heartbrokentaurus
@heartbrokentaurus
10 Years
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How to Win Back Aries After Diabolical Breakup
(continued) It may be clich?d, but we had a very special bond. But I was still uncomfortable that all his friends seemed to be women, and many were ex's - and all seemed to have a special intimate connection with him. I met one male friend but he seemed more of an acquaintance. Several times I overheard him discussing our relationship issues in intimate detail with these women ... once laughing at me behind my back which was very hurtful. I asked if he would stop calling ex's and he agreed but just continued for a while and lied about it instead.
On top of this, he worked as an art teacher and often recruited new students on the street. He was constantly getting phone numbers from attractive young women travellers from France, Spain etc who would come to his art classes at his studio. Sometimes he would go and have coffees with these girls as they were just "friends" and this made me uncomfortable also. In the end our relationship became a struggle between his desire to maintain all of these connections with women and me wanting him to just focus on our relationship. I think he liked the attention he was receiving and resented me when he had to let it all go. His resentment caused me to feel insecure and I became depressed ... we would argue, and at times during these arguments he would become extremely volatile and shout terrible things and when I would cry he would just go cold and ignore me. Several times he grabbed me and shook me in anger which frightened me. Our love affair was deteriorating, but we always seemed to recover and return to our loving relationship for a while, until the next argument.
During this time, I also had major facial reconstruction surgery and couldn't work for several months which put financial strain on him to support us. My self-esteem was affected by his volatility, his reluctance to give up these connections and also because my face was disfigured by the first of two surgeries and I felt ugly. I felt like an old, ugly jealous insecure witch. He would tell me I was beautiful and support me financially but I knew he was losing interest in me and it was making me depressed. I knew he was calling female students/friends for coffees and that made me feel worse. The more depressed I got, the more aggressive and cold he became. He resented me for taking away his social life, for depending on him financially (even though he offered this initially). He has trouble managing stress and he has a volatile temp
On top of this, he worked as an art teacher and often recruited new students on the street. He was constantly getting phone numbers from attractive young women travellers from France, Spain etc who would come to his art classes at his studio. Sometimes he would go and have coffees with these girls as they were just "friends" and this made me uncomfortable also. In the end our relationship became a struggle between his desire to maintain all of these connections with women and me wanting him to just focus on our relationship. I think he liked the attention he was receiving and resented me when he had to let it all go. His resentment caused me to feel insecure and I became depressed ... we would argue, and at times during these arguments he would become extremely volatile and shout terrible things and when I would cry he would just go cold and ignore me. Several times he grabbed me and shook me in anger which frightened me. Our love affair was deteriorating, but we always seemed to recover and return to our loving relationship for a while, until the next argument.
During this time, I also had major facial reconstruction surgery and couldn't work for several months which put financial strain on him to support us. My self-esteem was affected by his volatility, his reluctance to give up these connections and also because my face was disfigured by the first of two surgeries and I felt ugly. I felt like an old, ugly jealous insecure witch. He would tell me I was beautiful and support me financially but I knew he was losing interest in me and it was making me depressed. I knew he was calling female students/friends for coffees and that made me feel worse. The more depressed I got, the more aggressive and cold he became. He resented me for taking away his social life, for depending on him financially (even though he offered this initially). He has trouble managing stress and he has a volatile temp
(continued) but it is also true that I am prone to anxiety/depression and I contribute to our dynamic too. We have broken up and got back together about 4 times, never for longer than two weeks as I usually go to him and try to save us because I love him and can see that we are just doing the best we can.
In the last few months we finally seemed to be settling down. He had given up his connections, and we were getting along much better - fighting less. Two weeks ago he sent a text message saying he wasn't coming home. I called him and he told me he was unhappy and that I hadn't addressed any of the things he was unhappy about and that I should just "let it go". I asked him if he loved me and he said "I just can't deal with your anxiety". This was hard to hear as I felt much of my anxiety was a result of his volatility, lies and fuzzy boundaries with women.
