What do we need?

Posted by Layna
Heya! Welcome back. I do remember you... we talked about our fondness for the ram people and Klimt's "The Kiss". 🙂

About your post... I don't know how to really answer them (sorry!), but, I get you with the attraction thing. Yes, I believe it's really about connecting mentally.

Posted by zeoblade
honesty, transparency, communication, team work, integrity, responsibility, logical, CLEAN haha, stability, selfless, playful, cute

Posted by MissV123


I don't want you all to think that I don't appreciate and want that because I do, otherwise I just wouldn't date someone.
It's just that I miss opinions...I miss thinking challenges...I miss leadership examples...I miss cleavermess...I miss the desire to feel challenged to pursue a good mission...and I miss learning...during the times we meet...or am I being too picky? I guess that's my concern, that perhaps it is me... Maybe it is a very rare thing to have all that while still finding respect, tenderness, and good times? Maybe I should continue to teach myself and others on my own when it comes to dating? I just don't know that I can conform...

Posted by MissV123

I don't even need a presidential kind of speech...even just ideas, opinioms...a passionate cause... I don't know, but something, something real and good...then I am more able to give more of me.

I just can't fake it. So I hope there is a remedy or solution at some point so I can continue what we started. I won't give up yet. It's too soon. I guess I just need to understand what this might be and what is doable on my part and on his.

And maybe its different for Virgo guys? I don't know, but for as a Virgo girl...this is what it is as of now.

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Posted by highfructosecornsyrup
just try dating different guys. instead of always going for someone super attractive, go for someone super fun or witty.

Posted by Yossarian
Welcome back!
Sounds to me like you already know what you need. There is nothing wrong with wanting the whole package. My wife and I are both Virgos, and she definitely needs mental stimulation.

Never apologize for what you need, it's your life, live it to the fullest. If you hold out you will find what you are looking for, believe me. It took us forty years to find each other, but I would retrace every step if I knew it would lead me back to her.

Posted by MissV123

Hi highfructose!

Hmm, I never dated someone based on how fun or witty they were. I have felt the connection to it, especially the witty part. I guess the people I met that were fun or witty were also a bit immature and the ones that weren't seemed to take forever to settle down and/or got scared of progress and commitment it seems...I just observer and didn't make any further effort because of it mostly.

However, maybe there is such a thing as someone witty and fun who can be mature and also be willing to develop a relationship if one stays patient to the connection...something I haven't really tried for sure, but would stay open to it and keep it in mind if I'd be single again one day. It is so important to have moments of good conversations though, so the witty person must also have a deeper side, otherwise, I'll find myself in a loop again I get the feeling...

Question for you...are you a Virgo girl too? Have you dated a fun/witty person? How has that worked for you?

Posted by 25thDecan
What the person above said....OR.....try this for a date with your guy: go do a community service activity together

Posted by zeoblade

Posted by MissV123


I don't want you all to think that I don't appreciate and want that because I do, otherwise I just wouldn't date someone.
It's just that I miss opinions...I miss thinking challenges...I miss leadership examples...I miss cleavermess...I miss the desire to feel challenged to pursue a good mission...and I miss learning...during the times we meet...or am I being too picky? I guess that's my concern, that perhaps it is me... Maybe it is a very rare thing to have all that while still finding respect, tenderness, and good times? Maybe I should continue to teach myself and others on my own when it comes to dating? I just don't know that I can conform...

you can initiate some mentally stimulating activities. taurus is head down working and needs guidance

maybe you didnt do your initial assessment to see the reason why you want to date this guy. the reason is your angle

you may not have experienced events that would make you appreciate his qualities

you should grow together, do some hobby together. for example i use physical training a lot and my ex gfs enjoy feeling the improvement - its a bonding moment

learning something together will make you see people in a new light - give you an opportunity to use your virgo ability to analyse

you can see how their solve problems and provide a deeper understanding into their personality and past

its the same for me too. but its a matter of which viewing angle you are looking from. if it was from another angle, you will be so in love with the guy. maybe work this

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Posted by Yossarian
You are very welcome, MissV123!

Life is a mystery which reveals it's secrets in it's own good time. I don't know how long you will have to wait, but you will find true love, of this I am certain. I found it, and I am nothing special, so I am sure you will find it someday as well.

Don't settle for less than you deserve, this is a trap many have fallen into. People stop believing that there is someone made just for them, and settle for someone that is less than everything to them. People who give up, rarely find true happiness.

Posted by MissV123

None of these very attractive guys was able to back up opinions well and/or had a desire for knowledge, things to show me, something beautiful to teach me back, enlighten me with...internally, at least not in a way it captivated my mind...but the sweetness is there, the physical attraction was there from the beginning too, and so is the commitment...isn't that what every person looks for? Am I just unable to love back or is the mental part really that important and basic for us?

