emotions and the ex-girlfriend *shivers*

Hi all

I'm a cancer (oooow yes) and I have been in a relationship with an aqua for almost 4 years. Now.. I have no problem giving "my" aqua his freedom and I'm very aware of the fact that he needs to be "out there".. socializing. There's one thing though that kind of bothers me. When we were together for about 3 months he saw his ex-girlfriend and that really confused him. He started doubting "us".. But eventually he (and we) "moved on"... But the "issue" has been lingering on in my mind for years now and a year ago he kinda stood me up on my birthday (he was around but got social with his friends) and sought immediate contact with a girl who's a friend of his ex.. to ask her if she didn't recognize him because he had seen her before when he was still with "X".. and that the way his "X" had dumped him (+ got back with her old boyfriend) was very disturbing... and then he left.. When he told me all of that (after a little pressure I admit) I kinda felt like.. was that really necessary? He sometimes looks at her profile on facebook (but so do I when it comes to previous loves.. it might just be curiosity) It's like his "ex" is always around the corner. He once told me that she was "the" girl he wanted to spend his life with. She doesn't feel the same way and feels more comfortable with her cocky boyfriend. So she's no threat ofcoors, but should I "be content" with my situation and accept that there will always be fantasies about "X"? I think it is still a matter he hasn't really dealt with.. But he gets angry when I put it like this. He says he's over her and wants me to do the same thing! But he's ignorant when it comes to emotions and feelings. I'd like him to be fair and square, I can handle mixed emotions. I miss my friend! It's like he doesn't trust me. Recently, since we have had troubles, he told me that when it comes to feelings, he will only open up when someone pushes him in a corner and puts a gun against his head. Maybe it's a hint 🙂

Almost 4 years and you're still worried about his ex? I don't think it's a good sign at all. Did he give you any signs that he still has feeling for her? Was he the one being abandoned? If she's his 1st love or the first one that he ever wants to spend his life with, I think you're facing a big trouble than you think. Some Aqua men have problems with letting go 'the first' and seemed like 'the one'. Has he ever put her needs before you? For e.g. He ran after her quickly whenever she's in trouble/ upset and let you wait for him? Did ever leave your side when you need support during the stressful time because of work/study to go out having fun with her?
Make a list of the signs then ask him to clarify his actions if you've any doubts. Don't let insecurity eating you up inside. Frankly, 4 years seem like a long time for your boyfriend to open up to you. It's time you need to see whether you two have a destiny or not. Also please don't make excuses for him based on astrology too much( though I'm curious to see his whole chart🙂).My Aqua husband was reserved too in the beginning but he reveals himself and shows his emotion when he's in love with me and trusts me. Maybe there is a question of trust here? Does he ever get cheated on?
Good luck!

It takes a lonnnnnnng time for Aquas to actually open up & allow it to process that they actually love someone. So once they actually have given in all the way, love someone & give someone their all (probably an ex), it's almost like it takes them twice as long to get over it & come back down to earth

Almost like, "You break, you buy."

He's not all the way over her, BUT he's convincing himself that he is. Just b/c he's technically in a new relationship doesn't mean that he's over an old fling.

And his ex being with someone else doesn't speed up the process of him getting over her. If anything, it slows things down b/c he's almost forced to get over someone w/o doing things the natural way by taking it slow & allowing enough time to heal

He's not completely & totally emotionally unavailable but a part of him is still tied to his ex. And that's not something you can change. That something that only HE can change with time.

1 thing's for sure, if he ever wants to fully get over her (which he probably won't) he's gonna have to stop entertaining her, looking for her or allowing his curiousities about her to get the best of him. As with anyone, when you're trying to move on, you've literally gotta keep it moving...almost like that person doesn't exist. It's easier to move on that way

He gets offensive when you bring this up b/c even he's mad at himself for not fully being over her, so his sudden anger is more for himself & inwards & not towards you

If you don't trust that he's over her, there's no use in you sitting back for more years to come, always feeling like 2nd best.

You need to have the "talk" with him. Understand though that simply having a talk won't speed up the process of him getting over her, BUT the good that can come from such a talk is that atleast he'll have the chance to be honest & put your skepticism & questions at ease

Nothing may change after you have this talk. BUT atleast you'll know. Atleast you won't have as many questions.

What you do with the answers he gives you (if he's even honest) depends on you.

What is her sign? Do you know?

Posted by krysrenee7
It takes a lonnnnnnng time for Aquas to actually open up & allow it to process that they actually love someone. So once they actually have given in all the way, love someone & give someone their all

this is why id say your safe. I think aquas seek profound things and theres nothing more profound than relationships. So of course they are going to study them comparing all past and present experiences.. As long as you remember it isnt nostalgia but a clinical study aimed at increasing insight. If I were you and you want to show support rather than rebel against his personality and astrology what you could do is support his development of knowledge of men and women and how they fit together.. Make it a project and share knowledge of what worked and didnt work currently with ex's and everything. Go along with his curiousity and pondering, let him know he can discuss his life and past without you being offended. Aquas want someone they can talk to. Its another idea problably noone else suggested so another angle.

