...got taste of my own medicine

the Aquarius up and cheated on me. she wasn't planning to tell me either, but I figured it out and coaxed out a confession. She is still living with me and trying to make amends, but I'm pretty sure she is still cheating. I could not have ever imagined how bad this would hurt ... totally uncontrollable responses in my body ... I've probably lost 5lbs since I found out. I'm going to have to go apologize to my ex-wife now that I really understand how bad this hurts.

Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions on what to do next? Should I kick her out? She doesn't really have a place to go, and I don't know if its easier on me keeping her around a little longer or just ripping that band-aid completely off. I'm trying to detach from her emotionally. I didn't even realize I had fallen for her so hard. This pain caught me completely off guard.

i been told you to kick her ass out

Posted by DMV
i been told you to kick her ass out

when? i don't remember seeing where you said that.

anyway, yeah, that so needs to happen ... but at same time, I remember when I was living with the Fish, and I think we both knew it was over ... she let me stay there with her a couple more months until I could get my own place. I really appreciated that.

I'm making excuses now aren't I 😢

nope, i def recall saying either to dump her ass or kick her out. whose wearing the pants in this relationship?

your making mad excuses. dont be a sucka. an aqua has no problem walking over anyone; damn that humanity shiiit they stand for.

😢 lol 😢 sorry

that's funny you mentioned, "who's wearing the pants?" I know exactly when she got the upper hand ... and that's when her sex drive started dying for me ... and the downward spiral we've be on since.

God, I know that is a fatal mistake to let a girl wear the pants ... but she was so sneaky how she manipulated me. She always played the poor little victim whenever I tried to toughen up on her. She had good excuses too (really rough things she's had to go through lately) ... oh, and she sure capitalized on any little mistakes I made ... like meeting up w/ Aries for drinks. Rather than fight her crazy ass down, I got a lazy and let the "nice guy" that just wants to make peace and be happy take over. Doesn't work for a girl like that. She lives on drama. like the engergizer bunny, but powered on dramoline.

I kinda tried to break up with her the other night ... she started crying and talking about how she just wants to die (and she's talked about suicidal thoughts in the past too). I'm a sucker ... it's like no way am I gonna be the guy who kicks her out and she off's herself. BUT!! I know she's fucking playing me.

wow, out of my league with this one. ...and the fucking sex, sporadic as it may be, is fucking awesome ... further complicating my ability to turn her out.

Also, there's a .0001% chance that I'm being paranoid and she's really trying to make things work now. I feel guilty accusing her of continuing to cheat when I don't have proof. I'm 99.999% sure by the way she acted when I was out of town last few days though.

There is that person that teaches u that lesson

im not saying become a douchebag, just stand up for yourself.

she's feeding your crumbs and your eating it like thanksgiving dinner. are u happy with the crumbs she feeds you? as awesome as those crumbs are when your STARVING. theyre really just crumbs, scraps...things that dogs eat off the table. why not leave those crumbs right where they are on the floor and go get a real meal.

get a backbone dude

Posted by Sag89
There is that person that teaches u that lesson

yep, and I sure learned it the hard way

For cheaters, if you got someone cheating on you, then you deserve it really...no mercy on you neither.
U should treat others the same way as U want to be treated...always.

@DMV ... good point on the crumbs thing. That was how I'd been feeling for a while. It was why I started wanting to see the the Aries again (another source of crumbs). Funny thing was, I was happy not seeing anyone for almost a year, just working on myself. But I was also lonelier than I realized ... ripe for her to take advantage.

I finally dropped my kids off today. I've had them this whole week which was good. That made me further appreciate my ex when I left her and admitted I had been cheating. She had to hold herself together in front of the kids through all of that. It was easier for me, only having to deal with that for a week. So really, as much as I've hurt the last couple of weeks, I still didn't suffer near as bad as I caused my ex to suffer ... the demise of a 6 month relationship probably isn't as hard as being cheated and left after 14 years. Well, live and learn. Suddenly I'm more interested in finding a good woman and settling down.

