Ladies (7 guys) how do u tell sum1 ur not interest

I reckon this is different between the genders but my question is primarily for the girls as I'm wondering if most women here anyway, find it ok to tell a guy who's coming on to them that they are quite simply not interested in them. I, myself find it quite difficult to muster up the courage to tell a guy that I'm not interested in them. I normally just hope that they'll figure it out by the fact that I don't reciprocate their advances and am just friendly (I even try to be a bit goofy for extra turn-off! 😉 This doesn't always work and I end up slithering away from them somehow and then just avoiding contact with them as much as possible. But this approach makes me feel like I am rather pathetic and should be assertive enough to tell the guy that I'm not into him in that way. Eeek. How do others manage in these matters?

Ha! sorry that should be "&" instead of "7" in the subject title (am on a computer with very stiff keys)

Yeah sorry (my typing's poo)

absolutely i feel ok telling the guy that i am not interested!!! if i don't want anything to do with him, why would i lie and pretend that i do— i am not that kind of person...i am very straightforward. if i don't like you, i will tell you to your face. i have no problem with that. and if a guy comes up to me and hits on me i will tell him to leave me alone, and if he doesn't get the clue...i will just be a total bi*ch.

Wish I could give advice on this, but I too cannot manage to tell someone I am not interested in them. I don't want to hurt their feelings. It's best to be straight foward, however thats not the easiest thing to do.

Mamma_Roz I'm pretty much the same as you.

Moonchild8 The reason why I find it hard to do this is because I don#t like hurting people's feeling by basically saying that I find them unattractive. It just sounds mean and I wouldn't like it myself if someone said it to me. But at the same time I do know that honesty is the best policy and it's better to be as up front as I can manage.

Well I just got a text this evening from this guy whom I met at a wedding party last weekend. We happened to be the only single people there (literally!) he rang me in work (the wedding was of a man who used to work in the same company as me) and asked for my mobile number. What could I do except give it to him and then he texted me this evening to ask me what I'm doing on thursday. He's a nice guy, friendly (he's an aqua too ha ha) but I don't fancy him. Anyway I don't wanna be rude but what should I say? I know I sound like a wimp.

Hey MD....you can tell him that you are only interested in being friends with him and if that works for him then great if not, you will completely understand. Right now I am not in a relationship mode so all of my guys pals are just that - pals and it works just fine! Guess I just have not met my match yet 😉

Oh, also I really feel that men do understand when you say you are not interested - I think they respect a woman who is forthright with her thoughts and feelings and would be just as glad to know the truth upfront with no hard feelings. Hey guys...what do YOU think?

Let us know what happens - and good luck!

Yeah good suugeestions there guys. I texted him back to say I'm pretty much tied up this week but will give him a shout next week. That sounds casual enough. If I do meet up with him I'll make sure it's in a group setting and then say casually that I just wanna be friends and I hope that's ok with him. Hey sometimes when you have a plan ot verbal action it helps!

GL: I know it's kinda silly to give your number to a guy you're not interested in but asked and I didn't know what to do except give it to him. Like he'd know straight away I was making it up if I made it up (am pretty useless at telling on the spot porkers) and I couldn't just say "no you may not have my number". Would you seriously say that to a guy? (theoretically since you're in a relationship now). If you would then I have to congratulate you on your gutsy honesty.

Well that was just said to put it on the long finger while still sounding friendly. It's vague enough not to commit me to having to arrange a more specific "date". Ah well if he does persist I'll just come clean early on and say even if I perhaps seemed keen at the party last time (was hanging out with him cos we were the only two non coupled up couples at the party!) I'm not ready for any kind of relationship ATM.

This is like politics!

I just turn their invitations down and if they ask me if I'm interested I say 'no' and if they ask me if they'll ever have a chance I say 'no'.... 'ummm maybe'.... 'I don't like you that way' in that dumb manner in order lol

Generally they don't seem offended, rather amused...? Hah? They kinda laugh and go 'No? just like that?' which makes me laugh too... it goes all directions from there. Some become friends, others keep insisting and others lose contact la la la la

Nothing beats the truth.. guys cant always read the signals right remember hehe..

Just tell us straight from the start 🙂

...' reckon this is different between the genders but my question is primarily for the girls as I'm wondering if most women here anyway, find it ok to tell a guy who's coming on to them that they are quite simply not interested in them. I, myself find it quite difficult to muster up the courage to tell a guy that I'm not interested in them. I normally just hope that they'll figure it out by the fact that I don't reciprocate their advances and am just friendly (I even try to be a bit goofy for extra turn-off! This doesn't always work and I end up slithering away from them somehow and then just avoiding contact with them as much as possible. But this approach makes me feel like I am rather pathetic and should be assertive enough to tell the guy that I'm not into him in that way. Eeek. How do others manage in these matters?...'


ooo i totally understand how u feel.. i mean us aquarians attract soooo many guyz and they all wanna go out wid ya and want sumthin serious which can be really hard coz at times sum 1 is a gr8 friend and u dont wanna lose him as a friend.... but u noh wat... i jus make the guy sit down and let me him noh my feelingz for him.... before i used to do jus as u did.... avoid da guy but that doesnt work... u need to let ur feelingz out coz otherwise ur jus gonna hurt sum1 badly... i jus let da guyz know that ' I am HAPPY to be SINGLE and not ready to MINGLE...' or now that i have a BF i let 'em noh im taken.... itz funny how sum guyz still insist on jus goin out wid ya as a friend even wen u have a BF ( and u kindda noh ( ur intuition) they are EVILLLLL and want more...)

"itz funny how sum guyz still insist on jus goin out wid ya as a friend even wen u have a BF ( and u kindda noh ( ur intuition) they are EVILLLLL and want more...)"

HAHAHA! this is so true

yeah it would drive me crazy if i really liked a woman but she just wanted to be m8s and we just hung out.. because eventually she would be with some other guy and this really go down hill from there lol...

i really dont think its possible to for people to be just feriends if one likes the other even if your really in control of your emotions and keep it hidden away it will end up killing you inside and one day u will snap 🙂..

eliza0012: "itz funny how sum guyz still insist on jus goin out wid ya as a friend even wen u have a BF ( and u kindda noh ( ur intuition) they are EVILLLLL and want more...)"


Yes I know what you mean. I find this in some guys but this scorpio guy who's a mate in particular won this race hands down. I would tell him over and over again and eventually it wasn't even nice, I was blunt and nearly went over board trying to convey to him how much I was not into sleeping with him or having a romantic relationship with him. He would say "yes, that's fine, duh" and then proceed to play mind games and go into sulks if we were out and it became a pparent to him that I might be looking at or expressing interest in someone else. He's living in the UK now and has a girlfriend which has really lifted the pressure in this regard so last time we met up it was ok.

Supra_mike: "yeah it would drive me crazy if i really liked a woman but she just wanted to be m8s and we just hung out.. because eventually she would be with some other guy and this really go down hill from there lol..."

Yes I know what you mean and the same applies to a woman who likes a man romantically but he doesn't dig her in the same way. Like I have fancied this guy for about 2 years now, it's never gone anywhere really, we slept together earlier on but that petered out over a year ago. Now we just have this feeble correspondence where we meet up very occasionally. Now if he overtly came on to another woman in my presence I would be pretty upset. Having said that, perhaps it would enable to get over him and move on. Like I actively maintain contact with him, mainly cos I still fancy him, so perhaps this would be therapeutic for me if he did ravish someone in fornt of me! What I'm getting at is that if one person has said as explicitly as they can that they are not interested in the other person in a romantic way, the balls is in the other's court to absorb this information so that they should decide it it's sensible to keep hanging around them