so it happened like this....beauty and the beast..

he did it again??_. he got sick — a cyst on the back, got sick from the antibiotic, cyst removed, colonoscopy.. and through it all i was there, nurturing, putting up with his lack of motivation and the fact that he wasn't feeling well, was tired, was grouchy, etc etc etc. — basically the same thing that happened the last time. then he got distant. just like last time. sigh.

so after getting the run-around for weeks and not seeing him (we were spending 2-4 days/nights a week together before), and complaining to a friend about it, she asked if perhaps he was seeing someone else/online/etc. ??_found him very active on match. after telling me he was sooooooo busy with work all the time only to find him online looking when we were still in a committed relationship. how nice this guy is, right? i tried to get together with him to break it off but he was always busy so i wrote him an email saying i know he's online, the man he is right now does not deserve me, how i was a good partner to him and he has no clue how to be in a relationship or even to treat a person with respect if he didn't want to be in one??_. no answer regarding that, just:

now on to what i need advice about: i have stuff at his place that i really want back, and have been in contact with him regarding this. he says he's never home when i offer to come pick up my items. he says he's always in my neighborhood so he??ll drop it off, only to cancel when i'm to meet him at my place to drop off, or wherever he is at the time. he's been putting this off for three weeks. the last text i sent to him regarding was, —thank you so much for trying to drop off tonight; i really appreciate it. i just want to be done, that's all.—?_.and no response and that was a week ago. he traveled oot last week so now i need to know if i should just keep being sweet and accommodating or if i should dig my heels in and let him have it and tell him exactly what i think of him, or if i should just be silent and show up at his home one night and get my stuff and not allow him to darken my doorway again.

until he apologizes for his douchebaggery i have decided to refer to him as jackass mcjackasserson. feel free to do the same. as a recap, he's an aries with a sag moon, 51 never married, no kids, selfish selfish selfish — UNLESS he wants something from me then he's as sweet and sugary as molasses??_. then again, i should have followed this saying: fool me once, sham

...continued...

shame on you....fool me twice, shame on me.

ok aries (and any non-arians with experience)...let me have it. give me your opinion on what i should do about getting my stuff back and finally being done..... and .... even if you have something to say to me about me (constructively please, i am a cap but i have a scorpio moon and am very sensitive) and why i allowed this to happen again, please say it. i know i was attracted to his masculinity and dominate streak, but also know i need someone with a more sensitive side....who can also communicate better. if only there was an aries with an earth or water moon out there....

🙂 xoj

well, if i fawn all over him he wouldn't fall for it....he knows me to not be two-faced or good at faking things. ... you know, it's so weird...he has many friends, many people who are genuine and seem to care a lot about him, but he just sucks at being in a relationship. he's so immature.....

Get tough with him. A no-nonsense, "Hey, I need to get my stuff THIS week, either bring it to me or I'll pick it up but it HAS to be THIS week give me a day and time right now." Give him the 'I'm done fking around with you tone' in your voice. He might be trying to avoid seeing you in person because he might think you'll want to discuss things. By putting it like this, he'll know you're done with him and aren't interested in talking about your relationship (because you are done with this selfish S.O.B.).

If he tries to explain the online thing, just say you don't care, you just want your stuff because really, he's being an ass and there is no explanation that justifies his actions.

Dont talk to him until you talk with a local constable. Then notify via the constable's statement or,if it is allowed after you talk to law enforcement, send the following:

"I have contacted the county constable. We have been given court order to enter your dwelling or you will be sued in claims court for the value of my unreturned items. I have logged all attempts to collect said items with the local court system. You have 24 hours to comply."

^ lol, you in USA I take it? 😛

Yea, I was just thinking police on his ass like flavia... however,

and through it all i was there, nurturing, putting up with his lack of motivation and the fact that he wasn't feeling well, was tired, was grouchy, etc etc etc. — basically the same thing that happened the last time. then he got distant. just like last time. sigh.

Not to defend or take sides, if he has done this before? What made you put yourself out like this again?
Don't get that but that's the reason he's given you the run around because he knows you'll put up with it.