So, the plan for tonight is to meet Aquarius for drinks. I'm going to let her know that I still love her, but that I can't keep my sanity with her. I don't see a long term relationship with her as feasible anymore.

dont let her counter you with those techniques of her. keep it short and to the point.

@ lucky

Yes, guilty as charged, but there is always a reason people do what they do. In some cases the "cheat-ee" shares some blame. Quite frankly the Aquarius gave off a vibe from the beginning that something like this might happen, but I chose to ignore it. Like DMV said, I should be leavin' them crumbs on the floor.

From the cheaters perspective, it comes from a feeling of being trapped, and a realization that the person you are trapped with will never be able to satisfy you. It's like a fear response to being caged. The cheater feels like they settled and that there's no other way to get what they need to be happy. They would leave first if they didn't feel trapped or obligated to stay. I know its selfish and wrong now, but that's how it goes down.

Posted by DMV
dont let her counter you with those techniques of her. keep it short and to the point.

lol, thanks DMV ... I'll let you know how it goes. She's a pro ... but then I'm rather talented at being annoying ... without even trying 😉 I'm not worried about getting rid of her now that I've made up my mind what I want.

Alright here comes the big mouth Gemini. Going to lay it all out on the line here.

You get what you give. What comes around goes around.

Now that you are on the receiving end I have ZERO pity for you. Yes, I understand she cheated on you, but when it comes down to it people who do others wrong will eventually get it back. I'm not sure on your situation with your ex (the one you cheated on) but now you know how it feels. If you go back to her apologizing don't expect her to be sympathetic. Id be like that's what you get motherfucker (if it's still fresh). I think you deserve it. Just so you can feel how she felt.

Blah blah yes you should kick her out, that's a given but why hasn't anyone said anything to you about reality? It's like oh ok let's feel bad for you and give you suggestions. Hey look here. I think you totally deserve it. You come here asking for advice and you're going to get some harsh crap from me.

So you feel that you apologizing to your ex that YOU cheated on is going to wipe this out now? That you are even? Cripes this crap makes me so angry.

@Xin,

you're right, i don't disagree with anything you say. I'm not trying to make anything even. I just finally understand how bad I hurt my ex and I think she deserves a sincere apology ... which I've never really given her. My ex is remarried already and I think happy with her new husband. It's been a fairly amicable divorce, and she has always put the needs of the kids over her own. I have nothing but respect for her.

That said, I appreciate the "honest disapproval" I get here, as well as the advice, and sympathy ... even if not deserved.

Hum. Modest.

I will apologize for being quite rude about it but honestly I just don't understand why people cheat.
Were things that bad that people have to resort to this type of behavior? I guess I will never understand the logic of it.

Im rather surprised at your retort I figured you would have an excuse or something negative to say. Well done. I applaud the modesty, I really do and I don't mean that in any way as a sarcastic remark.

It's easier to acknowledge the truth than to fabricate a lie.

so, the deed is done, and wow did she put on a show.

at first I was just handing her more wine glasses to smash, but then she got drunk and started throwing wine on the walls and at me, and a whole jar of mayonnaise across the dinning room floor.

psychologists really are crazy!!!

Ew...mayonnaise is some nasty shit to clean up.

Posted by Wynter
Ew...mayonnaise is some nasty shit to clean up.

yeah, I hate to think. We've been talking on the phone and she claimed she was trying to clean up, but too upset. I'm not planning to be back home until maybe 2am tonight and certainly not going to clean then ... so that means mayo and wine covered walls/floors for 24+ hours.

lol, at least the milk jug she threw didn't explode

good for you dude. aquas can be babies about shyt almost worst than aries

OMG, you guys are going to think I'm the biggest pussy on the planet.

