guy, you can't be his teacher and his lover at the same time, so if you like him romantically then behave like a love interest not his mother/friend.

Don't get too caught up in his past, don't talk/discuss his ex with him, let your conversations be about you and about him so he can SEE you as VALUABLE, someone he has to have because you are just that awesome but there is NOTHING you can do or say to convince him, HE HAS TO SEE IT ON HIS OWN so when he discusses his past let him know how it makes you feel, tell him it feels icky or boring or whatever it is your feeling when you discuss her, then change the subject.

He has to really "SEE" you to "FEEL" you and he can't do that if your "HIDING" behind friendship, he'll treat you like a friend, the way he's treating you is exactly how he should treat you "like a friend".

FFS!

Thank you for putting it into perspective. I didn't fully realize that was what I was doing.

Ugh I feel like a treetrunking idiot now. Thank you for being honest though. I needed some solid advice.
I felt I was just being nice and trying to help him....You know what screw that. I don't even need to finish because
I'm sure I know what it looks like already LOL!

Friend zone? Ugh! *Sighs*

Well guess I have no choice but to pack my crap up and move the heck on. Id honestly prefer never to speak of the evils he dated previously to meeting me. As I type this I haven't heard from him. However today he told me how he felt but that was after I used the crowbar to get some type of information out. "Oh ill be bothering you when I'm at my friends house" aka Ill send you texts. Did I get one? NOOOOOO!

*Kicks the dirt*

Being nice and friendly will not get you the kind of love you desire, I mean if you have no real romantic feelings for a man then nice and friendly is well nice and friendly but if you're attempting to be nice and friendly because you have romantic feelings and you want to play it safe well it'll backfire, nice and friendly stay in the friend zone, there are exceptions that friendship can turn into romance but you're probably not going to be the exception.

Helping a man won't make him love or like or want you more, he'll just feel inadequate around you. Helping someone is like saying that person is helpless and defective, that can't feel good to a man.

If you're trying to help him by helping him FIX himself well it's like saying something is WRONG with him, he can get that from his ex so yeah why not go back to the ex if all he's going to do is feel wrong and defective. Helping a man won't make him feel love for you so DON'T DO IT. Let him fix himself, let him help himself b/c he can and he will if he gets tired of the same song and dance with dark type women, if he gravitates towards dark souls then let him, it's his life, it's his choice, being nice to him won't make him like or want you, matter of fact he might just resent you for liking him so much since he doesn't really like himself right now, most likely if he's attracted to women with dark energy well he'll go back to her or someone like her despite all your efforts to help him see the value in himself, if he can't see it in himself then damn sure won't see the value in having you in his life.

Next time he talks about himself or his ex's just say how you feel about it, I feel so unseen when discussing the past with you, I feel hurt, or sad or icky or bored or whatever it is YOU are feeling, it's about you not all these other women, he'll straighten up or leave you alone until he can sort his stuff out. It's important that you don't promote and enable nor encourage him to make it all about him and you really do make it all about him when you try to HELP him and listen to all of HIS problems.

Try not to be too mad at him and look at how you encouraged this behavior (unknowingly of course) and maybe try to find ways to connect with him (if you can) by saying YOU feel more without blaming him which can feel hard if you are not used to communicating like that, the key is not about being right but being loved, you have to be able to say HEY HERE I AM I'M IMPORTANT TOO without making him feel bad or feel wrong.

Stop being his "friend" if you feel romantic feelings, IT WON'T WORK. Just be yourself and let him decide to let his past go on his own, if he bring her up or bring up the past, be cool, calm and relaxed and say I feel (insert feelings) when we discuss past relationships and move on to a new topic or end the interaction, then you'll probably notice something different, a shift in how he communicates with you, he may even feel drawn into you or do the opposite and withdraw completely altogether.

Whatever the case, stop being his "doormat" friend, the girl that hope if she help him enough he'll fall in love, WON'T HAPPEN, don't be the girl he can rub his dirty woe shoes on, dumps all his issues on, freely take all your FREE therapy/help sessions and run back off to go play with his ex and God knows who else. Take your time answering his text messages and again be yourself, relax and STOP whatever it was you were doing, it's not getting you anywhere, he's still TREATING YOU LIKE A FRIEND, so save your energy.

