ScorpioFemale79
@ScorpioFemale79
13 Years500+ PostsScorpio
Comments: 6 · Posts: 702 · Topics: 39
Sorry I've been away but I was honest with him...
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always seems grateful to everyone else about miniscule things but he's never acknowledged how his life was better because of me not that i was looking for recognition but it just seems like I never did anything for him. He said he always appreciates me and tells me so and thanks me for things. I even brought up last christmas when I put all this work and gave him the most unique and thoughtful and creative gift for him and his buddy (the other Aqua Male) and while his friend loved it and was soooooo appreciative my aqua didn't even seem like he cared about the gift...took him eons to say thank you and even then the only reason he unwrapped it was cause his buddy talked about it. He seemed so ungrateful at the time, I was so upset i was considering taking it back ...that's how bad i felt.
We also talked about how ppl think he's soooooo friggin amazing becuase they think he's done all these things for them when I was the one who was the person who has helped everyone but the only reason they never realize it was me involved is because he never brought me into the conversation and how it angered me and made me jealous for soooooo long.
We also talked about how for a long time when things went down hill between us, I prayed for months and months that the old "him" would come back...and after a while I realized the aqua male that i liked being around was never coming back and i had no other motivation in keeping up with the friendship if this new "him" just made me feel bad about myself all the time and he said that he was still him and asked how did he change.
I told him I liked the old him...the old him was supportive, sweet, he cared about what was going on with me, he didn't treat me like crap, he never made me feel like the 3rd wheel...that's the aqua male i wanted to be around. He got quiet and didn't know what to say for a while then he just said again that he does appreciate me that he does talk about me all the time with people.
That's pretty much how the conversation went and he did seem to be getting better for a few days before he left to go out of state for a week.
We also talked about how ppl think he's soooooo friggin amazing becuase they think he's done all these things for them when I was the one who was the person who has helped everyone but the only reason they never realize it was me involved is because he never brought me into the conversation and how it angered me and made me jealous for soooooo long.
We also talked about how for a long time when things went down hill between us, I prayed for months and months that the old "him" would come back...and after a while I realized the aqua male that i liked being around was never coming back and i had no other motivation in keeping up with the friendship if this new "him" just made me feel bad about myself all the time and he said that he was still him and asked how did he change.
I told him I liked the old him...the old him was supportive, sweet, he cared about what was going on with me, he didn't treat me like crap, he never made me feel like the 3rd wheel...that's the aqua male i wanted to be around. He got quiet and didn't know what to say for a while then he just said again that he does appreciate me that he does talk about me all the time with people.
That's pretty much how the conversation went and he did seem to be getting better for a few days before he left to go out of state for a week.
A week later the Pisces female asked how it went and I told her everything and that I told him everything and she asked if I felt better. I told her partially because he seemed to be doing better but I didn't feel like it was resolved. That I don't think he understood that when we're with friends I'm like the only person he won't even acknowledge...he doesn't even attempt to even say hi but yet he'll "hover".
She said you have to understand he's a very shy individual...most days he doesn't know what to say...and if he feels like he can't talk about subjects that he usually relies on then he says nothing.
I told her, I know how he's shy he's always been like that...and socially awkward but he seems talkative with everyone else, why can't he just talk about those same things with me and it isn't so much how he's not talking, its the fact that it feels like he's purposely NOT talking to me like he's deliberately ignoring me/shunning me... it feels like crap.
When we went to a theme park (5 of us), he talked to everyone all day except me, he didn't even make eye contact and he was the one that wanted me to come and its like why would I come only to just be ignored like that and if i even try to talk to anyone else he interrupts the conversation.
She said you have to understand he's a very shy individual...most days he doesn't know what to say...and if he feels like he can't talk about subjects that he usually relies on then he says nothing.
I told her, I know how he's shy he's always been like that...and socially awkward but he seems talkative with everyone else, why can't he just talk about those same things with me and it isn't so much how he's not talking, its the fact that it feels like he's purposely NOT talking to me like he's deliberately ignoring me/shunning me... it feels like crap.
When we went to a theme park (5 of us), he talked to everyone all day except me, he didn't even make eye contact and he was the one that wanted me to come and its like why would I come only to just be ignored like that and if i even try to talk to anyone else he interrupts the conversation.
So my question to all of you is this, I do know that he's VERY shy, socially awkward, and the atypical flighty Aqua, and being male...so that means while I know he has this way of not being great at communication, being easily distracted, and being blind to emotional things...
He used to be great at being supportive and taking an interest in me and my life and when I spoke he listened becuase he wanted to know about me...but according to him he says it went down hill because I stopped talking to him but yet I have told him repeatedly and recently even that I stopped talking to him becuase he made me feel like shit all the time with the neglect, the ignoring, barely taking the time to continue getting to know me/hanging out with me...but yet he says that's because of the me not talking to him thing. So we keep going in circles.
The pisces female said its a 2 way street and sure it went down hill technically becuase of him, but I have an obligation to keep things going on my end especially because he's shy and socially awkward and I have to be the example he can follow because he's the type that needs someone he can rely on and be comfortable around in social situations.
So I have tried...he just got back from being out of town and so I welcomed him back and even took initiative and excitedly told him about things that happened to me that were topics he normally is interested in and all he did was half listen and cut me off...
How am I supposed to stay positive with actions such as that?
He used to be great at being supportive and taking an interest in me and my life and when I spoke he listened becuase he wanted to know about me...but according to him he says it went down hill because I stopped talking to him but yet I have told him repeatedly and recently even that I stopped talking to him becuase he made me feel like shit all the time with the neglect, the ignoring, barely taking the time to continue getting to know me/hanging out with me...but yet he says that's because of the me not talking to him thing. So we keep going in circles.
The pisces female said its a 2 way street and sure it went down hill technically becuase of him, but I have an obligation to keep things going on my end especially because he's shy and socially awkward and I have to be the example he can follow because he's the type that needs someone he can rely on and be comfortable around in social situations.
So I have tried...he just got back from being out of town and so I welcomed him back and even took initiative and excitedly told him about things that happened to me that were topics he normally is interested in and all he did was half listen and cut me off...
How am I supposed to stay positive with actions such as that?
Hi, your Aqua's unhappy. It not a problem with you, it' a problem with him. Depending on his maturity he could consciously know what the problem is or he's buried it so deep he doesn't. The problem is probably very simple, but he's gotta figure it out for himself. Aquas find emotion very draining, talking out someone's emotional problem or even worse talking about mine, although I??ll feel better after, it feels like I??ve just run a marathon.
You and your Pisces female (being two water signs), you both look at the problem the same way, through emotion. That's not how your Aqua looks at it or needs to deal with it. It's a logical problem, that he needs to find an acceptable logical solution to. He's paying attention to everyone else because they give him energy and you are dumping emotions on him, which he is incapable of dealing with. Normally he can cope with your emotion, because he can be one step removed from it, but as he has his own problem your emotion is bringing up emotion in him. It's probably guilt and embarrassment, that he can't deal with such a simple problem. If you have a fire sign or better still an air sign to talk to, try them for advice, they??ll have a better understanding of the problem.
As far as a solution goes, that not easy, depends how big the problem is. Best solution I??ve got, is buy him a oneway ticket to where ever and send him off. He??ll come back, you can see he loves you. If you want a less extreme solution, don't want anything from him, give him lots of space, easy as you can on the emotion. Really easy on calling him and spending time just the two of you. All interaction should be kept light and airy. Keep the majority of communication through SMS/IM, there's very little emotion through such communication methods. Flirt, tease him, try to act like you where just going out, he??ll love that game.
This may take some time, if I??ve had a major problem it's taken me 6 month to a couple of years to get over it.
You and your Pisces female (being two water signs), you both look at the problem the same way, through emotion. That's not how your Aqua looks at it or needs to deal with it. It's a logical problem, that he needs to find an acceptable logical solution to. He's paying attention to everyone else because they give him energy and you are dumping emotions on him, which he is incapable of dealing with. Normally he can cope with your emotion, because he can be one step removed from it, but as he has his own problem your emotion is bringing up emotion in him. It's probably guilt and embarrassment, that he can't deal with such a simple problem. If you have a fire sign or better still an air sign to talk to, try them for advice, they??ll have a better understanding of the problem.