Kick his bleeding ass, throw him a curveball. This is not a sign thing btw, I have seen this before and it will keep happening as long as there are people that put up with it and just excuse him as an asshole.

id probably show up to his place unannounced during the week in the evening (like 9 or 10) because chances are he'll be there, and id have a list in hand of what i needed to get from his apartment so i could be in and out of his place as quickly as possible. id also take a friend with me so that he's less likely to make a scene or yell. he's fucking with you and he's giving you the run around. you dont have to be mean but being very forceful and very persistent is necessary. get your stuff from him and dont look back

Posted by Flavia
Dont talk to him until you talk with a local constable. Then notify via the constable's statement or,if it is allowed after you talk to law enforcement, send the following:

"I have contacted the county constable. We have been given court order to enter your dwelling or you will be sued in claims court for the value of my unreturned items. I have logged all attempts to collect said items with the local court system. You have 24 hours to comply."

^ this seems a bit extreme for me....and total drama....which i abhor. then again, i abhor him more. *think*think*think*

Posted by zenalchemy

Not to defend or take sides, if he has done this before? What made you put yourself out like this again?
Don't get that but that's the reason he's given you the run around because he knows you'll put up with it.

^ true story. yep, i admit it....that's why i said, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. i'm the sucker that fell for this smooth operator... i'm totally at fault here.

Posted by zenalchemy
Kick his bleeding ass, throw him a curveball. This is not a sign thing btw, I have seen this before and it will keep happening as long as there are people that put up with it and just excuse him as an asshole.

click to expand

yes...it's true...all signs have their share of douchebags. i just want my stuff and was looking for advice... so i could bid good riddance to bad rubbish....

Posted by i love ewe
id probably show up to his place unannounced during the week in the evening (like 9 or 10) because chances are he'll be there, and id have a list in hand of what i needed to get from his apartment so i could be in and out of his place as quickly as possible. id also take a friend with me so that he's less likely to make a scene or yell. he's fucking with you and he's giving you the run around. you dont have to be mean but being very forceful and very persistent is necessary. get your stuff from him and dont look back

...thinkin' that's what i have to do.... i may be accepting a job in the bahamas which would put me there for at least three months, possibly two years, so i thought about emailing him that i'm moving and i need my stuff and i'm coming a certain night, be home please.

i hate that i'm such a weirdo who hates confrontation so much.... i'm such a loser 😢

Posted by amethyst2002
Btw, 51 + no marriage + no kids = instaloser, sorry. I knew of an Aries guy like this once. Late 40s, wasn't married or had kids, etc. Wow. Just wow. I could go on and on about the guy, but it all boils down to him just being a POS and a HUGE loser.

i'm discovering more and more as time passes just what a loser he really is. he is a royal pain in my arse.

^ get out of town! that's crazy! .....still a douchebag, but this guy has a lot of ambition and makes money. he just spends it all....or most of it, anyway...

i'm torn between giving him a heads up and just showing up. ...and i'm pretty sure you all would shake me if you could on that note. 😉

look how fart (typo but it stays!) communication and trying to contact that guy has gotten you. he's beyond giving a heads up to, just show up

Posted by cappiebelle

^ this seems a bit extreme for me....and total drama....which i abhor. then again, i abhor him more. *think*think*think*

If you don't want your stuff back and you still want him, then yes it is just drama. But if you don't want him and just want your things so you can move on it is just collecting your things. You got the run around for weeks, I say take real action. Or try what others typed and just show up unannounced. Showing up with a person in uniform makes certain you don't have any trouble getting your things though.

so i spoke to him, said i wanted my items so we can just be rid of each other. he called me a bitch and a piece of work. 😢 i don't get it. he is so very mean sometimes. he said he wanted to be friends but that i'm making it difficult because i have to have things the way i want them when i want them. i said i've been asking patiently for my items for the last seven weeks! i'm not good at confrontation so i didn't say much - he was such a bully and borderline verbally abusive. he's such a prick! so i emailed him last night and said i don't want to be friends, i'm done, please ship my items. i don't know if he read the email because he called today while i was at work to say he can drop off my stuff. i was at work and couldn't meet him! 😢 i texted him, said thank you for trying.

i'm blue. he's so mean sometimes. i have been so nice, so kind, so caring, so loving. i don't get it. i've never had this happen to me... why do some people just have to be such meanieheads? i can't believe i gave him so much tenderness. he doesn't deserve me, i know... it just hurts, that's all.

