Need to pick your brain ...

I'm tossed on something, and not sure what direction to take this-> thinking wise.

So I pretty much get along really well with Aries guys, we seem to just click. I used to have a best friend Aries guy, started out sort of romantic, ended as friends and we were inseperable for months. So I felt I knew that part of the ins and outs, but I'm lost now.

There's this Aries guy in particular I've known forever, but he was one I never thought cared too much for me so I would just sit back and more observe than say too much or interact with ... we'd say hi, and that would be it. In the last 8 or 9 months we've gotten past that, or I thought and I'm not quite sure what his deal is.

I know he's not chatty through texts, but he just disappears in conversation. Gone. But only on occassion I'll hear from him first, only if he hasn't heard from me in a long time. I decided to ask if it bothers him if I just text to BS (sometimes it'll be random stuff, thoughts, etc. other times specific questions, etc.) He told me it didn't bother him.

Recently, I was texting daily for about a week, he'd reply, and notoriously he'd drop out. This last text about five days ago, I'd been joking about something the night before, and commented about that same topic the next day and he didn't say anything. And it wasn't mind blowing, or really need to respond type of thing, so it's not like he HAD to respond, but he's never NOT responded no matter how goofy or off topic it is .. so I'm not sure if he had taken the whole thing out of context, or if he's messing w. me or responds to have me around, and then drops when he's 'sick of it.' It's like he wants to to stay in touch, but when I do it's like I'm a pain in his ass.


So I've not heard anything from him since the night before my last text. Yes life is busy, but I'd hafta be sick of the other person, pissed, or hurt if I just ignored someone and didn't even say 'hey' a few days later. So now I'm like 'fuck it', and my Sag moon is coming out. I don't want to reach out at all, and for a few reasons because I don't want to look stupid, look like I'm into this guy more than I am, but too it's like fuck you dude, wtf ever. I'll show ya disappearing, and I'll go back to you wondering where the hell I've been that ya haven't seen or heard from me. And I haven't budged in sending a 'hey' text. I'm not pissed, but yet I'm not 'pleased' with him either.

This part I'm lossed, never experienced this w/ my former

sometimes i won't reply to a text if i feel like i don't have anything further or relevant to add to the topic lol i'll just drop out of the conversation lol and the person on the other end is usually a dude in my case so they don't really give a shit lol they'll just send me another text after a couple of hours with a different topic attached lol i prefer face to face interaction. when you're texting, you're usually exchanging information of some sort. so you don't really get deep with it lol

and i don't really reply to texts/emails that don't end with a question lol there's gotta be a purpose.
i don't think he's pissed at you. prolly just didn't feel like he had anything more to add to whatever was being talked about.

do you see this dude often?

Thank you for explaining that 🙂 I wondered if I was over thinking it, but then again I wasn't sure if he just sick of hearing from me. I completely see what you're saying and see that in him too, like you, where it's buddies so they never care or think much of it including him.

And truthfully although it really is nothing, it just seemed more magnified because not only didn't he respond, he hasn't said squat since. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it because we go weeks without talking, just in this case it felt like I'd done something to bug him, etc. Maybe because we're finally actually talking talking in why I feel like I overdid it or annoyed him.

I don't see him all that often, every few weeks to a few months. But before it sometimes would be over a year.

When he doesn't hear from me for weeks, he'll send a random text. He's pretty open and blunt, and I love that about Aries men and some topics he thinks I'm 'snoopy' LOL But yet he has no problem asking me what I've been doing, etc. and wants to know the truth and tells me that it's okay to tell him LOL

I just don't know if I should even bother texting anytime soon? I feel like if he wanted to hear from me or chatting, he'd be texting more often, especially since the more we chat the more we are becoming friend friends w/ sharing stuff with each other about daily life, etc.