But I think his talking with ex i more about who he can learn from. If he can talk to you and study these things with you then you become his favourite discussion consultant

Michelle: Your approach sounds mature but this isn't a question of being generous and accommodating. It is a question of commitment and compromise. It has been 4 years and he still put his ex's needs above his current girlfriend then this is alarming for her. It's also a question of respect too. I cam guarantee you if she was the one who is doing all of what he's doing, he'll be miffed and leaves her in a second. From what she said here, I can see this woman has to live behind the shadow of his ex for a long time and she's been very nice and mature about it. She's being treated unfairly and disrespectful though by this guy. If she doesn't raise the topic now and clear up everything , it'd be her being stepped on all over again. It's nice to be able to discuss with your current about exes but it's inappropriate for him to get angry when she just wants an answer about his actions towards his ex and all the time he put the ex before her. Perhaps instead of trying to make the 'ex file' , he could have expressed more curiosity and interest in her, making her 'his project'. That's what alot Aquas do when they're smitten with you. They will be very curious and give you quite a big portion of their time. They would also be able to control their fear of losing their freedom. Eventually, they would not even think about having space equals freedom anymore but being with you is freedom, that's when they're sure to take the next step in the relationship. Yes, many Aqua gave fear of commitment and awkward emotionally but at the end of the day, they aren't stupid to let go of 'the One' for them.

PS: To the original poster, I've a guess that his ex girlfriend is a Libra.

Hi! Thanks for all the replies! His ex was not a libra (close!) but a virgo. They were together for a few months and then she dumped him and got back with her former boyfried.

When we were together for about 3 months he saw her and started doubting what we had. I can understand this reaction though. Given the past situation, it must not have been very easy for him and ok.. he needs time.

He mailed her a picture of me right after the previous happenings, the ugliest one ever (died of shame) with no text or nothing.. probably texed eachother? NOT SURE but.. what's up with that? Why would you send an "ugly" picture of your girlfriend to your ex?

He checkes her facebook. I'm not against it because it might just be curiosity. It's human so.. but it's like that little extra..

I used to try to have an open conversation about this particular girl. We're still friends with his first girlfriend, and he can talk and laugh about the one before "x", but when it comes to talking about "X" herself.. he shuts down. He once said: she's REALLY beautiful.. and looked at me like: you wouldn't believe!! Ok, I was a little offended cause I know who she is and I'm not impressed actually. And I told him so. So that makes it twice as annoying because I'm like fighting against someone whom I'm don't give a f*** about and who I won't even notice passing by! Xcuse me 🙂 He wants to make sure that this topic is closed, but he keeps doing things that makes me want to rethink the closure..

I caught him a few times looking at a street whenever we drove by. I later asked him if that's the street she's living in? Indeed it is. He was amazed that I noticed, so yeah.. 6th sense?

I think there are still issues. But he really doens't like talking about it. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt me? Maybe he's afraid of the truth himself? Maybe he does want to move on but can't help thinking about her? Even now I'd like him to know that I do not have a problem with him admitting there is still a part of him that has troubles letting go. I'm afraid he will never admit to that though, cause that would mean he's not strong enough (or some other bs) to deal with it? But I hate it when he starts mindf*cking. I'm a cancer, I know about feeling and emotions and it's hardly black or white! I can accept that! But sometimes I feel that he's not only lying to me but mostly to himself.

They got in an arguement (msn) not long after we got together, so there has been no contact after that (I think). But he tends to be very negative about her. And strangely enough.. I don't like that. I'd rather have him telling me the bad AND THE GOOD (makes it more realistic) than hearing nothing but criticism and finding out later that he still kinda fancies her.. that I find lame.

I've tried the approach MichelleMabelle suggested, but like I said he has a wall built around him when it comes to the previous topic and it's really hard to talk about it with him cause it seems he not very comfortable with it.. the question is why?

And like exam said I also think it is a question of respect. Like I said last year on my birthday there was a fair and it attracts a lot of people! So I arrived and he had a birthday card en I thanked every one! And of course all of his friends were there. So I started socializing with 'em. And after a while I noticed a girl, very outgoing and a little fake.. And I know she's a friend of "X", but my boy didn't know that I knew. So I saw a friend of him walking up to the girl to say hi (apparently they're friends) and I was hoping: please avoid her, pleaaaaase don't seek contact with her.. for once tell me I'm wrong thinking he'll get any chance he gets to get in contact with his past and "X"... NOT on my birthday!!!!! I think it took about 2 seconds for him to join those two to ask her "if she didn't recognize him because he had seen her before when he was still with "X".. and that the way his "X" had dumped him (+ got back with her old boyfriend) was very disturbing... and then he left.."

ANYWAY I found that unnecessary and kinda disrespectful since he just walked away en disappeared for hours with some other guys..