😢

sorry to read that cappiebelle. personally i do not think he would cheat on u even though he did look at other girls on the net...we do that sometimes because we cannot think dirty or caressly bout the person we love(Aries has high sex drive, and the way of releasing is usually a one two quick thought on different sexy ppl who we dun really give a fuck)...anyways hope u get on with your life and be happy

did Cappie just say meaniehead—

hey dragon. um...yeah. problem was, his drive was lower than mine BECAUSE HE WAS SICK ALL THE TIME. i'm sorry; there is just no excuse for the way he treated me. had he communicated properly with me i would have understood. i get it - it's fine to look! ....what's not fine is creating distance, saying you are busy with work and then not rectifying the situation or communicating what's really going on with the person who has been such a supportive friend and then being a prick and not giving back my stuff. maybe not all aries men are like him; i certainly hope not. thanks for the input. xoj

Posted by zenalchemy
did Cappie just say meaniehead—

yes. yes, i did. i know. watch the language. 😉

Posted by sunnyrambi

if i were a betting woman...i'd say her things have gone the wayside of a dumpster by now. aries men are proud, arrogant, selfish and completely ego driven...and us women rams are pretty much the same...(i think i'm joking..) 😉 no, he's really out of line on this issue. totally. so good riddance to him.

good riddance to bad rubbish!

i really hope he didn't throw my stuff away...i had two irreplaceable items....well, we'll just have to see, i guess.

Posted by cappiebelle
i'm sorry; there is just no excuse for the way he treated me. had he communicated properly with me i would have understood. i get it - it's fine to look! ....what's not fine is creating distance, saying you are busy with work and then not rectifying the situation or communicating what's really going on with the person who has been such a supportive friend and then being a prick and not giving back my stuff. maybe not all aries men are like him; i certainly hope not. thanks for the input. xoj

You're right, not all Aries men are like that. This one is just an arsehat. He was using you for the nurturing ability until he didn't need that. Keeping your things just gives him an excuse for you to have to communicate further.

^^^ BUT WHY!?!? this is crazy - he treated me like crap and then he just has to hold on? weirdo. amethyst was right - any man who 51 and never married and hasn't been in a committed relationship for over ten years is a loser. i just had great hopes, we got along so well, he brought out the best in me in the beginning, i loved his energy, and he has an interesting life. sigh.

...but you're right... once he didn't need me, it was over. meaniehead.

Posted by cappiebelle
^^^ BUT WHY!?!? this is crazy - he treated me like crap and then he just has to hold on? weirdo. amethyst was right - any man who 51 and never married and hasn't been in a committed relationship for over ten years is a loser. i just had great hopes, we got along so well, he brought out the best in me in the beginning, i loved his energy, and he has an interesting life. sigh.

...but you're right... once he didn't need me, it was over. meaniehead.

This behavior he has is optional; He is just this way. You can't nurture him into a better more stable person for you, this is how he wants to be. I think you want to still have him in your life is why getting your stuff by force is something you don't want to do. This severs a tie you think on some level you need. But a truth is that he does not want or deserve this tie and thus the actions continue with you trying to be nice to him. Get your things and start healing so you can be with a better guy. He is who he is cappie and no amount of time can change him ESPECIALLY if he is 51.

there is some truth to that, flavia. you know what i think it is? i just hate confrontation, and i absolutely loathe burning bridges - i never do it.... i have found, time and again, that these things come back to bite a person. ....being nice also gives a person the upper hand in a way... knowing that through it all, you remained steadfast, stable, a lady. ...i guess i just didn't want to lose the upper hand and burn a bridge. well....both of those are shot now. i figure if i don't hear from him over the weekend i will just have to show up monday or tuesday night. *le sigh* such drama. can't wait to write the last entry on this site about this guy. i'm sure everyone's as tired of this as i am. thanks for your input. xoj