But then the coin flips and I know he doesn't like to get into convos through texts, either. So I just don't even know what to say now, can't ask or talk about anything 'too serious' and funny jokey stuff didn't fly over well either. But says he wants to hear from me. Any suggestions about what IS safe to talk about then?

i have an idea. if you wanna avoid appearing awkward, you could try sending him an inspiring quote or an article off some website or book. most people are interested in reading those things. it's a well-meaning gesture yet very subtle at the same time. it'll put him in a good mood. especially if the article or quote is something that might resonate with him or be helpful to him in some kinda way. or you can always just wait for him to contact you. cuz you shouldn't be the only one making the effort to stay in touch. he needs to do his part too if he's interested in developing this into something more.

I think you've narrowed in with what he would like, etc. It's gotta be the Aries male "trait" 😉 lol So that's a great idea! I think I'll just keeping doing my own thing and if I hear from him then I do; otherwise, I'll wait for when it's his birthday next week and text him something like what you suggested. I'm not even sure when we'd run into each other so it would be something more than just a typical 'happy birthday' boring text 🙂

I don't know that it would ever go into anything more, but I'm not one to chase someone to talk to me or even a 'love' interest, let alone keep trying to reach out and not really having the same in return. I eventually get bored, or an indifference feeling about them, and put that person behind me ... just tend to disappear when I start feeling I'm going beyond, and right now I'm at that point. I wouldn't want that to happen with him because we've known each other for so long and I wouldn't want him to feel either that I'm upset about something or with him. I just don't make time for people who don't keep making time for me and/or where it feels like a pattern is showing or being set.

If he would mention it (not hearing from me but once in awhile-before he said he likes to hear from me), what would be a good way for me to say something without him feeling or viewing it as me putting the hammer down on him? I know he's 'tough' on the outside, but I see that sensitive and thoughtful side about things that are personal or special to him. He gets a far away look, and sometimes I look at him and he looks so empty, or sad? Like he really isn't happy or that something is missing? It makes me sad, to see that 'look'. I never tell him that though, or pry. I just listen.

Thanks again Sin for your help, it really is helping keeping my mind clear on it and not getting miffed.

Posted by OceanDeep


If he would mention it (not hearing from me but once in awhile-before he said he likes to hear from me), what would be a good way for me to say something without him feeling or viewing it as me putting the hammer down on him? I know he's 'tough' on the outside, but I see that sensitive and thoughtful side about things that are personal or special to him. He gets a far away look, and sometimes I look at him and he looks so empty, or sad? Like he really isn't happy or that something is missing? It makes me sad, to see that 'look'. I never tell him that though, or pry. I just listen.

you could directly try asking him what's wrong. he might open up. maybe he really is sad about something and is just waiting for somebody to pick up on it or something. i don't usually tell people when i'm sad or in a bind cuz i wanna try to solve it myself first. i don't normally like asking for help until i've exhausted all of my options. as aries dudes, we tend to put on a macho, i-don't-need-nobody act but it's all just a front. for example, i go through long periods of giving people the impression that everything's under control and then secretly break down when no one 's around...lol when that happens usually i'll just give myself a good pep talk and then get back up again. i never really stay sad for long.

i just don't feel productive when i'm being all dramatic/weak and shit so i wanna get the hell outta that state as quickly as possible lol
so yeah you could try saying to him "if anything's wrong, don't hesitate to talk to me about it"

do it in a casual way and make it brief. avoid asking him too many questions about it and being really prying cuz he might get all defensive and be like "i said i'm fine. damn." lol

and if he shuts down completely, then there's really not much you can do at that point. and you shouldn't have to ask him why he's not contacting you more often. he should be doing that shit without being told if he really cared about you. like you said, there's no need to go out of your way to be with someone who's managing fine without you.
worst case scenario = he doesn't respond.
then it's time to move on.

You do give sage advice, Sin and again thank you. I apologize for not getting back to this, I've had a hectic last week or so🙂 I'll take your advice and ask him the next time we see each other, I don't think it's something to ask through text, etc. And like you said if anything let him know I'm 'here' if he ever needs an ear.

