I really need help with my Aquarius man :(

I've been involved with an Aquarius man who 50 for just over a year now i'm 30 and a Capricorn. We both had a mutual friend on a social networking site we use that's how we came to know one another. We stay over 6 hours from each other so distance is and can be a problem at times a long with his behaviour and probably mine if i'm being honest as we've actually only spent 2 days together in total. He was the one who made contact with me first he made it very clear from very early on he was interested he was also the first to bring an US into the equation. At first i was totally disinterested i know this may sound bad but looks wise he's not the sort of person i would go for but he very much won me over especially with his thoughts and feelings regarding relationships. In many ways we seem to be a perfect match as we both have the same thoughts and feelings regarding relationships but the last 5 months have been a total nightmare with him. Every time we seem to get closer he runs a mile he becomes very distant and ignores me completely for a few weeks at a time and no i've never really handled it very well when he's done that i'm embarrassed to admit i've acted very much like a child stamping my feet and having the attitude of who are you to ignore me kind of thing which i've learned the hard way doesn't work, thing is he always comes back after a few weeks. He's told me everything that went on with his split from his ex wife how he felt and what he went through. He's told me that he cares very much for me he's told me that he likes me very much and would very much like to see how things turn out between us yet he runs away and hides for weeks at a time. His actions tell me one thing that he doesn't want me or an US but his words pull me back in and he very much tells me he's interested and wants to see where it goes between us. I have grown to care very much and am now developing strong feelings for this man. I have a close circle of friends who i speak to about him and this situation i have found myself in, my friends range from 30 - 50 and are completely divided in what they think about it all. Half say he's a player of sorts and just using me the other half says he's just scared of getting into anything serious as his marriage ended very badly 6 years ago (his ex wife cheated on him) I'm now starting to feel extremely insecure about the whole situation as the communication between us is at an all time low

thanx my intuition's telling me he's scared really scared but i'm not sure? Thing is i don't want to walk away i want to pull him in more but i'm not sure how to do that? how long will he keep pulling me back in before he's had enough and moved onto someone else if he does?

At this point, WHY he's doing what he's doing (whether it's b/c he's a player or b/c he's just scared) doesn't really matter at this point. The RESULT(s) of him being distant & disappearing are what you have to deal with.

Honey, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to over-analyze the "Why's" of everything with him b/c for all you know, hell HE may not even know why he does what he does.

If he's a player, well, you already know what advice I'd give you in that case. If he's just scared, I'd still advise you to back up a little. He needs to work out whatever insecurities or fears he's got going on b/c trust me, there is SOMETHING going on.

Yeah yeah yeah Aquas are known for pulling the disappearing act, BUT this is usually only temporary. I think you're friends would have more faith in this guy if his behavior was only temporary, but since it isn't, that really IS an indication that something is really wrong. You probably aren't the problem, BUT something is def. standing in his way.

If an Aqua is REALLY really interested in you emotionally/physically, they'll disappear in the beginning b/c they hate having to face their emotions--the very emotions they're used to replacing with logic. BUT again, this inner battle is only temporary; Aquas eventually make a decision. If he still hasn't decided to trust himself after all this time when in a vulnerable/emotional state, that's NOT a good thing.

He's gonna keep disappearing on you until 1. He stops battling with himself & finally makes a decision & 2. When you start holding him more accountable & start showing him more than you can tell him that you DON'T appreciate him leaving you high & dry. He may not like it or wanna hear it, BUT if you're someone he can't afford to lose, trust me, he'll get his shxt together REAL quick!

Right now, he's doing what's typical. Saying a whole bunch of sweet nothings in your ear, but yet never delivering or making sure his actions match up with his words.

thank you but i have to ask "this inner battle is only temporary" how temporary roughly how long are we talking? and once they/he makes a decision do they or he tell or just walk off into the sunset

as i'm reading your problem... it seems that your main question is "does he like me or not?" and your thought patterns are relating the actions of your aqua to that question. Part of you feels that he just doesn't. So what is the deal right?

The question isn't whether or not he LIKES or CARES for you...

rather

"how much"

also what defines a player. That is so easy to say and can be applied to everyone.

1) honest player: people that use this "honesty" card to WIN the hearts of women. many women. key word "WIN" "multiple" i don't think he is winning your heart in the right way.