As far as a solution goes, that not easy, depends how big the problem is. Best solution I??ve got, is buy him a oneway ticket to where ever and send him off. He??ll come back, you can see he loves you. If you want a less extreme solution, don't want anything from him, give him lots of space, easy as you can on the emotion. Really easy on calling him and spending time just the two of you. All interaction should be kept light and airy. Keep the majority of communication through SMS/IM, there's very little emotion through such communication methods. Flirt, tease him, try to act like you where just going out, he??ll love that game.
This may take some time, if I??ve had a major problem it's taken me 6 month to a couple of years to get over it.
That ^^^^ is good advice.
I'm not aqua, obviously, but I'd like to point out something you might not want to hear.
You lost your confidence. You started to appear needy for his attention. In my experience, an aqua is attracted to someone who can hold their own in a group and it seems you were relying on him to fit you into this group. Aquas like independent, self sufficient, self reliabe people.
When you shied/distanted away from him, he mirrored and shied/distanted from you. From his point of view, you changed. From his viewpoint, one day, you were talking to him, building the friendship, then all of a sudden you backed off and he may or may not knew why or he didn't understand it. In essence, you lost the friendship factor that is so important to aquas.
But, I'm proud of you for calling him out and discussing it with him. He will respect that you were honest with him about how you were feeling. You've given him food for thought and what you can do now is wait and give him space to digest what you told him. Don't dump anymore on him until he comes to you. He may not want to talk about it anymore, so don't force it. You might see him trying harder in the future.
You stayed true to yourself and that's always a good thing.
I'm not aqua, obviously, but I'd like to point out something you might not want to hear.
You lost your confidence. You started to appear needy for his attention. In my experience, an aqua is attracted to someone who can hold their own in a group and it seems you were relying on him to fit you into this group. Aquas like independent, self sufficient, self reliabe people.
When you shied/distanted away from him, he mirrored and shied/distanted from you. From his point of view, you changed. From his viewpoint, one day, you were talking to him, building the friendship, then all of a sudden you backed off and he may or may not knew why or he didn't understand it. In essence, you lost the friendship factor that is so important to aquas.
But, I'm proud of you for calling him out and discussing it with him. He will respect that you were honest with him about how you were feeling. You've given him food for thought and what you can do now is wait and give him space to digest what you told him. Don't dump anymore on him until he comes to you. He may not want to talk about it anymore, so don't force it. You might see him trying harder in the future.
You stayed true to yourself and that's always a good thing.
Sorry. I didn't mean to "bold" all that.
Posted by whiterebbit
Hi, your Aqua's unhappy. It not a problem with you, it' a problem with him. Depending on his maturity he could consciously know what the problem is or he's buried it so deep he doesn't. The problem is probably very simple, but he's gotta figure it out for himself. Aquas find emotion very draining, talking out someone's emotional problem or even worse talking about mine, although I??ll feel better after, it feels like I??ve just run a marathon.
You and your Pisces female (being two water signs), you both look at the problem the same way, through emotion. That's not how your Aqua looks at it or needs to deal with it. It's a logical problem, that he needs to find an acceptable logical solution to. He's paying attention to everyone else because they give him energy and you are dumping emotions on him, which he is incapable of dealing with. Normally he can cope with your emotion, because he can be one step removed from it, but as he has his own problem your emotion is bringing up emotion in him. It's probably guilt and embarrassment, that he can't deal with such a simple problem. If you have a fire sign or better still an air sign to talk to, try them for advice, they??ll have a better understanding of the problem.
As far as a solution goes, that not easy, depends how big the problem is. Best solution I??ve got, is buy him a oneway ticket to where ever and send him off. He??ll come back, you can see he loves you. If you want a less extreme solution, don't want anything from him, give him lots of space, easy as you can on the emotion. Really easy on calling him and spending time just the two of you. All interaction should be kept light and airy. Keep the majority of communication through SMS/IM, there's very little emotion through such communication methods. Flirt, tease him, try to act like you where just going out, he??ll love that game.
This may take some time, if I??ve had a major problem it's taken me 6 month to a couple of years to get over it.
Your right on some levels. The only reason why its at an emotional frustration kinda situation for me is because I figure if I talk to you about something several times on several occasions, I kind of expect the person to be aware of it and at least try and make a conscious effort to change or at least give me a reason for their actions but he's done neither... all
UGH it got cut off. This is for rabbit:
Your right on some levels. The only reason why its at an emotional frustration kinda situation for me is because I figure if I talk to you about something several times on several occasions, I kind of expect the person to be aware of it and at least try and make a conscious effort to change or at least give me a reason for their actions but he's done neither... all he does is either sit there and listen but he never gives a reason for anything and that's all I want to do is understand why it was happening.
But in this specific instance he even asked Pisces Female (before we even talked) because he asked her if something happened to me and she said yes and it was really bad and they talked about it and he said "She knows I appreciate her" and the Pisces female said "No she doesn't. She really doesn't know you do, she probably actually doubts you do." and she went on to understand that he may think he is but unless he's obvious about it, people won't ever understand if you care or not. Women near to hear it sometimes or need for you to show it because that's how we perceive someone who is caring.
Anyway, I mean like I said i know he's bad at communication, socially awkward, and probably has spent his whole life trying to PLEASE everyone but ends up neglecting those that matter to him in the process but I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time he's had the same issue with someone in his life becuase of him trying so hard to please everyone when he doesn't really need to and you'd think if he's been pointed this out many times, he'd do something about it by now.
Your right on some levels. The only reason why its at an emotional frustration kinda situation for me is because I figure if I talk to you about something several times on several occasions, I kind of expect the person to be aware of it and at least try and make a conscious effort to change or at least give me a reason for their actions but he's done neither... all he does is either sit there and listen but he never gives a reason for anything and that's all I want to do is understand why it was happening.
But in this specific instance he even asked Pisces Female (before we even talked) because he asked her if something happened to me and she said yes and it was really bad and they talked about it and he said "She knows I appreciate her" and the Pisces female said "No she doesn't. She really doesn't know you do, she probably actually doubts you do." and she went on to understand that he may think he is but unless he's obvious about it, people won't ever understand if you care or not. Women near to hear it sometimes or need for you to show it because that's how we perceive someone who is caring.
Anyway, I mean like I said i know he's bad at communication, socially awkward, and probably has spent his whole life trying to PLEASE everyone but ends up neglecting those that matter to him in the process but I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time he's had the same issue with someone in his life becuase of him trying so hard to please everyone when he doesn't really need to and you'd think if he's been pointed this out many times, he'd do something about it by now.
@truecap. I agree i was an emotional wreck becuase of the having to have the conversation with him many times and he still didn't do anything about it, i don't care if a person is socially awkward, bad at communication, bad with women, and emotionally dense... if he's been talked to many times about something, then it must be a problem he should take care of. Even when Pisces female told him that he needs to be more appreciative of ppl and show it... his "excuse" was: She knows I appreciate her and its like how would I know that? He didn't show it, he never complimented me, etc.
But yet I see him do so easily with everyone else.
I think on some deep level he does care, me being so guarded and hurt its hard to see that and if he didn't care he wouldn't have asked Pisces female what happened to me, but that's the thing, why didn't he ask me...he never asks me. I even told Pisces female when she told me he was complimenting me the other day I said to her, why can't he compliment me to my face..but even she didn't understand why he couldn't.
I think this whole thing bothers me is because we all like to know where we stand with our friends and our loved ones and back in the day the first few years of our friendship he was obvious to me about how much he cared about me, but these days its hard...its hard to maintain a friendship with someone who had the actions of a person that didn't care if you were around but yet would go around talking about you (in the good way) when you weren't around. Its a huge mind f*ck, and it hurt because he was my closest friend back in the day.
But yet I see him do so easily with everyone else.
