MagicBananas
@MagicBananas
14 YearsLibra
Comments: 0 · Posts: 38 · Topics: 6
About to break up with my CM
MB - From what I understand when a crab is ready to leave a relationship, they will withhold affection and do their best to make you be the one to leave. They don't like to hurt people intentionally and this is a side-stepping way of telling you that something isn't right. I hope this is not the case with the two of you as it hurts to not know what is going on. Another option is that he's hurt over something that happened between the 2 of you and this is his way of retaliating. It may take him awhile to say it to you because it's still painful to him and direct is not something they are comfortable with.
I'm not a cancer but I, too, tense up when touched and don't feel affectionate when I am about to leave someone. That means i'm fed up and at the end of my rope. There is still a slight chance of salvaging the relationship but a LOT would have to change and fast. That is the phase where I let go and am trying to prepare myself to move on. If it gets to that point it means I am repulsed.
to you about a month ago...
Posted by shellshocker
bananalady - i think you guys moved too fast. A cancer can fall in love with the feeling of love and get really caught up... then start going backwards when they realize what they've got themselves into.
It's not going to work if you continue to live together. You have to move out and slow it down. And not moving out in anger after a big fight where you've said things you don't mean. Everything you say to him that is hurtful or needy he is remembering and filing away to think about over and over again when he's alone.
Get some space between you with the intent to reconnect when clearer heads/hearts prevail.
2 cents
and....
Posted by shellshockerPosted by MagicBananas
I am just going to sit back and enjoy it and keep my stupid mouth shut.
instead.... why not return the same affection and encourage this lovely behavior? or things may return to the same old pattern by the next full moon.click to expand
if the root problem is not addressed... things just continue to get worse. I've been your bf in a relationship. He's probably just waiting for you to dump him and let him off the hook.
Posted by shellshocker
i wrote this to you about a month ago...
Posted by shellshocker
bananalady - i think you guys moved too fast. A cancer can fall in love with the feeling of love and get really caught up... then start going backwards when they realize what they've got themselves into.
It's not going to work if you continue to live together. You have to move out and slow it down. And not moving out in anger after a big fight where you've said things you don't mean. Everything you say to him that is hurtful or needy he is remembering and filing away to think about over and over again when he's alone.
Get some space between you with the intent to reconnect when clearer heads/hearts prevail.
2 cents
and....
Posted by shellshockerPosted by MagicBananas
I am just going to sit back and enjoy it and keep my stupid mouth shut.
instead.... why not return the same affection and encourage this lovely behavior? or things may return to the same old pattern by the next full moon.
if the root problem is not addressed... things just continue to get worse. I've been your bf in a relationship. He's probably just waiting for you to dump him and let him off the hook.click to expand
Some good advice there. Loss of affection is never a good sign.
Thanks guys. I talked with him last night. I asked him to be completely honest with me and then I asked him if he thought we should break up. He said no but I have a feeling that he does, he got very uncomfortable when I asked him about it. Should I suggest that we take a break or should I just cut my losses and move on?
Often intuition comes to you as fleeting feelings. Trust your intuition. If you make a break or ask for space and he comes back then you know things just needed some time to bring you back together. Asking a direct question isn't going to get you a direct answer with a crab in turmoil - unless you back them into a corner.
Cancer's appreciate Libra's "logical thoughtfulness", where they are masters of showing the pro's and con's of a situation to us without really insulting us or hurting our feelings. If they do hurt our feelings, they are willing to indulge us in our explanations of why it hurt us, pissed us off.
However on the opposite end, it seems that Libra's have a hard time breaking up with someone unless the other person says point blank "I do not want to be with you anymore". They can hang on too long to a relationship that isn't working and not even realize it. If you use that Libra "logical thoughfulness" to make a clean break, the Cancer man can usually deal with it pretty good and not hold resentment. Explain it in logical terms without attacking him(Use the Libra scales and acknowledge that he is right about some things, yet show you are right as well). The Libra humor/charm never hurts to use either 🙂
Also in total honesty, Libra's can become very suffocating for a Cancer at time. They have a problem knowing when to give people space even though they hate when someone invades their space. Cancer's need absolute space sometimes, its not that we don't love you anymore, we just get down in the dumps and have to work through our thoughts by ourselves. We only like outside interference when we ask for it point blank.
