The Sad Aqua-I feel like a Lifetime Special

Oh before I begin, yes I soon realized Scorp from previous post was crazy lol...

But onto serious matters. Lately I've been feeling really empty. But I've been on a winning streak with meeting interesting guys so I didnt wanna pass up an opportunity. I'm kinda like a serial dater I guess.
So I talked to this one guy I had been blowing off for a couple months and we were hitting it off. But i started asking some questions about if he gets bored easy because he's been single for so long and it came out that he's one of those 'we're special friends' type guys. They sleep with you expect you to do everything as if you're in a relationship but then drags his feet on commitment. Because of this most females he has dated since breaking up with his children's mother have deleted his phone number and moved on. I explained to him that having sex isn't taking things slow which is why eventually the women got their feelings hurt. I know, these days this is typical behavior. But for some reason it made me so angry.

I realize it made me so angry because that's what I went through with someone I was seriously in love with. The commitment without commitment. I did that for 8 months straight. Our kids met, we spent all our time together, we confessed our love to eachother, I did everything I could to show him I cared about him. It was like we were playing the roles but he couldnt commit to the idea. And in passive aggressive style his actions would express that he wasn't committed (not cheating, but just refusing to do certain things, or referring to me as his 'homegirl'). On the flip side he was extremely jealous and constantly pointing the finger, as if I couldn't be trusted, even though everything he wouldn't do for me he would do for his children's mom. He was an Aqua by the way, so when I bounced I felt like I lost my best friend. But I couldnt take it anymore, and I felt like he was using me and I had enough.

He later tried to get me back but I was so angry and hurt. I hated him. Now I feel like I've spent the past year trying to forget what happened. And now here I am crying about it again. It's not that I'm in love with him. I'm just still so upset...I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. I let my guard down with him, I put my all into it. And it blew up in my face. I want to get over this already. But I just dont ever wanna feel that way again.

Posted by Metoo
No offense but it doesn't seem like your the commitment type either as I was so surprised to read one of your posts where you enjoy playing games with people and then you kind drop them and move on, something to that effect, I am paraphrasing but I remember thinking it seemed so kinda sad.

I think until your healed it is gonna be hard to really be emotionally availble agin to be complete in a relationship.
You may be feeling empty because you never got to get back in touch with yourself after the breakup.
You need to know outside of a relationship who you are, what you like as far as what inspires you, is it painting, exercise, volunteer work, travel, hikinig, writing....your staying in the stuck mode, you lost your identity and that is what makes you empty.

When an aqua hurts you, it cuts deep, and the wounds take long to heal because they have a way of really getting into your head and heart and its hard to shake them.

Forget dating for now. Stop looking, stop hoping, put your effort into you or you'll keep find screwy unavailable men because thats what you are right now...emotionally unavailable, afraid of commitment and getting hurt etc. etc. you are projecting this, attracting it...ditch the dating and date yourself right now. Get your heart and mind and your identity back on track, is life worthless without a man after all? NOOOOOO! I hate that mushy saying "You gotta love you forst blah blah blah..." but in this case it kinda applies. Broken people bring NOTHING to a new relationship. Good luck!

+gazillion points for life.