I think on some deep level he does care, me being so guarded and hurt its hard to see that and if he didn't care he wouldn't have asked Pisces female what happened to me, but that's the thing, why didn't he ask me...he never asks me. I even told Pisces female when she told me he was complimenting me the other day I said to her, why can't he compliment me to my face..but even she didn't understand why he couldn't.
I think this whole thing bothers me is because we all like to know where we stand with our friends and our loved ones and back in the day the first few years of our friendship he was obvious to me about how much he cared about me, but these days its hard...its hard to maintain a friendship with someone who had the actions of a person that didn't care if you were around but yet would go around talking about you (in the good way) when you weren't around. Its a huge mind f*ck, and it hurt because he was my closest friend back in the day.
Posted by feby16aqua
Hi 🙂 I do think that you have appeared needy to him. And there is no bigger turn off to me as an aqua than someone being needy and me not into it. He likes fun and lightness. He doesn't want to see or hear about you crying or talking about him to people in that way. He brushes you off and ignores you because he's avoiding the emotional heaviness.
The two of you are not in a relationship. I would hold yourself together and high and show him who's boss. Have fun and keep it light, laugh a lot but don't look for him. Do it all on your own.
That's the most attractive thing to me. Someone who has themselves together, especially emotionally.
I didn't like being that way and I'm normally controlled but it just broke the camels back so to speak. The thing is after this got to be too much a while back, I did try and distance myself and seek out other people but he kept getting pissy because he thought I was ignoring him or doing it out of spite or and kept interrupting conversations i was in with other people ... even tho that's not what he was doing it kind of drove ppl away cause everytime i'd try to bond with others, some how he was always around trying to take over the situation and it would get frustrating because if he wasn't communicating with me, i wouldn't be able to communicate with others cause he'd always BE there to interrupt and take over the conversation.
So it got annoying and its like wtf do you want from me!
I think you'll have to accept this is the way he is and he's not going to change. Then you'll have to decide if you can live with and is he worth this much thought and/or pain.
well i dont know about other "aquas" but some aquas like needy. Jesus. Put us all in a "box" will ya?
soooo darn IRONIC too, how some of you chat away about "aquas"
Sorry, OP, just ranting.
Anyway, your aqua needs a swift kick in the butt. Guys in general don't like pushovers or lemmings.
Unless he is already a pushover or lemming himself.
"We also talked about how ppl think he's soooooo friggin amazing becuase they think he's done all these things for them when I was the one who was the person who has helped everyone but the only reason they never realize it was me involved is because he never brought me into the conversation and how it angered me and made me jealous for soooooo long."
It just sounds like you're allowing the others to see him that way. Is it his fault? Is it yours?
Why the heck are these people putting all the good stuff on him?? And not you?
Why not just tell him that these people are giving him all the credit and you've done quite alot.
Honesty is the best policy. Give it to him straight.
soooo darn IRONIC too, how some of you chat away about "aquas"
Sorry, OP, just ranting.
Anyway, your aqua needs a swift kick in the butt. Guys in general don't like pushovers or lemmings.
Unless he is already a pushover or lemming himself.
"We also talked about how ppl think he's soooooo friggin amazing becuase they think he's done all these things for them when I was the one who was the person who has helped everyone but the only reason they never realize it was me involved is because he never brought me into the conversation and how it angered me and made me jealous for soooooo long."
It just sounds like you're allowing the others to see him that way. Is it his fault? Is it yours?
Why the heck are these people putting all the good stuff on him?? And not you?
Why not just tell him that these people are giving him all the credit and you've done quite alot.
Honesty is the best policy. Give it to him straight.
Posted by truecap
I think you'll have to accept this is the way he is and he's not going to change. Then you'll have to decide if you can live with and is he worth this much thought and/or pain.
*nods*
this is true.
aqua men are a very weird breed. You might go a little batty with this one. He doesn't sound like he supports you at all.....I just read that aquarius man/actor is married to a taurus woman/actress that plays on that series:
Charlie Day (February 9)
married to Mary elizabeth Ellis (May 11)
and they're kind of a weird couple. But it looks like he supports her alot. Which is an awesome thing.
Posted by whiterebbit
Hi, your Aqua's unhappy. It not a problem with you, it' a problem with him. Depending on his maturity he could consciously know what the problem is or he's buried it so deep he doesn't. The problem is probably very simple, but he's gotta figure it out for himself. Aquas find emotion very draining, talking out someone's emotional problem or even worse talking about mine, although I??ll feel better after, it feels like I??ve just run a marathon.
You and your Pisces female (being two water signs), you both look at the problem the same way, through emotion. That's not how your Aqua looks at it or needs to deal with it. It's a logical problem, that he needs to find an acceptable logical solution to. He's paying attention to everyone else because they give him energy and you are dumping emotions on him, which he is incapable of dealing with. Normally he can cope with your emotion, because he can be one step removed from it, but as he has his own problem your emotion is bringing up emotion in him. It's probably guilt and embarrassment, that he can't deal with such a simple problem. If you have a fire sign or better still an air sign to talk to, try them for advice, they??ll have a better understanding of the problem.
As far as a solution goes, that not easy, depends how big the problem is. Best solution I??ve got, is buy him a oneway ticket to where ever and send him off. He??ll come back, you can see he loves you. If you want a less extreme solution, don't want anything from him, give him lots of space, easy as you can on the emotion. Really easy on calling him and spending time just the two of you. All interaction should be kept light and airy. Keep the majority of communication through SMS/IM, there's very little emotion through such communication methods. Flirt, tease him, try to act like you where just going out, he??ll love that game.
This may take some time, if I??ve had a major problem it's taken me 6 month to a couple of years to get over it.
what the hell? If you want everything light and airy in a relationship why don't you hire a freaking air balloon? You'll NEVER have a serious and trusting relationship with anyone if you want everything light and airy. Light communication only through sms? What the hell? Are people using this means of communication when they are in a relationship very seriously? Def
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
@truecap. I agree i was an emotional wreck becuase of the having to have the conversation with him many times and he still didn't do anything about it, i don't care if a person is socially awkward, bad at communication, bad with women, and emotionally dense... if he's been talked to many times about something, then it must be a problem he should take care of. Even when Pisces female told him that he needs to be more appreciative of ppl and show it... his "excuse" was: She knows I appreciate her and its like how would I know that? He didn't show it, he never complimented me, etc.
But yet I see him do so easily with everyone else.
I think on some deep level he does care, me being so guarded and hurt its hard to see that and if he didn't care he wouldn't have asked Pisces female what happened to me, but that's the thing, why didn't he ask me...he never asks me. I even told Pisces female when she told me he was complimenting me the other day I said to her, why can't he compliment me to my face..but even she didn't understand why he couldn't.
I think this whole thing bothers me is because we all like to know where we stand with our friends and our loved ones and back in the day the first few years of our friendship he was obvious to me about how much he cared about me, but these days its hard...its hard to maintain a friendship with someone who had the actions of a person that didn't care if you were around but yet would go around talking about you (in the good way) when you weren't around. Its a huge mind f*ck, and it hurt because he was my closest friend back in the day.
scorpfem, this guy sounds really really disconnected with himself and others. His real life interactions with people sound as if he is interacting with computers and non existent beings. I dont want to hurt your feelings about this guy, since you do like him to an extent (you are here, so therefore you care about him to tell about your problems) but he sounds like a coward. I'm sorry if i called him a coward but cowardly men who don't tell you their feelings up to your face is just that...cowardly. He's known you for a long while now. Does he believe your? going to rip him a new one if he tells you how beautiful you are?
Posted by lisabethur8
well i dont know about other "aquas" but some aquas like needy. Jesus. Put us all in a "box" will ya?
soooo darn IRONIC too, how some of you chat away about "aquas"
Sorry, OP, just ranting.
Anyway, your aqua needs a swift kick in the butt. Guys in general don't like pushovers or lemmings.
Unless he is already a pushover or lemming himself.
"We also talked about how ppl think he's soooooo friggin amazing becuase they think he's done all these things for them when I was the one who was the person who has helped everyone but the only reason they never realize it was me involved is because he never brought me into the conversation and how it angered me and made me jealous for soooooo long."