The man stumps me still. I've heard from him since my last post but Jebus he's hairpulling. He blows so hot and cold. I'm learning though at times when he's silent during a convo or drops out is where he's processing things or not sure what to say.

But like this weekend we hadn't chatted for a day and I got a very late night 'where are you' checking up on me text. The only thing is I can't tell if he has some type of feeling building, but then again my ex bff was snoopy, he'd be jealous if I was talking to another guy! lol

I feel like he dangles a carrot (this weekend prime example) after a bit I nibble and then he backs off. *sighs* I know without a doubt he wants to hear from me because at any point he thinks or feels I am backing off he makes sure to let me know he doesn't want that, he did that again today.

It just is so dang frustrating because I feel half the time like a fool. I think my next safe move on this chess board is to sit, say nothing, and do nothing, and just observe. See what he says or does, next. I dunno :/

I think what actually sucks the most, is being so attracted to, with, had been, always will be ... the part that is so raw core that it's a question of what turns you on most .... them being there, or your mind GOING there .... That being away for someone both mind and physically will bring on something that can't be controlled enough through the mind that it's stupid. And pisses someone the fuck off that even if they're .... you and them ... aren't in arms' reach, but right THERE that it's no longer life but LIFE because they are "right THERE but yet soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unattainable. THAT is irony.

hang in there. 😢
you've already done all you can.

Posted by SinNombre
hang in there. 😢
you've already done all you can.

Thank you, Sin 🙂 "Keep on, keeping on" is my motto with him. I'll keep ya updated. I've been hearing from him, but I still need to do something thinking. So I'm going to shrink back again, and fade. I don't want to jump the gun, so if I stay to myself and stay away, that'll give us both time to think. And I won't be clouded by hearing from him. He just doesn't know it yet lol

I can say this thread has taken a different perspective on the Cancerian male I'm seeing, his moon is in Sagittarius as well and what you are explaining is almost similar to my situation with him. I feel you and feel him too... I think he's scared... cause, SinNombre described my personality on spot,

Posted by SinNombre
you could directly try asking him what's wrong. he might open up. maybe he really is sad about something and is just waiting for somebody to pick up on it or something. i don't usually tell people when i'm sad or in a bind cuz i wanna try to solve it myself first. i don't normally like asking for help until i've exhausted all of my options. as aries dudes, we tend to put on a macho, i-don't-need-nobody act but it's all just a front. for example, i go through long periods of giving people the impression that everything's under control and then secretly break down when no one 's around...lol when that happens usually i'll just give myself a good pep talk and then get back up again. i never really stay sad for long.

i just don't feel productive when i'm being all dramatic/weak and shit so i wanna get the hell outta that state as quickly as possible lol
so yeah you could try saying to him "if anything's wrong, don't hesitate to talk to me about it"

What I'm about to explain, be prepared to hold onto your seatbelt;
I also do what your Arian does, I sometimes drop a text to see if he's still there and I'll disappear because I'm scared to face the person I value the most; choosing to run the other direction because of a deep past, I do not want to get hurt again. We could go on with weeks or months not seeing each other/talking and yet we can come back to each other as if nothing happened, renewing the relationship to the next level (transcending), we're friends growing a closer bond with each other and we have had our romantic adventures. I'm in a position where you are; feeling like I've been the one texting/trying to make things work.

We're also playing chess where we are not sure what move to make so we are watching each other and seeing who is willing to take the first step. In conclusion from what I get from your situation, I think both of you are scared to fall into something big, that is causing to create this distance between the both of you.

I honestly think he needs someone to speak with... and you could be that person if you want to be; there is also a sadness/emptyness in me I will never confess to my partner = Arian's armour, because I want the love one to pick on what I pick up with him.

Off topic: Gosh, I wish to text something funny and not a general question of not knowing what to say but trying to make conversation, lol. Hope this was helpful.

this is*

I think you should send him a funny text, one that he will get and understand 🙂 I love to get random funny texts from people I date, I know then that they think of me and at random times that remind 'that/this/they' where I pop into their head. In caution though, at least with me, be sure it's something that he will know/get that it's a joke to be funny and not something that if he thought too long he'd over analyze! lol

Where is his venus and mars, and merc? And his ascendant?

