Contradicting Behavior -

I've been in a NSA open relationship with my Aqua guy for well over a year. We've had a couple misunderstandings. One that pushed us in different directions, only to have us crawl back to each other.

"USUALLY"....we get along great, we don't fight. We have great conversations and our intimacy is phenomenal. We also have a clear understanding of our situation. The last 2 weeks he has been asking me to come around more than and more often. Which I thought was unusual, but I'm kinda go with the flow type. Well....The last 2 days we spent together. He hs been inviting me to spend more time with him, then acts pissed or annoyed that I'm there....WTF is that all about? I'm starting to think he's Bi-polar. He's usually so easy to get along with. I don't understand why he is being such a DICK. FYI, I do Love this Ass. But Geeze, Have a MANstrual Cycle on me.

I never invite him to do things with me. Including helping me train for a Race that he has previosuly competed in. I don't do it to be mean, BUT a year ago....he was Clear on the "NSA" part. SO...I try not to change the rules. Could he be hurt/frustrated that I don't ask him for help? or to be more involved? I dunno. Not sure if he wants me to get angry and walk away?! OR if he is testing to see how much push I need to get really PISSED off?! OR— ADVICE PLEASE.

Advice on NSA?! Sounds pretty attached to me because honestly you don't really have to care.

Posted by aquasnoz
Advice on NSA?! Sounds pretty attached to me because honestly you don't really have to care.

Very True! I will not deny I am very attached. Have been for quite some time. I'm also not sure if I'm complicating the situation or if he has or we both have. Nothing makes sense. Does any of that make sense??

Posted by my2grlz

Posted by aquasnoz
Advice on NSA?! Sounds pretty attached to me because honestly you don't really have to care.

Very True! I will not deny I am very attached. Have been for quite some time. I'm also not sure if I'm complicating the situation or if he has or we both have. Nothing makes sense. Does any of that make sense??

click to expand

Well if it's getting to that point, address it. Personally I think Aquas 'close up' more often than that astrology label of being direct when it concerns themselves and they'll do a mexican stand off until they hear it from you first.

If a relationship is out of the question, tell him that and be truthful about it becaue you can't fault honesty.

Posted by my2grlz

Posted by aquasnoz
Advice on NSA?! Sounds pretty attached to me because honestly you don't really have to care.

Very True! I will not deny I am very attached. Have been for quite some time. I'm also not sure if I'm complicating the situation or if he has or we both have. Nothing makes sense. Does any of that make sense??

click to expand

OMG, he is very stubborn LOL. I both Love and Hate how well he can hold his ground...... A few months ago, he was very adamant that he does not want any thing that smells like a relationship. Yet, here we are. I guess I'll have to be the first one to test the waters. Obviously, he rather just be silently irritated with the whole situation. Maybe I should ask him to help me train for that race. 😉

My aqua told me yesterday that I needed to be more direct with him and tell him what I really wanted instead of dropping hints. He said he can't read my mind! lol!

Why delete?

Okay... so how does one respond to hidden messages they were not previously privy to?

Ok, it's back LOL. I feel so silly posting and asking for advice. You would think at my age I should know the answers by now. Ahhh, Aquarian message board...what was there?? what did it say— LOL "Aquarian Minds want to know" I'm just teasing. Aquasnaoz pretty much hit the nail on the head. I think the situation definitely requires me to speak my thoughts.

Truecap...I don't drop hints at all. I keep things as casual as possible. I used to be able to read REALLY well. But, he has definitely changed tactics on me. Like overnight. If he wasn't being so contradicting I would've walked. One minute he's tender and sweet, the next he's...how to explain...."I aint gonna change and you can't make me" attitude. UGH!!!

The crazy part is..... I never asked him to change...I'm more relaxed....like you go do you...I'll go do me...we'll meet in the middle somewhere have fun, visit etc.... Why would you make that arrangement difficult??

I had a aqua just like this one. Take it from me. He's talking to other people. Sudden popups and sudden reopening of affection are red flags. Sounds like whoever he was with took a break with him for wwhatever reason and he decided to slide back to you. Maybe the person he desires had other plans. That's probably why he was so pissy during your 2 day "romance". He's not with the person he really wants to be with and treats you like a annoying fly because in his eyes you don't measure up to the person he's currently away from. But! He still wants that security of knowing someone is around for him. I don't mean to be mean or rude but this is exactly what I went through and when my aqua explained everything once I constantly questioned his noncomitting ass. There was someone else that he was in love with.

Posted by my2grlz
Truecap...I don't drop hints at all. I keep things as casual as possible. I used to be able to read REALLY well. But, he has definitely changed tactics on me. Like overnight. If he wasn't being so contradicting I would've walked. One minute he's tender and sweet, the next he's...how to explain...."I aint gonna change and you can't make me" attitude. UGH!!!

I didn't think I was dropping hints. I thought I was being clear. But, he wants me to be more explicitly direct so there is no chance of miscommunication. lol!

Posted by my2grlz

Posted by aquasnoz
Advice on NSA?! Sounds pretty attached to me because honestly you don't really have to care.

