Fellow aquas: r u like this too?

So whenever people want to vent or talk about their problems, I HAVE to give them advice and offer several different solution ideas to help fix the problem whether they ask for it or not. I can NEVER just be an ear. If you're going to tell me something I have to tell you what I think about it -- it's not a one-way street! Lol I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I recently had conversations w/ friends who just wanted to vent w/o the intention of solving their issues and I couldn't bring myself to NOT speak my mind & offer solutions lol. I tried to just sit there & nod but realized I couldn't lol. I mean c'mon! How can someone NOT want to fix their probs n rather resume on w/ ther dilemmas? Esp after someone has basically given u the solution to ur probs on a silver platter?! Idk. It's confusing & baffling to me.

Anyway, so I'm curious: Are all aquas like this too? Can you never just be silent & listen to something without speaking your my mind? Pls share ur thought 🙂

I used to do this, always.

But then i got sick of taking on board everyone's crap and problems - I never did find a way of not taking it on board and going through it with them. So I no longer offer advice. I listen, but I only offer advice if they ask for it and I use the words "So, what are you going to do about it?" far more often than I used to.

Yeah it is tiring esp if they don't listen n come to u w/ the same prob over & over 😛 maybe I'll learn to b less engaged & overly helpful as i get older n just give advice only wen asked! I'm gona start trying...

Posted by aquarius21
Yeah it is tiring esp if they don't listen n come to u w/ the same prob over & over 😛 maybe I'll learn to b less engaged & overly helpful as i get older n just give advice only wen asked! I'm gona start trying...

YESSSSSS,.i KNow this dude virgo to the core that vents about THE SAME EXACT THING ALL THE TIME, BILLS BILLS BILLS.i try to console but he always gets mad, im like "all im trying to do is help", thank god for the aqua moon, definitle extracts me from being a virgo.

I do this, all the time. But I'm starting to not do it so much. People don't appreciate it as much as I'd like them to, but I don't blame them, as I guess I'm no professional, haha.

I'm the exact same way. I've "tried" just being an ear too but nope, it never works. Somewhere in there I HAVE to give my 2 cents!

Here's how I see it. Aquas are solution-oriented people. We don't mind hearing you vent, complain or drown in misery all day.

BUT we do mind it when people are all complain, no-solution.

If you're gonna vent/complain, depending on the severity of the situation, expect someone to give you some kind of advice, even if it's just kind gentle words or support or in some cases, constructive criticism.

My friendships with the people who like to drown in misery & never do anything about it, hardly ever last long.

The longer Aquas know someone, the less it bothers/offends their friends when they do this

Over time, friends of these Aquas grow to appreciate this about them & eventually start expecting/looking forward to some kind of advice when they're venting

It's funny. After my friends are done venting, they always pause...like they're waiting for me to butt in & give my 2 cents. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't

When I can tell that someone is strong & is naming out their own solutions (that I think make logical sense), sure I can be just an ear all day long.

But when someone is allowing their conflicting emotions to be the main reason behind most of their bad decision making, it drives me up the wall & instinctively, I go into "hero" mode, even when they don't like/expect it. I assume that in the long run, they'll appreciate it

Hey it's better than listening & rolling your eyes the whole time all b/c you're too chicken-shxt to say what you really wanna say!

my aqua bf does this ALL the time...and I mean ALL THE TIME. And I am kinda getting used to it. A friend of ours will tell us about something she's going through, and he goes 'so after venting, do you have a proper solution to this problem, or will you come back next week venting about the same thing?' lol! and i have to be neutralizer 'how does that make you feel?'lol....But my aqua best friend is a little different...he doesn't take people's crap easily,unless you're really close and all. When I do tell him something thats bothering me, it's almost like he has to take a breather,and decide if he wants to say something or not.

