Aqua BF has become so distant... need advice...

I met my aqua bf at a bodybuilding competition in November. (I'm cancer) He asked for my number that day but then didn't contact me much over the next two weeks. (He know I had another competition coming up two weeks from the first one). Then like 2 days before the next show he said he was going to make it out to see me in it. I honestly didn't think he would because it was a long drive and we had just met. But lo and behold he did, which was a pleasant surprise...

Within the next 2-3 weeks we were in contact with each other daily, discovered we had literally been running on a parallel path our entire lives (all the same major interests, it was really eerie how much we have in common). And we were inseparable for like the first 2-3 months. He was always contacting me, sending me sweet texts and pictures and quotes. He always seemed so excited to see me on the weekends and to make plans.

Then around March he slowly started to fade away. It's been really gradual. But I noticed it and by the time it got to be about mid April I finally spoke up about how he had slowed down on communications, stopped sending me lots of sweet stuff, etc. He said he felt bad and that he shouldn't be complacent and that he was going to try to work on it.

Another month passes and it's gotten worse. It's gotten to the point where he'll TELL me he'll call me or text me.... but then doesn't. It's not so much that it hurts my feelings, it's moreso that it's RUDE. Like don't SAY you're going to do something and then don't do it. I pointed this out to him too. And anytime I've ever pointed something out I've ALWAYS tried to be calm and cool and logical about it. And I try to communicate it in the least offensive way possible.

Well now here we are today and about two weeks ago there was a day where we had said to each other that "ya we were going to hang out" the next day after he'd gone to his sisters wedding tux fitting. So I expected him to keep me in the loop, text me, or call me to let me know what was going on, let me know if/when we were going to meet up. I literally just waited around ALL day, and didn't hear from him until 8ish at night telling me he was pooped and going to bed. I was furious at this point because I'd wasted an entire day after we had both agreed there was going to be an effort made to hang out.

And then last weekend he was SO incredibly distant to the point that he barely even TOUCHED me the whole weekend. I felt like I wasn't wanted, and that h

I felt like I wasn't wanted, and that he didn't want me around. By the end of the weekend he could tell I was distraught and I told him about how I was feeling, that he hadn't touched me all weekend, that I felt like he had completely pulled away at this point. He apologized, but he never seems to make an effort to remedy or make up for the fact that I feel so unwanted at this point. He stated that he's feeling stressed because I've been having such a rough time finding a job (I've been unemployed since he met me, and literally have had an insanely hard time finding work). He also stated that he feels bad because he's always a "quiet grump" because he's always so in his head and he sees how I am a goofball with my one friend and that he feels like he's just holding me back from being with "the right people"......

I don't even know what to do at this point. I've literally told him I don't want to smother him, but at the same time I feel like he's totally pulled away. He keeps saying he's going to try to make more of an effort, but today he pointed out that now that he's the leader of this new project at work his boss told him to be prepared to work more overtime and possibly even weekends now. I duno if that's actually TRUE or if he just told me that so that he can buy himself more space.......

I just feel sad that he use to be so sweet and affectionate and interested.... and now it's dwindled pretty much to nothing.

I told him that I didn't want to give up on us, and he said that too.... but I don't even know what to believe anymore. Should I ignore him for a few days? Should I TELL him I need to take a few days to be by myself? Should I try and plan something special? What do I do to reignite a spark with him?

you might simply be incompatible...[making reference to his words about the way he is and the way you are]

don't do anything[ignoring and then looking for him, surprises, etc]...just slow down and see if he comes towards you.

Sounds like he's seeing someone else.

Relationships shouldn't be this hard. The harder you try, the more distant he will become. I wouldn't put out anymore effort because it just seems hes not all that interested in putting out effort.

Maybe he has just realized you're not the one. Probably nothing you have done so dont take it personally. Can't force something thats not there.