Ok, enough I think. Cappiebelle, pinch of salt time or salt on open wound time...

you gotta love cappies though...too sweet for their own good sometimes

I honestly don't think so. Sorry to cappiebelle if this causes offence.

look @ this

You can't nurture him into a better more stable person for you, this is how he wants to be. I think you want to still have him in your life is why getting your stuff by force is something you don't want to do. This severs a tie you think on some level you need.

and this again,

being nice also gives a person the upper hand in a way

then, all the images from her posts presented here makes her very angelic. This makes me very uncomfortable as I know Caps are shrewd as hell...another thing is you are not even really wanting to say good riddance to him? That's the tone of your posts, almost like you think he will see you for the great person you are eventually so you will win him?

- There is always kind of a subconscious image protection with the Caps I know so I find them very Machiavellian-ish (thats the nicest word for what I had in mind that I could find). It's a Feminine sign trait. Going up to that guy and telling him he will get a stick shoved up his arse if he doesnt release her stuff asap is a Masculine female sign trait or may Scorp and Virgo.

Hell, there is one lone major Capricorn in my chart so I should know 😛

My immediate family are mostly Earth, their M.O. is thinking they can nurture out desired behaviour. It doesnt really work with most Fire and Air as they do share a similar outlook on life/or value system. It does work sometimes as they have the patience but mostly, recognise when you are wasting your time and do NOT invest. You will not be appreciated for it in any way. Trust me...

Caps will always be attracted to Aries but except for being Cardinal signs and wanting to run the show, they are very different. Value system couldn't be more opposite.

hey zen. i appreciate your candor; i really do. however, i know myself well, and if you know cappies at all, once you call us out on something, we admit to it because we respect those who can say it like it is and show us a side to ourselves that we maybe didn't see before.... like i said: however.... my intentions were pure. my intentions in caring for him were innocent. i nurtured him because 1) i am a southerner - it's what we do, 2) i am the youngest and anyone who knows psychology can recognize that the youngest is a people-pleaser, and 3) i've never been able to harness the "women's wiles" people insist women use to get men, or keep them or whatever.

*"you think he will see you for the great person you are eventually so you will win him?"*

-no. but i have carried myself with sweetness and dignity one time before when things got a little hairy with an ex-fiance in my early 20s and years later he said he always thought so highly of me due to the way i handled things. it made me feel good, like my channeling inner peace was not for naught. which brings me to:

*"there is always kind of a subconscious image protection with the Caps I know so I find them very Machiavellian-ish."*

-sheesh, zen, tell me how you really feel. lol .. i do think the first half of that statement is true - image is important to me. it's not as important as it used to be due to insecurity in my teens and 20s, but yes it is still there. however, i feel secure enough with friends that i've asked them before about this side of me and they don't see me as insecure as i see myself. i think that's just everyone dealing with their own internal issues and the way they see themselves. anyway, to the second part of that statement. i can tell you again...i know myself: deceitfulness and conniving behavior have rarely made an appearance in my life. it's just not how i roll. if i were that way, this wouldn't hurt so much. i am heartbroken over this...i know i may not have actually said it this time or last time, but he did hurt me - deeply. tell me how one can hurt so badly unless there is innocence in caring for someone...

thanks, zen, for offering another viewpoint. when you started to talk about salt being poured into a wound, i braced myself, but it wasn't so bad, so if you held back, my scorpio moon appreciates it. xoj

Lol...
thanks for taking it with a pinch of salt...
I kinda did hold back due to Cappie moon...
Like I said, a lot of Cap trait is subsconscious just like Aries leads with aggression subsconsciously. The Cap sun and Scorp moon is not a good recipe for letting go once you've dug in ---> http://www.astrology-numerology.com/sun-moon10.html#Scorpio<BR>
On the topic of moving on, one size does not fit all. People, situations, etc, need to be dealt with in the most efficient, effective manner, hence no everyone will be treated the same way as it will be very unfair to treat situations the same way despite evidence pointing you do change tactics... I dunno but the perserverance sure is admirable.