2) Romanticizer: these men like the thrill of the chase. they then see you as prey. but he isn't exactly chasing you hard for a long time....they want to win the hearts of the women....and BAM they disappear and NEVER return unless they want something. the difference between chivarly and men wooing women and this is that the romanticizer just LIES and LIES to get that feeling. after all the other definiton for that means "unrealistic"...Men that court women are consistent and you can just tell. Key word : multiple

3) Scorekeeper: these men want to see whether or not they still have game. with MULTIPLE women.
4) the emo: the really emotional man that becomes needy and clingy but his feelings towards you are more so about him than you. He plays and manipulates to feed his emotionally damaged self.

the thing is not everyone can just fit into these categories. Everyone should be taken in individually than as a whole population of "what could be's"

Psychologically, he is in a inner battle with himself and has nothing to deal with you. Now its either you take it or leave it. If you take it, then you should be their and understand and support. basically means you just have to accept THIS INDIVIDUAL in his own INDIVIDUAL LIGHT and SITUATION.Requires patience. Try not to apply other people situations onto your own. His reasons for his behavior are going to be different from another. For the rays of our sun hits our eyes at different angles.

I think you should try to access what IS IT you want...and see if he fits in any of those. AND if he can compensate for what he lacks.

at the end of the day, HOW MUCH a man likes you and at WHAT TIME you enter his life and at what STAGE you enter his wants at that moment will determine the course of the relationship you will enter with that man

you know from the time: he got out of a rough marriage...emotionally and mentally detrimental to his being.
stage: he is seeking companionship..but genuine compansionship (but then again he may have trust and intimacy issues now..so its hard for him to achieve)
his wants: doesnt matter for his inner demons are preventing him from obtaining it.

from this we can conclude that despite his "VERY VALID" feelings towards you. his fondness and likeness...he just doesn't have the capacity to GIVE when all he did was gave and recieved nothing but pain...

all he can ACCEPT is someone that is here and now for the moment that he is weak..but AHHH..humans are so much more complex. He then also realizes he has nothing to OFFER someone of your caliber. So he is going back and forth back and forth.

IF HE didn't like you a LOT then he wouldn't be acting this way. He is now feeling the fear of being a love bird again (particularly with you seeing your the person in his immediate present) fear of not having the upper hand. Fear of being not loved for who he is and where he is. Afterall, love is a learning process and that requires shedding of ego barries and being vulnerable. HE ISNT able to be that with ANYONE. not you or anyone else.

try to disclose some inner demons of your own. and perhaps through this he will develop a sense of intimacy...closeness and feelings of warmth and trust...that over time you snatch him in your bag.!

your are demanding him to be vulnerable in the sense of asking him about whether or not he likes you. EVEN if you didnt ask specifically...that is what your seeking right? but ask yourself this..what have you done to shed your egos and vulnerabilities that he may seek you as his haven of refuge?

Posted by Brooks101
thank you but i have to ask "this inner battle is only temporary" how temporary roughly how long are we talking? and once they/he makes a decision do they or he tell or just walk off into the sunset

I'll put it like this...if he allowed himself to get "serious" with you BEFORE he made his decision, he's playing with your emotions & perhaps doesn't have your best interest in mind.

Most guys/Aquas who go through this inner emotional battle will purposely keep their distance & avoid things getting too serious b/c they're not selfish enough to pretend like they can emotionally/mentally offer more than they really can. In essence, he shouldn't even be bringing up the word "serious" to you until/unless he's already made that decision in his head.

It's alot safer for a man to keep his distance with his words AND actions when he hasn't yet made that decision. It's safer for a man b/c it 1. Protects the other person (you) & 2. It saves them from being accused of "leading you on" or playing with your emotions.

Men who go through these mental battles with themselves are FULLY aware of what they're doing & most are even aware of how their actions (or lack of) affect others, so if this guy knows he's only 40% emotionally available but yet keeps promising you that he's 99% available, that's an indication that he's ALREADY made his decision (not in your favor) & perhaps is just stringing you along for as long as he possibly can (especially if there are benefits involved)

How long? It depends on the Aqua. Depends on the woman standing in front of them too. Some Aquas "get it together" 2 months later, some 6 months later & some never do. They're more likely to get it together if they truly feel that they've ran into a good catch AND if that good catch makes it clear that while she respects his need to "figure things out/get himself together" that she also WON'T stick around & "wait" on him forever either.

