relationship advice regarding an qua man

Hey guys I know this is an old post but I hope someone can help me out an aqua will be a bonus but I still don't mind any body's input. So I'm a taurean female who as been in a relationship with an aqua guy for over 4 years. We met when I was straight out of high school. We are opposites but click, he has already told me he loves me in fact he told me that after 6 months of dating, I have seen all of him he has cried in front of me shared so many secrets with me, we have had a few bumps on the road mainly cause of communication he is a Lil on the cold side but if you play your cards right he opens up. Till recently we were joined at the hip something happened that has become a dark cloud above our heads. That's why I'm here cause I don't know what to do, we always misunderstand each other and these recent problems has made me seek out info online and I must say I have learned a lot. I never understood why he was so difficult and different from the rest. I didn't understand some of his actions but all this reading has given me an insight about his mind, don't get me wrong I have always loved how his mind works but couldn't understand the meaning or the reason behind his actions. Anyway let me get to the problem. 2 years in our relationship he cheated on me with his lecturer . I felt something was odd and constantly asked him but he reassured me with a straight face that nothing was a miss till he finally told me 1 night that he wanted to end our relationship he gave me some weird excuse which I didn't buy for 1 sec. It didn't take long for 1 of his sisters to snitch yep I'm very close with the family too. I was upset but knowing the lecturer and her history I knew it was cause of sex and at the time I was going through issues when it came to sex. He never told me that my issues was making our sex life suffer and he loves his sex let me just put it at that. Still I knew they would not last cause of his difficult nature and right I was less than 2 months they broke up and the weird thing is the whole time he was with her we couldn't stop talking to each other if he had a problem he would call me and vice versa. We couldn't stay away from each other. Well after that romance fizzled out he came begging for me. I was hurt though and my trust was completely broken. I am an honest and trustworthy individual myself so trust and honesty is a big deal to me and he broke it. His family begged me to give him another chance which I did but I felt like he never really owned up to his actions and to make matters worse he changed and grew cold that hurt me but I was determined to change that and eventually he started coming around again. He asked me to forgive him finally which I have tried but sometimes he will do things that will remind me of the past like for example he has the tendency of keeping things from me even the small innocent 1s and that takes me back to the dishonesty and trust. I recently travelled for work and I thought the distance

Would be good for us since we are joined to the hip however the opposite happened we were ok till 4 days before I came back home. There was a girl he added on fb and that was the same gal I caught him getting too friendly with online 3 years ago so I kindly asked him to remove her and he got mad saying that I will never trust or listen to him again and it hurts I didn't understand why he got so upset but since then he has been cold to me again he even asked that we break up but he asked me back 6 days later. I kind of regret my approach to that whole situation cause he's now cold than ever so distant I even feel like he's found someone else even though he has reassured me that's not the case and he gets even angrier when I say that cause he says that's the reason why we have problems my lack of trust and listening. Which is true I don't trust nor listen to him cause I never know when he's being honest so I shut him out. He has begged me in the past to stop even with tears in his eyes he begged me but yall know aqua man are so confusing I didn't know what to believe. He is coming around but is still kind of cold and that makes me cry and gives me anxiety which he Hates. He said he still loves me dearly but my lack of trust has kind of put a dent in his feelings about me. Like I said he is coming around but is still kind of cold still gives me silent treatments while I'm used to us communicating every single day. He's not as loving through the phone like he used to be but in person he is. Like I said I have been here before with him even I put him through this a couple of months back but it wasn't for long cause I'm the mushy type plus he stayed up the whole night crying and begging me to not let him go. Intellectually I still lock him in so I'm using that to my advantage by bringing up random topics. I have done some research on him and I used to find him odd cause aquas don't speak like us they talk in riddles and have a unique way of saying and expressing things. I used to doubt his love but my research has actually proven to me that he has a very deep and raw love for me he even talks about marriage. I know everything about him and so does he I we are best friends but recently I been feeling like I'm losing my friend I know he is still angry about what happened he doesn't forgive very easily even though he is quick to say I forgive u. So my question guys what can I do to win him back fully. I can't stand not having my best friend by my side I miss him dearly. I know he misses me too but is good at hiding things while I'm not just by looking at him i can tell he is miserable. He looks like he hasn't slept in ages which breaks my heart even more cause I know I caused it. I need tips to get my soul mate back guys old. Anything at all will help I can't even sleep.Yes I know a Taurus woman with an aqua man. We so incompatible but it worked for us. Oh and how can I convince him to go to couples therapy. He said he will think about it though.

