the art of disappearing

As an Aqua, I do know the art of indifference, and our gift of aloofness. When there is a need to rid a toxic person we are talented in the gift of nothing. I am however having a slight problem ridding a virgo from my life. This one likes (and has in the past) blown hot and cold, ah and No. I just worry. I've kept it at bay and have ignored contact attempts after the virgo 'ghosting' and done the aqua 'we are done' talk, followed by silence (I think much more civilized then ghosting but whatevs), Problem, I get the random hook texts (so stupid), I've changed my number a couple of times doesn't help, this has been going on for decades. I don't respond. How do you just get rid of a virgo? Sucks he was my friend (we love our friends) for over 35 years. So I've tried to let it go gently, but geez!

Suggestions?

Yes, I have, to the point of embarrassing caring and then blunt rudeness. He seems to think that with enough time and silence (ghosting) all will be forgiven. I for now just ignore, and will continue to do so. It hurts when he can't find me and involves my elderly parents, why I don't change my number anymore. Gosh he so plays the victim card. Ugh. I feel like I should make up a fake boyfriend. I honestly don't think that would work.

...and thank you for responding. Flo.

how does he get your new number?

😕

Honestly , don't know don't care. He bugs my parents which is why I do keep my number open so he will bother me further. need a final!!! help,

he just finds ways and this has been going on since before the internet, although it has escalated since that invention. my parents, siblings, friends. Then he plays the victim when/if I respond. It is so stupid.

I kept my last number because after changing it 3 times I would rather him bother me then my family, siblings or friends,

I guess I'm reaching out to aqua minds for a creative solution to end a virgo problem. Come on! We are the NASA of nuts.

Send him a screenshot of these posts and tell him its you ........ or are you scared of telling him how you really feel. So you can learn how he really feels?

Posted by itgetsdeep
Send him a screenshot of these posts and tell him its you ........ or are you scared of telling him how you really feel. So you can
learn how he really feels?

Best suggestion so far, but also just venting to be honest. He may see it as another ego stroke. Ignoring seems best, but when I do so it does eventually lead to him reaching out to people I care about. I would rather take the brunt then them.

I've been keeping a log...in case, and have told him, does not stop it. dude....

Posted by AquaStorm

Posted by itgetsdeep
Send him a screenshot of these posts and tell him its you ........ or are you scared of telling him how you really feel. So you can
learn how he really feels?

Best suggestion so far, but also just venting to be honest. He may see it as another ego stroke. Ignoring seems best, but when I do so it does eventually lead to him reaching out to people I care about. I would rather take the brunt then them.

I've been keeping a log...in case, and have told him, does not stop it. dude....

click to expand

It appears you see it as an ego stroke. After 35 years telling him the truth and cutting ties seems easier. Would you care if you found out you were one of several woman and he doesn't really care for you that much? That you are somewhat of a hobby he plays with because he mirrors what you do?

Posted by itgetsdeep

Posted by AquaStorm

Posted by itgetsdeep
Send him a screenshot of these posts and tell him its you ........ or are you scared of telling him how you really feel. So you can
learn how he really feels?

Best suggestion so far, but also just venting to be honest. He may see it as another ego stroke. Ignoring seems best, but when I do so it does eventually lead to him reaching out to people I care about. I would rather take the brunt then them.

I've been keeping a log...in case, and have told him, does not stop it. dude....

It appears you see it as an ego stroke. After 35 years telling him the truth and cutting ties seems easier. Would you care if you found out you were one of several woman and he doesn't really care for you that much? That you are somewhat of a hobby he plays with because he mirrors what you do?

click to expand

Yes, well we grew up together. The contact (initiated by him) has escalated by once years that I could ignore to recently me (no ego stroke at all, if anything the opposite), Now it is about once a week. I have ignored for about ...aqua (*I will find numbers in my starry mind because I have to make up numbers and be surprisingly accurate...rolls eyes... blah 4 months).

Im annoyed and also do not want to hurt my childhood friend.

Is there a win win with this scenerio? NASA?

You might want to think about the possibility that cutting a person off after 35 years (or any other amount of time) for whatever reason is just not how you handle a friendship/a person/a situtation especially if it clearly doesn't bring the desired outcome. Probably there's no way of mending this current situation, but maybe you can prevent similar ones later. Aqua's are so adamant about time, space, and patience, yet so quick to cut ties.