It just sounds like you're allowing the others to see him that way. Is it his fault? Is it yours?
Why the heck are these people putting all the good stuff on him?? And not you?
Why not just tell him that these people are giving him all the credit and you've done quite alot.
Honesty is the best policy. Give it to him straight.
Rant away LOL...people think he's amazing because he bends over backwards for everyone, even people he hates...he acts like everyone is his best friend but he'll bitch about the ones he doesn't like when they aren't around...the reason he does this is becuase he feels like he has to. Upbringing maybe? Plus he's a complete pushover lol...and yeah I don't know why they think he's the one that's been helping them in need when most of the time it's me LOL..Im not one for gloating about how much I help someone but it bothered me when he was getting the recognition...but yeah i did bring it up I told him that it made me jealous and its frustrating.
"Rant away LOL...people think he's amazing because he bends over backwards for everyone, even people he hates...he acts like everyone is his best friend but he'll bitch about the ones he doesn't like when they aren't around...the reason he does this is becuase he feels like he has to. Upbringing maybe? Plus he's a complete pushover lol...and yeah I don't know why they think he's the one that's been helping them in need when most of the time it's me LOL..Im not one for gloating about how much I help someone but it bothered me when he was getting the recognition...but yeah i did bring it up I told him that it made me jealous and its frustrating."
LOL He's bending backwards because he's under people (not literally) but it's money that has probably got him kissing butt and his lips are so far up there (i guess with everyone's butt too). Ah well, he's got to make money and rise to the top, and i guess it's his way of doing things. I'm just guessing that it's mostly in circles of work colleagues. People have to do what they have to do, and screw romance sometimes. It doesn't pay the bills in their eyes. But they sure are lonely some of the time, or most of the time dreaming and hoping, wishing and praying (shrugs) they want their cake and eat it too.
Still, he probably doesn't know how to be a "leader" without trying to rodshod over you and others. Hurting your feelings and completely taking all your credit. Some guys are like that, no matter the sign. Have you told him all of this? Men in general don't like to be called "pushovers" or weak. It hurts their ego and well, dayum girl, this guy just doesn't sound very appealing!
LOL He's bending backwards because he's under people (not literally) but it's money that has probably got him kissing butt and his lips are so far up there (i guess with everyone's butt too). Ah well, he's got to make money and rise to the top, and i guess it's his way of doing things. I'm just guessing that it's mostly in circles of work colleagues. People have to do what they have to do, and screw romance sometimes. It doesn't pay the bills in their eyes. But they sure are lonely some of the time, or most of the time dreaming and hoping, wishing and praying (shrugs) they want their cake and eat it too.
Still, he probably doesn't know how to be a "leader" without trying to rodshod over you and others. Hurting your feelings and completely taking all your credit. Some guys are like that, no matter the sign. Have you told him all of this? Men in general don't like to be called "pushovers" or weak. It hurts their ego and well, dayum girl, this guy just doesn't sound very appealing!
@lisbethur rip me a new one...
Honestly I think in some ways he does. On the pro side he really is sweet, generous, and chivalrous when he knows you and how to act around you but until then he does this weird overdoes the jokes about the same ol topics. its his way of trying to relate to you, if it doesn't work then he kind of stops trying but is still nice to you.
Problem with him and I was, he was amazing the first few years i knew him and then one day it went BLEH...he didn't think he was doing anything wrong all he knew was i stopped talking to him but the only reason i stopped talking to him was because he became bleh.
But other than that, I'm not sure where I stand in his life...yes he does care but whether he wants to admit it or not he has me on a higher standard than everyone else, he's too chicken shit to compliment me but can easily compliment other freinds. Who knows if its interest or if its a kid sister thing or he feels obligated to be normal.
All i know is someone once said that he follows by example and so if I haven't done anything to show that flirting is welcome, he wont even bother cuase he's too scared to.
Honestly I think in some ways he does. On the pro side he really is sweet, generous, and chivalrous when he knows you and how to act around you but until then he does this weird overdoes the jokes about the same ol topics. its his way of trying to relate to you, if it doesn't work then he kind of stops trying but is still nice to you.
Problem with him and I was, he was amazing the first few years i knew him and then one day it went BLEH...he didn't think he was doing anything wrong all he knew was i stopped talking to him but the only reason i stopped talking to him was because he became bleh.
But other than that, I'm not sure where I stand in his life...yes he does care but whether he wants to admit it or not he has me on a higher standard than everyone else, he's too chicken shit to compliment me but can easily compliment other freinds. Who knows if its interest or if its a kid sister thing or he feels obligated to be normal.
All i know is someone once said that he follows by example and so if I haven't done anything to show that flirting is welcome, he wont even bother cuase he's too scared to.
@lisbeth
That's the thing...he doesn't need this job, he's already well off....he works here for fun I think...I have no idea, no social life really if he's not here he's at his other job or the business he owns. He lives a dry life sometimes lol. If he doesn't need to be here then it doesn't matter if he kisses but or not that's what I don't get.
It's that whole strong sense of responsibility, social nicety he has...it really is upbringing...I think.
That's the thing...he doesn't need this job, he's already well off....he works here for fun I think...I have no idea, no social life really if he's not here he's at his other job or the business he owns. He lives a dry life sometimes lol. If he doesn't need to be here then it doesn't matter if he kisses but or not that's what I don't get.
It's that whole strong sense of responsibility, social nicety he has...it really is upbringing...I think.
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
@lisbeth
That's the thing...he doesn't need this job, he's already well off....he works here for fun I think...I have no idea, no social life really if he's not here he's at his other job or the business he owns. He lives a dry life sometimes lol. If he doesn't need to be here then it doesn't matter if he kisses but or not that's what I don't get.
It's that whole strong sense of responsibility, social nicety he has...it really is upbringing...I think.
Really?? He doesn't need the money to pay his bills? Gosh I guess it IS social niceties. But why does he care about what others think of him? They could backstab him anyday and how could he put his trust into something so superficial like that. It has got to be upbringing and how he wants others to perceive him. No one is perfect that is for sure. Yes, I said he's unappealing, but you've shown us his crappy side. His kind and generous side seems fake too since he's so enormously attached to the niceties of society. Unless he is the Prince or King of a kingdom (because people INSIST on a well behaved man of high standing) then I dont see why he cares so damn much. Maybe he believes that someday these people will revere him and put him on a pedastal? I dunno. But being responsible is a very very good trait.
hmmm this got me thinking. And seeing some reflections on opposites attractions and all that. Not necessarily exactly....but in the way that a man who cares so much for social niceties could be attracted dangerously to someone like you, for instance who isn't really into that as much. Case of opposite attracts at times. People will always want what they don't have it in them, to complement them.
Posted by lisabethur8
hmmm this got me thinking. And seeing some reflections on opposites attractions and all that. Not necessarily exactly....but in the way that a man who cares so much for social niceties could be attracted dangerously to someone like you, for instance who isn't really into that as much. Case of opposite attracts at times. People will always want what they don't have it in them, to complement them.
I don't know why he believes in social niceties even when he doesn't have to. I guess he can't handle when people blame him for something. I think he never thinks he does anything wrong if he always does what he thinks is the right thing (the responsible thing) but he doesn't realize the responsible thing is sometimes the wrong thing.
I do believe its upbringing. But that's the thing he doesn't practice social niceties with me...I'm some how have always since day 1 been in a different category than him and that's what I don't get. If I'm in a different category then I should get the best side of him too, but I don't think I do. Sure I'm the only one he freaks out about when they go missing and he puts me first supposedly but I never see that side of him...I always hear about him doing that with me from someone else so until he does it directly to me...I'll always feel like last place.
Posted by ScorpioFemale79Posted by lisabethur8
hmmm this got me thinking. And seeing some reflections on opposites attractions and all that. Not necessarily exactly....but in the way that a man who cares so much for social niceties could be attracted dangerously to someone like you, for instance who isn't really into that as much. Case of opposite attracts at times. People will always want what they don't have it in them, to complement them.
