Aries Man, hot and cold, come and go. HELP! :)

Hi everyone, I really really need your help here 😢

So me and this aries guy. It started 4 years ago, he was a friend of a good friend of mine, he asked him if he can introduced me to him and long story short we dated for quite a while. It was great, he was very persistent and chase me like crazy! I was overseas for study at that time and even with long distance he was very persistent, said I was the love of his life, thinking of moving abroad to the city I lived in, etc. However at that time I was not all sure about him and being a young Gemini that I was (haha) I started to see other guy. We ended up having a big fight because he was overly jealous and we called it off. Later I dated the other guy for a year and me and the aries guy didn't speak for a year. After that I moved back to my hometown and somehow we began to speak again. We became good friends, with a lot of flirting (from his side always).

6 months ago when he has a girlfriend, he told me that he thought a lot about trying again with me. But I was like —dude, you have a girlfriend, and honestly I don't think it's goin to work anyway??. Months later he broke up with his girlfriend because she was demanding and wanted a lot of his time and would like to get serious (which sounds normal to me). And he began to get close to me, asked me to dinner etc. It remained platonic until one day I finally felt like I was falling for him! (Damn aries! Haha), I started going to his place, and we made out. Then for a couple of weeks things went very well. We were like officially bf gf in public, in front of his friends, he asked me to go on a holiday with me, telling me he missed me everyday etc. At this point I still had the upper hand, he was the one who begged to go out etc. One day, it suddenly bothered me that we haven't got the talk yet and I got naggy. And guess what, HE DISAPPEAR FOR 2 WEEKS! He didn't answer my call at all!

Anyway,

I got desperate, and sent him a long email about my feelings and how I thought we are good together. BIG MISTAKE. Aries loves the chase and I gave the trophy. Anyway, 2 weeks later we met in a concert and he acted as if nothing happened (SO ARIES!), he even hugged me and being all sweet. The following week, he became not as persistent as it used to but he did contact me, asked me to come to his place etc. Being desperate I was okay with that and I guessed I started to chase him (subtly though). Now, 2 weeks later he's becoming more and more distant, I am still asking him to go out etc, and yesterday (a week after we reached 3rd base), we had dinner and it was like we were only friends! No holding hands, no peck no whatever! I tried to stay cool but I am dying inside. We both have the same profession and we have LOADS things in common, I figured that we both love deep talk and in that way we really connected in a deeper level. I hate it that I didn't take pre cautious when things were okay, I regretted that I did not keep my cool — — —

My question, what the hell happened to him? Does he feel like the challenge is gone and I don't look as interesting? Is he scared of commitment? Or what? And what should I do to get him to chase me again? Do I still have a chance? It's very weird because as I remember, 4 years ago he was the one who pushed me into commitment, he even mentioned about wanting to get married with someone like me 3 months ago!!

Should I give him space and not contacting him at all??

shitty when all comes around! aint it?

I would initiate no contact for a month. No texts, no calls...and this means even answering his. NO CONTACT FOR A MONTH. I'm sure he'll reach out to you within that timeframe, but I wouldn't reach back for a month. Then after those 30 days, you reach out with a simple, "Hey, how's it going?' And go from there. Keep things short and sweet...no long, drawn out talks. I think this will reengage him again and put you back in control...of yourself and your feelings.

Dammit...us scorpios do think in terms of control :/ Shat.

He didn't feel caged. It was the fog that went away. His illusions.

It's never a good idea to get with a guy who talks about being with you WHILE HE'S IN A RELATIONSHIP. That should be a huge red flag and a good indicator of his character.

Also, note how he runs away when someone wants things to get serious. This guy doesn't take you, or females, seriously.

He just wants to screw around and be single all while wooing females. Move on.

Also, keep in mind that hot/cold behavior is a huge indicator of disinterest/not taking you seriously. I really wish more women would pay attention to this. Once you learn the obvious signs, it gets to be a turn off after awhile. I've had a guy or two that I was interested in and they started to pull that bs really early on. Instantly turned off and I stopped bothering. Not worth the mind fuck, tbh.

^bullshit
read the story from the beginning.

Posted by OvS
^bullshit
read the story from the beginning.

Nope.

Regardless of the beginning, the behavior NOW is a really good indicator of where she stands.

The only thing from beginning was her being a giant cock tease and jerking him around. Which is why she's getting hot/cold now. He doesn't take her seriously. I don't blame him. She just wants what she can't have now.

So she can stick around and get the runaround because he's going to do nothing but screw around with her, or she can walk away if she wants to keep her dignity.

Regardless of what happened before, the fact that he's talking about a new relationship while still in the current relationship says a lot about him. If he's willing to do this while with that girlfriend, who's to say he won't do it to her? Especially since I doubt he's going to have her up on that pedestal that he had her on before.