I had this once, we grew up together, very close like sisters. But what was okey in our twenties, her agressive crazyness and self-absorbed nature, I didnt like it in our thirties..... was really hard to get rid of her, because she was very persistent, harassing my parents, her parents calling and crying why I dont talk to her anymore..... it took I think two years (no reaction from me, just ignoring), that these attacks on my parents had stopped and fortunately she moved far away🙂 🙂 she always writes me on facebook, liking my photos, I ignore, never respond...... its been for about 10 years now that I completely ignore her....... was painful, I really used to like her, but it just stopped

Posted by AquaStorm
he just finds ways and this has been going on since before the internet, although it has escalated since that invention. my parents, siblings, friends. Then he plays the victim when/if I respond. It is so stupid.

I kept my last number because after changing it 3 times I would rather him bother me then my family, siblings or friends,

I guess I'm reaching out to aqua minds for a creative solution to end a virgo problem. Come on! We are the NASA of nuts.

Aqua minds you say.....?~ :>





xDD

WELL. You could use this as your human experiment.
Make up a character that would be completely boring to this virgo. Like a completely different person.

The fact that you're so "unavailabe" is attracting him more.
So just answer the phone, in the character you have created.

Be like a rock. A really greeeey rock.

"So why have you been avoiding me?"
" I dunno. it's cool i guess how r u"

just....general a'ss responses to everything. xDD see how that goes for you.

Don't act mad at him either (even if you are)..just really adopt the "whatever" mood. Give into the art of nothingness. xD

I guess i am confussed by all of this. You have known him for 35 years yet you don't want him as part of your life? Kinda contradiction don't you think? what exactly is he doing besides trying to be a friend? He makes passes at you? he trys to pursue a relationship? Are you guys ating? have you dated? I mean its not THAt hard to cut ties, but YOU have to want to and tbh you dolnt really want to or you would have long ago.

Tell him under no certain tersm, no contact and to leave your family/freinds alone or it will lead to a restraining order. I mean, that is how oyu are painting him.. but i think this is more about you getting reeled back in by his words/actions and you need to figure out how to walk away..

As an Aqua.. i keep my friends , friends.. in other words i don't fuck my friends. not sure if that is what happened here but kinda sounds like it.

I think there is much more to all this, than just wanting to end a 35 year friendship/acquaintance. In my experince Virgos are very direct creatures and if you tell them were they stand they have no issues understanding and respecting that.

Posted by justagirl
I guess i am confussed by all of this. You have known him for 35 years yet you don't want him as part of your life? Kinda contradiction don't you think? what exactly is he doing besides trying to be a friend? He makes passes at you? he trys to pursue a relationship? Are you guys ating? have you dated? I mean its not THAt hard to cut ties, but YOU have to want to and tbh you dolnt really want to or you would have long ago.

Tell him under no certain tersm, no contact and to leave your family/freinds alone or it will lead to a restraining order. I mean, that is how oyu are painting him.. but i think this is more about you getting reeled back in by his words/actions and you need to figure out how to walk away..

As an Aqua.. i keep my friends , friends.. in other words i don't fuck my friends. not sure if that is what happened here but kinda sounds like it.

I think there is much more to all this, than just wanting to end a 35 year friendship/acquaintance. In my experince Virgos are very direct creatures and if you tell them were they stand they have no issues understanding and respecting that.

..that's pretty good

Posted by SalamanderCandy

Posted by justagirl
I guess i am confussed by all of this. You have known him for 35 years yet you don't want him as part of your life? Kinda contradiction don't you think? what exactly is he doing besides trying to be a friend? He makes passes at you? he trys to pursue a relationship? Are you guys ating? have you dated? I mean its not THAt hard to cut ties, but YOU have to want to and tbh you dolnt really want to or you would have long ago.

Tell him under no certain tersm, no contact and to leave your family/freinds alone or it will lead to a restraining order. I mean, that is how oyu are painting him.. but i think this is more about you getting reeled back in by his words/actions and you need to figure out how to walk away..

As an Aqua.. i keep my friends , friends.. in other words i don't fuck my friends. not sure if that is what happened here but kinda sounds like it.

I think there is much more to all this, than just wanting to end a 35 year friendship/acquaintance. In my experince Virgos are very direct creatures and if you tell them were they stand they have no issues understanding and respecting that.