I don't know why he believes in social niceties even when he doesn't have to. I guess he can't handle when people blame him for something. I think he never thinks he does anything wrong if he always does what he thinks is the right thing (the responsible thing) but he doesn't realize the responsible thing is sometimes the wrong thing.
I do believe its upbringing. But that's the thing he doesn't practice social niceties with me...I'm some how have always since day 1 been in a different category than him and that's what I don't get. If I'm in a different category then I should get the best side of him too, but I don't think I do. Sure I'm the only one he freaks out about when they go missing and he puts me first supposedly but I never see that side of him...I always hear about him doing that with me from someone else so until he does it directly to me...I'll always feel like last place.click to expand
This world is based on the importance of social niceties though, but HOW to do it without looking like you're kissing butt is difficult for alot of people. LOL *sigh* But in a workplace, it's understandable how some people have to do it to make money. Money is very important if you want and need nice things in life. Plus for SECURITY. He sounds very afraid of confrontation with you, as if you'll somehow destroy his ego. All men have a level of ego, high or low...
and why he doesn't show that side of himself to you is probably because you are either: 1. too good for that, 2. he thinks you can "take" it, that he feels you are a very strong woman, (which is, i know, kind of messed up) it's probably all psychological especially if it deals directly with upbringing.
ohhh one other thing...
because having "friends" in these circles, helps him when he's going to be down and out someday.
Like an ANCHOR. Maybe...maybe not. To be fully alone in the world for some people is a fearful place.
And there's plenty of people who don't mind the aloneness though.
If you ever leave him someday (even as a friend) it won't hurt him as much because he'll have the comfort of his friends. The pain becomes numb for him. And that is what the idealism of friendship is defined for 11th house, social groups and the NEED for support. The fear of being alone is probably scarier for alot of people. Especially if their families aren't very supportive and loving. Or if they lack it. but he might not lack that.
because having "friends" in these circles, helps him when he's going to be down and out someday.
Like an ANCHOR. Maybe...maybe not. To be fully alone in the world for some people is a fearful place.
And there's plenty of people who don't mind the aloneness though.
If you ever leave him someday (even as a friend) it won't hurt him as much because he'll have the comfort of his friends. The pain becomes numb for him. And that is what the idealism of friendship is defined for 11th house, social groups and the NEED for support. The fear of being alone is probably scarier for alot of people. Especially if their families aren't very supportive and loving. Or if they lack it. but he might not lack that.
Posted by lisabethur8
ohhh one other thing...
because having "friends" in these circles, helps him when he's going to be down and out someday.
Like an ANCHOR. Maybe...maybe not. To be fully alone in the world for some people is a fearful place.
And there's plenty of people who don't mind the aloneness though.
If you ever leave him someday (even as a friend) it won't hurt him as much because he'll have the comfort of his friends. The pain becomes numb for him. And that is what the idealism of friendship is defined for 11th house, social groups and the NEED for support. The fear of being alone is probably scarier for alot of people. Especially if their families aren't very supportive and loving. Or if they lack it. but he might not lack that.
Plus he's too much of a P***y to beg me to stay. I do know that he grew up a shy and insecure individual, even as an adult in his 30's he's still unsure of how to relate to people. On the outside to the average person, he seems very charismatic and maybe semi nerdy but I've known him for so long and he is a hesitant and unsure individual, there are times where he doesn't say anything when we're driving somewhere because he doesn't know what to say to me or how to talk to me when he doesn't realize he can literally talk to me about anything because I care more about getting to know him and his interests.
He does have a fear of being alone. The weird thing is this...I am the anchor for him, but he doesn't do anything for the person he relies on the most, he tries harder with ppl who don't matter to him. It's like all those days where he wanted to go out and do something or go grab a bite to eat he'll invite ppl to go with him and tell me last and bug me until I decided to go but yet, i'm the only one he'd ignore and then at the end of the nite or "event" he'll make an attempt to talk to me and if I'm pissed off at having gone for no reason and he'd wonder wtf my problem was without realizing he just treated someone like crap.
This "problem" of his makes it hard to compliment me and he will compliment me to other people but like I said he will never do it to my face. He will never acknowledge me at some event or party but people will say he seems to be always near me or paying attention to what I'm doing out of the corner of his eye when all I want is to hang out with him and spend time with him but I can't becuase he w
won't acknowledge me and all it does is piss me off that he's keeping tabs on me but wont acknowledge me.
I don't know why he does that now, he never used to. I've never really got a straightforward answer from him and I don't know if I ever will.
I mean even today, I made an attempt at being silly/flirty and started screaming, he was in the middle of something but asked me what happened, and I screamed something about a spider and I ran away...i came back a few minutes later and asked him if he killed it. He barely looked up from what he was doing and said "No." and went back to what he was doing.
The old him would have been like OMG you're scared of a spider?! 😛 and would have killed it for me and probably chased me around with it.
I dunno.
I don't know why he does that now, he never used to. I've never really got a straightforward answer from him and I don't know if I ever will.
I mean even today, I made an attempt at being silly/flirty and started screaming, he was in the middle of something but asked me what happened, and I screamed something about a spider and I ran away...i came back a few minutes later and asked him if he killed it. He barely looked up from what he was doing and said "No." and went back to what he was doing.
The old him would have been like OMG you're scared of a spider?! 😛 and would have killed it for me and probably chased me around with it.
I dunno.
"Plus he's too much of a P***y to beg me to stay. I do know that he grew up a shy and insecure individual, even as an adult in his 30's he's still unsure of how to relate to people. On the outside to the average person, he seems very charismatic and maybe semi nerdy but I've known him for so long and he is a hesitant and unsure individual, there are times where he doesn't say anything when we're driving somewhere because he doesn't know what to say to me or how to talk to me when he doesn't realize he can literally talk to me about anything because I care more about getting to know him and his interests."
Wow, awww, he really does have clammy feelings for you (you know when your hands get clammy and wet cause you're all nervous) all that poor hesitancy...poor guy. If you know his interests you can spark up anything with him. It's hard to get some guys out of their shell. Or out of their cave. He sounds really insecure and very shy. Probably needs a courageous woman to get him out of that shell, or a combination of both: someone who has a kind touch but isn't a doormat.
Maybe ask him what he thinks of something.....guys always love when a girl is so interested in him.
Wow, awww, he really does have clammy feelings for you (you know when your hands get clammy and wet cause you're all nervous) all that poor hesitancy...poor guy. If you know his interests you can spark up anything with him. It's hard to get some guys out of their shell. Or out of their cave. He sounds really insecure and very shy. Probably needs a courageous woman to get him out of that shell, or a combination of both: someone who has a kind touch but isn't a doormat.
Maybe ask him what he thinks of something.....guys always love when a girl is so interested in him.
@lisabethur
Because of all the drama with him I just don't know how to talk to/act around him anymore. I mean its like this:
One day he'll ask if I want something to eat and will buy me something out of his own money and the next day he won't. But if I cared enough to ask him what that's about he'll give me some answer that doesn't make sense...i guess aqua's are very unconventional. He's also the only male friend I know who's very protective of me but yet barely says hi to me sometimes. People tell me all the time that he compliments me, but won't tell it to my face.
Because of all these things and other contradictions, as I said before I feel like last place but everyone keeps trying to convince me otherwise, but me as a Scorpio I need that assurance because I am a fixed and yet emotional person. I need someone to be consistent with me and show me they care and if they don't they can go away.
He exhibits both sides. He does care and deep down I know this but his confusing ways always makes me doubt that so I have a tendency to not initiate anything with him as a defense mechanism becuase I feel like if I make an attempt like with my spider example today he'll just shut me down again or just not pay attention when I'm trying to be silly.
It's hard to explain but all I know is it never used to be this hard to just relate to him.
Because of all the drama with him I just don't know how to talk to/act around him anymore. I mean its like this:
One day he'll ask if I want something to eat and will buy me something out of his own money and the next day he won't. But if I cared enough to ask him what that's about he'll give me some answer that doesn't make sense...i guess aqua's are very unconventional. He's also the only male friend I know who's very protective of me but yet barely says hi to me sometimes. People tell me all the time that he compliments me, but won't tell it to my face.