He was in love with her since ever. And she broke it up. When she got back he was with another girl but probably he was still in love with her. So knowing she came back opened some feelings to the surface. And after getting what he wanted...he might have realized that his taste changed or she was not what he fantasized about.
I don't think you should accuse him of something. He has feelings too you know.
So was it ok for her to full around and dump him but it is not ok for him to have doubts? nice!

They were together, she went away(to try something else), she came back after finishing school and ofcourse now she probably is looking for a real commitment and our guy became a man, probably had his shit together and guess what?! she fell in love with him(how convenient). If she didn't see the man he could be from the beginning.....after the butterflies flew away he has serious doubts. I think that's healthy. And I think she should contact him. She has to prove herself to him now and not vice versa.

OvS for the most part I'm scoopin' what you're poop, but I don't agree he is a man. A real man wouldn't let a person wonder where they stand. He would come out and say "hey, I just view you as a friend". Not saying he has an obligation to say anything but if he even care anything about her he would state his business. Especially because of the email she sent him. Just seem like he strung her along till he got what he wanted. While we teach others how they should treat us I do not agree that this is in any way healthy.

Poopin'*

Hi guysss, thanks for all of your opinions

Here's a bit of an update, I have managed not to contact him ever since. He asked me out on thursday to accompany him to an office party, however I told him I had plans with the girls (which was true), and he insisted for me to come even if I was bein late. I told him I can't. Then after that we haven't been in contact.

I guess some of you are right about him coming to realize that I might not be what he expected. He might have lost interest because the challenge is no longer there and I'm no longer the confident girl whom he liked before.

Regarding what happened when we splitted the first time was a bit more complicated than me leaving him. We got into a lot of fight before the other guy came into play, he said really hurtful things and I decided to end things up. Although we kept in touch until the other guy came in and that's when I stop any contact with him. That's why he felt like I crushed his ego?
I never really fooled around with him, though maybe I took him for granted a bit when he was around. I always get him to do a little hardwork whenever he wanted to see me (like he has to pick me up/ drive me home- that is 1 hour driving from his place, etc).

And when I finally completely fell for him, I began to break my own rules, like I began to stay the night at his place, coming to his office, etc. Haha that's just gems, we start out hard to get and become completely cheap haha. That's when he changed.

But anyway, I feel like I'm starting to let this go.. I guess I will continue to care for him no matter what, but I won't pressure him into anything. If he trully wants to be with me, he'll come. Meanwhile I will try to be the best that I could be for myself. I don't want to fool around this time and if he doesn't see that, it's all okay, then that means it's for anyone else to see 🙂)

Thoughhh it's true that being left in the dark is never a good feeling. Especially for a gemini, who likes to talk things out.

Posted by OvS


They were together, she went away(to try something else), she came back after finishing school and ofcourse now she probably is looking for a real commitment and our guy became a man, probably had his shit together and guess what?! she fell in love with him(how convenient). If she didn't see the man he could be from the beginning.....after the butterflies flew away he has serious doubts. I think that's healthy. And I think she should contact him. She has to prove herself to him now and not vice versa.

I can accept the fact that he might have doubts in me, moreover I'm willing to prove myself to him (and or to myself, just for the sake being a better person). Though I feel as if he's not giving me a chance to. How am I supposed to prove it to him if he won't even respond to the things I said in the email. We never really talked about this and he's acting as if the email didn't happen. I remember him saying 'it's funny how we got together again, I like this'. And when I got naggy I asked him what he meant by 'together' and he said 'I don't like to talk about this kinda things, let's just dance while we can' (yes he's all poetic and cheesy and complicated like that haha)

That's the thing about aries guys though, tehyre just really smart and interesting though they're always as complicated

Oh and my conclusion is this:

It's either he's seeing me as annoying (for putting pressures on him), or he has doubts in me.

Yes no?

Posted by happykitsune
OvS for the most part I'm scoopin' what you're poop, but I don't agree he is a man. A real man wouldn't let a person wonder where they stand. He would come out and say "hey, I just view you as a friend". Not saying he has an obligation to say anything but if he even care anything about her he would state his business. Especially because of the email she sent him. Just seem like he strung her along till he got what he wanted. While we teach others how they should treat us I do not agree that this is in any way healthy.

This. I'm not totally disagreeing with his concept either. There are definitely two parties at blame here.

Let go don't even care about him. If he comes back there's something there. If he doesn't he's just going to take advantage of you for what ever he wants. Like communication, your pokie, etc. He probably lost the passion. Oh yeah and he's probably sleeping with some other girls. When we love and want sex, we will get both. So if he loves you, he'll only want it from you. He probably only wants you as a friend to get silly with.