in order to truly know someone...

do you need to know their past?

"Yes."
"but yes, in order to really know someone you have to have some sense of what experiences and background made them who they are today."

why?

^ I agree.


The decisions someone makes, the path a person takes, and who he or she becomes is based upon their personal past and perspective from those experiences. If you REALLY care to know someone beyond face value you should know why they are the way they are.

It gives you understanding of their logic so to speak.


With all that said: Can you truly know anyone...especially if they dont take the time know themselves...

I would say N0000OOOoooo. Well, because you are starting a new "chapter" with that person, and what matters is what you and that person have nOw , not the PaSt. What was done, was done. That person whom you are with now had no effect on you PAST, so why should it matter? Move on, asn start a happy life with them. 🙂

lol,

It was about truly getting to know someone.

a 40 yr old man and woman didnt come into the world just yesterday...in order to know them and anyone of any age you just might need to know alot more than the present moment, because many people cant predict the future.

Its up to whether or not you then take that information to prejudge their future actions.

well first of all, sb, it would be ridiculous of me to say i wouldn't want to know, because i would. but, at the same time, isn't knowing something like that extremely biasing?

i guess what it comes down to is how much one believes another can change. like, is it once a serial killer always a serial killer? or, with something that is less gruesome and frightening, once a cheater always a cheater; once a thief always a thief; once a hippie always a hippie. 😛

speaking from the perspective of someone who has recently (w/in the past two years) met a lot of new people, i can say that for the most part i don't care for people to know much about my past at all. i tend to have the attitude of, "this is who i am now, love it or leave it." because i can say with absolute honesty that who i am now is not who i was when i was 16 years old, and that was only a little over three years ago. i hate when people drudge up the past as reasons why i can't be this or that, or assume that they know why i did something because i did that similar thing when i was 11.

basically, i think it's annoying how people who have known me a long time have these preconceptions of me that are totally irrelevant to the person i've become. the fact that i've grown and changed shows me that other people can too, and to have old information that influences my impression of them may be unfair and inaccurate. and i've talked about this with a few of my friends and they feel the same way, like "my aunt sally can't take me seriously because i used to be a prankster and she doesn't realize that i've matured since then."

but i definitely see how knowing someone's past helps. like, when friends get into conflicts. understanding their pasts can really help you understand where each side is coming from and why they react the way they do. like what lady m says, if you know someone's "baggage" then it helps you understand what makes them tick.

and i was thinking the other day, that three of the people who i consider myself to be closest to (my mom, dad, and gramma)...i know next to nothing about their past. i know some details about things that pertain to me, like the reasons behind my parents' divorce. and other miscellaneous tidbits that have surfaced along the way. but all in all, i really don't know much about how they were raised or their experiences growing up.
it makes me feel kind of guilty because i feel like i should know more about their past, but at the same time i feel like i know who they are now really well...

btw - hi DCvirgs! long time no see (your posts). 😛

I guess knowing someones past (good or bad) works best when you know who they are in the present and you've accepted who they are. Therefore you are less likely to judge them negasatively.

haha, no, i didn't mean to imply that being a hippie is a crime. i just wanted to throw something in there that wasn't so serious as being a cheater or a criminal, and doesn't necessarily have the negative emotions associated with it that the other two do. the point was just that someone can do things that put them into a certain category, and the question was whether they should be stuck in that category for the rest of their existence.

"For example,

If someone came and told me, he stole things as a child and hasn't since, I may believe him and forgive him, because I have done the same and I would understand where he is coming from."

and then when your toothpaste is missing you will think, "hhhhmmmm, did john have anything to do with this? he said he used to steal things when he was eight, so he could do it now!" and then you're all suspicious of him when he comes to your house, until two weeks later, when you find your bottle of toothpaste behind your ear.

lol


clepto!

"Having said all of that, I don't like to volunteer anything about myself all that much either and people seem to just accept it. I'll answer questions if I'm asked, if a little elusively sometimes, but I'm more open when I'm comfortable and have known people longer."

same here...your aqua!

yeah, but you got a shiny green chair.

i WOULD like to know about their past, would be fun.

eh, I was never one to right down my daily thoughts.

of course you have to know there past. a persons personality is made up of every tiny action they make...and if you meet somebody and u dont know anything about the choices they made in their life and what way they react to certain situations...u dont know anythin about them...cos they could be puttin a false image out der....which everyone is in a way...ya need to know somebody years before you truely know somebody....

I always judge how well I know somebody if I can imagine a situation and know exactly what reaction that person (99% of the time) would have to that situation

*react...

Sorry I duno whats wrong with my hands today they have a mind of their own

Depends whether you're having a great time with your current partner or not. Cause discussing about his/her past may eventually affect the good relationship. What I mean is you start a new chapter with that parner regardless of your/his/her past right ? Now someone may argue that the past may show a pattern which will help you see if relationship is really going well or may end up in a bad way as in the past. That has a point too :-\

"Is there some sort of (psychological?) concept about precedence? Like, placing more faith or trust in the aspects that we were first exposed to? So, if we know the positive aspects first, then do those hold more weight?"

mm, yes.

lady m, i'm not a klepto, i swear! 😛

"You know what you think you know. What about what you don't know?"

i guess that's settled then.
i really wish my parents were the journaling types. that would be cool.

as usual, everyone has some really good points. now i gots things to consider.