Because of all these things and other contradictions, as I said before I feel like last place but everyone keeps trying to convince me otherwise, but me as a Scorpio I need that assurance because I am a fixed and yet emotional person. I need someone to be consistent with me and show me they care and if they don't they can go away.
He exhibits both sides. He does care and deep down I know this but his confusing ways always makes me doubt that so I have a tendency to not initiate anything with him as a defense mechanism becuase I feel like if I make an attempt like with my spider example today he'll just shut me down again or just not pay attention when I'm trying to be silly.
It's hard to explain but all I know is it never used to be this hard to just relate to him.
This is how it is as of right now -
He's 2 feet away decided to grab something quick to eat (didn't ask me if I wanted anything yet he's asked me a lot last week whenever he went to go eat) but like I said if I asked him he'd say some weird reason because of his being unconventional...so I'm not gonna ding him for that.
But yet we're alone two feet away and he hasn't said anything in hours...not that I mind because I'm kind of busy, and maybe he is too but even if we weren't both busy this is how he is but if I went in there right now and started a conversation with him for a few minutes all of a sudden the rest of the day he'll keep bugging me about random things...so supposedly he's the kind of person that takes the lead from the other person as a way of gauge how they are (mood wise) and then he'll proceed from there.
But for a guy who has this way of ignoring me for hours...whenever he goes somewhere he has this weird tendency to tell me everywhere he's going but doesn't tell anyone else...and even though he hasn't said much to me today vs. everyone else...I do know that he's paying attention to everything I do.
See why he drives me nuts! He doesn't do things the normal way!
He's 2 feet away decided to grab something quick to eat (didn't ask me if I wanted anything yet he's asked me a lot last week whenever he went to go eat) but like I said if I asked him he'd say some weird reason because of his being unconventional...so I'm not gonna ding him for that.
But yet we're alone two feet away and he hasn't said anything in hours...not that I mind because I'm kind of busy, and maybe he is too but even if we weren't both busy this is how he is but if I went in there right now and started a conversation with him for a few minutes all of a sudden the rest of the day he'll keep bugging me about random things...so supposedly he's the kind of person that takes the lead from the other person as a way of gauge how they are (mood wise) and then he'll proceed from there.
But for a guy who has this way of ignoring me for hours...whenever he goes somewhere he has this weird tendency to tell me everywhere he's going but doesn't tell anyone else...and even though he hasn't said much to me today vs. everyone else...I do know that he's paying attention to everything I do.
See why he drives me nuts! He doesn't do things the normal way!
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
won't acknowledge me and all it does is piss me off that he's keeping tabs on me but wont acknowledge me.
I don't know why he does that now, he never used to. I've never really got a straightforward answer from him and I don't know if I ever will.
I mean even today, I made an attempt at being silly/flirty and started screaming, he was in the middle of something but asked me what happened, and I screamed something about a spider and I ran away...i came back a few minutes later and asked him if he killed it. He barely looked up from what he was doing and said "No." and went back to what he was doing.
The old him would have been like OMG you're scared of a spider?! 😛 and would have killed it for me and probably chased me around with it.
I dunno.
The Spider story kind of made me smile. hehe. Yeah the old him sounds fun. He is now on "cold mode" or "scared mode"?? Weird how some men are like that. There's an inconsistency. My ex's never displayed inconsistencies with me, and my husband still lols with me and even if he's in one of his serious moods, I just leave him be until he's back to his loling it up with me again. I'm not phased, my head's always in the clouds with imaginations and such. Not kidding. And my husband will have to break me out of it by snapping me awake with, "hey hey, you're doing it again."
LOL Can't hide anything from him. Not even my damn thoughts. LOL
Perhaps your aquas inconsistency is due to his trying to gauge your "Personality" and your character? I dont really know, or that he's got other things on his mind you know? Maybe wondering about a future with you, like how is he going to take care of you? How are you two going to live together and be cooperative as a couple, ect. All those things will probably plague his mind. Men, who usually exhibit responsible behaviour always have these thoughts and feelings firsthand. They look ahead about what will happen, and while you believe they are living in the moment, they are probably wondering how they can provide you and if you will be a good mother to their children someday. I know it sounds way far in the future, but these things are so important to them in the whole scheme of things.
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
This is how it is as of right now -
He's 2 feet away decided to grab something quick to eat (didn't ask me if I wanted anything yet he's asked me a lot last week whenever he went to go eat) but like I said if I asked him he'd say some weird reason because of his being unconventional...so I'm not gonna ding him for that.
But yet we're alone two feet away and he hasn't said anything in hours...not that I mind because I'm kind of busy, and maybe he is too but even if we weren't both busy this is how he is but if I went in there right now and started a conversation with him for a few minutes all of a sudden the rest of the day he'll keep bugging me about random things...so supposedly he's the kind of person that takes the lead from the other person as a way of gauge how they are (mood wise) and then he'll proceed from there.
But for a guy who has this way of ignoring me for hours...whenever he goes somewhere he has this weird tendency to tell me everywhere he's going but doesn't tell anyone else...and even though he hasn't said much to me today vs. everyone else...I do know that he's paying attention to everything I do.
See why he drives me nuts! He doesn't do things the normal way!
When we discussed earlier about how he goes about doing stuff for other people, by way of social niceties, or kissing butt, he may just be generally NICE. Which is a NICE guy kind of manner. People LOVE nice guys. And well, as long as he's not doing anything by bad intent and his intentions are always good, he will always be rewarded (universally speaking, cosmos, and karmic reaction) As long as INTENT for good is the key here, things may look up for him and for you. But if his intentions towards other people are mean-spirited and bad, or out of revenge, it does and will hurt his soul and he'll never grow spiritually out of it. So it's always always "the intent for either good or bad" that you have to see in the end.
"I am the anchor for him, but he doesn't do anything for the person he relies on the most, he tries harder with ppl who don't matter to him."
I've heard people complain about this trait in aqua men before. From what I've read its common because they put their friends before their partner and the partner tends to feel just like you are feeling.
Don't know if that helps, but I don't think you're alone in your feelings.
I've heard people complain about this trait in aqua men before. From what I've read its common because they put their friends before their partner and the partner tends to feel just like you are feeling.
Don't know if that helps, but I don't think you're alone in your feelings.
Posted by truecap
"I am the anchor for him, but he doesn't do anything for the person he relies on the most, he tries harder with ppl who don't matter to him."
I've heard people complain about this trait in aqua men before. From what I've read its common because they put their friends before their partner and the partner tends to feel just like you are feeling.
Don't know if that helps, but I don't think you're alone in your feelings.
I believe the best options is to make him read up articles on Aquarius men in general, and then from there, he can read up on his other placements. Read stuff on Women complaints about a certain sign and their characteritistics in a relationship. These problems can be allieviated when he's made aware of his lack of partner first before friends. He could make that effort to be much more responsive to the one on one than the friends first policy. then again, it maybe just his nature and you'll have to live with it. Though it is NOT impossible to have him see his flaws/lack of, ect, and he can go from there. I'm sure astrology, like a kind of psychology has helped people make better understandings about their relationships with others, through family and friends. They surely have understood why people don't get on with others, and there's a rub on some people, and why others are much more responsive. Most do make an effort to change, not by changing their natures but by adjusting, by growth.
Lol there is no way he'd read articles. He's way too logical. Thing is he didn't talk much yeaterday because he was so focused on these ideas he wanted to work on and some things he wanted to catch up on and I know that it's just you should have seen him before he'd at least take some time to get a reaction out of me and its probably because of our proximity now he can talk to me pretty much whenever he wants.
Probably why he puts everyone first because he thinks ill always be around. Dont get me wrong hes somewhat better ever since our long talk the other week... He's talking more and more expressive when appreciative but its just if I'm supposedly important to him and he cares about me more than anyone else it would make sense you treat them better.
I can't handle the not talking to me for hours then saying something silly at the end of the day EXPECTING ill respond in kind and be in a good mood.
This is why like I said I am not happy because I'm no ones last place. This is why I still have doubts that he cared even if ppl keep trying to convince me saying he's just socially awkward, emotionally dense, and bad at communication. Those are excuses to me... He was amazing before because he constantly showed me that making me laugh was important to him.