Ill be honest with you, those posts you made, yeah it upset me but it's because it's the truth. Thank you for the insight.

I know that I shouldn't have been guiding him around like a mom or helping him out with his issues. At first we were just friends then we started to like each other. Well maybe I like him more than he likes me. I can tell by his actions that the feeling is probably not mutual. Im at a loss if I should withdraw completely or just act normal and pretend everything is fine and take your advice when he mentions his ex.

Why in the world would an intelligent man want to be with dark souls? I have no earthly idea why anyone would want to stay in a relationship like that. I think the reason why I was being such a good friend as the time is because of my own selfish reasons. I wanted to get him away from her. Sway his opinion, maybe even act as a catalyst. But hell it hasn't gotten me anywhere. And im kicking myself in the butt for doing so.

I don't know if you should leave, you certainly don't have to but I do know you should make a conscious effort to STOP DOING all that friendly helping him to raise his self esteem, all that FRIENDLY stuff you were doing has to stop because it's not going to get you anywhere.

Try being more YOU around him, ditch the "SAVE HIM" ego attitude you have and be yourself (I know I keep saying that) but it's important not to try to divert his path, if he gravitate toward dark women, you being nice won't make him feel attracted and comfortable with you, he'll just feel "friendship" not actual chemical attraction, the kind of attraction that says to his brain and body I need and want her in my life. Also try talking more about YOU and what's going on in your life so he can pull himself OUT of his selfish me ATTITUDE around you. You have a life too, you have value too and he can't see that if all you are doing is making him and his stuff more important by putting him and stuff FIRST. You want him to see the value in you beyond friendship then stop encouraging him to be all about himself.

I'm sorry if I upset you, I don't know how to give it to a person gentle LOL, I've tried but it's not my style . Don't ignore him or punish him, just let him "BE" that means if he only comes around so often then make the best of those interactions with him, don't pretend or fake it, just relax and be honest with yourself and then try to relate that honesty over to him if you can without blaming him.

Putting some space between you both can actually stop all the over functioning you've been doing, not giving him so much of you and your time can actually bring BALANCE to the friendship were you don't feel compelled or obligated to have to HELP him anymore, you don't have to LISTEN to him and his problems anymore, you put the friendship in it's correct perspective and treat it like a friendship. In the mean time go out with other men and go do your own thing, something you really should have been doing in the first place instead of INVESTING so much of your thoughts and energy on a man that's HUNG UP over another woman.

He's a friend and he's treating you like a friend, you may not like it but that's the way it is, you prying open his feelings is most likely pushed him into panic mode and when that happens the only thing left to do is DETACH and WITHDRAW which can create even more anxiety and frustration, the reality is, he's hung up over another woman so no amount of him

He's a friend and he's treating you like a friend, you may not like it but that's the way it is, you prying open his feelings is most likely pushed him into panic mode and when that happens the only thing left to do is DETACH and WITHDRAW which can create even more anxiety and frustration, the reality is, he's hung up over another woman so no amount of him revealing his feelings work in your favor.

So how do you treat your male friends? Think about how you treat all your friends and start treating him like a friend and if you can't do that then yes put some distance between the 2 of you until you can sort out your feelings, detach from him and consider your options like getting back into dating.

You can't say or do or help him into it or make like you anymore than he already does...

Why in the world would an intelligent man want to be with dark souls? I have no earthly idea why anyone would want to stay in a relationship like that.

Think of a time you may have dated a jerk or a dark soul type guy, think about who you were at that time and why you may have felt you needed that relationship at that time and put yourself in his shoes, most people go through some extreme relationships looking for balance and approval, he may look great to you and you may see all his good qualities but he may not see what you see in him, he may have some dark issues that he's trying to sort out through this girl, nothing you can do but wish him the best and get on with your life.

I'm sure you can think of a time you've dated someone who no one approved well he could be going through the same thing. He may be one of those insecure guys that beats himself up inside all day and gravitate toward women who beat him up as well, it could be a phase or it could just be the kind of guy he is.