Thank you for letting me in on that 🙂 He's backing off again, down to one word replies. Enter Sag moon, and exit stage right Cancer Sun lol 😉 That fire in me drives me nuts, but I've reached my brink of "whaaaaaa?" So onward and upward. El Arieso will not be hearing from me. For a long time. Like back to weeks/months at a time like before. To prepare, I've deleted texts and his contact in my phone. Now I just need to forget his number by memory LOL This is where he either steps up or he doesn't. Although I love how much he remembers things about me or 'us' ... I say that loosely😉 It means a lot to me that he remembers those things. It says a lot too, I think in a good way though. Either way I'll have my answer by temp forgetting about all of this. And not stopping life in the meantime. I know he's not lol

I am afraid to make more of it. I don't want to get burned. Not saying he would burn me, but I'd rather keep it where it's at and let him lead that end of the dance, it'd drive him batty. I'm too Cancer and do my crab dance .. one way, then the other, then back, etc. LOL The nice thing about that, and maybe you may see this with you is that it keeps Aries on their toes .... they never know what direction Cancers come in at, leaving us unpredictable in a good sense/meaning though. Our love though is predictible in where when we have someone we love, we will do what we have to to protect not only that relationship, but that person. Regardless of the type of relationship we have with them.

I had another Aries bff, that was female. That's another story, but like you said it was a matter for her, that the one they love just ask or point it out. She became very unhappy in her marriage because of it, and because it became so predictable there was nothing there to excite her or for her to look forward to.

*say "us" loosley .. not to be confused as though we're a couple, etc.

Hello, how is your week going? I apologize for the late response. You are a funny gal.

A simple, sweet, funny sense of humour, poking and not poking much, hehe reminded of Pillsbury doughboy. Thank you for your suggestion, keeping in the back of my mind hiding behind a lock. His Venus and Mars are in Leo, his ascendant ranges from either a Sagittarius, Gemini, or a Virgo, not quite sure. Find out, somehow. What are your partner's placements?

I think I understand, feeling deeply intense rays of fire, the sun sea of emotions, flow of waves changing constantly... I think it's beautiful. I like how you think, I see confidence in you in willing to work your way through life to get ahead and get where you want to be. As well as he, has work on his part willing to be the man standing by you in both lives becoming one.

Keeping my eyes open before lost in outer space with his next step, which I don't know when that is, thanks for letting in on that. 🙂

It does keep us in our toes, unpredictability, when it's predictable it becomes boring. Completely spot on, a lover wants to be noticed without saying anything, generally, it what makes him/her feel special because no one else takes notice in details unless it is a person liking you the most out of all, 🙂. Blessings and love sent to your friend. Choosing a partner for the rest of life is to think wisely, a cycle of time, effort, and patience.

Cancerian, Mother of Nature, love and protection, Aries, Infant of a Child, feel needed and wanted to receive Love in Return = Bloom In Love.

He'll come around when both of you are ready to enjoy each other's company while in the meantime you are doing your own thing mentioned. I am not entirely sure what happened in the past but I like to think spending time apart in the things that are needed to be done in space is when it becomes special towards meeting with one another again in the present/future. The space becomes thinking of "us," while dating others or not, depending on the relationship between both individuals. 🙂

Hoping you have good news on the forefront with your Cancer?! 🙂

He opened up to me that he's been in a state of depression for quite sometime, to the point he wants or needs to talk with someone on a professional level. He hadn't told anyone, and I'm glad I was someone he could trust to relieve that weight off of his mind. I didn't mention to him I always had that feeling he wasn't happy, like something was missing and that 'empty' or far away look, eventually I'll talk to him more about it.

He wants to stay in contact just very limited, this came the day after he told me. So understandable, and as hard as its been I've only checked in on him once since he told me. I'm trying so hard to respect his wishes and our agreement that I'll wait to hear from him. I know he needs this, I'm just so worried, concerned, scared for him.