Just think if you nip this in the bud quickly enough, you will be half way to moving on, healing the hurt, etc, come on, 7 weeks of this dance?!


2) i am the youngest and anyone who knows psychology can recognize that the youngest is a people-pleaser
Really? I will tell this to my youngest and my other youngest friends as they are so NOT people-pleasers 😄

Posted by zenalchemy
The Cap sun and Scorp moon is not a good recipe for letting go once you've dug in ---> http://www.astrology-numerology.com/sun-moon10.html#Scorpio

true story. once i decide you're my friend or i like you, i stay put. it's a great thing when it comes to friends, but not so great when it coming to dating....

Posted by zenalchemy
I dunno but the perserverance sure is admirable.

coming from an aries, that means a lot.

Posted by zenalchemy
Just think if you nip this in the bud quickly enough, you will be half way to moving on, healing the hurt, etc, come on, 7 weeks of this dance?!

actually, it's only been seven weeks since i asked for my stuff. i put up with his scalawag behavior before that. ...which is my fault for it taking so long for me to put my foot down. yes, i am a work in progress still.

Posted by zenalchemy
2) i am the youngest and anyone who knows psychology can recognize that the youngest is a people-pleaser
Really? I will tell this to my youngest and my other youngest friends as they are so NOT people-pleasers 😄

click to expand

lol...well, one of my majors was psychology which doesn't really mean anything, but that's how i am. capricorns want to succeed and i guess what i found i could succeed in as a child was being the best people-pleaser EVAH! 🙂

xoj

capricorns want to succeed and i guess what i found i could succeed in as a child was being the best people-pleaser EVAH!

HELL YEA! 😄

Posted by amethyst2002
I finally got my stuff back, but this was after mutual friend basically made a big deal about it. Blegh. Had it not been my fave bathing suit and brand new tennis racquet, I would have said to hell with it.

oh sheesh! that's how i feel! i have over $ 300 worth of personal care products, etc but i would let them go in a heartbeat if it weren't for the two necklaces that are irreplaceable...and...like you, had i known it was going to be such a big deal i would have gone over there the week after i saw him last. sheesh.

Posted by amethyst2002
Wish this was the same for your confusing male counterparts. :p I don't think I've really had any major issues with Cap females. Most have been pretty cool.

click to expand

how i wish that too...i have hope there will be one day. ...the only thing i would say about cap females is that it might seem we have a wall up sometimes but if you stick around a little bit, and get to know us, the wall comes down and there's nothing we wouldn't do for the ones we embrace in our lives. ...and we're funny! at least all the cap females i know are... 🙂

i've only had one aries female friend in my life. she's so funny! she keeps me in stitches! ...i will say, though...sometimes i've caught her being a little sneaky. once confronted though, she had such conviction in her actions it was hard for me to doubt her....even though i wouldn't dare do what she did, she made me understand that she honestly was convinced her way of thinking was right, no matter that everyone else on the planet would have thought otherwise.... i love that about aries...they always do what they feel in the depths of their soul is the right thing to do....and since there's no budging them, one either has to decide to take it or leave it. it takes guts to be that way - something i am incapable of... xoj

Posted by cappiebelle
so i spoke to him, said i wanted my items so we can just be rid of each other. he called me a bitch and a piece of work. 😢 i don't get it. he is so very mean sometimes. he said he wanted to be friends but that i'm making it difficult because i have to have things the way i want them when i want them. i said i've been asking patiently for my items for the last seven weeks! i'm not good at confrontation so i didn't say much - he was such a bully and borderline verbally abusive. he's such a prick! so i emailed him last night and said i don't want to be friends, i'm done, please ship my items. i don't know if he read the email because he called today while i was at work to say he can drop off my stuff. i was at work and couldn't meet him! 😢 i texted him, said thank you for trying.

you're full of poo!

you claim that these items are sooooooooo valuable, that you can't live without your box of tampons, loofah and body wash and YET!, when he tries to deliver your crap, your priceless necklaces, you're unable to get it?

