Oh no...Is it really over?

Hello..again!

I'm really confused, and kinda hurt! And I need all the help I can get. I had a "fight" with my aqua friend yesterday (male, on msn) We usually talk everyday, and lately He's been telling me more stuff about himself and what he wants in life and that he is ready to settle down with a girl, the right girl. He tells me that he "needs me and misses me", which I really can't believe. I've known him for a couple of years now. I saw that as a good sign, right?! I let him contact me, I never call him or text him first. So, I told him that he was a mystery and that I liked that about him. I also mentioned that I was going to "solve tht mystery"

He flipped, and he got really offended. He wanted me to "solve" the mystery right on the spot, like not in the future, now! I told him that it's not the right time to do that. I said that in a cute way! Like, I want to get to know you better, and I will be patient! That's kinda what I meant! He took it the wrong way, he said that he likes me and that I am a great person but we shouldn't talk anymore?

My response was, "Okay". I signed out. I think he has blocked me on msn now. Why did he react that way? I feel so stupid for even telling him that, but on the other hand WHY SHOULD I? I am too proud to contact him or send him a message. I don't give a damn, I am just suprised that someone can react that way!?

He knows that I just want to be his friend, and not his girlfriend! And I do have a feeling that he wants more than just friendship, but I don't know anymore, not after what happened yesterday! Is he going to contact me again, or is over?

What do you guys think?

Haha! Oh my days..

You're right. It's time to move on!

Thanks 🙂

I can see where you're coming from, but I can also see where he's coming from.

In YOUR defense, yes, his response to what you said was NOT proportionate; he def. over-reacted. Even had you truly offended him, you 2 oughta have a stronger friendship than that. Him being willing to give up & walk away so easily sheds light on either how immature/stubborn he is OR how fragile the friendship really is.

If you attempted to explain to him that you meant no harm & yet if he's still acting this way, I don't blaim you for not babying him or sucking up to him. The person whose having the temper tantrum should be the one that comes back & comes correct when they finally "get over it."

However, if this guy is truly into you, & wants you for more than a friend, why are you still around full swing if you know deep down that something more than a friendship is NOT what you want? That's teasing someone. Is it that you don't want a relationship YET b/c you haven't had enough time to make such a decision to decide whether or not he's even worthy of committment to you OR do you not want a relationship period, as in it wouldn't matter how great or horrible he was to you, thus your mind still wouldn't change?

Are you not ever willing to contact him 1st b/c he coincidentally beats you to the punch, OR are you only making him initiate contact 1st b/c it's your way of playing some kind of "hard to get" game OR enjoying the ego boost of someone chasing you so hard?

If you truly want this guy & if fear/insecurity is the only thing stopping you from wanting committment, he's probably mad b/c he picked up on this about you & feels that he's damned if he does & damned if he doesn't. He probably feels that him chasing you & showing you his all hasn't ever been good enough, since you still haven't changed your mind about not wanting a relationship. Can you imagine how that feels?! Really wanting someone & yet knowing that you can't have them?

Honey, if there really IS the chance that he can have you, let him know. Put your pride down. Pride NEVER helps a situation. You'll end up losing a good thing that way. No one wants to keep on entertaining/chasing someone who won't budge or who won't atleast let them see that some of their hard work to earn you is paying off.

Perhaps this guy needs to be a little more patient & respect that your "pace" for going about things is a little slower/more cautious than his. And I can understand why you may be a little turned off now. In your defense, who wants to invest in someone who will probably give up on them too fast? Him having this tantrum isn't necessarily helping his case!!

Just give him time to cool off. Maybe he just snapped b/c him feeling empty-handed with you finally reached a boiling point. Either way, if he's really important to you (and you know he is or else we wouldn't be having this conversation), make sure that you guys talk this out when he finally does contact you again. Better yet, show him so love for once, put your pride down & contact him. Just like you need to see that he can be patient, it's equally important to him to know that he's dealing with someone who can put her pride down, step outside of her own box/feelings & go to him. SOMEBODY'S gotta go 1st dammit!

You are absolutely right. I wanted to explain what I really meant, but I never got a chance to do that. It's like he had already made up his mind when he said "I don't think we should talk anymore". And I'm not a chaser, I don't kiss ass! And he is the same. I felt hurt, I couldn't believe that he wanted to "end" things just coz of that.

I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't have time for that. He knows it. I just want his friendship, but after 2 years it feels like he's still a complete stranger! Well it was getting better. I saw another side of him, and not just a jokey funny guy. But the guy who really wanted to talk to me on a regular basis, ask for my advice, tell me personal stuff etc. Then *BAM*, gone.

I just wish he had the balls to contact me and apologize for what happened yesterday, but I know deep down inside that it will never happen. I feel stupid for even thinking that we were friends.

Ahh...you know what. I'll do it. I will contact him and explain. I can't be a stubborn cow forever, right? I have to show him that I appreciate him...You are so right..God I wish I could hug you right now! haha 🙂 Thank you, I really needed this you know! xx

If you or the friendship meant anything to him, trust me he WILL contact you again. It may not happen as fast as you'd think, but it will happen.

