Men & STRIP CLUBS

Tell me...What is your opinion on Men in relationships who go to strip clubs? Does it depend: on how many TIMES he goes/how frequent he goes? WHO he goes with? Whether OR not he tells his girlfriend? Why he feels the NEED to go? What SERVICES he did OR didn't receive from the strippers? How LONG or strong the relationship/commitment is? Give me your OPINIONS & viewpoints on how you feel about committed men going to strip clubs

I'd rather him do something better with his money, thats the only thing I can't understand....why would someone want to pay for that...maybe the fact that I as a woman don't really have to...I guess I just don't understand.

Most strip clubs don't allow touching, etc... I dont consider strip club goers as cheaters, etc though. Now, if they frequent it as though its football season on a Monday night....ugh No! What is your problem?? An occasional night out with the guys is fine I guess....but again why is he spending [MY] money on some stripper!!?

I think that if you are in a relationship why can't you get what you need from home...I think when they go to the Stripclubs...that it is a form of mental cheating. Maybe if they are going for a bachelor party.. But I feel like you should be able to tell your girlfriend if you are going and if you can't then you feel like you have something to hide which is an entirely different problem altogether. And services, don't let me get started on services....NO, NO, NO!!!!

All of the above!
The only concern I have when my husband goes, which is maybe once a year, is spending money. We do NOT have the funds to help some poor stripper get through college. We need those funds to put ME through college!
I'm fine with it every now and then. It's a place he can go with his buddies and get a little fix. Now, if he's hiding it or going a lot, then that would be a big issue for me. My husband actually regrets whenever he does go. The girls weren't cute or it was just boring.
I've been with my husband for over 10 years now. If I was worried about a once per year boobie fix, I would have been long gone by now!
I do not feel this is cheating...although for some men who may become obsessed with it...it surly could be a problem.

Like all things, I think it depends on the couple. A certain level of trust is needed. While I don't understand the attraction, I respect men as men and have no problem with a boyfriend/spouse visiting a strip club as long as I trust him. That said, my ex-husband had NO interest in strip clubs, pornography, or even female stars. It was a hard lesson when I learned that the reason is because he was getting plenty of stimulation from real women. Have the porn, have the strip clubs, but come home to me. That's all I ask.

Posted by cruiserbabe
Like all things, I think it depends on the couple. A certain level of trust is needed. While I don't understand the attraction, I respect men as men and have no problem with a boyfriend/spouse visiting a strip club as long as I trust him. That said, my ex-husband had NO interest in strip clubs, pornography, or even female stars. It was a hard lesson when I learned that the reason is because he was getting plenty of stimulation from real women. Have the porn, have the strip clubs, but come home to me. That's all I ask.

Agreed!

I agree with you guys. I get it, men are more visual & physically stimulated than women. BUT, my problem with a committed man going to a strip club is that 1. He's putting himself in an environment where the likelihood of others respecting his relationship is ZERO 2. He's giving out resources (his money, his sexual appetite, etc.) to someone OTHER than the woman he's committed to & 3. We're all adults here..we all know that the "no touch" rule is like most other rules that are broken. A man going to a strip club & gawking at other women, whether he touches them or not is pointless b/c it's all a tease; it's like window shopping. Why invest in something/someone you'll never have? Doesn't make much sense. With men & strip clubs, it doesn't usually get past fantasy, & yes while I can understand why stimulating that part of a man is important, I DON'T think it's necessary. A man gawking at another woman period in a strip club is just as disrespectful as a man sitting & staring at his ex girlfriend OR any other woman while she's butt naked. It's not healthy for the relationship. Strippers could care less about a man's wife/girlfriend/family, which is why those clubs aren't the best choice for a committed man; after all, he would be at the stripper's mercy! That's how they make their money. A strippers goal is to entice a man so much so that all logic goes out of the door, thus only his sexual appetite taking over. That's a dangerous game to play when you're in a committed relationship

Posted by Aqualeo
I don't understand the money argument. If I am in a relationship I expect to manage my money and I expect you to manage your own. Even though other couples won't do this I think a man should have some discretion on how to enjoy some of the money he makes.

For the most part I agree with what cruiserbabe said, it definitely is a matter of trust. Some women know their men can't handle that pressure and will do everything in their power to make sure he doesn't go to a stripclub.

I personally want to be with a man not a boy, so a man who knows he can handle this and still walk out and come home is fine by me. Similarly a man who is true to himself and knows he will slip up and doesn't go is fine by me. As a grown man I expect you to know your limits.

krysrenee7 the point that you have put up stating that a stripclub is an environment where people will not respect the man's relationship I find to be a weak reason. Why? Who is to say that elsewhere people respect your relationship. There are people who say that the workplace is hunting ground for women to find husbands so are they going to respect your relationship? What about going to the clubs? parties? after parties? men-only holidays? Are these places where people will respect your relationship?

You use the word committed man and if the man is committed then if a stripper comes on too strong he can walk out can't he? Similarly if a woman is making advances in the workplace/elsewhere then he can also leave. What I am saying is that a relationship is between two people and to expect other people to respect it in this day and age well its ideal but its probably not always going to happen.

I don't know where you live, but my state says specifically "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine". So, any money I make, he shares and vice versa. Now, this was different before we were married, when we were first together and still just dating. It's not about managing money...it's about pooling it together for the good of the family. We've done this for years. If he's got any extra money, it better be going to the bills. Now, there are exceptions to this "rule" of course. If he needs some jeans or a new hammer, go for it! But, don't be putting money down some girl's g-string when we need money for the electric bill! We are pay check to pay check. If we made good money, then I would be fine having him

continued...
go out and party with it...occasionally.

