Crush on a Danish auqa. The saga goes on.. or not?

Hi folks, this is going to be a very long story.. And I thank all of you in advance for your amazing patience if you can read every bit.. I have told my friends what happened to me from the right beginning to the end once or twice.. Each time I tried to spare them the trivial details, but ended up drawing on and on and on.

I am hopeless.

Here is the story..

I am a virgo, living and working in London.

He is an aqua (ah..the mission impossibe), Danish, living and studying in a small town in Denmark.

I went to DK in July to comfort my friend who back then was going thru a very difficult breakup. We planned to stay in her place in DK for one week then go travelling together to Holland for another. She works in a design school in DK and this guy is a student in his final year. I myself just finished my study this May, and was going to start work in August, so actually I am not that older than him. (five months)

The whole thing happened really quickly like a whirlwind romance. We met the second day after I arrived. He is good-looking and very unique. On the surface, he is shy, nerdy and quiet, but you can sense he is a good person and really sweet. So I struck up a conversation with him, which was totally not me.

The reason behind that must be I took off my guard as I felt he was a trusty and nice guy. Plus, I could vaguely feel he liked me a wee bit too.

The first two encounters were brief but magic. After all, I was just a visitor there, and I knew he was not part of my friend's circle altho they know each other.(It's a very small school). So I couldn't act too bold..

The turning point was the third night. We were playing the game called "I've never done" outside. Suddenly, he went out of the school building, visibly a bit drunk and my friends' asked him to join in. He did, and sat by me.

You know this kind of game always ends up with stories and antics relating to your sex escapades.. He appeared very embarassed, however struggling to go on with it. Then we started talking and ignoring other ppl.

Suddenly, he said:"I've never been in love."

Me:"You havent?!"

I think I was totally intrigued by that, which was highly tragic. Something more tragic was, I deemed myself as a player in that situation and thought it was just a holiday fling, but things didnt go the way as I supposed.

It got quite late and a little bit cold so we went into the school building, deciding to call it a night. But the two of us still kept talking in the school, suddenly he said, seriously:"I would like to invite you to my place, but it's too messy.."

That was the most amusing girl-boy flirting scenario I had been ever in, and up to then, I thought I was "playing and teasing" this innocent-looking boy. So I said I would love to go and would give him 10 mins to clean it up. After 10 mins, he ran back to school, and we ran back together to his dorm in the shower.

That night was totally innocent in the beginning. I sat on his bed, talking my jaw off for one hour, before he unsurely asked:"Can.. can I kiss you?" I smiled saying of course.. I behaved totally slutty and bold as I reckoned it would just be one-off. But in the morning, he appeared so affectionate and attached. Actually, he didnt sleep at all and when I woke up I saw he was watching over me.

This guy said, he hadnt had sex for one and a half years. He didnt do casual sex.

I know it all sounds like bollocks as he got laid by a never-met girl on the second night.. but he is truly genuine and honest. That is why I was so drawn to him afterwards.

But that morning, I still felt I was playing. He asked me what my plan was that day, I said nothing, then he asked me to go to lakeside with him in the afternoon. I agreed.

In the afternoon, I didnt see him at school so I went to the lake with my friend and her boyfriend. After roughly half an hour, he turned up, came to sit by me on the grass, glancing over me then saying softly:"I missed you, already."

I know.. I know... That's OTT.. but I dont fabricate or dramatize anything here..

The next three days we were inseperable. We talked whole nights. He talked about his family, his childhood, we watched DVD together, went to ice cream shop together, cooked, had sex, went walking after midnight, etc.

The day before I left, he was weird. He said this was not right, coz' I'm in London while he is in DK. He said we could make this life experience.. And I was totally freaked out as I knew he did like me and he was charming, how could he let go so easily?

The last night. We talked and had sex until 8am, My train to Hamburg left at 12.30. So I left after he kissed me bye. But before I went to the station, I was in the school and texted him. He turned up in two mins, saying thank god I am still here.

He said he got my text on his way and again, he said:"I missed you, already."

He said:" I couldn't sleep, thinking about you. This is so difficult."

I was literally thrilled to bits by his show-up. I said I didnt look back when I left his dorm in the morning, he said he did.

That was sweet sweet and sweet.