a REAL woman who's not running game would've asked her boss for a personal day if she had to. anything to be rid of this man right? i mean you've been waiting seven weeks right? you could've told your boss you had a personal emergency right?

women like you are a JOKE! you leave little odds and ends to mark your territory and when he finally tries to give your "sense" back, you'd rather play the fool.

whether you realize it or not, you're transparent as hell. if i were him, i'd give your crap to my other girlfriend, take pictures of her wearing it and put it on my facebook 😛

"thank you for trying?" HA! you stoopid.

i'd wish you a happy independence day but it appears you prefer to be chained.

oh, tubby....spoken like a washed-up, sad, bitter and angry aries. i feel sorry for you....i really do. you poor thing.

he called when he was right outside my work, which is a 35-story security-filled building. it would have taken me 10minutes to get outside when he gave me no warning. none. just a call that he was outside, when i was in a meeting and couldn't take his call so i got his text that he had left and was already on his side of the river. as i said, i don't care about anything else but the two necklaces as they are all i have left from my grandmother to whom i was very close.

go, and darken this doorway no more.

10 whole minutes to go downstairs? golly gee!

hey GENIUS! why not excuse yourself from the meeting for TWO WHOLE MINUTES and ask a coworker to go down for you? what if you had to tinkle? would you not leave the meeting for that?

you have the mental dexterity of tree bark.

i've changed my mind. i hope he lets a bunch of cats piss all over your crap and then mails it to you.

i'm so sorry you can't read. oh golly....i shouldn't make fun of the mentally challenged....sorry, tubby

....i didn't know he called until after he had already left...

you're so sweet! thanks for the warm fuzzies!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Posted by cappiebelle
so i spoke to him, said i wanted my items so we can just be rid of each other. he called me a bitch and a piece of work. 😢 i don't get it. he is so very mean sometimes. he said he wanted to be friends but that i'm making it difficult because i have to have things the way i want them when i want them. i said i've been asking patiently for my items for the last seven weeks! i'm not good at confrontation so i didn't say much - he was such a bully and borderline verbally abusive. he's such a prick! so i emailed him last night and said i don't want to be friends, i'm done, please ship my items. i don't know if he read the email because he called today while i was at work to say he can drop off my stuff. i was at work and couldn't meet him! 😢 i texted him, said thank you for trying.

i'm blue. he's so mean sometimes. i have been so nice, so kind, so caring, so loving. i don't get it. i've never had this happen to me... why do some people just have to be such meanieheads? i can't believe i gave him so much tenderness. he doesn't deserve me, i know... it just hurts, that's all.

😢

ok so not only are you stoopid AND full of it, you're a liar too. don't you just hate it when people try to alter a tale to suit them?

so after seven weeks of not giving you your invaluable crap, he gets such a fire under him that he skips out of work himself, risks going all the way to your work, in NEW YORK, with a box of shit that could be anything to stand conspicuously outside a secure building in july heat without calling first? yeah, i can see him standing there with a box full of dirty pantyhose, an old curling iron and expired cough medicine.

and what grown ass woman says "meanieheads?" wtf is wrong with you? cap women are so dense.

i got patties to make...*unsubscribed*

he didn't skip out of work. he comes into the city, in my area all the time, and was in the area already - he didn't make a special trip; he just was always too busy to make a drop off before.

ok...so you find me dense. i do resemble that remark somewhat - i mean, i fell for the guy and his behavior once before and like an idiot i went back for seconds. ....but at least my heart and soul are not smothered in horseshit and tar like yours.

oh, please don't take your sunshine away.....how i shall miss you, tubby.

xoj

ok so we had it out.... we yelled at each other (well, he mostly yelled at me) until i just said enough.

the necklaces mean a lot, i told him so, told him to just please put them in the mail to me sans the rest of the stuff as that's really all i care about, and said i'm done. goodbye.

i can't do this anymore, and i'm tired of being nice and trying to play fair with someone who isn't being very reasonable. if i don't get them back....i'll have to deal with it....and they are "things"....and all this was doing was making me feel crazy and giving me wrinkles.

anyway, it's done. thank you for all your suggestions. best.... xoj