..that's pretty good

click to expand

I've been around the rodeo a time or two 🙂

Posted by justagirl
I guess i am confussed by all of this. You have known him for 35 years yet you don't want him as part of your life? Kinda contradiction don't you think? what exactly is he doing besides trying to be a friend? He makes passes at you? he trys to pursue a relationship? Are you guys ating? have you dated? I mean its not THAt hard to cut ties, but YOU have to want to and tbh you dolnt really want to or you would have long ago.

Tell him under no certain tersm, no contact and to leave your family/freinds alone or it will lead to a restraining order. I mean, that is how oyu are painting him.. but i think this is more about you getting reeled back in by his words/actions and you need to figure out how to walk away..

As an Aqua.. i keep my friends , friends.. in other words i don't fuck my friends. not sure if that is what happened here but kinda sounds like it.

I think there is much more to all this, than just wanting to end a 35 year friendship/acquaintance. In my experince Virgos are very direct creatures and if you tell them were they stand they have no issues understanding and respecting that.

Thanks for responding justagirl and also to others who took time to post. The Dr Evil cracked me up.

I've thought about it some more.

We grew up together then we went in different directions. We never dated.

I've always had a fondness for him because he is/was my oldest friend.

So over the years with vague sporadic contact, always initiated by him, would catch up, wish him well and refuse anything further then a well wish. He got married so I respected that but would answer a call in case something bad happened. We have no mutual friends, as life has taken us on different paths. When I think about it I guess I enabled to this dynamic but was really aloof at least on my side. I was like oh hey! everything okay? Ok cool. for the last 20 years.

A few years ago he turned weird. To my knowledge he was going through a divorce. I still refused to see him but did offer friendly support, the name and number of a marriage counselor, websites for men going through divorce, In hindsight I should have just cut it off then, but it felt like I was abandoning my friend when he was feeling very vulnerable and needed support.

Instead of the sporadic contact he amped it up, made a bunch of odd declarations, and then ghosted. I did speak to him once and learned he did not go through with his divorce, fine, and said I understood and thank you for letting me know (grrr. like 3 months later). I felt relieved and off the hook for trying to be a supportive friend at that point.

Since then I receive more often (anywhere from every few months to recently (last 4 months) like every week) contact, always vague one liners victim laced with basically 'do you hate me' stuff. I don't, but

I guess I got cut off...

Since then I receive more often (anywhere from every few months to recently (last 4 months) like every week) contact, always vague one liners victim laced with basically 'do you hate me' stuff. I don't, but I can't be his secret friend, it is inappropriate. This was communicated a couple of years ago. If I responded I would be ignored or dismissed, weird buddy, you contacted me, right? So now I just ignore it all and it is escalating. Don't play no contact games with Aquas, and don't lie and hide stuff. It is stupid.

I have read up on intermittent contact and how it is used by the pua community to reel people heads. I don't (want) to think this is an intentional motive, but he may just be going through, whatever?

However, I simply cannot be placed into this position and refuse to reply in any manner and it is a damaging path.

So while it hurts to lose what I really thought was my friend. No true friend would ever attempt to put me or themselves in a bad position, or ghost, ignore or be rude when met with a ? response.

It will suck if he ever truly gets to an authentic place in his life, and tries to reach out to me again, because this was the straw. It has to be.

Thank you for listening. If I'm missing a logic nugget feel free to correct me or offer a perspective I may be missing.

I would take the time to compose a few short sentences. That his behavior is too dismissive of you as a person, that you don't like it and you want him to stop contacting you and anyone else in your life and you do not want a reply, you want The End. Then change your number. There is no more gentle.

If he contacts you after that, the only way to get rid of him is to embarrass him. So, to teach him a lesson, let him think he's gotten close again, see if you can get on his facebook....then post screenshots of all the weird shit he sends you to his timeline, unfriend, then ghost.

We Aquas can be so considerate, until we are not, and it is just not a sign thing. Givers gonna give, till they don't. I'm done with the few short sentences or closure talk, asking what happened? Its closed and for good and it's all good.

There has been a couple more attempts, but I am still ignoring and will continue to do so.

I have logged an interval date far into the future, years from now. if things go as the pattern dictates (years of study there), I have come up with a ridiculous and soul hurting plan to let this person feel shock, awe and ghost. Don't worry it's a prank and all legal and stuff, but hey, it's also all fair. Gander meet goose, with more flair.

Hopefully it will all go away, but my plan is so hilarious, We shall see.

Funny, the last Virgo I had to lose just cost me a 300 dollar loan.