He may love you, but you'll have to be the one to stop this.

It reminds me of my relationship with my Aqua. We also met about a year after high school.

I get the sense that because he knows you so well, he is manipulating this relationship so that he gets from you what he needs to feel in control, and you're falling right into the trap.

Eventually, like I did, you'll get tired of living this way and you'll be able to let him go, and you won't need him in your life.

As much as I loved my guy and knew we had a special connection, I was absolutely done with him doing the same kind of things to me that your guy is doing to you now.

Mine realized how shitty a person he was being and eventually reached out to me, a changed man. Yours may do the same, but if not you'll be free to live your life without this soul-killing drama.

I'm not telling you to break it off, but I'm saying that eventually you will, or will have to when you realize that relationships shouldn't be this fucked up and you need to regain your sanity.

Oh, and may I also add that his being upset with you for not trusting him ( after he admitted to messing around, and acting suspicious about a different girl now) is CLASSIC manipulative behavior. You have every right to question his loyalty. Trust your gut, it's probably right.

Do what you will with that information; either let him walk all over you and then make you feel like it's your fault, or walk away and let him decide if it was worth it.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I went through this for 10 years, thinking it would eventually get better. Never did, until I finally had enough for real. At a certain point, you realize that you've wasted a lot of energy trying to save a guy who doesn't think he needs saving.

I realized at 30 years old that I was in a relationship with a teenager mentality and was just unwilling to continue that way.

Posted by sultrykitty
Oh, and may I also add that his being upset with you for not trusting him ( after he admitted to messing around, and acting suspicious about a different girl now) is CLASSIC manipulative behavior. You have every right to question his loyalty. Trust your gut, it's probably right.

Do what you will with that information; either let him walk all over you and then make you feel like it's your fault, or walk away and let him decide if it was worth it.

The girl thing happened 3 years ago. Then he added her again recently which annoyed me. He got upset cause I constantly question his loyalty and always bring up the past. He begged me to stop or it was going to "destroy our future" maybe I should back off a Lil bit.

I feel like that too sometimes. When he came back changed did you take him back?

Backing off the questions is fine, but you'll know in your gut if he's being honest with you. Why he thinks that you shouldn't have a problem with him getting back in touch with a girl he banged, no matter how long ago, is very inconsiderate of your feelings. That he's threatening you with your "future" is just another indication that he's manipulating you. He may not even realize that he is.

Mine used to do that shit too. I used to back off because I didn't want to be the reason our relationship ended. After I started to get wise, I started throwing it back at him. It caused a lot of fighting. Like I said, I eventually got tired of it and told him I was done and walked. You can only do that when you're ready to.

They never banged they just flirted online. The lady he banged who was his lecturer he hasn't spoken to her since they broke up.

Posted by jdeoliv91
I feel like that too sometimes. When he came back changed did you take him back?

Yes, and it was a very noticeable change right away. I expected to get in touch with him in a year to see if we still felt a connection. He called me out of the blue 3 months later.

We've been together ever since, 15 years.

Posted by jdeoliv91
They never banged they just flirted online. The lady he banged who was his lecturer he hasn't spoken to her since they broke up.

Thanks for the clarification, but still...

I think I'm confusing you. The lady he cheated on me with and the lasy he recently added on fb are 2 different people. He only flirted with her online but that's cheating to me too especially since he would freak out whenever I was being nice to a person online.

So what do you think I must do? Just give it a break? The thought itself is already depressing. The whole destroying our future thing always happened when he felt I didn't trust him but he would say it so calmy until this trip happened I'm so confused. But I will try to back away.

I get it now. :-)

TBH, because of our history (I cheated on him too, in the beginning), we just don't have friends of the opposite sex anymore. Takes the questions out of the equation totally.

I did cheat on him too. He doesn't know about it and I regret it. But I have never stepped out on him ever since. This is all so confusing and what star sign are you?

Posted by jdeoliv91
So what do you think I must do? Just give it a break? The thought itself is already depressing. The whole destroying our future thing always happened when he felt I didn't trust him but he would say it so calmy until this trip happened I'm so confused. But I will try to back away.

Honestly, I can't tell you what to do. I can see patterns that I recognize, and I can only tell you how MY relationship worked out. Maybe it can help you, maybe not. Or maybe not right now.

Just remember our conversation and when the time comes, it may benefit you.

I'm a Leo sun. Aqua's astrological opposite.