Buy something with residual benefits. Dont spend it on the sight of tits and ass...you can go to the beach down the street from my home and see that for free lol

I understood the question. I'm giving feedback from my position of being married, that's all.
I was just stating that the money factor is what would bother me the most as I trust my man.
If we had extra money to retain for ourselves, than I would understand that. But, these times are extremely tough and being paycheck to paycheck requires all funds go into our community pot.

Regardless. Some people will say that it all comes down to trust. Some people will say that trust has nothing to do with not wanting your partner to be in a room full of naked women/men. Sure, women can come onto you at the job or at the mall or at the gym just during a normal workout. BUT, going to work b/c you HAVE to work in order to support yourself is not the same as purposely driving yourself to a place where that kind of flirting/advances will automatically be there. The reason I started this post was b/c I already knew that people were either going to be Pro OR con on the strip club thing. BUT, I wanted to know WHY. Some women feel that it's not about going, but it's moreso about the frequency for which a man goes. And some might say that whether he goes every night or not it shouldn't matter. Here's my question. If a woman should just trust her man regardless & let only him worry about where he spends his money, then doesn't that mean that it should be okay if he goes to the strip club every night? With that argument, that means that technically how much he goes shouldn't matter b/c it's all about "trust" right? Exactly. That doesn't make sense. How would you men feel if your girlfriend went over to her ex's house or went to the club all the time? After all, it's about "trust" right? With that argument, technically your girlfriend should be able to spend the night at and/or hang with any man (other than YOU) that she wants b/c you automatically trust her, right? Exactly. That's bull. We all love to use the "trust" thing but at the end of the day, most of us would have a problem with our partners being exposed to certain things. No different than a parent might not want their children hanging with the bad kid on the block. It's not to say that they assume their kids don't have minds of their own, BUT it's the principle.

Posted by Aqualeo
Yes ramfishtwins I noted that probably your opinion is such because you are married in my last post.

When I saw relationship I took it to literally mean relationship, because I wouldn't view marriage as a relationship.

You probably have valid reasons as to why and how you run your finances. Equally I also have mine.

When I asked why women stated that the money from their men is theirs I wanted to know where they were coming from and you gave me your take.

You don't consider marriage a "relationship"? Interesting...
I think it's the ultimate relationship. I guess I had assumed anyone married or unmarried could post their thoughts on this particular topic. I did not read it the way you did.

I used to dance a few years ago, and in my experience, most guys go to strip clubs just to relax, have a good time and /or forget about everyday problems. They don't go looking to cheat on their wives, or looking for a girlfriend. They go to fantasize (that's why strippers are always well groomed, perfect nails, hair, etc etc,-or well, they should-and that's what guys are there to see. By the way, don't kid yourself thinking that the club doesn't allow touching. Most of the clubs will say that, but what happens during a private dance is very different from what the club says. It depends on the dancer and the customer. Some dancers will do anything for a few more dollars even in the "cleaniest" clubs. Well this is my experience, and I'm generalizing, sorry is a quick reply but I'm in a hurry. I'll come back later 🙂

Either way, there are 1 million diff. ways we can all look at this situation. I've heard some strippers say that half the men there aren't interested in them or anything further than dancing & I've also heard some strippers say the opposite. Some men go to strip clubs & use it as an opportunity to cheat & some men go & only make use of the dancing & that's it. Some men are honest with their girlfriends/wives about them going to the strip club & some men lie and/or cover it up. Some men spend only a few bucks (nothing that will make or break their pockets) at strip clubs, while some men will spend their mortgage money in there. Some men touch the strippers behind closed doors, while some men follow the "don't touch" rule. Some men go to strip clubs as a way of sending a message that their partners aren't satisfying them sexually (fantasy-wise) & some men just go for the hell of it, even if they are in the happiest & most fulfilling relationships/marriages. Some men go to the clubs by themselves, some men go with a group of their buddies. Some men go once a month/year, while some men go frequently throughout the week/month. Some of the most committed & trustworthy men go to strip clubs BUT then again some of the most undercover jerks go there too...It all just depends on which kind of man you're with.

Men and stripclubs....before I met my Aqua I KNOW he used to frequent them. He has/had this friend (they're not so friendly since I've been around—) who's a bit of a sexual wierdo. He is married and is always down because his wife cheats on him (once that I know of) and treats him sooo badly but little do most people know that he frequents what he calls "titty bars" and has even dragged my BF off to a swingers meeting (my BF didnt' know till he got there and was quite disgusted he says). Hey my BF tells me this friend even took him to a live sex show once. This friend was obsessed with porn and finding new thrills through sex clubs on the internet!
But everyone thought the wife was the bitch?? She was just a bit stupid I think?
I think my BF saw through it - I might've had something to do with it - I won't pretend to like someone when I don't and all I saw was a complete and utter martyr!
They see each other on occassion now like our monthly poker club, birthdays etc. I don't even think they miss each other. My BF used to talk about titty bars all the time and tease me about going to them but in the time I've know him (3 years) we went to one together (it was a couples thing just for the chicks to see what goes on) and then again when he had an oversees client out here (which was probably in the first 6 months of knowing him). Never again since and when other men bring it up he's all game until push comes to shove and then says nah, it's a waste of money, or some excuse. Our neighbour goes every so often and he's stopped asked my BF to join him.

So I think as a single guy (or at least not committed to anyone in particular) he enjoyed going - stimulated him sexually I suppose and gave him something to do with his mates but now that he's in a relationship it doesn't seem to be an issue. I suppose if he were to go to a Bachelors or was under pressure to go he would and he'd expect me to understand (I'd be a bit pissed but what can I do he comes home to our bed). We have an agreement however that if he does go,table dances are fine, lap dances are a no no. He agreed that it was a fair compromise and knowing him and his ways he wouldn't break a deal.