By "temporary" I mean, this disappearing shxt should only be happening once or twice. Aquas will ALWAYS feel the need to retreat into their shells even after they've made their mental decision, BUT what STOPS them from doing so after awhile is in how much their love/respect/consideration for someone OUTWEIGHS/OVER-shadows their need to run.

At this point, he should already be made aware of how his disappearing acts affect you. If he's OK with you being confused & hurt, that's NOT ok & is an indication that he's selfish, 1-sided & only cares when things will affect HIM, even if that means others being hurt, confused or drained in the process.

If he's ever planning on being serious with you, he's gonna have to learn & understand how his actions (moreso than words) come off to other people & affect them. He's gonna eventually have to trade the "I's" for "We's" anyways. He's gonna eventually have to learn how to put himself in your shoes. And a person who is truly interested in you, this will come natural, therefore the disappearing acts may not stop being an option in their minds, BUT it WILL atleast stop being an action on their part, if anything, out of respect for the other person

Where Aquas mess up: They forget that things aren't only about them. They may have good reasons to "run" BUT if they end up losing more than they're gaining, their logic (since Aquas have ALOT of it) oughta tell them to NOT engage in mental battles that will cause them more loss than anything. Trust me, no logically sane person will be OK with losing out on a good thing. And if they are ok with it, they either DIDN'T think you were as good of a catch in the 1st place OR they're too insecure/emotionally unstable to get serious with ANYONE. In this case, it's a lose/lose.

Where others mess up: The min. they see that their Aquas have made a pattern of disappearing, they don't say anything. They don't remind their Aquas of how incredibly shady, inconsistent, rude, confusing AND draining it is to be left high & dry with no explanation. They fear that if they "speak up" that their Aqua will get mad, get turned off & eventually never come back. They're too afraid to stand up to an Aqua & let them know that it's NOT ok to leave them high & dry. They forget that Aquas are the 1st ones to hate for someone to disappear on them, regardless of the reason or excuse. They fail to realize that if an Aqua is TRULY into you (not half way or just a little bit), they won't purposely do something that they know from their own experience will likely cost them the person of their dreams or a "good thing." Therefore, if an Aqua is never stood up to, they'll naturally & automatically think that them disappearing is OK with you. And the more times they get away with it w/o being stood up to, the HARDER it's gonna be to get them to "understand" when you finally do put your foot down 6 months later.

i'm at a point now i really don't know what to do? we've spent most of the last 6 months barely speaking maybe only 2 or 3 times in a month. I thought the turning point would have been when i went to where he lives for a visit he invited me to his local hang out, we had a great time he spent most of the night clued to my side and meeting his friends and yes we spent the night together and i left the next day to come home. i've been back for 3 weeks now and the first week he ignored me so i sent him an email explaining everything how i felt about him about the situation between us and what i wanted for him, he texted back later that night to say he'd read the email and phoned me the next day and the communication certainly picked up for just over the second week now i'm on the third week and if i'm right i'm starting to be ignored yet again. I know what i want and i know what i want from him, but after reading all this stuff about aquarius men it's totally threw me. No i don't want to walk away i want to stand and fight for him and for him to tell me how he feels and what he wants.... what is the best way to go about it and what should i do?

i need to add that we spoke the next morning when i stayed, he was very nervous i kinda felt sorry for him sitting there like a little lost boy but he did talk admitted that he didn't know why he runs and hides and asked me to help him open up he also said he wanted a fresh start for the both of us, which i also said in my email and i asked him very clearly if really wanted this fresh start to which he said yes too...

Posted by Brooks101
No i don't want to walk away i want to stand and fight for him and for him to tell me how he feels and what he wants.... what is the best way to go about it and what should i do?

You can't fix him. HE has to want to fix whatever issues, insecurities or short-comings he's got going on within himself. And honey, you shouldn't feel helpless or defeated all b/c you can't fix him, force him or make him hurry up & do something, even though all the things you want from him are things that you deserve.

I'm not saying give up, BUT understand that the issues he's having with you have probably been patterns he's carried out in previous relationships. So be smart about this. Understand that what you're going through with him has been an experience many ladies have unfortunately gone through & came out short-handed with. And the ladies that came out winning usually didn't have to do much work. They allowed HIM to fix himself; they allowed HIM to determine their worth & based on how strongly he feels about them, these women allowed HIM to see her worthy & therefore do the work to get himself together for the sake of not losing a good thing.