We are not even compatible in astrology cause we are so opposite. When he broke up with me this time. I totally tarnished him. Lied that I was cheating on him the whole time and he sucked in bed that's why I went to seek satisfaction else where that totally demolished him . He blocked me on his phone, social media. I was so over how emotionally detached he was so I wanted to make him feel the way I was feeling, it worked. Anyway thank you so much for the input. I think I just need to stop reaching out all the time.

Posted by jdeoliv91

Posted by sultrykitty
Oh, and may I also add that his being upset with you for not trusting him ( after he admitted to messing around, and acting suspicious about a different girl now) is CLASSIC manipulative behavior. You have every right to question his loyalty. Trust your gut, it's probably right.

Do what you will with that information; either let him walk all over you and then make you feel like it's your fault, or walk away and let him decide if it was worth it.

The girl thing happened 3 years ago. Then he added her again recently which annoyed me. He got upset cause I constantly question his loyalty and always bring up the past. He begged me to stop or it was going to "destroy our future" maybe I should back off a Lil bit.

click to expand

He cheated, and now he's butt hurt because you don't trust him. Awww, poor baby. Screw him!
He needs to own up to his own responsibility here. He should be lucky that you're willing to forgive and he should be minding his p's and q's.

The important thing is is WHY he's so defensive. Hmmm....

Once someone cheats, things are never the same. You will always have doubts. He will always feel defensive. You will both have to communicate honestly with each other and be receptive to each other's feelings. Otherwise, the relationship will be destroyed.

I think this is why a lot of couples have a couples facebook page.

However, he does have a point, if you're always bringing up the past, then you haven't truly forgiven and moved on from it.

Btw, I'd never trust fully again, either. So I feel your situation.

I only bring up the past when he does stuff that reminds me of the past like adding that girl on fb. That was disrespectful.

No trust, no honesty. Good bonds should not be like this, I hope you can see that.

I hear you all. I decided to give up switched off my phone just disappeared it hasn't been 24hrs yet but he is already looking for me. I'm so confused. Aqua people are so confusing. I'm never getting involved with 1 ever again... too dramatic for me and cold.

I think he would appreciate hearing you tell him it's over, when you feel comfortable and strong enough. It's a hard thing to do, especially when you both still have feelings. He may eventually fade out too, once he realizes he can't talk ro you. But it's always nice on both sides to have closure, especially when he probably thinks that at some point you'll cave.

Lol this guy is not fully aqua he doesn't act like a typical aqua in fact he has no problem expressing himself when hurt maybe he has a combination of many signs. Last time I broke it off, he went crazy, he came to my house at dawn making noise the whole neighbourhood could hear him. He is a very sensitive guy. He wouldn't go until I took him back. Like yesterday we were supposed to meet I guess he forgot which also hurt my feelings then I told him he finally managed to push me away. I switched everything off after that. Till let's say past midnight when I switched on my phone there were a bunch of missed calls and texts messages coming in every direction even my WhatsApp and fb had messages from him asking me to please talk to him and apparently he fell asleep that's why he didn't make it. He doesn't want me to go. Later his texts started showing anger and that's him when very hurt he gets very angry and emotional start punching through walls. 1 time he locked me inside his house and wouldn't let me go until I agreed to resolve the matter while I like a bit of space when in such intense situations. Just space to clear my mind but he's not like that which is weird cause he's an aqua they usually detach and don't want to deal with things. I think I need to get a full chart on him he's not a full airy aqua. Heck sometimes I feel I'm the aqua lol. Still confusing

Post his full chart from astro.com . Would be interesting to see his mars and mercury. Sounds like maybe he's got some fire in there. Mine has Aries mars. Mix that with Aqua temper and it can get scary. Thankfully, I haven't seen that in years from him.

He is making everything so confusing for me I don't know how to handle him anymore . Like yesterday he was professing his love in the most bizarre way but that's him. If I knew about these sign stuff ok I did know them just didn't believe it but had it been different I would have avoided him like the plague but still that would have just made him run after me. Still I wonder how did we even fall in love we are suppose to be incompatible how we made it this far is beyond me. 5th anniversary is even coming up.

He has a lot of earth in him too. Like he doesn't like being social like other aquas in fact I'm the more outgoing 1. He is an introvert and so am I but I try to go out every now and then. He loves the home life or going to visit his boys at their houses he doesn't like going out at all. He is very emo he's not afraid to express that but only if he really cares for u, if not he is stone cold.

Mine is sort of like that too. He likes being around people, but they have to come to him. Before we lived together, I always had to go to his house. Whenever he had friends over, it was always 5 or 6 guys, and me. He usually ignored me until after they left; he's still like that. I find other things to do now, since it's our house. We don't ever go out. We watch a lot of movies together (sci fi mostly). He's not emotional, ever, unless we're fighting (which isn't often). I just know he loves me...can't really explain it.