Of course you guys hate chasing other people. But it's b/c you're both stubborn vs. you 2 actually having a logical reason not to go after what you want. Not being willing to chase someone that you like has everything to do with ego & little to do with logic. I'm sure that when it comes to everything else in your life that you want, you go get it, instead of expecting it all to fall into your hands. The fact that you're not this way with men indicates that you're purposely making the choice not to for whatever reason.

Normally your situation is the other way around. It's the woman who wants the relationship, while yet the man hesitates & keeps on explaining himself.

Oh he heard you the 1st time when you said you weren't ready for a relationship. Maybe he's like a lot of women in that he assumed that if he showed you his worth, that you'd somehow change your mind or consider him an incentive to change that. Maybe he's even insulted at the fact that him showing his all still hasn't changed your mind...if that's the case, it's silly for him to blaim you for that...technically (as guys say all the time), he knew that you weren't ready for a relationship from the beginning, so why he's still chasing after someone who is not on the same page as him is HIS fault & on him, not you. He can't blaim/knock you for being consistent & sticking by your own words.

A friendship requires BOTH people to have the ability to put their pride down & be the bigger person. We can talk about how good of a friend he's NOT being simply b/c he cut you off. But the same could be said towards you too. If he's worth it & if the friendship is worth it to YOU, why wouldn't you take the initiate & do for him what you'd expect for him to do for you? You've gotta be to others what you'd expect them to be/do for you in certain situations

He'll contact you. It may take a while but he will.

As for him having a tantrum about what happened - you may not understand it, we may not understand it, but to him it will make sense.

The thing is, he needs to come forth and explain why he acted that way - without him doing this you don't know what to do and he needs to know this. It's the Aqua way mostly, to pop up and try to carry on like nothing happened. Unfortunately for him you need to know why he acted as strangely as he did so he'll have to explain it.

He's not gone for good, he'll contact you - and I feel he should if what you've explained is correct. He'll most likely talk all sorts of rubbish rather than actually admit he was an idiot, so be prepared for that. Stand your ground in a calm manner though - and explain that a friendship with a volatile nature isn't your cup of tea, that you can get past it, but that he owes you an explanation and an apology.

Yeah, he'll be back - probably with a bit of an attitude because he'll be thinking what he did makes sense to you too - but I'm sure you'll be able to sort it. Aqua's are pretty peace-loving really, it doesn't take that long to calm down - he'll be sulking for a while but you'll hear from him.

^^^^^ Agreed!

Hahaha! We Aquas can be so petty sometimes. Smh smh.

As an Aqua myself, I get that some Aquas are quick to run for the hills the minute they figure you've done something wrong or hell even when they themselves are in the wrong, BUT if/when you DO talk to this guy again, you need to make it very clear that this about him is NOT ok with you & that if his way of "communicating" or solving friendship conflicts/misunderstanding, then he can keep it moving & go find someone who thinks that's ok.

Either way, make it known that if he can't face you & talk about things (regardless of whose in the wrong), you no longer consider his friendship worth it or necessary. After getting this point across to him, he'll either get his shxt together REAL quick, apologize & think twice before doing it again OR he'll continue to be a douche & cut you off, which would be HIS loss more than yours anyways....so it's really a win/win

Well ladies, I did send him a message trying to explain what I really meant. I told him that I'm not playing mind games with him and that I just wanted to be his friend. "The ball is in your court". And that's it. I'm not going to chase him by contacting him. If he wants to talk, he will have to contact me then. He is so damn stubborn, but so am I.

And you are right, he is the type of guy that will "blame me" for what happened, coz what he did "make sense" well to him it does! It's just weird, one minute he's all "are you going to bed alone?" and the next "I don't think we should talk anymore"

I'm not going to think about it anymore. I appreciate your help! Thank you 🙂

Yes its over because women dont understand what the "friendzone" is to a man....men that deal with women understand that once you are in the friend zone with a woman, there is no way anything will be able to blossom from that situation. So they wont waste their time with someone that isnt interested romantically with them, and will use that time to find someone who appreciates that friendship and would want to pursue something more with the individual..

Especially for an aqua male, who are usually very out of sight out of mind type people, its going to be hard for them to put effort into something that wont get them what they want. If he has someone else in the picture, its basically a done deal especially if she sees him as more than a friend..

It is what it is, men aren't jerks and all that stuff because they dont want to spend time with a woman that only sees them as just a friend. You need to understand that men that actually spend quality time with woman that aren't obviously hideous, are usually trying to pursue a relationship. The fact that hes an Aqua male, and wants to pursue a relationship should be enough for you to want him anyways since they are rare in that factor...however, it is what it is, I think he understands you dont see him in that way, and I understand why he doesnt want anything to do with you.....that doesn't really make him "immature"....hes just doing what he feels is good for him, and at least for your sanity, just respect that fact.