Though I will agree that the "bad" times that we had for a long time where we argued alot and at its very worst we barely talked has had him unsure of how to be playful with me and I was always serious all the time that's probably how he assumes I am now.
I have to somehow in a way start fresh and slowly show the playful side again.
Probably why he puts everyone first because he thinks ill always be around. Dont get me wrong hes somewhat better ever since our long talk the other week... He's talking more and more expressive when appreciative but its just if I'm supposedly important to him and he cares about me more than anyone else it would make sense you treat them better.
I can't handle the not talking to me for hours then saying something silly at the end of the day EXPECTING ill respond in kind and be in a good mood.
This is why like I said I am not happy because I'm no ones last place. This is why I still have doubts that he cared even if ppl keep trying to convince me saying he's just socially awkward, emotionally dense, and bad at communication. Those are excuses to me... He was amazing before because he constantly showed me that making me laugh was important to him.
Though I will agree that the "bad" times that we had for a long time where we argued alot and at its very worst we barely talked has had him unsure of how to be playful with me and I was always serious all the time that's probably how he assumes I am now.
I have to somehow in a way start fresh and slowly show the playful side again.
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
Lol there is no way he'd read articles. He's way too logical. Thing is he didn't talk much yeaterday because he was so focused on these ideas he wanted to work on and some things he wanted to catch up on and I know that it's just you should have seen him before he'd at least take some time to get a reaction out of me and its probably because of our proximity now he can talk to me pretty much whenever he wants.
Probably why he puts everyone first because he thinks ill always be around. Dont get me wrong hes somewhat better ever since our long talk the other week... He's talking more and more expressive when appreciative but its just if I'm supposedly important to him and he cares about me more than anyone else it would make sense you treat them better.
I can't handle the not talking to me for hours then saying something silly at the end of the day EXPECTING ill respond in kind and be in a good mood.
This is why like I said I am not happy because I'm no ones last place. This is why I still have doubts that he cared even if ppl keep trying to convince me saying he's just socially awkward, emotionally dense, and bad at communication. Those are excuses to me... He was amazing before because he constantly showed me that making me laugh was important to him.
Though I will agree that the "bad" times that we had for a long time where we argued alot and at its very worst we barely talked has had him unsure of how to be playful with me and I was always serious all the time that's probably how he assumes I am now.
I have to somehow in a way start fresh and slowly show the playful side again.
Yep. That's the crux of your problem. You have to be # 1 and everyone else can burn. I believe he doesn't understand this concept yet. You're gonna have to teach this boy. ALot of women like men who are the alpha, the man who will initiate. He doesn't sound very alpha at all, but he can be very EQUAL with you by some help.
I just don't know how to. When I went from being a shy, coy,naive girl to being serious and assertive because of all the disappointment he got used to that and followed suit.
Now he's more ambitious than he used to be and I'm happy that he works harder but I don't want the playfulness to disappear.
Idk how to bring that back.
Now he's more ambitious than he used to be and I'm happy that he works harder but I don't want the playfulness to disappear.
Idk how to bring that back.
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
I just don't know how to. When I went from being a shy, coy,naive girl to being serious and assertive because of all the disappointment he got used to that and followed suit.
Now he's more ambitious than he used to be and I'm happy that he works harder but I don't want the playfulness to disappear.
Idk how to bring that back.
take it from Justin Timberlake:
No I mean its great hes more ambitious and motivated more because that's how I've been and naturally am but it's like that's all he talks about with me... Where's the jokes I see him tell others
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
No I mean its great hes more ambitious and motivated more because that's how I've been and naturally am but it's like that's all he talks about with me... Where's the jokes I see him tell others
hmm he's mirroring you maybe.
When my husband jokes with me sarcastically, i send him one back for good measure, and it's like a back and forth banter between us. Until we're laughing like two little kids. Crazy *shakes head*
No I mean ever since our talk he's been working harder and supportive and talkative but that's not exactly what I meant when I had that last talk with him.
It's when I said to him for someone who depends on me alot, he treats me the worst. He easily asks ppl how their weekend is, bends over backwards for them on their projects, inquires about how their day went with clients...but he doesn't do that with me or whatever.
Its hard to explain...he does ask for my advice re: work projects, or tells me when he's leaving to go somewhere, and updates me that he's almost finished with his projects (idk why) but I miss the conversations, him being inquisitive and things like that...him telling me about funny things that happen with clients...like he does with everyone else.
I've tried to do that with him because he follows by example but its hard to stay motivated when he half listens...
It's when I said to him for someone who depends on me alot, he treats me the worst. He easily asks ppl how their weekend is, bends over backwards for them on their projects, inquires about how their day went with clients...but he doesn't do that with me or whatever.
Its hard to explain...he does ask for my advice re: work projects, or tells me when he's leaving to go somewhere, and updates me that he's almost finished with his projects (idk why) but I miss the conversations, him being inquisitive and things like that...him telling me about funny things that happen with clients...like he does with everyone else.
I've tried to do that with him because he follows by example but its hard to stay motivated when he half listens...
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
No I mean ever since our talk he's been working harder and supportive and talkative but that's not exactly what I meant when I had that last talk with him.
It's when I said to him for someone who depends on me alot, he treats me the worst. He easily asks ppl how their weekend is, bends over backwards for them on their projects, inquires about how their day went with clients...but he doesn't do that with me or whatever.
Its hard to explain...he does ask for my advice re: work projects, or tells me when he's leaving to go somewhere, and updates me that he's almost finished with his projects (idk why) but I miss the conversations, him being inquisitive and things like that...him telling me about funny things that happen with clients...like he does with everyone else.
I've tried to do that with him because he follows by example but its hard to stay motivated when he half listens...
I see what you mean. He seems more attentive to them. The only way you could help this situation is that you sit down and talk to him face to face. It may be hard on him because he'll probably think, in his mind that he isn't doing anything wrong. But his problem arises when he lacks the emotional closeness that you need. I personally understand where you're coming from. I wouldn't like it either if my man (I realise he's not your man yet, but there is a connect with you on a more personal basis) but i would HATE it very much if my man started paying more attention to other people than me. It'd really piss me the hell off. I'm jealous and possessive that way (It maybe cause i have taurus placements and i dont care cause I'm number one in his eyes and it should be that way)
Anyway, I'd just talk to him, and if you want to continue being with him, you'll have to be more assertive and set down some rules. It sounds so authoritative but that's just how it's going to be. If you want to torture yourself then you stay quiet. He may balk and say, no he's not ignoring and I read that he's not ignoring you, but his attention to other people is annoying you and I don't blame you at all.
It is weird how he bends over backwards for them on projects....I mean why? Is he getting paid for them?
OORRR....maybe he is doing it because he can "LEARN" from their way of style of applying the projects, and can help them as well. They have this exchange going on. It may not be anything romantic of course, but if it has anything to do with work-related situations, it's just how it is with some men. They go out of their way for people but there's always an agenda without realising. Their agenda is not always, "I'm doing it out of niceness." No one really consciously does that I dont think. I believe it's more of, (not consciously doing it) helping and also helping themselves understand the differences of style s with other people's projects. This is with most people no matter the placements, I notice....
It is weird how he bends over backwards for them on projects....I mean why? Is he getting paid for them?
OORRR....maybe he is doing it because he can "LEARN" from their way of style of applying the projects, and can help them as well. They have this exchange going on. It may not be anything romantic of course, but if it has anything to do with work-related situations, it's just how it is with some men. They go out of their way for people but there's always an agenda without realising. Their agenda is not always, "I'm doing it out of niceness." No one really consciously does that I dont think. I believe it's more of, (not consciously doing it) helping and also helping themselves understand the differences of style s with other people's projects. This is with most people no matter the placements, I notice....
oh and his lack of attention with you not laughing it up and loling and being inquisitive,
well, perhaps your side, you are too very serious with him. Perhaps in your way of being frustrated, he senses a change in you as well. But you would think that if you're uptight he'd try to help loosen you up.
well, perhaps your side, you are too very serious with him. Perhaps in your way of being frustrated, he senses a change in you as well. But you would think that if you're uptight he'd try to help loosen you up.