Posted by P-Angel


To "look" for this condition, negates unconditional love ... in essence, for a person to do this means that they've idealized what they want, and then attempt to find a person to fit this expectation. At that point, it's no longer a person you are trying to have a relationship with, rather a situation of conditional contingencies.

Posted by MissV123

I will seek within me as well.

Posted by Yossarian

Posted by soulvision
For me, it is a VIBE I pick up on immediately, it is soooo different from what others give out that I know instantly, I at least want to get to know this person.

Absolutely!

I hope I did not give the impression that it was her looks alone, that drew me in. No, it was her, I could see it in her eyes, the way she carried herself, the way she spoke, and the air around her seem to crackle with an energy that was at the same time both familiar and yet unknown.

This vibe as you call it, is how I knew I wanted to know her more. On a deeper more abstract level I knew I would be with her, yet we still had that bit of uncertainty that comes with falling in love.

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Posted by Yossarian
VV

**doffs imaginary top hat, and says in best Gregory Peck voice, "Hello darling, splendid seeing you here!"**

Posted by Yossarian
@MissV123

As for me. Yes I knew right away she was the one. I have posted here before that I told friends soon after meeting her that someday we would be together. When she is away, I feel like something is missing. Granted sometimes that 'something' helps me to concentrate on my current projects, but I still miss her just the same.

As far as mentally challenging her, well, I am running out of time here but in any case I'll just say we never seem to run out of things to talk about.

Posted by soulvision
Hi all!

On a personal level as a Virgo, I find it very hard to connect with someone as a love interest in the first place.
I do not find myself having an "instant" attraction to anyone no matter how physically attractive they are. I think it takes a very long time of getting to know someone inside and out before a real love connection is made. A persons views and beliefs must be totally in line with mine. Their interest don't have to be the same as long as it's a healthy interest, because differences are enlightening, and add to the pool of conversation topics. There has to be deep respect, laughter (lots), and miriad of things within our personalities that "click". If there is something that bothers me or I feel I need to change about a person, I am learning that is a signal to stop in my tracks. For me, it is a VIBE I pick up on immediately, it is soooo different from what others give out that I know instantly, I at least want to get to know this person. Then, from there, it's experiencing life and being happy, and making them happy.

Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Hey MissV a.k.a. Amoureux!

*waves*

Welcome back! You've been missed!

So I see you wisened up and dumped that Leeb eh? Ha!

I remember you constantly talking about your need for mental stimulation, and yes it is very fundamental for us.

If you find your interest waning after sometime, I say don't settle. If these guys aren't providing the mental stimulation you crave, hold out for someone who will. On the other hand, examination? Could it be a deeper issue within yourself (i.e. fear of committment)?

Posted by Virgo4Life

Posted by Yossarian

Posted by soulvision
For me, it is a VIBE I pick up on immediately, it is soooo different from what others give out that I know instantly, I at least want to get to know this person.

Absolutely!

I hope I did not give the impression that it was her looks alone, that drew me in. No, it was her, I could see it in her eyes, the way she carried herself, the way she spoke, and the air around her seem to crackle with an energy that was at the same time both familiar and yet unknown.

This vibe as you call it, is how I knew I wanted to know her more. On a deeper more abstract level I knew I would be with her, yet we still had that bit of uncertainty that comes with falling in love.

Yossarian, your posts always put a smile on my face and/or make me laugh. 😉 I totally agree with the above. I have that feeling in my gut like my love interest and I are destined for something great in a way that's almost indescribable. The hard part is not knowing the terrain on the path to bliss. You just have to be wiling to put on your seatbelt, take a deep breath and hold on for the ride.

To answer the original question, it is in our nature to require mental stimulation. Like others have said, do not settle for someone who can't give you that. The trick is to not look for it in the form you're used to. Sometimes we have to be open to finding a new way of receiving what we need. With your Bull, your relationship might consist of you leading the debates and though-provoking conversations. Once he sees that in you, that you need that, he'll have to step his game up to meet the challenge, or you'll find that he can't hang and either you'll end it or he'll end it. Keep doing what you're doing and suggesting things to do to together. We all have to do that.

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Posted by MissV123

Posted by zeoblade
if i was a woman i would agree with you, then i can really bring out the lesbian inside my manly body

Posted by DoubleGem2
Virgo threads always have long posts....from what I read, you just havent found the ONE yet....keep looking, sooner or later the toad will turn into a prince.

Posted by preciousvirgin
I think we need the reflection of ourselves..since we are perfectionist and we want the same perfection to our partners..But the thing that we need is the hardest thing to get....