Despite all of this, I don't want to lose him and am completely heartbroken and distraught. I feel as though - if it hadn't been for the stress of my surgery and all the other things we had to deal with - we could have both grown together, adapted, worked it out. I'm worried that I expected too much of him, overloaded him. He was so angry when we last spoke that all I can think of to do right now is nothing ... so I have left him alone for two and a half weeks, but I miss him so and fear that he will forget me and move on quickly as Aries are known to do. Could anyone suggest a way forward, some kind of repair? I don't want to lose him and miss his love.
Sad Taurus girl
In the last few months we finally seemed to be settling down. He had given up his connections, and we were getting along much better - fighting less. Two weeks ago he sent a text message saying he wasn't coming home. I called him and he told me he was unhappy and that I hadn't addressed any of the things he was unhappy about and that I should just "let it go". I asked him if he loved me and he said "I just can't deal with your anxiety". This was hard to hear as I felt much of my anxiety was a result of his volatility, lies and fuzzy boundaries with women.
Despite all of this, I don't want to lose him and am completely heartbroken and distraught. I feel as though - if it hadn't been for the stress of my surgery and all the other things we had to deal with - we could have both grown together, adapted, worked it out. I'm worried that I expected too much of him, overloaded him. He was so angry when we last spoke that all I can think of to do right now is nothing ... so I have left him alone for two and a half weeks, but I miss him so and fear that he will forget me and move on quickly as Aries are known to do. Could anyone suggest a way forward, some kind of repair? I don't want to lose him and miss his love.
Sad Taurus girl
"diabolical break-up"
oh i'm looking forward to this topic.
oh i'm looking forward to this topic.
Damn that's a diabolical break-up? I feel let down.
Ok, you both fucked up in a lot of ways but I have to draw the line at him putting his hands on you and shaking you. For that reason alone, I'd be so out of there he wouldn't have a chance to see the dust settle behind me.
Forget about him.
Do not pass "Go"
Do not collect 200 $
Do not do the taurus thing of holding onto people if they are THIS shitty
You have some work to do on yourself because the things he mentioned about you being controlling are true. Even if he was a douchebag, he had a point with that. Focus all this energy you're spending on being broken-hearted on making a better life for yourself.
Ok, you both fucked up in a lot of ways but I have to draw the line at him putting his hands on you and shaking you. For that reason alone, I'd be so out of there he wouldn't have a chance to see the dust settle behind me.
Forget about him.
Do not pass "Go"
Do not collect 200 $
Do not do the taurus thing of holding onto people if they are THIS shitty
You have some work to do on yourself because the things he mentioned about you being controlling are true. Even if he was a douchebag, he had a point with that. Focus all this energy you're spending on being broken-hearted on making a better life for yourself.
Damnata, thanks for taking the time to comment.
Yes I know, the grabbing and shaking.
It would happen when I either walked away from him during an argument, or if I was depressed and unable to get out of bed (usually because I knew he was lying about his contact with girls). He would come in and try to hug me, and coax me out of bed, and when I just couldn't because I was depressed, he would grab me and shake me and try to drag me out of bed. This was very upsetting. I guess he just couldn't deal with my emotional state. He put his hands on me many times during the relationship when he was frustrated, he didn't cope with frustration very well. He pushed me, pinned me down and was in general quite physical but never hitting or punching - just grabbing, restraining shaking. He didn't physically hurt me badly (just a few finger marks here and there) but he didn't seem to understand the anxiety I would feel when he did this, and later I realized it was affecting my self-esteem. Sometimes he would lead it to passion/sex which was confusing and overwhelming at times.
Reading this back it all sounds insane, I sound insane for still loving him and wanting to know if there may be a way to fix things. It's hard to admit that I feel this way, but I do ... so please be gentle if I sound naive, in denial or downright crazy ... love can do that to a girl.
Could I ask you ... in what ways were my concerns/requests controlling?
I ask because the devil is in the detail if I am going to understand the situation and improve myself for future relationships.
Yes I know, the grabbing and shaking.