Thank you for all your insight I really appreciate it. Last night he said a few things, but it's the 3rd day of us not talking or hanging out. I mean that's fine. Im bitter about it but I'm keeping my mouth shut. We used to hang out quite frequently then he just fell off the face of the earth and started doing "bro" time. For 3 days, hes been out with them and doesn't make much contact. So I guess ill just move the heck on. Thanks again 🙂

My first compliment wow!

Thanks Elle!

You don't have to move on...Learn from your mistakes, stop doing whatever it was you were doing and then sit back and OBSERVE how things progress. It's not that he can't be interested in you as a love interest, it's just that you have to stop doing all the things you were doing and saying to get him interested in you.

He could very well harbor some kind of affection for you that could grow into something more but you'll have to detach from "TRYING" to win him before he can explore his own thoughts and feelings about you.

I wouldn't count him out if I were you but I don't recommend you continue on doing anything to help him see the value in himself so he can leave this other woman alone. Let him do his own self help work. I also don't recommend you keep all your energy focused on him like you have been doing, start to slowly get back into the groove of dating other men and developing your dating skills, put the focus back onto yourself were it belongs, plus a real man doesn't want all your attention like he's a baby or a mama's boy, it just makes a man feel uncomfortable when a woman GIVES him all of her attention and he's done nothing to earn it, treating him with kid gloves by helping him sort himself out doesn't make a man feel love for a woman, so the reality is you are not making yourself appear to be the BETTER option by behaving the way you have been behaving with him, just kind of adding another layer of "stuff" onto whatever he's already dealing with.

You want him then go for it but you have to change your behavior so he can begin to see the VALUE of having you in his life.

Tiki - Ok I understand. I don't really want to leave but if I absolutely have to I will. I definitely like him, a lot. However what do you think about me just backing off? Almost like what you said in Taurman's post. Where I do the switch-a-roo like he does to me. We now seem to wait hours between texts. It honestly drives me treetrunking bananas! Do you recommend I pull back a lot? I guess im just afraid it will backfire. Like let's say I don't answer his text until X amount of time or don't answer at all till the next day. Im like crap what if he just runs the heck off on me and it backfires?

Backing off is a good option. Treat him like he treats you, if he takes 3 days to answer a text then you match his timing by taking 3 days, it's about not making him MORE important than you, if you are consistently showing him through your actions that he's more important by responding to his text messages right away, giving him compliments for no reason or helping him sort out his problems by listening to all his problems and just being the good girl "friend" then he'll take you for granted, you'll feel unappreciated around him. So to stop all the bad feelings you may carry around like being bitter or resentful then you'll have to STOP YOURSELF from doing whatever it was you were doing and begin to back off, take your time, be patient, be less predictable, you are still available but you are SLIGHTLY OUT OF REACH too which keeps the good energy flowing between the 2 of you.

This isn't really a tactic to backfire...This is common sense! You never give more than you are getting be it your time, attention, body, energy, focus, thoughts, mental energy because when you do people take you for granted and value you less and less.

Why would you be scared if he runs off? He's not yours, he's not the MEANING of your whole entire life/existence, he's just another guy, let him go if he wanna go, you'll still breathe another breath, you'll work up tomorrow and life will still keep turning, life doesn't end if he leaves, your life still goes on and he's not the determiner of your happiness.

Tiki - Thanks for everything! You're awesome!

I will definitely try this from now on. Im going to do the mirror technique and mirror exactly what he does to me. Hopefully it should work. But there will absolutely be no more talk about his problems or his ex girlfriend. I really don't want to be in the friend zone and not looked at as a potential mate.

wake up

And remember this isn't about trying to get him to do anything b/c you really you can't do or say things to make a man FEEL something he doesn't already naturally feel, you can't mirror him to make him fall for you or want you, mirroring him won't make him want you any more than he already does but what it can do is bring BALANCE to the relationship, make it more equal and opens the gateway to CREATE attraction, attraction is an unexplainable feeling that comes naturally on it's own.

Minimizing his importance, minimizing his importance in your life CREATES balance, suddenly the relationship/friendship is equal, you are not doing or saying anything that DEMONSTRATES to him that you like him, need him, want him way more than he like, need, want you which actually brings value to the relationship, suddenly he SEE you as his equal and not as this girl "friend" that he can take for granted, you become his equal and not someone he feels pity for or looks down on.