Bottom line is that sometimes we don't want to be social or indulge in Libra's conversational nature. We feel they sometimes should just get to the point instead of dragging on and on. We are usually interested, but sometimes its just not there.
However on the opposite end, it seems that Libra's have a hard time breaking up with someone unless the other person says point blank "I do not want to be with you anymore". They can hang on too long to a relationship that isn't working and not even realize it. If you use that Libra "logical thoughfulness" to make a clean break, the Cancer man can usually deal with it pretty good and not hold resentment. Explain it in logical terms without attacking him(Use the Libra scales and acknowledge that he is right about some things, yet show you are right as well). The Libra humor/charm never hurts to use either 🙂
Also in total honesty, Libra's can become very suffocating for a Cancer at time. They have a problem knowing when to give people space even though they hate when someone invades their space. Cancer's need absolute space sometimes, its not that we don't love you anymore, we just get down in the dumps and have to work through our thoughts by ourselves. We only like outside interference when we ask for it point blank.
Bottom line is that sometimes we don't want to be social or indulge in Libra's conversational nature. We feel they sometimes should just get to the point instead of dragging on and on. We are usually interested, but sometimes its just not there.
Well I told him this afternoon that we need a break. He took it well but I could tell he was upset. He let me keep the key to the house and said I could come and go as I please. He wasn't angry and neither was I. I am really sad but I think that this is what we need. I also found out from a friend of his that (he is 37) and has never lived with a girl before, so I can see how things may have been overwhelming for him. I am just going to take it one day at a time and see how it goes, although I do want it to work out in the end.
MagicBananas. I too am a libra with moon in cancer dating a cancer. greatest relationship and the hardest relationship I have ever had. I love him to pieces but darn is it frustrating at times. Do what you have to do, when you tell him you are taking a break, take it. I know it is hard but just do it. If he really wants to be with you he will be back.
Men pull away! That is how men are (not all men of course) but they do pull away. Not only did you move too fast to get together you still are moving too fast, you keep REACHING for a man he'll run, he'll pull away, you reach for a hug he'll pull away, you chase him for a kiss he'll pull away and this is actually a NORMAL REACTION, you are sabotaging your own relationship b/c you are displaying dependent behavior b/c you keep doing things that make him pull away. Try doing nothing, don't nag and complain and groan about HIM, go to a cuddle party if you have to but don't ASK a man for affection, don't ASK him to be present in his own relationship, doing that creates more distance and misery for the other person, makes a man uncomfortable and feel intense pressure when he's THE ONLY one in your radar under your spotlight that has to give you love and hugs and kisses for you to feel happy. It goes from a mutual willingness to share affection to a tug of war almost like it's a burden, a responsibility, it feels like pressure when he has to be the one to fulfill your unfulfilled desires and needs. He should be able to not hug and kiss you and not feel bad or pressured about it.
I notice you mentioned how he took care of you at the hotel when you got sick well that's not realistic to expect him to take care of you emotionally all the time. You are a grown woman and no one is responsible for you emotionally but you. He's not doing anything to hurt you, he's been out of the loop for what 5 years, he needs a huge amount of space before he'll get back into being a couple with someone plus he's probably not over the 5 year relationship but he could easily get over it if you do the right things around him, like not nag, complain and push for intimacy.
It's better that you took a break for you, now stop focusing on him and his behavior and just get on with your life, he'll be back to his loving self if you don't focus so much on him. Try feeling happy without him. You don't need his hugs and kisses and affection to feel happy do you? Sure you don't, go back to the time when you were okay without it and I can almost guarantee he'll give it to you freely once he realize he's not responsible for your happiness and emotional well being.