Then we talked again for quite a long time before I left for Hamburg. He hugged me and kissed me, saying see you again, at some point. Both of us smiled, waved to each other.

The following week we texted each other fanatically when I was in Holland. At one point, he even said he was such a lonely boy in his fantastic room while missing the time we spent together. He texted me what he was doing or saying he missed me he couldnt sleep,etc.

All went well, until I came back to London. The first few days we kept the same frequency. Then one night, when we chatted on line, I asked him to come to London to visit me. He was very ambiguous. Then I pushed him a little bit, suddenly, he said:"Oh, this is not right. What we are doing is not quite right. You are in London, while I am in DK.. It sounds like I'm sorry...I can't live like this.."

I went mad, asking what he really wanted to say and plz finshed it. He went silent saying let's talk about this later..Upset for a whole night, I texted him the next day saying "let's stop everything and plz do not hurt me. Do not text me and do not say miss me. STOP." After two days, he replied saying "OK. Before we both get more hurt. Let's stop. This is not like him as he never wants to hurt me."

But I was so heartbroken at that point after seeing his text..

I am completely a mess. So confusing and confused..

I emailed him again, telling me what I have seen in him and what I like about him. He replied, saying I really know him a lot and he does like me a lot. He still doesnt know a large part about himself and would like to find himself in the next years.He also said couldn't have a relationship with anyone at the moment as he was not ready to have one yet.

He said he hoped that I could understand that and stay his friend, and yeah, maybe a little bit more..

After that, we officially went into friend zone. I still say I miss him sometimes, but he never replies that way any more. The frequency of texting also dropped a lot..

Last weekend, I went to see him. But I said I was going there to see all the other people. The day before I went there, he texted me saying this day has finally come and hope I'll have a nice time with my friend and him..

He came to pick me up at the train station. But straightaway, I could feel sth was not there any more. We went to his dorm, had sex.. before he headed off to school..

That night we met at the school party, he said he felt so bad. Coz' now we are friends but still have sex with each other.I said I was not there asking for anything or demanding anything. I said I still had feelings for him and it was my own thing.

That night, and the following two days, I slept with him. But the last day, he appeared so unwilling and upset. He said:" this is killing me. We can not be friends like this!"
He even said:"this is like marrying someone that you dont love." which totally broke my heart.

He said he still liked me a lot, but in another way. He would like to be great friends with me.

The last day, he saw me off at the train station. We took pictures of each other after I boarded on the train.

I was inside. He was outside.

I shot him with my phone, he shot me with his SLR camera.

Everything looked perfectly fine. But we were not what we were yesterday..

I left a voice mail to him at the airport and he replied me text the next day saying he would love to see each other soon again, as friends.

So basically, the story is like this.

We are on very good terms with each other at the moment. He is planning to take on a masters degree in photojournalism after graduation, so I help him check some info. We email each other sporadically asking how each other is doing.

One thing I am happy with is, the whole "crippling self-criticism and analysis, checking my phone every 10 mins, wondering what he is doing now" thing has gone away. I am really doing fine and getting on well with my own life.

But I do still have some vague hope in him. He has everything I want as life-partner. He is charming, caring, sweet, smart, unconventional and loves the nature. But deep down, he is also insecure. His parents separated when he was 8 and i asked him once whether that affected him a lot. He said that had a huge impact on him.

He enjoys his own space and loneliness, and doesnt let ppl into his world.(just like a typical aqua)

Last weekend when I was with him in DK, we talked about these traits in him as well. He said he DID let me in and he opened up himself to me much more than to others.

I asked him :"do u think u know me." He said yes

I asked him then:"Do you think I know you?" He said yes.

So I dont know what I should do now? The best thing is, it is not tormenting me any more, like even if thinking about that we can only be friends in the future, I dont feel sad or painful.

I can not say I have totally let him go. But do you think I have any chance with him? Should I keep my hope in him?

He is an endearing boy. 🙂 The contradiction is, he says he doesnt believe in marriage, but he likes domestic bliss a lot. He likes all these warm family pictures he saved on his hardrive.

So I think, overtime, when he gets more mature, he may become a very devoted and faithful family man. He doesnt have too much experience with girls, obviously, and I really like him a lot..

How do you guys think about the whole thing?

What should I do to keep the chance of "being together in the future"?

Any opinion will be welcomed!