Very True! I will not deny I am very attached. Have been for quite some time. I'm also not sure if I'm complicating the situation or if he has or we both have. Nothing makes sense. Does any of that make sense??

click to expand

NSA never works out... for the woman.

Back off, call it what it really is--tell him-- and see where it goes.

Yeah NSA, it really does suck. It worked fine in the beginning...Then I caught feelings..UGH!! Truecap, That is funny in a very feminine cute way. Doesn't matter how we try, our estrogen overrules in the end. LOL. I do know he has feelings. Too many details to list here. It's the little things. He has opened up that he has feels like he has a wall built up inside of him and he doesn't know how to break through it. So I guess as long as it's not tearing me apart emotionally to see where this goes....Or don't. I think I'll hang in there...Until I just can't anymore. He's a really great guy. I just wished what ever funk he's in passes soon.

He may not come to terms with how he feels about you until you're no longer "available".
Sometimes the reality of losing someone kick starts something and puts them in gear.

Either things will work out or they won't, but as long as you continue to "hang in there", he's going to continue the status quo. Like we say in these parts, don't fix it if it ain't broken.

However, if the arrangement is "broken", then he'll have to fix it.

Or not.

But you'll find out how he feels.

🙂

Besides, it's just going to keep hurting you to hang in there, especially if he continues to act the way he is.

It's really sad how us women go through so much analyzing and things when the guy is pretty much doing him. I think sometimes we want for something so badly that we start making shit up in our heads. And guys know that women are like this and play on this. Oh. Let me spend a little bit of time with her and tell her a little more about me...let me introduce her to a few people in my life to make her think she matters...let me tell her about my poor poor childhood so she'll let me get away with bad behavior...let me come "crawling" back so she'll think I give a shit...OR...let me completely disrespect her...she'll come back anyway or let me come back. You will know if a guy is truly wanting you by the way he acts and how frequent he does this. There are guys that are married with a family and still has girlfriends who don't know about his marriage all because she is blinded by the shit that doesn't matter. Guys will lie, buy you things, whisper sweet nothings to you, temporarily bring you around friends or family members, take you out, and do a bunch of other things just to get what they want. Sometimes they just want sex, sometimes security, sometimes a ego stroke...I mean I can go on. We just have to be smarter about things. As I read these threads, it just makes me smh. And most of the time each story ends out the same (I finally got fed up and left....or I found out he was not true)or the bullshit is still continuing. Got to do better! I know I'm trying to myself.

So what's your advice?

Well, This Aqua is not a liar or a cheat. He's not using me any more than I am using him. He has always been forward and up front with our situation. He has NEVER whispered sweet nothing in my ear. He doesn't PRETEND to be anything he is not. Other than...If there is confusion, it is on my part. I am either reading him correctly or I am creating a situation that does not exist. I am not a pushy person. That doesn't mean I double as a door mat either. If I could change a couple dynamics of his and my situation I would. But not anything as drastic as suggesting he and I have a "Relationship" that I know I am NOT completely ready for. It's not like I sit at home pining for him either. I keep myself well entertained. Not meaning I sleep around. Just I live my life. Same as he does. That's why So far it works great..So far lol

It's not working Perfect...obviously...But I'm just stumbling through at the moment. I will rock one way or the other when I'm ready. Any suggestions advice is always welcome. Insight to my decision is always welcome. :-)

Truecap: This is what I am working on. I'd say if he actually says he wants a commitment and then sticks to this or if he is frequently showing you that he is interested enough in you to take you in for the long haul (you hear from him usually, he's open and upfront about how he feels about you (you never have to guess), you actually feel that he wants you around and loves you, your not a secret (everyone knows about you), he is always or mostly available to you (not just random days or weeks of the year), many of his plans include you, your not guessing about the future, your a couple, your interests and feelings matter enough for him to watch the way he is around you, he respects your decisions (and does not toy around with you). I also agree with your advice. I just think sometimes we can get ahead of ourselves.

Mygirlz: Now that you have given your perception of your relationship I understand where your coming from. I thouht you were thinking that he was serious about you etc etc. Theres no problem with going with the flow but just protect yourself from getting hurt.

It could be interesting to see how this all plays out. Currently I am training for a race that he just finished competing in. At first he's like..."It's too hard, I wont do another one"...When he realized I am NOT asking him for help.... NOW he's going to compete again...and keeps sharing advice, even though I didn't ask...It's funny when he catches himself doing that. It's all in his facial expressions. I always encourage him to share, and tell him I appreciate any advice. He gets this intrigued and puzzled look cause I never asked him for help. It makes my Pisces fish swim faster when I know I confuse him. Or when he interrogates me. When he finally figures out that I know what he's doing. I enjoy the "Cheshire cat on crack grin" the lights up his face. I'm pretty sure I am one of the few who can make him blush. The intrigue keeps us both coming back, It's not one more than other. It will be interesting. Stay Tuned for all who are curious. A little intellectual game of cat and mouse. I Love the chase less, chase. LOL Confusing...but I believe he'll be well worth the effort. IMHO