@lisbeth exactly. He used to be that way with me but alot more so but that's when things changed when mgmt asked me to join his dept. when that happened I got forgotten about but other coworkers didn't.
When he asked a coworker what happened to me and when we did talk later that night and he said the talk was more important than the plans he had that night that showed he cared. But like you said I get so jealous when he jokes with coworkers or asks about their life or shares his life with them or jokes with other depts via phone.
I get so jealous and it hurts especially when I try and share a piece of my world with him and he says nothing. Sometimes he half listens and yet he claims I'm the one not talking to him.
It hurts when I'm sad and he notices but will ask someone else what happened but he won't ever talk to me about it and ill just be sitting there sad and he does nothing about it.
I don't even know what's stopping him.
When he asked a coworker what happened to me and when we did talk later that night and he said the talk was more important than the plans he had that night that showed he cared. But like you said I get so jealous when he jokes with coworkers or asks about their life or shares his life with them or jokes with other depts via phone.
I get so jealous and it hurts especially when I try and share a piece of my world with him and he says nothing. Sometimes he half listens and yet he claims I'm the one not talking to him.
It hurts when I'm sad and he notices but will ask someone else what happened but he won't ever talk to me about it and ill just be sitting there sad and he does nothing about it.
I don't even know what's stopping him.
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
@lisbeth exactly. He used to be that way with me but alot more so but that's when things changed when mgmt asked me to join his dept. when that happened I got forgotten about but other coworkers didn't.
When he asked a coworker what happened to me and when we did talk later that night and he said the talk was more important than the plans he had that night that showed he cared. But like you said I get so jealous when he jokes with coworkers or asks about their life or shares his life with them or jokes with other depts via phone.
I get so jealous and it hurts especially when I try and share a piece of my world with him and he says nothing. Sometimes he half listens and yet he claims I'm the one not talking to him.
It hurts when I'm sad and he notices but will ask someone else what happened but he won't ever talk to me about it and ill just be sitting there sad and he does nothing about it.
I don't even know what's stopping him.
How MUCH he shares his life with them is the difference. How much he shares, or what amount is always the difference. When my husband shares a piece of his life with people, it's just bits and pieces, never EVER the whole picture. The whole picture is always for me of course, who knows him better than anyone else.(well except for his mommy dearest) ^_~ and maybe his grandma. LOL
OK, even his poppa. hahaha. Well, shoot. you get what I mean. What he shares with them should only be a fraction of what he should actually share with you.
That's exactly what I'm saying. I've known him for over 5 years...them maybe 2 years at most and he shares more with them than me and I don't get why especially when he goes to me for advice about things or depends on me...
How can you depend on someone or ask their advice and yet you won't share a piece of your soul with them.
How can you depend on someone or ask their advice and yet you won't share a piece of your soul with them.
Posted by ScorpioFemale79
That's exactly what I'm saying. I've known him for over 5 years...them maybe 2 years at most and he shares more with them than me and I don't get why especially when he goes to me for advice about things or depends on me...
How can you depend on someone or ask their advice and yet you won't share a piece of your soul with them.
Lady that is immensely frustrating. People share tons of their lives for example on facebook, twitter and stupid online communication stuff.
Day 1: Breakfast at Bernies cafe, coffee and two pieces of toast. Waitress was lousy at serving. Still tipped her anyway. (Indication that he still feels sorry for her no matter how lousy she was)
Ran into an old friend while buying a newspaper, ect ect and didnt have the heart to tell him that i was running late going back to the office.(Indication of Pushover, money isn't really important, nor is time, since after all, seeing an old friend is) LOL
Lunch: Croissant ham and cheese. The boss at the office treated and the coffee was free. Didnt really stay as the friend I ran into wanted to have lunch. (friends was more important than the free meal) LOL
Dinner: Girl from the office wanted to take me out to happy hour. Should I go or should I stay?
damn office politics (Indication that he lusts for her, thinks about it but is hard pressed about wanting to go against the office rules) lol
Sigh...
well....
If you feel you cannot "depend" on this person, you cannot go forward. You NEED to depend on someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. If he's not the one, he's not the one. You have to make up your mind one way of the other. He isn't DECISIVE, he's hesitant in many ways infact, and doesn't seem to understand human relationships on a deeper level. It really all depends on you to do what you need to do. He probably has to make some effort afterward.
found this, and i thought it'd be a "general" good look for you:
Parts of that is true...most of it...but not in the way they see it. With him she's right on some levels, he:
- Is very social
- Very chaotic mentally (he's always jumping from thing to thing)
- Goes against convention (he does what he thinks is the priority which isn't always the most important priority)
- He is very caring and helpful
But yep you are right...the ironic thing is, like she said in the video we are immediately attracted to them and I was...though I didn't give it alot of thought in the beginning but as we got to know each other I ADORED his personality...he was just so silly and calm and helpful and attentive and because he was so random, he was never predictable and so he always surprised me with things he said or did that i didn't expect and for some reason he automatically was comfortable with me since day 1. I don't know what it was but he always was drawn to me and even now that we work together...somehow I became his "Bonnie" (bonnie and clyde reference).
Not sure why but he always treated me like that even during that dark period where we barely spoke...I'm the person that he always says he's leaving when he goes to a meeting or is going home and he will often repeat it if he thinks i'm not paying attention.
But I think the problem lies like she said on the video...because he doesn't focus on any one person 100% of the time, that makes scorpios jealous and feel neglected which it did LOL. Part of why its so tough now is because he's not great at reading people so when you act a certain way he assumes its because of something so he alters his actions to fit yours instead of ever wondering why he/she is acting that way...
Even when that Pisces female kept suggesting he talk to me about the most recent issue ASAP...he didn't...but fortunately i pulled him aside when he was leaving to go home. I even told Pisces female that a week after it happened and she said that she thinks he was gonna give me the weekend to calm down before he approached me but if I know him like I think I do, he was hoping I'd be over it after the weekend and not have to talk to me about it because he's chicken lol
But that would have made it worse. But ever since the talk he's been 50% better. He's very talkative in a silly way half the time, the other half of the time he's easily distracted by everyone else or whatever priority projects (that aren't really a priority) that's going on in his head.
He seems to follow by example so if I
- Is very social
- Very chaotic mentally (he's always jumping from thing to thing)
- Goes against convention (he does what he thinks is the priority which isn't always the most important priority)
- He is very caring and helpful
But yep you are right...the ironic thing is, like she said in the video we are immediately attracted to them and I was...though I didn't give it alot of thought in the beginning but as we got to know each other I ADORED his personality...he was just so silly and calm and helpful and attentive and because he was so random, he was never predictable and so he always surprised me with things he said or did that i didn't expect and for some reason he automatically was comfortable with me since day 1. I don't know what it was but he always was drawn to me and even now that we work together...somehow I became his "Bonnie" (bonnie and clyde reference).
Not sure why but he always treated me like that even during that dark period where we barely spoke...I'm the person that he always says he's leaving when he goes to a meeting or is going home and he will often repeat it if he thinks i'm not paying attention.
But I think the problem lies like she said on the video...because he doesn't focus on any one person 100% of the time, that makes scorpios jealous and feel neglected which it did LOL. Part of why its so tough now is because he's not great at reading people so when you act a certain way he assumes its because of something so he alters his actions to fit yours instead of ever wondering why he/she is acting that way...
Even when that Pisces female kept suggesting he talk to me about the most recent issue ASAP...he didn't...but fortunately i pulled him aside when he was leaving to go home. I even told Pisces female that a week after it happened and she said that she thinks he was gonna give me the weekend to calm down before he approached me but if I know him like I think I do, he was hoping I'd be over it after the weekend and not have to talk to me about it because he's chicken lol
But that would have made it worse. But ever since the talk he's been 50% better. He's very talkative in a silly way half the time, the other half of the time he's easily distracted by everyone else or whatever priority projects (that aren't really a priority) that's going on in his head.
He seems to follow by example so if I
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