Feeling an Unusual Hurt, since I hurt My Aqua

Some of you may know of me, because I only entered DX Dungeon Doors because of my AQUA.
Out of 2 years, the recent few months we have gotten to a really beautiful place. She stopped dissapearing, she was around more, she left her baggae(ex) alone, and we were laughing and loving more than ever. But with all the bickering I did about her ties with her ex. I betrayed the rule, and engaged in harmless emails/ phone convos (at work) with mine. My ex the Aries was very very bad to me, she didnt give a shit! But we had a weird friendship through it all & she and I found ourselves joking and poking fun at random things over the course of a few weeks.

Aqua had just returned from a trip, in which she called and text every hr of the day to check in and to say I love you. She went to check her schedule for work on my computer and my email account was open. I am not upset that she snooped, im more upset that she saw it, and is questiong her self. Its ONLY been 2 weeks. We have had multiple ups and downs prior to this where she went missing for almost 3 months. But this time (even though ive said it before) feels different. She responds to my messages sporadically, or not at all. She only answers once in a blue. and she seems hurt, and sad as oppose to her raging angry "normal" reactions to something she doesnt like. A city bus knocked my mirror off my car and this came at a very bad time for me (financially) and I asked her to fix it for me ( I usually dont ask and I know this was a bad time) but she said sure, but the meeting up plans flopped because of her schedule.

Work had her out longer than expected and with only 30 mins of sleep (because of OT the previous night) she was exhausted and couldnt make it and admitted that she remembered until last minute then forgot and she will do it tomorrow. She also added in a soft voice and very very suttle and sad, i will always be here for you in this aspect of things because I know you never ask or complain unless its serious, and I will never deny you. 😢

I feel horrible for making her feel this way. She has done some back and forth things when she felt insecure but I never seen her sooo passive and sad. She questioned if she did enough for me, she asked why and I said it was only jokes, she said she wants to bring joy and laughter to my life too..:/ during this convo after she found the email....She said my actions confused her because we were making plans and we were good and she needs space.

Before all o

Before all of this she was working extra OT and taking second jobs here and there to save up to move us both out of our current apts to move to 1 household. I always saw that although she was a bit different and she used her ex as a scape goat when she felt insecure,despite these things, when she was around and we were good she always took care of home and never made me question myself.

Im afraid to ask of anything, to ask where we stand.

Aquas have I lost her? Should I just NOT reach out? I feel like an idiot. I hurt her and I can feel it.

I have apologized, and I told her many times that I really didn't do it for a purpose. Or to get back at her.

and she either ignores it or say ok how many times you gonna say the same thing? I can't fake my feelings! 😢
Maybe I can write her a letter and mail it or do something romantic for her.

There's a few ways she could be feeling:

1. How dare you pounce on me forever about how inappropriate it was for me to interact with my ex, only for you to go & do the same thing!

2. B/c you didn't start back talking to your ex until AFTER you & your Aqua got back in each other's good graces, one could assume that you only did so out of revenge (even if the convos were harmless) or as a crutch to make yourself feel better. Some people won't let go of what you've done to them until they go & do the very same thing to you

How she reacts or interacts with you in the future depends on which series of thoughts mentioned above is weighing on her mind the most.

For example, if she's just being distant b/c she wants to see you sweat for awhile, she'll be back lol She'll be back after she feels that you've sweated enough.

Or if she's holding back 90% b/c she feels that you don't 'get it,' she'll only come back once she gets the sense that you finally do get it. Apologizing for something doesn't always mean that you truly get it. Some people will automatically apologize, not b/c they're sorry of b/c they're willing to fix whatever led to the problem in the 1st place. No, some folks only apologize for something b/c it seems like the politically or intellectually correct thing to do.

If you've apologized 1,000 times & have gotten nothing out of her yet, just give her some space & some time. All the apologies in the world won't really matter if someone isn't done experiencing the mind vs. heart battle. She may hear your apologies but they may go in 1 ear & out of the other UNTIL she's made up her mind about where to go from here.

I'm the same way. I'll notice that you're constantly blowing my phone up begging for my forgiveness, but I won't budge until my stubborn streak is over lol or until I've had time to digest everything & figure out what's the best move to make with you in the future. And although I may secretly hope you never stop apologizing, that still won't change that I won't budge until I've put my ego/heart/pride in pieces back together.

Whatever you do though, don't ever make her feel guilty or suddenly turn on her for being distant with you. Don't give her the impression that she's obligated to forgive you or that you naively believe that things are automatically supposed to go back to normal the way things were just b/c it'd give you a better night's sleep. Don't make this about you.