So all day Friday I'm at work and she's texting and calling me saying everything from fuck you, I hate you, to I feel like breaking more stuff, to why are you doing this to me, to please tell me this isn't happening, to I can't take this, to come home or I'm going out with my friend to get wasted and who knows what will happen, to just leaving the phone line open crying, to I was just so looking forward to playing poker with you tonight ... I got my dad to teach me just so I could do that with you, to please just come home I need you right now because I can't take this.

Soooo, I call my friend who I had planned to have HH with before my poker game and canceled. I was planning to have a bitch session with him griping about my crazy ass gf and why I broke up with her.

I go home, and she had cleaned everything up. I sit by her on the couch. I'm trying to calm her down a little. I reassured her that she didn't have to move out this weekend or anything like that. I said she could even come play poker like we had planned earlier in the week. The conversation went on and on and somehow came to me saying that we could just not make any decisions right now and I would sleep in my room for a week and then we would see how we felt when the emotions had time to settle. Then she leaned over on me and we're laying on the couch and her face is as close as she can get to mine. And she kept moving closer and pretty soon her lips are right in my face. I'm not going to kiss her but after a while her lips are pressed against mine and my head is pinned against the armrest of the couch. Then I gave in. our clothes kinda disappeared.

then we went and played poker and she was like the perfect girlfriend. It was her 1st time to play but she did really good. she had memorized all kinds of facts that we usually have to look up in the book whenever some of the more rare situations arise. She won some hands, she was completely charming to all my poker buddies who are a bunch of old farts really. One older guy had actually lost his wife 1 year earlier; it was the anniversary of her death ... my supposedly ex gf was the only one of us sensitive enough to know he needed someone to talk to and got all of that out of him and ended up giving him a lot of comfort and hugs that he really needed.

Anyway, today was as good of a day with her as ever.

lol

Posted by ellessque
can someone say master manipulator?

her bff isn't a water sign by chance, is she? 😛

yeah this girl is good. she probably got you paying all her bills and she doesnt even have to have sex with you to do it.

@DMV I provide the home and most food, but I've been adamant about sex. That was what set us down hill for a while because I've always made it clear that lack of sex = deal breaker. Actually, the sex been great (as in her initiating and being awesome) ever since she cheated ... even before I knew (guilt sex I guess). Can't complain about that really, its been that good.

We have talked a lot about having an open relationship because I've never been faithful to anyone in the past. That was the frustrating thing about her cheating to me ... all she had to do was ask me 1st and give me a little time to adjust to the idea, and then our trust would have never been broken.

I wasn't even breaking up with her because of the cheating though, it was more because we just haven't been good for each other for the last couple of months. We were dragging each other down. The cheating just kinda woke me up to that.

I'm mostly over the pain and I'm kinda looking forward to getting even now ... it's like I have a free pass and I'm already flirting with everyone again. Only thing that worries me is if she's still screwing around and not telling me.

Oh, last good tidbit. We did go to a swingers club the weekend after she cheated, still before I figured it out. We made out with another couple there. It's pretty cool because when you are in a situation like that together, and you each have control of what happens, and you each are looking out for the other ... I didn't feel any jealousy when she was making out with the other girl's dude, and she didn't feel any jealousy when I was making out with the other girl. Oh, and totally hot watching her and the other girl go down on each other. lol, but we both agreed that the most interesting part of that night was drinking and playing blackjack with a bunch of people just like on a regular night out ... and then later seeing the chick next to us at the black jack table fucking some dude in the little room next to us. Hilarious ... sorry, we must be warped. It was totally interesting experience though, and I'm glad to check that off the bucket list!

@ aquariansideout

thanks for your insights. yes, she does desperately want to be desired. I'm lax on showing that, I'm so hands off'ish. It's hard for me to give her freedom yet display desire ... it's just a weird balance I haven't figured out.

funny story from last monday, she was being scary weird. I was trying to get to a volleyball game for my daughter in a rain storm. Aquarius begs me to meet her at a grocery store first to help her shop. What she really wanted was sex ... in the parking lot of grocery, in the rain, while I'm trying to get to my kids. So obviously I'm not aroused, and she's standing in front of me almost yelling, "why are you avoiding having sex with me". Some dude was walking past us and you guys should have seen the expression on his face!

Anyway, that whole display really just made me suspicious that she had cheated a 2nd time the weekend before. I was out of town so it would sure have been easy. What do you think Aquarian? She hasn't confessed to anything more.

The way she really convinced me that she cares about me is that I offered to just sleep in my own room from now on and she could stay as long as she needed. I basically said she would be completely free and I wouldn't be calling her anymore, we would be broken up and free to do what ever we wanted. She just kept crying and saying, please just tell me this isn't happening i don't want to lose you.

Either she's really, really, really good and I'm a sucker ... or, ?

wow lol. im so jealous of the kinkiness of your aqua. i have NEVER found aquas to be kinky.they come across as pretty dead to me. like they have no pulse or it could be that my level of emotional conflict is soo high that an aqua wont do it for me.

lol aquan,

there was just no way my body was going to respond to her under those conditions. we did get in the back seat of her car for a bit, her on top, but still fully clothed. Some teenage chick who was retrieving carts saw us, and then some creepy dude dove by in his car looking. It was still freaking daylight! I couldn't stop worrying someone would call the police and then I wouldn't be able to get to my kids. There was no way, and it just seemed like an impossible situation she was creating for me.

one last thing that pisses me off about the dude she fucked. It was her fuck buddy that she was seeing before me, and she's never been with him sober. they always get high 1st. most of our best sex happens when we are high too, but she complains about me not being sensual enough sometimes ... well, sorry I'm not a pothead loser who's high all the time.

Whatever, I had another friend tell me to just milk the guilt sex for as long as possible and not worry about it. I just tried to be a little more of a stand up guy than that and break up. She didn't want that, so now I'm just going to let whatever happens happen ... while pursuing my own side action 😉

haha, my question isn't why my Aqua disappeared, it's why "hasn't" she disappeared? Does she like me, or is she just that broke? Hopefully the answer is "both".

...because I know she's that broke

she sounds mentally unstable lol

Posted by jru2
...because I know she's that broke

she aint going no where cause she's broke. shes living the good life with you. why would she ever want to lose that meal ticket. after you left, she probably called on of her homegirls and they put her straight . "girl u cant leave, where u gonna go? u better put on some knee pads and be nice for a little while." then she understood what she had to do to say, clean up that mess and give u a lil lovin.

she has u pegged.

i don't ... she has me fooled for now. it`s a crazy experiment at this point

@S89 ... yes, she`s crazy, even with her meds. like the girl in breakfast at tiffany's. funny how that movie makes it out like they are going to live happily ever after.

that poor guy would have to put up with all that drama for the rest of his life!

after some thinking, i dont think your too much of a sucker. i tend to get suckerish myself when it comes to men; well people in general. i take alot, alot, alot. i think its my mutability. i go along with the flow WAY more than i should.

plus, when i see people in need i cant help but to help them. even if it makes me gullible.

Posted by aquansidenout
You like the drama. My sag told me he stays because of the unpredictablity the feeling of not knowing what I will do next. He gets bored easily and I keep him on his. It's something I can't help. I'll ask you what I asked my boyfriend, "If I'm crazy then doesn't it make you crazy for being with me?" Lol oh the facial expression he gave after that.

crazy knows crazy

Posted by DMV
after some thinking, i dont think your too much of a sucker. i tend to get suckerish myself when it comes to men; well people in general. i take alot, alot, alot. i think its my mutability. i go along with the flow WAY more than i should.

plus, when i see people in need i cant help but to help them. even if it makes me gullible.

thanks dmv ... that's me too

kudos jru2 for being able to see the err of your ways and for apologising to her (I'm sure that meant something) and especially for letting us see it. Most of us know that karma gets everyone... unfortunately we very rarely get to see it or witness it!