That's exactly what I'm going for Tiki. Thanks again for all your help. I appreciate the honest advice. By the way what is your sun sign?

You're welcome!

I'm an Aquarius...Keep us updated!

Oh I will. I'll be trying this out from this point on.
No wonder you're rockin! Air Signs Rule!

Ladies, this is great, in the sense that we are realizing our faults and Tiki I feel you are really helping us see and understand them. Tiki, with what you have written here and on the other thread, I feel assured and confident that I can get through this.

Xin, I've also thought about how backing off will cause him to think i've moved on. It's scary to not have assurance and understanding on how they feel. Right now I feel that I may have steered things into the friend zone. It just confuses me because he recently called me cutesie names and called me by my nick name he made for me.

Just a side not: If you think about this about yourself, as I have about myself, I was absolutely fine before meeting him, but that special feeling has won me over. I'm still fine, just those thoughts in my mind that keep me distracted and dwelling. Point being, we will be fine whether the outcome is in our favor or not. We just want things to be clear and laid out for us. At least that's how I feel. I'm here (too) with you Xin.

There is absolutely NO CERTAINTY when it comes to love, you really have to learn how to be patient and force yourself to shift all that excess energy that you use to chase physically, mentally, emotionally a man in more positive direction, for example, if you want to obsess about something or be obsessive about something then try doing something that ADDS value to your life and others lives as well, like volunteering at a nursing home or volunteering at some kind of shelter for domestic abuse victims or homeless shelter, obsess about saving the ozone layer or obsess about saving the whales or saving the rain forest, you have to really make an effort to put your energy in something positive that will give you a GRATIFYING feeling that will help you dissolve the urge to sit around obsessing and pining over another human being. You want love to come to you not push it away by being obsessive and doing all the wrong things to get love.

Dating really can dispel all of those impatient urgent feelings that you feel inside, just try it, try connecting with others, try going out alone at a nice pub or a nice gathering spot and meet other people, speed date, meet others that are newly discovering there own sexuality taurman and try to connect with those people, and hell you've dated women before, date women as well (my point is you do have options) use those options, don't sit around WAITING AND GROWING DESPERATELY IMPATIENT LIKE YOUR DOING or you'll go banana's plus you can't really EXPECT one person to fulfill all your needs and bring happiness to your not so happy dull life, you really have to make an effort to develop YOURSELF, develop and grow and bring happiness into your own life so when that special someone does show up you won't put so much pressure on the person to fulfill your unfulfilled desires to be a couple.

You both will be fine, stop the chasing, stop chasing love, focus on developing your life, focus on becoming and being your best self and love will magically present itself to you.

Posted by tiki33

You both will be fine, stop the chasing, stop chasing love, focus on developing your life, focus on becoming and being your best self and love will magically present itself to you.

This is absolutely true. But, sometimes you are tired and weary and you can't always be strong!

I am in a fairly new relationship with a Virgo male and I am so very confused by him on the one hand; and on another, there is nothing he could possibly do wrong. He is usually always, inevitably correct. It's just that I am a Leo lady and although my Venus is in Virgo, I have a lot of Leo needs for attention and reassurance. My not-so-secret fear is of not being enough, not being ____ enough for my life partner. By getting reassurance from him that he cares, my insecurities don't build up and I can be my best self. And reassurance for me can be as simple as a glance, so I don't feel like I am asking for much.

The other problem is that I have become extremely insecure about my education now that I have been introduced to my Virgo guy. He is incredibly well-read and knowledgeable on a vast number of topics, and has the memory of an elephant. And I, on the other hand, have always been experienced and pleasure seeking. Never been that great with debates on science, philosophy, etc. -- I have always been interested in the subject matter, and I can usually grasp the pith of an issue, but not so good with details or recalling facts. He definitely inspires me and encourages me to learn more but I fear that my Virgo guy is bored with me because I have a hard time contributing to intelligent discussion or prose.