It would happen when I either walked away from him during an argument, or if I was depressed and unable to get out of bed (usually because I knew he was lying about his contact with girls). He would come in and try to hug me, and coax me out of bed, and when I just couldn't because I was depressed, he would grab me and shake me and try to drag me out of bed. This was very upsetting. I guess he just couldn't deal with my emotional state. He put his hands on me many times during the relationship when he was frustrated, he didn't cope with frustration very well. He pushed me, pinned me down and was in general quite physical but never hitting or punching - just grabbing, restraining shaking. He didn't physically hurt me badly (just a few finger marks here and there) but he didn't seem to understand the anxiety I would feel when he did this, and later I realized it was affecting my self-esteem. Sometimes he would lead it to passion/sex which was confusing and overwhelming at times.
Reading this back it all sounds insane, I sound insane for still loving him and wanting to know if there may be a way to fix things. It's hard to admit that I feel this way, but I do ... so please be gentle if I sound naive, in denial or downright crazy ... love can do that to a girl.
Could I ask you ... in what ways were my concerns/requests controlling?
I ask because the devil is in the detail if I am going to understand the situation and improve myself for future relationships.
Also I realize this post makes him sound like a terrible person, but the flip side is that he is warm, funny, generous (paid $ 2,000 for my orthodontics), gives free art classes to elderly ladies ... there are two sides to him ... he seems so sweet and naive and helpful when you meet him that you would never imagine what he is like angry behind closed doors. I love those parts of him, but the aggression and lack of boundaries made me depressed and anxious .. and that in turn made him frustrated and volatile. The day we broke up I asked him to tell me he didn't love me anymore so I could let go, but he just got angry and said it was not about love, but about not being able to deal with my anxiety.
We've spoken every day for the last two and a half years and now he is gone ... just like that ... does he feel anything I wonder?
We've spoken every day for the last two and a half years and now he is gone ... just like that ... does he feel anything I wonder?
Why would you want to win him back after everything that happened? I know how you feel, though. I've been there. it's been months since I've walked away from my aries friend and I'm still going through hell. I don't understand his actions. He pops up here and there( I never see him when he's around, until one of the drama messengers say something). Everytime he does it creates drama for me. It frustrates me at times, but what can I do. The only thing I could think of is to contact him, but I refuse to do that.
So because you were controlling, insecure, and a little off your rocker in regard to a lot of these things, this is a diabolical break up?
How dare you get into a relationship with someone when you have so many issues and then demand the guy change for you. Bitches like you are why women have to fight off such stereotypes.
Be single. Get your psychosis under control. Braces and facial reconstruction? Is your insecurity that bad? Is that why you have so much anxiety? You seem a little too obsessed with things around you that you have no control over.
Dude's not innocent either, but just based on what you've shared, that type of behavior definitely triggers unfavorable behavior in others.
Seek therapy.
How dare you get into a relationship with someone when you have so many issues and then demand the guy change for you. Bitches like you are why women have to fight off such stereotypes.
Be single. Get your psychosis under control. Braces and facial reconstruction? Is your insecurity that bad? Is that why you have so much anxiety? You seem a little too obsessed with things around you that you have no control over.
Dude's not innocent either, but just based on what you've shared, that type of behavior definitely triggers unfavorable behavior in others.
Seek therapy.
...and avoid guys who hoard female friends. I've noticed that this is a semi red flag in a lot of instances. I personally don't care if a guy has female friends, but when he hoards and you begin to wonder why he has almost all female friends and makes more out of impulse, you gotta wonder what issues he has going on, whether it be mommy issues, needing validation from having female presence, keeping options around, etc.
Not all are like this, but it's been a pattern I've noticed with guys that I've met who did this.
Not all are like this, but it's been a pattern I've noticed with guys that I've met who did this.
"met at a dance"....lol I like this, very old-fshioned...my kind of girl.
Posted by rockyroadicecream
...and avoid guys who hoard female friends. I've noticed that this is a semi red flag in a lot of instances. I personally don't care if a guy has female friends, but when he hoards and you begin to wonder why he has almost all female friends and makes more out of impulse, you gotta wonder what issues he has going on, whether it be mommy issues, needing validation from having female presence, keeping options around, etc.
Not all are like this, but it's been a pattern I've noticed with guys that I've met who did this.
+1
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