He's so sensitive and caring. Such a warm, funny, and loving person ... I could listen to him all day when we talk. So it pains me to know he's suffered in silence, and how many times he very well wanted to tell someone and couldn't.

No news. 😐 Deciding as much as I love him enough to let our love be free. We broke up three months ago and haven't spoken. I felt it was best to work on myself to allow new events fall into place and let time bring a dream & goals together. Worse things have fallen apart for better things to fall together. I wonder how my life is going to turn out while hoping for the best even if life may throw wrenches. I'm not giving up hope nor faith to keep things centered and balanced. It feels like I'm walking on a thin line of rope balancing such risky choices.

I am happy to know that you are one of the few that can be trusted 🙂. I understand, wanting to be close to him and be there knowing he is going to be okay throughout the processes of all of this. He is taking an initiative step of moving forward, diving in to become a better and different person. I'm sure he's going to be looking for your support in the near future, experiencing a greater sense of space being filled with trust in a bubble only between him and you. For you to be the first means you play a significant role in his life, and I don't think he's going to let go knowing how much you're worth for him to be opening up to you about an issue he's been having for the longest.

IridescenceMorpha, you come across as a very sound person! That's what I love about Aries, there's no in between and have a lot of insight into life itself. I hear so many people think Aries are all about me, me, me. You lovelies are not. There is so much depth, I think my Sag moon is what helps balance me enough to see beyond the surface, if only people really paid attention like you guys pay attention to others. Very observant, and a memory of an elephant.

I hope when the time comes that you two talk again, that things will be new and fresh. I am a Heinz 57 in astrology, but when I really care about someone I love to hear how things have evolved in their lives, and never quit caring. Of course that may be slighted less so with exes, until I have completely checked myself and fully detached haha

I did appreciate so much the fact that he told me. I don't like that at times I feel like I've been snuffed out of his life, without warning. Like I or our friendship means nothing, otherwise I'd have heard from him. It's three weeks tomorrow. I let myself feel those emotions, but then work past them reminding myself everything that he's going through. This can't be about us, it's about him, and I feel guilty and selfish when those thoughts enter my mind, like he must not give a shit because he has yet to check in to say hi, etc. That's the struggle I have, to remind myself to full understanding and enough to stop being selfish, and self-centered.

I do think though it's going to be a long time before I hear from him, and thinking more about that as I'm typing, I believe is where my selfishness is stemming from is that prediction when there's no foundation or fact of the matter

Going through the hardest obstacles in life is teaching a lesson in becoming a better person within self in having the ability to see there is a light shining upon the goals trying to be reached.

If a heart is made out of cold and stone, the next day is it not going to be made out of pure gold. When time is continuously existing and a place to be in, worse events happen by getting to the bottom of the heart into the deepest, darkest secrets to fix what is needed. Evolving process and time looking into depths of a soul changing for the better, the heart slowly begins to transform into gold along with positivity, replacing negative thoughts, feelings and bad habits, for better things to come together. Some people are blessed, known as luck, not having to go through transformation, being born with golden hearts. To think that, when an individual goes through a difficult process in life is to seek people with golden hearts who are well known as being supportive, understanding, nurturing, good friends, such individuals as yourself [:, rather than old friends who were only playing a negative role in their lives. Negative individuals are not blessed, half of them are stuck in a rut for the rest of their lives. Example of criminals, felonies, bad people in general, etc.

I think males are so strong in emotions, they can hold on to things and not tell anybody and defend for themselves, swallowing their pride, to prevent from others reaching and seeing what they don't want others to see. I think they don't want to share emotions because they do not want to be seen as weak in showing emotions, or showing vulnerability. To the saying, "men don't cry," and it still applies to this day.

Maybe you should send him a text in the near future to hope he's doing okay. How strict was he mentioning time if you don't mind me asking?

Thank you, I also hope we meet again once our lives feel free and out of obligation. 🙂