Gemini Male/Cap Female - communication issues

Hey all,

I'm stuck in a situation with my cappy gf and really not sure of how to proceed. Lately, this situation has become more and more of an issue and it's starting to get to a point where I feel like I need to step in and say something or it'll cause a huge blow-up down the road.

Anyway, the situation is one of finances. To give some perspective, I've been working and studying full time for the past few years and I've admitted as much that during my younger years I wasn't good with my money. I've tried hard to change those bad habits, especially after I become involved with my GF. For the past 7-8 months I haven't had a car, that being I had one (it's an older car) but it's been sitting idle and I'm waiting to sell it for parts. During this period my GF has become increasingly irritated at the fact that I haven't bought another one. Whilst I agree that it's practical to have a car I've been saving a lot of money to use towards a house deposit, something I'm very close to having and using to buy soon.

My GF always makes snide remarks here and there about purchases I make, especially saying I shouldn't have spent it on this or that. I recently bought a TV as I had a TV for the past 2 years with a scratch in the middle, the TV was under $ 500. I didn't see this as a big purchase, she did. I've tried telling her that I want to get a proper car, not a bomb. She just thinks I'm making excuses. She is a privileged as her dad bought her a high-range sports car and is going to swap that for another new car soon, all while she doesn't have to save or pay for it herself so I strongly feel like she doesn't have my perspective because she doesn't have the same worries I do.

Whenever I try to bring the topic up she runs from it and says I'm just making excuses. How do I put my point across to a stubborn cappy. I don't know whether to take a strong stance or try and be accomodating. My natural behaviour is to take a strong chance but I love this woman and am honestly scared that she'll take it the wrong way and go nuts.

Any thoughts on how to discuss this with her?

Yes and having a baby...

which is why I find it wildly inconsistent when she knows I'm saving to buy a house for us to live in

She clearly cares more about money than logic.

Can you imagine being stuck with that creature for the rest of your life?

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

She clearly cares more about money than logic.

Can you imagine being stuck with that creature for the rest of your life?

Wrong

click to expand

OP is trying to be responsible and go at it slow according to his budget & capabilities, privileged prissy cow couldn't possibly fathom the concept of budget and she keeps giving him grief. The math is fairly simple.

Piss off, Dazed poppet.

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by mcaesar91

which is why I find it wildly inconsistent when she knows I'm saving to buy a house for us to live in

She may not think that. Have you included her on any decisions or have you started saving for a ring or wedding or anything?



You might think it’s obvious but she may not. Gemini typically assumes our partners are in our heads and understand our motives and we forget to actually communicating what’s on our mind

click to expand

Yes, I have, I've been saving for a ring. Wedding not yet - however we've both had discussions on what we want and how we would want that to go. She knows the property is a big focus for me in the short term (6-9 months), but she also knows that we'll take that next step soon. I didn't think I had the need to describe everything to her when she knows why and where the money is going. The need for a car, or her insitence that I make silly purchases outside of that, I think is missing the mark when she clearly knows i'm playing the long game here.

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by mcaesar91

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by mcaesar91

which is why I find it wildly inconsistent when she knows I'm saving to buy a house for us to live in

She may not think that. Have you included her on any decisions or have you started saving for a ring or wedding or anything?



You might think it’s obvious but she may not. Gemini typically assumes our partners are in our heads and understand our motives and we forget to actually communicating what’s on our mind

Yes, I have, I've been saving for a ring. Wedding not yet - however we've both had discussions on what we want and how we would want that to go. She knows the property is a big focus for me in the short term (6-9 months), but she also knows that we'll take that next step soon. I didn't think I had the need to describe everything to her when she knows why and where the money is going. The need for a car, or her insitence that I make silly purchases outside of that, I think is missing the mark when she clearly knows i'm playing the long game here.

Have you said all of this to her point by point?

click to expand

Yes, we've already had in-depth discussions about marriage and a ring. I think it would go without saying that if we're having those discussions she would know I'm saving for a ring also. Her mindset RE: TV, to me spending $ 500 doesn't cause a big dent to those savings but spending on a 10k car (or the like) certainly does.