Same here. I know he loves me too but omgosh he is driving me nuts he said he will come and pick me up later today so he takes me to his family so they confirm his whereabouts for me since it seems like I didn't believe him. Apparently I'm very important to him and not just a thong he's using . Even though we are having a rough patch apparently only I have the power to either destroy or put back our relationship. Him replying alone means a lot cause he's not the type to even reply if he is not feeling you like that. I don't know I have 1 foot at the door. I was ready to leave, he pleaded and explained then he told me he can't force me to believe him.

He's treating you horribly and it's a crazy cycle..of begging you back...

He will never change...this relationship has expired...
Also a real relationship doesn't operate in this manner...even reading all of this would make me leave
Your pretty much walking on eggshells not to upset him when you have valid reasons to question him based on his off/weird behavior

Often times ppl stay in relationships because that's all they know
Sad that anybody let alone any woman would put herself thru this..he is manipulating the heck outta you...and begging you back each time

He understands that you don't have a backbone and will take him back...

This is not how a good relationship works...good luck...he will not change.

I think I know that already but I'm a taurean I'm so patient I'm actually just trying to accommodate me till I'm ready to go.

Posted by balblair
He's treating you horribly and it's a crazy cycle..of begging you back...

He will never change...this relationship has expired...
Also a real relationship doesn't operate in this manner...even reading all of this would make me leave
Your pretty much walking on eggshells not to upset him when you have valid reasons to question him based on his off/weird behavior

Often times ppl stay in relationships because that's all they know
Sad that anybody let alone any woman would put herself thru this..he is manipulating the heck outta you...and begging you back each time

He understands that you don't have a backbone and will take him back...

This is not how a good relationship works...good luck...he will not change.

I agree with this 100%

You are the only one who can break this cycle. He will not do it. You both have a lot of growing up to do before you even consider trying to work on this relationship, if you do at all.

Some time away from this may give you time to clear your head. You may be able to see things more clearly when you're off the crazy train.

I hear you all. Mostly it's family that forces me to try. Like right now they are saying we need to do some therapy especially him cause seems like his childhood had a very negative impact on him and I just read what I wrote, I made it seem like our relationship is very bad while its not as bad as I made it seem.

I'm not innocent either I am still living in the past constantly thinking about his 1 time cheating that we both contributed to. I assume a lot I try to understand everything around me and sometimes I'm wrong and he hates that I do that.

Like lately he is distant, immediately I'm thinking he is cheating while all he's doing is catch up on things that he hasn't done in awhile cause we were always together. We were too clingy he would take back seat on his own interests to make me happy until I went on this trip, He had time to catch up and from what I read aquas love their space and we never had that space at all we saw each other every day we had no lives outside of each other.

I even used to push him to make friends while I myself am afraid of making friends he recently reconnected with his childhood friends and they have the same interests. When I travelled he had a lot of time to do those things, he loves science.

I just got off the phone with his mom and I told her I think he is cheating and she laughed and said Paul has been busy with research she told me it's been a while since she saw him in his comfort zone and when he is doing something that interest him he gets consumed.

I can't even be mad at that we were too co-dependent. Also he has a problem with communication while I have a problem with listening to him.

I told his mom about our problems and she actually related with me cause his dad was also an Aquarius, she and him were also incompatible.

She just told me that what she learned from her husband is he loves his space, he hates routines and he didn't like it when people didn't trust, listened or believed him and those are our major issues now. She just said we need to learn to compromise and take time to learn each others do's and don'ts and when it comes to arguments we must puck our fights very wisely, not everything is worth arguing about and he isn't the arguing type I'm the 1 who likes confrontations.

As for now she said I must give him his space and not question his loyalty anymore he apparently told her about the fb thing, he unfriended the girl. He told his mom my approach is what pissed him off cause he felt like I was accusing him even though he has been punished for a mistake he did 3 years ago and it hurt him a lot since he has been pleading with me to stop and just trust him.

Finally She said she knows her son is misunderstood esp but she doesn't feel our problems are that big we just need to learn how to deal with each other but not with our emotions that tends to throw people off or make us act dramatic for no reason and we need to start finding other interests out

Sorry she said her son usually shuts down when pushed to a corner, meaning he will give u what u want. If you accuse him of something constantly he will act like it. She said we must both start finding interests outside of each other.
I will follow our mum's advice. Thanks everybody for your input.