RANT 101.. SORRY, FEELING VERY DOWN :(

SIGH.. Ok, im fine with giving my boyfriend of 4.5 years some space, i dont contact him.. im leaving him alone.. but you know, im home on a saturday night when I should be with him.. it hurts me that were soo close but SO FAR..and for what— LIKE WHYYY DO AQUAS NEED SPACE/DISAPPEAR..........doesnt he miss me.. i havent contacted him for so long.. anyone else go through this 😢

The problem isn't that he needs space.

The problem is that you DON'T understand or accept that he needs space.

So in essence, I'm not sure the problem is him. I think the problem is YOU

You revolve your world around this man. Everything you live, breathe & do involves him. You don't feel whole or complete without him. You literally can't function unless he's around. That's the 1st mistake you're making.

What you fail to realize is that he's probably already realized all of what I just said & instead of you taking this time to reflect, look in the mirror & work on yourself so that you DON'T end up losing him, you'd rather keep on doing the same things that caused him to want distance from you in the 1st place.

And just b/c he can't physically hear you freaking out now doesn't mean that he doesn't know you are. Oh he knows it, b/c he knows you well.

Try something different from once. You have nothing to lose. I'm certain of that simply b/c what you're doing now is NOT working.

Instead of pretending to be busy, actually BE busy. Instead of pretending to understand, put your own selfish feelings to the side for once & actually understand! Instead of pretending to be independent emotionally, just be independent emotionally.

99% of what you fear is all in your head & is the result of your own inner demons & insecurity. And when your fears of losing him become real, it's b/c he has discovered that you are completely unwilling to get yourself together just for the sake of your OWN sanity

Come on...this has got to be draining! You are driving yourself nuts, & all over something you can't control. Relax.

Sounds like you don't need to be in a relationship at all right now. You're smothering him mentally & physically...even if he's not around to see you freaking out, you're still being over-dramatic

And by the time he finally does come back, you would've already worked yourself up so much that you end up reading more into things than necessary & making things worse.

Reelax there...and thanks. But, I DO UNDERSTAND his need for space. the gemini in me in just impatient. and there is no way he knows that Im going nuts.. or that I do miss him.. NO WAY. theres no contact. he is no psychic. he is not god. hes just a MAN. and i am keeping myself actually busy. I work 12 hours everyday.

Posted by gemini1689
Reelax there...and thanks. But, I DO UNDERSTAND his need for space. the gemini in me in just impatient. and there is no way he knows that Im going nuts.. or that I do miss him.. NO WAY. theres no contact. he is no psychic. he is not god. hes just a MAN. and i am keeping myself actually busy. I work 12 hours everyday.

Honey, the impatience in you won't go away b/c like you said, it's apart of who you are. So you're right, he may not see it THIS time, but there will be a "next time" & eventually he WILL see this side in you

Actually, I think he's already seen it & that's why he's disappeared on you but you refuse to believe that.

Being impatient when patience is needed is NOT a good thing & isn't something you should keep being just b/c someone technically can't see/hear it. This is something that can ruin things down the road.

And just b/c your impatience isn't ruining things "now" doesn't mean you should purposely not work on something that you know deep down can hurt your chances with him later on.

So instead of going crazy with all these posts, just take some "me" time yourself! Get yourself together. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out. Calm your mind. Have faith that if you 2 are truly meant to be that things will work out. Have faith that if he's truly into you, he'll be back.

Flipping out (whether he can see it or not) won't change anything.

If anything try being patient for the sake of knowing that in doing so you have nothing to lose. But you have EVERYTHING to lose by purposely continuing on in a manner that hasn't gotten you far in the past.

Instead of defending your flaw, try to change it. You can't keep doing the same things & yet expecting a different outcome.

What you're doing now is NOT working so instead of getting defensive or defending a plan that clearly isn't working, dedicate your time to trying to change it & do something different. I guarantee you'll feel better & will be more level-headed when you finally DO talk to this guy

+1 to everything Krys said. GOLDEN advice!

Gemini, no one here WANTS to see you fail.. no one here would try to steer you wrong or mess up your relationship. Krys is trying to HELP you, not laughing at you or trying to hurt your feelings!