However your msg is what i'm getting it, if I try to discuss it with her point-to-point she just thinks i'm making excuses. Her privilege growing up I think blinds her from the perspective I'm trying to bring to this. I need to find a way to get that across to her which is my issue right now.

I don't know whether to go all scorched earth and get my point across or just continue to grind in the silence and let her continue making these silly comments.

I posted this in the other forum you created. You can go there to read my initial comment

I agree with @schehezerade ask her why she is bothered by how you spend your money. Then address her concerns

Being a cap woman, I can say With the baby on the way, she needs to be reassured that you are going to be financially responsible and not neglect the needs of the child. You mentioned that she is privileged, maybe her dad or family has Commented about you not having a car. I’m assuming you 2 live together and you are borrowing her car for work and school or she is chauffeuring you. i I couldn’t imagine doing that for 8 months and while pregnant. How tiring. That may work for now but after she has the baby, it will become more challenging with doctors appointments and conflicting schedules.

I am in the process of buying a home as well so I understand you not wanting to finance or make a large purchase on a car. I have a car but if my car was to go out tomorrow, I would take the 5-7k from my down payment for my house to buy a used car. It really is essential.

So.. question: is any of her money involved with said 'frivolous' purchase? Sometimes it can mean that she feels taken for granted if it was partly her money too. Then again, I would just try to counter her with logic and being calm. Tell her the reasons why you think it's ok or reassure her that things can be covered in the long run. She may just be seeing things short term and that bothers her greatly.

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by mcaesar91

which is why I find it wildly inconsistent when she knows I'm saving to buy a house for us to live in

She may not think that. Have you included her on any decisions or have you started saving for a ring or wedding or anything?



You might think it’s obvious but she may not. Gemini typically assumes our partners are in our heads and understand our motives and we forget to actually communicating what’s on our mind

click to expand

Yes! This was my issue with one of the Geminis I dated. he was such a good guy! He would tell my friend what he had hoped for us but never me directly. So I never saw things from his point of view.

OP - If you communicate how much of all of this you're doing for the future of you both... and also explain why the tv purchase would be considered a small purchase.

I'm not rich...and I think I'm more inline with your finances. I'm comfortable and saving for things here and there. Yet I consider a TV purchase to be a big purchase.

Also, TV is for entertainment so why can't you watch it with a line lol or get a very cheap one for like $ 200... or wait for those yearly sales. If you have bigger goals then I'd think those should be more important than a TV.

Or may be she's upset because she does see a future with you and that kind of purchase she'd think you'd get her opinion on....

What CreativeCap said...depending on your schedules..a car can be essential! She might look at you not having a car is like she doesn't have anyone to depend on for emergencies.

If something happens, do you have the means of transportation to get to her and be there for her etc.

Asking her why it bothers her so much that you do not have a car will get you closer to an answer.

Also, it would help your relationship A LOT if you stop thinking of her as "privileged" and putting her in a box because that only creates more difference between you two. But think of her as just a person who has opinions based on her upbringing and what she saw/experienced but at the end of the day she has same insecurities and fears, and desires to be loved and feel secure as just anyone else. We all just want the same things and might only differ in how we get it.

You're on the same team...remember that! 🙂

What a non-question!

Is she rich and spoilt and ashamed of your car?

Ask her to buy the house you'll be living in and go get yourself a Tesla!

As a Gemini female dating a Capricorn man for 3 years, I have really noticed that most capricorns have an ulterior motive to dating. They want to make sure who they choose will bring them financial security, and that is especially true if she is used to privilege. I know that doesn't help much, but it is good information to have. The cancer/capricorn axis is very much about finances and money matters to these people.

Communication issues between a gem and cap are to be expected. We live in different realms. They are incredibly stubborn and I wouldn't be with my current boyfriend if all my 12th house planets weren't patient as all hell 🙂 It's difficult to give advice because everyone is different. At the end of the day, try to be secure enough in yourself to know that her judgements of you don't really matter. You have to take care of yourself first, always, and a Capricorn will dig that in the long term honestly. Do what you believe is best for you and your possible family. If she wants to stay, then cool. And make sure you want her there too. Relationships are all give and take.

Good luck!