No matter how hard, take a step back & allow her to come to her conclusions on her own, w/o constantly feeling bombarded with your attempts to not want to give her time to digest & breathe. She can't make sound emotional judgements if everybody's constantly screaming in her ear, crowding her judgement.

If it's meant to be, if she truly loves you & if she's got a forgiving heart, she'll be back. But it'll be according to HER timing, pace & terms. Not yours.

Krys for one of the first times, I dont want slit my wrists from what you had to say. I think youve covered EVERY INCH of what she is feeling, and shes got all right to do so. She changed completely, and made me her primary focus since our last convos. & here I go being a friend to someone who didnt deserve it, and I could have ruined something very very important to me.

My friends are all in shock, and are hurt because they know the story. They also know that i messed up, and the first thing they said was YOU NEED TO FIX THIS!

A friend of mine told me to write her a letter and mail it....Do something romantic.
Another friend of mine who was with an Aquarius told me to by her a promise ring.

But at this point im all out of sorries. I did attack her at first for handeling it this way, when she did worse.

I noticed that if I ask for anything or inform her that my mother made her favorite dish as a thank you for her mothers day gift, she responds, but if I tell her about my emotions I get nothing.

Im afraid NOT to send any messages or to try to call in fear of loosing her. But its funny i told my cousin NOT to do this because they know how you feel let them come back.

I guess this morning I decided to quit my pitty party and just let her breathe.

Im just afraid that her passive behavior will follow with a big blow up...
Its amazing how she has made bad choices that hurt me to the core, but here I am embarrased, and ashamed of how I jdt did the same thing to her...

Well, maybe now, finally, she knows how much she hurt you when she did this to you. I hope she does because it pisses me off that she's giving you such a hard time knowing that she did the same and worse to you.

Difference is you feel bad about it and she didn't.

Sassy, I'm sorry you're going through this and it tells me how much a good person you are and how much you love her.

I think the letter is a good idea. Maybe bare your soul and put all your thoughts, pain, guilt, apologies, love out there so she can understand where you are in your heart. Remember to appeal to her logical side. Try not to be emotional, but be honest.

Time will probably help too.

Hope this passes quickly and yall come out of this stronger and more connected than before.

My Fav CAP! With all of the "fix this feed back I recieved from my friends, they mentioned exactly what you said as well.....How much it pisses them off that shes responding this way from my simple mistake when she did it countless times.


My friend sent me this email
and asked me to send that to her:

"I know I have been reaching to u and apologizing for days but I truly need u to hear me and understand me.. what I did was by all means wrong and contradictory of everything I asked of u and your ex. I know to well the pain and confusion these situations bring forth so I should have known better than to interact with my ex. I do not desire my ex nor is there anything between us more than jokes and me providing emotional support to someone who still needed the friend in me and that's all it was... I would never EVER sacrifice a Queen for a peasant and ur my Queen... we have been through alot together and though I know deep in my spirit that this situation was innocent I can't change how it made u feel... I truly ask that you provide me the same forgiveness I have provided u on occasions. .. mistakes are made for lessons and I have learned. .I love u and I apologize again... You're exquisite my one in a million and even if u need some days to yourself I understand but I hope we can make it thru this obstacle"

...Not sure if I will yet. Although I feel terrible about hurting her, I also feel bitter because of the things she did to me that were WORSE and that makes me angry! Why doesnt she think of that? Has she thought of that? I want to ask her, but I know I wont get a response, and I dont want her to believe that I am justifying my actions by highlighting her mistakes. Like Krys said, im sure she feels like she made up for it over and over again, so that thought is probably Not even there.

I like the e-mail. It is well written and gets the point across exactly. Her logical side needs to step up and realize she has done worse to you and that you forgave her, now its her turn to forgive you. Maybe pointing this out like that above will bring her to her senses. She's just reacting with her hurt emotions right now. I can understand the freeze and shutting you out, do the same myself, but with me it doesn't last long, especially if someone apologizes rationally and honestly and sincerely. Hopefully she will come around.

I wouldn't send it by e-mail though. I'd do it hand written either in just letter format or with a card.

Keep in mind what Krys said and try to make sure all those points are covered. I think it does, but might need to go through them again.

I was thinking to write it and mail it to her.

But I think I need to give it a day or two. The funny thing is, shes making it known that shes not thinking about her ex, she asked me what I have been up to a few days ago, and when I asked her the same she said shes been trying to have self control.
My other Cap friend is so tired of all the EX talk.
She thinks its harmless, but her finding it and her bing hurt is something we cant chang because its her feelings. I will give it some time, maybe even come out of this *homely shell* I creatd and go party lol now that im *single* if I sit home I will mope and harrass her, and im sure she isnt doing that!