Posted by leilaxxlovez
my aqua bf does this ALL the time...and I mean ALL THE TIME. And I am kinda getting used to it. A friend of ours will tell us about something she's going through, and he goes 'so after venting, do you have a proper solution to this problem, or will you come back next week venting about the same thing?' lol! and i have to be neutralizer 'how does that make you feel?'lol....But my aqua best friend is a little different...he doesn't take people's crap easily,unless you're really close and all. When I do tell him something thats bothering me, it's almost like he has to take a breather,and decide if he wants to say something or not.

I think it's b/c Aquas often absorb their friend's feelings/circumstances as if they were their own.

They literally take it personal b/c it's almost as if they're dealing with the issue themselves even though they're really not.

But this only happens when an Aqua either doesn't respect you at all (feels the need to always counsel you b/c they don't respect your intelligence) OR b/c an Aqua deeply cares about you, thus they take it so personal b/c it bothers them when they see someone they thought to be so smart, strong & logical, actually in a rut that to them, they consider common sense.

To others, half of what they're going through are complex. But to me, I see the solutions as common sense.

I live in my head all the time and I don't often feel my emotions well. I have this worldview of the world as being one great big machine and everyone within it as smaller machines that are a part of the whole. So when someone comes to me with a problem, I don't think of it in terms of emotions, but rather as a part that is malfunctioning and in need of tuning. That is why, at least I, feel the need to problem solve and provide advice whenever someone starts venting to me about their life issues. I've gotten a bit better at just listening, but the advice and problem solving still jumps out of my mouth even without thinking.

I guess just as some people feel the need to vent their emotions, I just feel the need to tinker and problem solve. I just can never get around this idea of people just talking about their problems simply to "vent". I'm always looking to improve, correct and just plain solve. Venting is just plain weird to me, I don't want to feel better about the problem, I want the problem gone.

Posted by Wings
I live in my head all the time and I don't often feel my emotions well. I have this worldview of the world as being one great big machine and everyone within it as smaller machines that are a part of the whole. So when someone comes to me with a problem, I don't think of it in terms of emotions, but rather as a part that is malfunctioning and in need of tuning. That is why, at least I, feel the need to problem solve and provide advice whenever someone starts venting to me about their life issues. I've gotten a bit better at just listening, but the advice and problem solving still jumps out of my mouth even without thinking.

I guess just as some people feel the need to vent their emotions, I just feel the need to tinker and problem solve. I just can never get around this idea of people just talking about their problems simply to "vent". I'm always looking to improve, correct and just plain solve. Venting is just plain weird to me, I don't want to feel better about the problem, I want the problem gone.

That second paragraph's bang on.

Instinct really. You put your hand over a flame, it burns you, you remove the hand.

You don't leave it there and go "Owie! Owie! Owie!" while your palm begins to boil with puss.

And if you're truly trapped and are asking for help you MUST try all the advice you get.

Otherwise keep Mom and live with it.

Posted by krysrenee7
I'm the exact same way. I've "tried" just being an ear too but nope, it never works. Somewhere in there I HAVE to give my 2 cents!

Here's how I see it. Aquas are solution-oriented people. We don't mind hearing you vent, complain or drown in misery all day.

BUT we do mind it when people are all complain, no-solution.

If you're gonna vent/complain, depending on the severity of the situation, expect someone to give you some kind of advice, even if it's just kind gentle words or support or in some cases, constructive criticism.

My friendships with the people who like to drown in misery & never do anything about it, hardly ever last long.

Omg I love ur brain. This was very refreshing! Everything u sed r good points & so true: don't mind people drowning in misery but if they're "all complain, no solution" it's so annoying! I hate downers and that stuck-in-a-rut feeling =P But ur right. We're just progressive, solution-oriented people that's all.

I was beginning to feel maybe this was an annoying & insensitive habit (the not being able to just listen thing). But this made me feel more comfortable about it. I'm still going to try not to over-impose as much, but @ least now I know WHY I can't help it 🙂 yay for aquas! Haha