THANK YOU KRYS and NEFER and all the rest of the people who are giving me advice. I have booked myself busy this entire week on purpose. I feel goood! because I know everythings going to work out, just a matter of time. You were right. I am going to a concert this weekend, Im going to have the time of my life! Im going to spend time with friends and myself this weeek..and also going to keep myself busy at work the days I dont have plans. whether i see himt his summer or not, isnt a big deal...when weve got our whooole lives ahead of us together. THANKS so much

Aye... krysrenee7 just spat some TRUTH right there!! Lol! I concur w/ everything she sed. N she's right. Don't get offensive! We're all here to help n if the truth hurts all u need to do is change something. U say ur busy yada ya but ur actions show otherwise when every 2 post on this forum is u talking about the same problem -- which is fine btw. But don't get offended & b n denial if u get called out. Like I sed, we're here jst to help. Bt it sounds like ur u don't want n e. U just want to cry n vent. N if that's the case, I'd suggest posting in the cancer forum lol. They'd embrace ur problems n happy wallow in misery wit u. I don't think its ur gemini impatience making u trip -- its ur venus in cancer for sure lol. Good luck to u tho n hope everything works out....

+1 2x's for Krys....Her advice was direct and on point, she's covered all the bases.

Unfortunately when a woman is caught up in her own feelings it's really hard for her to see her mistakes until it's too late and no other opportunities are available to mend the relationship.

Take a step back Gem1689 and really look at how you're revolving your whole life around this man which is translating over to him as suffocating behavior and that's one of the main reasons why he's gone, it's okay to love a man but if for some reason your behavior says to him you love him more than you love yourself he'll respond to that by leaving, it's too much pressure to make your life complete and also complete his own life and he'll CHOOSE HIMSELF FIRST each and every time before he takes on the task of being your everything, if you continue to appear like he's your whole world you'll lose him for sure, you should be out on a Saturday night with him or without him and the very fact that you can't go out, refuse to go out and have a great time without him is the very thing he's running from, he DOESN'T WANT TO BE YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

Him leaving is an opportunity for you fall in love with yourself again, to fall in love with being an independent individual outside of the relationship...When we make our relationships responsible for our happiness (even if we don't consciously feel or know we are doing that) and make our relationships our identities it kills the relationship and it kill our partners attraction to us.

Take this time to redefine yourself so you will no longer rely on him/the relationship to define you, be your whole world and the main source that brings meaning and happiness into your life b/c that's what he's doing, attempting to redefine himself outside of the relationship with you.

Posted by aquarius21
it sounds like ur u don't want n e. U just want to cry n vent. N if that's the case, I'd suggest posting in the cancer forum lol. They'd embrace ur problems n happy wallow in misery wit u. I don't think its ur gemini impatience making u trip -- its ur venus in cancer for sure lol. Good luck to u tho n hope everything works out....

LOL Yes the cancer board will embrace her for sure, so many whiney ass women over there, just whine all day and with that being said there are several really nice women that don't whine and give gentle advice and good shoulders to cry on.

Posted by krysrenee7
The problem isn't that he needs space.

The problem is that you DON'T understand or accept that he needs space.

So in essence, I'm not sure the problem is him. I think the problem is YOU

You revolve your world around this man. Everything you live, breathe & do involves him. You don't feel whole or complete without him. You literally can't function unless he's around. That's the 1st mistake you're making.

What you fail to realize is that he's probably already realized all of what I just said & instead of you taking this time to reflect, look in the mirror & work on yourself so that you DON'T end up losing him, you'd rather keep on doing the same things that caused him to want distance from you in the 1st place.

And just b/c he can't physically hear you freaking out now doesn't mean that he doesn't know you are. Oh he knows it, b/c he knows you well.

Try something different from once. You have nothing to lose. I'm certain of that simply b/c what you're doing now is NOT working.

Instead of pretending to be busy, actually BE busy. Instead of pretending to understand, put your own selfish feelings to the side for once & actually understand! Instead of pretending to be independent emotionally, just be independent emotionally.

99% of what you fear is all in your head & is the result of your own inner demons & insecurity. And when your fears of losing him become real, it's b/c he has discovered that you are completely unwilling to get yourself together just for the sake of your OWN sanity

Come on...this has got to be draining! You are driving yourself nuts, & all over something you can't control. Relax.

Sounds like you don't need to be in a relationship at all right now. You're smothering him mentally & physically...even if he's not around to see you freaking out, you're still being over-dramatic

holy shit Krys...how you gonna get ALL of that from Three sentences?!!!

I'm so teasing..I don't even think the advice was bad or that krys was wrong..I just think it's funny that we'd have some posts where you could gather entire inferences like this..just cuz we know the tone.

Golden words by kryserene again.

Posted by gemini1689

SIGH.. Ok, im fine with giving my boyfriend of 4.5 years some space, i dont contact him.. im leaving him alone.. but you know, im home on a saturday night when I should be with him.. it hurts me that were soo close but SO FAR..and for what— LIKE WHYYY DO AQUAS NEED SPACE/DISAPPEAR..........doesnt he miss me.. i havent contacted him for so long.. anyone else go through this 😢

Is DXP running outta "current" posts that a seven year post has reincarnated yet again!?



🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva