you've guessed it....The Silent Treatment (or ST)

My gf is a scorp and she and I obviously deal with our "in the heat of the moment" emotions differently. She is the outspoken, "you are going to feel what I feel and hear me well, and if I say a few things that hurt you tough nuts, I'm getting it out right now and no one can stop me". Where as I am the one whose discussion actually starts in my head and exits my mouth like ghiafheiwnfieonajifenjio. Until I hit the stage where I'm not at the point where I can say how I feel without calling you all types of evil arseholes, She hates the ST, but before I get there, I more than likely have said EVERYTHING I needed to say to her(or anyone because no one is free from my ST) to understand the disconnect on my end of things. My issue with her is that she doesn't hear me when I am speaking (whether she's talking while I am talking, or only listening to what I am saying to react or reply). When I say something about how I am feeling over and over and over again and it seems to just go in and through your head, I shut up. I simply do this (instead of crying or walking away which I am really good for) giving the person the benefit of the doubt that they heard me and it just hasn't hit them yet that "HEY SHE IS ACTUALLY SHARING THE PARTS OF HER HEART AND MIND THAT ARE HURT, MAYBE I SHOULD GIVE HER THE SAME RESPECT SHE HAS GIVEN ME AND ACTUALLY ABSORBS WHAT SHE IS SAYING". Now many times, she usually comes around to "hey you know I am sorry for (insert the ONE THING that I didn't like or vibe well with), I just (insert why)" and that usually doesn't take any more than 15 20 minutes. Today we had a talk and after saying the same thing for at least 5 mins, yes I did.....ST that ass. Honestly, when I don't have anything nice to say I keep my mouth shut. I have been told that my sarcasm and actual harsh words actually hurt, I don't want to hurt my gf I love her, but I want her to understand rather than just hear what I am saying. I don't have the energy to try and constantly remain the loudest in the conversation, so this is how I deal with things until the energy has settled and I have gathered my thoughts and put the evil remarks away. How do you deal with arguements?

I can't do the silent treatment. If it's done to me, I will initially try to work things out, ask questions, try to get it going again -- almost a 3 strikes kinda deal. If it persists, it's over in my heart and mind. People who hold grudges and do not forgive are way too stubborn for me. Not worth the aggravation in the long run. I can't understand people who do this.

Posted by aquapiscescusp
I can't do the silent treatment. If it's done to me, I will initially try to work things out, ask questions, try to get it going again -- almost a 3 strikes kinda deal. If it persists, it's over in my heart and mind. People who hold grudges and do not forgive are way too stubborn for me. Not worth the aggravation in the long run. I can't understand people who do this.

Well, then. I'm taking my grudge and I'm going home.

😉

I have discovered that people who get it out right now, say what they have to say tend to get over issues rather quickly. They express it, they feel better and then it's over so they don't stew on it. But, at the same time, they are just expressing themselves and not really interested in the other party's thoughts or feelings on the matter.

I just let them go off and sit silently and listen, though sometimes it's impossible for me to remain quiet. Most of the time, people just want to be heard. If they feel heard and understood, they get over things a lot quicker.

I have aqua mars so I do understand your wanting to think it through, gather your thoughts and feelings, then discuss it logically and come to an understanding and work it out. Sometimes though, they're done with the issue and now you're ready to address it and they don't want to discuss it anymore. That's when my cap side does hold a grudge and it's likely to be over the fact that I never got to express my side.

Posted by truecap

Posted by aquapiscescusp
I can't do the silent treatment. If it's done to me, I will initially try to work things out, ask questions, try to get it going again -- almost a 3 strikes kinda deal. If it persists, it's over in my heart and mind. People who hold grudges and do not forgive are way too stubborn for me. Not worth the aggravation in the long run. I can't understand people who do this.

Well, then. I'm taking my grudge and I'm going home.

😉

click to expand

noooo we can work it out 🙂

Who am I kidding? I've done the silent treatment before. For me though, it's about being extremely hurt (especially accusations) and that person just doesn't exist for me right now, until I'm ready to adress it. That's why I said I would stay silent and let them vent. Then, when it's over, just walk away and not interact with them at all until I've figured out exactly what I'm hurt/mad about and I figure out what I want to say. I reckon then, I'll try to talk it out with them.

The silent treatment is intellectual for me, in that I'm analyzing the whole situation through and through.

*scorp rising*

Just leave them alone when they go silent. Who knows, they may analyze it and figure out you were right and they were wrong.

It happens.

Lol I have done exactly what your scorpio gf does. In the heat of the moment its about ME being hurt and I want YOU to understand it.

That's it. If you can understand me, then I can cool off. Take a breather for an hour and then come back to you and hear your side.

Kinda selfish but that's how I work LOL, probably how she works too.

Posted by truecap
I have discovered that people who get it out right now, say what they have to say tend to get over issues rather quickly. They express it, they feel better and then it's over so they don't stew on it. But, at the same time, they are just expressing themselves and not really interested in the other party's thoughts or feelings on the matter.

I just let them go off and sit silently and listen, though sometimes it's impossible for me to remain quiet. Most of the time, people just want to be heard. If they feel heard and understood, they get over things a lot quicker.

I have aqua mars so I do understand your wanting to think it through, gather your thoughts and feelings, then discuss it logically and come to an understanding and work it out. Sometimes though, they're done with the issue and now you're ready to address it and they don't want to discuss it anymore. That's when my cap side does hold a grudge and it's likely to be over the fact that I never got to express my side.

truths being told!!