He is cheating on you. I had a guy do that to me several years ago. There is another woman in the picture, for sure, because men don't just fall off the planet like that otherwise. I am sorry! 😢

Hi Subarufiend,

I am a Cancer girl and currently going through exactly what you are going through. Trust me, ur aqua guy is NOT cheating on you. They are just very distant beings and yes...they do live in their heads around 99% of the time. But i am guessing that your guy is still a wonderful human being. He cant help being being distant and in his head all the time. Thats just who he is. Just the way you cant help being emotionally attached. Its just the way you are.
You have to accept that emotionally a Cancer and an Aqua are on two opposite sides of the spectrum. So there will b a LOT of differences in how you both deal with certain things emotionally. He cares a lot about you trust me. But if you still think he's an amazing person and you are committed to making this work you will have to accept that you and he are different.

I know i definitely have a hard time dealing with my aqua's emotional distance. But i am head over heels in love with this guy and i know he loves me too even though its been ages since he's been romantic with me. But aquas arent really very comfortable expressing themselves when it actually means SOMETHING to them.
I've dated quite a few guys and never have i met anyone as understanding, honest, kind and liberating as my aqua guy. Im trying to learn to be as independent as he is...coz after all it isnt such a bad thing to not be emotionally dependent on people around you (as a Cancer, i know we have this problem...😛)
Please dont give up on him...if you truly care about him just try working on your differences together and i think you will have the happiest relationship you've had so far. 🙂

@shellybelly that still doesn't explain why he use to be so attentive and affectionate and then boom barely anything? Why do they do that?

@Subaru...same exact thing happened to me. Said the same things...same excuses. In their head, nothing "changed" as far as their life goes.

Only thing you can think of is the honeymoon phase is over...now its comfortableness. I don't know any other reason.

Alright, alright, guilty here. I didn't name myself NotoriusAquaman for nothing. I admit I have done the same things a couple of times, and I honestly feel bad every time - could not help but blame myself, not proud of this. Please don't make your guys feel sorry about this because this is a struggle we face every time we enter into a relationship. As I went from one relationship to another, I've become more apprehensive to enter into another one. And this is why it takes so much time for us to finally commit, we know it is self-destructive and the person has to be worth all that pain, and we have to make sure that person is capable of handling that. Thus the loooooong stage of testing, observing, moving back and forth.

When I enter into a commitment, deep inside I still long for that freedom to do what I want whenever I feel like it. I need my partner to be there when I feel like it, and be left alone when I'm not in the mood. This is selfish, I know, but this is our struggle. I love the person, and I need her by my side, but when I'm not in the mood, I AM NOT IN THE MOOD. But boy are we the best partner when we're in the mood haha!

And I also admit, we are notorious in attracting people at first impression - with our mysterious yet outgoing and witty personality, the way we carry interesting conversations about almost everything, and our sense of humor most of all. I should say this is not deliberate either. But... once we have "ensnared" the person, we become complacent, and we start to show the other side - the "normal" side.

Subaru, the fact that he is sorry for his actions means he is sorry and is struggling with it. If I am cheating or just gradually fell out (which also happened to me), you will definitely know the difference. I just became cold, defensive, argumentative, just plain difficult when not in the mood. Being with an aquarian has its high highs and low lows.. if you notice the lows are getting more and more frequent, then sorry, time to let go.

What's a low low and a high high to you?

Posted by IAmMystified
What's a low low and a high high to you?

Well, you tell me! I'm mostly unaware of my highs and lows. Lol.

Posted by NotoriousAquaman

Posted by IAmMystified
What's a low low and a high high to you?

Well, you tell me! I'm mostly unaware of my highs and lows. Lol.

click to expand

Then how do you know if you have highs and lows?

I agree with that other comments....he's cheating. I posted a few days ago about something similar and found out that he was cheating with numerous women. Most (NOT ALL) when they go distant like that without reason and does not act how they use too....its another woman involved. Just do some "undercover" lurking to see. If not and you want to believe that he's not cheating, my next advice would be to just let it go (mentally) and just go with the flow of the relationship and see where it goes