Ask him some serious questions. Ask him if this has been an issue with him in past relationships? What's the payoff he's getting when he runs? (b/c trust me, there's ALWAYS a payoff). How does he assume that you feel once he runs? (If he acknowledges that him disappearing hurts you, ask him why he's OK with that). Ask him what you can do or NOT do to help him open up a little more? Tell him to put himself in your shoes & after he's thoroughly thought about it, ask him what he'd do/how he'd handle the situation if the shoe was on the other foot?

There's no doubt that this guy probably doesn't even understand why he does what he does. You won't be able to fix his issues, BUT you can atleast help him into understanding why he does what he does. Acknowledging something is always the 1st step & will lead him on the road to fixing it, especially if the payoff is winning YOU over. And if he truly cares about you like he says he does, winning you over WILL be a huge priority & something he's dedicated to

Posted by Brooks101
hope you don't mind but what does "treetrunk it" mean?

lol i asked that not too long ago. its on your profile settings when you click on a option that turns off profanity filter it just comes out as tree trunk

brookkkkkk goodluck and feel better 🙂

ta Starfish where abouts do i look?

cool i will do

I'm sorry i disappeared, there for a while, you guys gave me alot to think about. Alot has happened since i've last been on been here. I don't even really know were to start?

My aqua man disappeared and reappeared twice, in a phone call and even apologised for the way he has behaved towards me at the time i thought it was or certainly sounded sincere, we spoke on and off again and kept in contact for just over 2 weeks. My daughter became seriously ill and had to be rushed into hospital he was just about ready to ignore me being me sent abit of a cheeky text message saying thanx for the support your showing me, the whole week my daughter was in hospital he was great phoning and texting and generally keeping in contact to see how i was coping and to find out how my daughter was doing, my daughter came out of the hospital on the friday and by the monday my aqua man had deleted me from his friends list on a social networking site we both used he wouldn't answer any of my phone calls or texts.. so i stopped after a couple days.. i came to a conscious decision that i couldn't do it anymore i couldn't do this on again off again.. one day we'll talk then next we won't not knowing were i stand with him or anything. As a mum my kids come first my daughter needs me more than ever now and that gave me the kick up the backside that i needed i need to be strong for my daughter now so i sent him an email to explain a few things and i haven't heard anything since 😢 I've spent the last two weeks being strong and holding things together for my daughters sake more than anything but today is such a bad day i had to cancel my trip to go down on friday and it's all just hit me like a ton of bricks.. How can this man be so cruel and heartless i stupidly thought we had some sort of friendship too and he's just walked away without a care in the world and i'm left picking up the pieces did i really mean that little to him? I've also read up on emotionally unavailable men and i think it's him down to a tee aswell.. i'm sorry for rambling on i just don't know what to do i don't know how to put this all behind me, if it wasn't for my daughter i'd be a total wreck now

thank you dreamer23 for your kinds words... my daughter is very much on the mend but now with a life long illness.. Your so right about an "cowardly move by an immature man" i just didn't think 53 a man would be like that.. it hurts it hurts like hell.. when i have some quiet time i can't help but sit and think about him and the last year and what a nightmare it's been it's been such an emotional rollercoaster on one hand i can't help but feel i've let him down i thought i was strong enough but when push came to shove i needed to be there for daughter and on the other hand well i don't know that i suppose this mans took me for a ride played with my emotions and lied i have no idea what was or is the truth.. deep down i probably knew is was never going to work because of the distance but i did think i'd have life long friend i told him more than i've ever told anyone else.. i don't know if he'll ever come back and if he was too i haven't a clue how to handle that—

thanx dreamer23... yup i'm so glad she's still here :-)

i'm grieving for him now.. it'll take me a while to get over him.. part of me wishes i never got involved with him but it's a very hard and painful lesson learned and no if by any chance he wanted a second chance with i very much doubt he's not going to get it... 14 days of no contact and counting...

yup... mind you i'm kinda hoping it doesn't if i'm being really honest it would only set me back Xx

oh be careful... if ur not sure maybe it's not a good idea

i hope you make the right decision for you.. i'll be thinking of you

23 days of no contact today..i think or i'd like to think i've done not bad so far yeah i think of him every day at some point but i try my best to stop and think of everything and anything else but today i'm feeling misserable.com 😢