Other than that, we have a really amazing relationship. We connect on so many levels, have the same exact sense of humor, love the same things, etc. and there is so much passion and sweetness between us. He has been pushing and pulling the whole time though. Little pushes and pulls. But enough to sting. I made it through by assuring him I was there, and assuring myself that this was part of the package of him that I was willing to accept unconditionally. And I envision this line drawn in the sand that I stand at and he goes away from it and when he returns he knows I am there. And I believe very much in that kind of loyalty and willing to show him I am. But lately, I feel as if I need to see a little of that from him? I wonder if he is willing to accept me as I am and be willing to make a little extra effort because he knows that I can get insecure? Or just in general; I feel that just recently he has really started to make less of an effort to see me, in fact changing plans to not see me and then saying he wished he could have seen me. Which, I don't understand. Plus the texting (our primary source of communication when we aren't together) has gotten fewer and far between this week, and less oomph or sweetness. He was sending me good morning texts and this week nothing. Usually still one at night to wish me a good evening. Anyway, it's only been a week of this -- but we've been going pretty hot and heavy for 3 months now and this is just odd. I am very afraid that he has decided I am not enough for him and is distancing himself. And I wonder if a Virgo could ever love someone who is not an equal in intellect? But then again, if he has been thinking this relationship is over then why buy us tickets to a concert in December? I just don't understand.

In the meantime; I need to do what you said Tiki... Get back to focusing on me. It's just hard to do sometimes. Because my Virgo guy will pull me in so close and it just feels so right and then poof! He's snapped out of it and I am there still gaga.... Gotta learn how to snap in and out of love -- very difficult thing for a Leo gal like me. But, if I can find other things to turn my passion to it may just be a win-win.

It's not about how educated you are, it's about how you can handle your emotions. That's what I'm dealing with. I see and understand all that is going on. But my emotions don't match with my heart. 😢 well, we'll see what happens. Let's focus on what is important in our personal lives and see what we can further achieve with our lives. Love to all! It's not that easy, I know 😢 Scary really!

tiki's macking 🙂

Xin, what ever was the result with your Virgo?

I think she is getting married to some Scorpio dude if I remember well, you know how fickle gems can be 😛

Posted by Xin
Ok you know honestly I have never met anyone like this guy before. Hes interesting, good looking, funny, smart, ambitious. The list could go on. However he does have his faults yes I understand that, but one I can't seem to wrap my head around and Im looking for advice. As you know I am a Gemini and I thrive on communication. So Im at a complete loss when it comes to this Virgo Man. We get along great! We do a lot together but just recently he got out of a relationship that was terrible with a capital T. I mean atrocious. This female was tearing him down. Normally he would go back to her (something he mentioned hes done many times) but since I've been in the picture Ive helped him realize (as a friend) that this was not the way relationships should be. In the midst of all this we ended up liking each other. He tells me he really enjoys my company, likes talking to me, even hinted that he may be in love with me.

Of course I take this with a grain of salt due to the fact that I've seen this same song and dance time and time again. But there is one thing I don't seem to understand. He texts me all the time, but hardly calls me. Ive mentioned it ONCE before, and I will NOT mention it again. God forbid I become like his clingy exes. The guy texts me pretty much as our major form of communication. Or he will use Skype. But hardly does he ever call. Lately I've been suspicious about his ex. Since she is an Aries and you know how fire signs stop at nothing to get what they want. She's treading on my territory and given that in the past he's gone back to her, she's pulling out all the stops. I'm not sure if he IS talking to her, but I'm like hell he won't call me so he can't be calling her?!?! As a female yes I run that over in my mind. But what is with Virgo's and going MIA? I know three other Virgo's the same thing happens. They just mysteriously go missing and pop back up a few days later. Of course I'm seething by now. But what is that all about?

Hmmmmmm...*scratches head*

Could this be why Virgos are strange & boring? Because this one was still in love with his ex? And he didn't want you? As a gemini, I thought you guys loved the chase!!! And loved mystery!!!! I would think that would've been a big adventure huh? Not up for the challenge. I see.

Why would you be scared if he runs off? He's not yours, he's not the MEANING of your whole entire life/existence, he's just another guy, let him go if he wanna go, you'll still breathe another breath, you'll work up tomorrow and life will still keep turning, life doesn't end if he leaves, your life still goes on and he's not the determiner of your happiness.



^^^^BRILLIANT^^^^