I notice you mentioned how he took care of you at the hotel when you got sick well that's not realistic to expect him to take care of you emotionally all the time. You are a grown woman and no one is responsible for you emotionally but you. He's not doing anything to hurt you, he's been out of the loop for what 5 years, he needs a huge amount of space before he'll get back into being a couple with someone plus he's probably not over the 5 year relationship but he could easily get over it if you do the right things around him, like not nag, complain and push for intimacy.
It's better that you took a break for you, now stop focusing on him and his behavior and just get on with your life, he'll be back to his loving self if you don't focus so much on him. Try feeling happy without him. You don't need his hugs and kisses and affection to feel happy do you? Sure you don't, go back to the time when you were okay without it and I can almost guarantee he'll give it to you freely once he realize he's not responsible for your happiness and emotional well being.
Posted by HighTide
Cancer's appreciate Libra's "logical thoughtfulness", where they are masters of showing the pro's and con's of a situation to us without really insulting us or hurting our feelings. If they do hurt our feelings, they are willing to indulge us in our explanations of why it hurt us, pissed us off.
However on the opposite end, it seems that Libra's have a hard time breaking up with someone unless the other person says point blank "I do not want to be with you anymore". They can hang on too long to a relationship that isn't working and not even realize it. If you use that Libra "logical thoughfulness" to make a clean break, the Cancer man can usually deal with it pretty good and not hold resentment. Explain it in logical terms without attacking him(Use the Libra scales and acknowledge that he is right about some things, yet show you are right as well). The Libra humor/charm never hurts to use either 🙂
Also in total honesty, Libra's can become very suffocating for a Cancer at time. They have a problem knowing when to give people space even though they hate when someone invades their space. Cancer's need absolute space sometimes, its not that we don't love you anymore, we just get down in the dumps and have to work through our thoughts by ourselves. We only like outside interference when we ask for it point blank.
Bottom line is that sometimes we don't want to be social or indulge in Libra's conversational nature. We feel they sometimes should just get to the point instead of dragging on and on. We are usually interested, but sometimes its just not there.
+1
I too have had some similar issues with my man. I have noticed that he will start to pull away if something is bothering him about me but can not express it because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I just explained to him that I am a big girl and he doesn't have to worry about hurting my feelings, heck I hurt his all the time because I can't stand to not express myself when things are bothering me. I don't mean to, but communication is the most important thing in a relationship, if you don't have that it won't last very long. I have to make him spit things out sometimes because I can pick up his vibes when he is holding something back. We have been together for almost a year now and we moved in together about a month into the relationship. It was total HELL about 2 months in, but afteh of his r we learned how we individually react in certain situations, it got a whole lot easier.
I don't really know anything about you guys but I am sure he loves you the best way he can. Don't be so quick to pick up and leave, try to talk things through and you may find out some really important information about your relationship. Is there anything that you can think of that you could have done that may be bothering him? Maybe you broke his trust somehow.
The best advice I can give is to look at this break as a good thing and go out and have a good time. Stay with your girlfriends and make sometime for yourself. I know it's hard. I have taken off for several days before, never called it a break but more like I am taking a little vacation. I went camping with my girlfriends for 3 days one weekend when he was acting distant. I gave him some space and by the first night I was gone he was calling me and asking if he could come out and meet us. It drives him absolutely BANANAS if he doesn't know what I may be doing without him. He gets really restless when we spend too much time together and he will wander off but as soon as I wander off he is losing his mind. Let him lose his mind for a few days but try to avoid labeling your time apart as a break. He may start to think your unreliable and get scared that your gonna take off at the drop of a hat. I am constantly being tested on boundaries, he wants to know exactly how much and how far he can take things with me, that is what he does to test me and the more I can take the more he knows that I love him.
I want to know how things are working out for you guys since I just noticed that you posted this almost a month
I don't really know anything about you guys but I am sure he loves you the best way he can. Don't be so quick to pick up and leave, try to talk things through and you may find out some really important information about your relationship. Is there anything that you can think of that you could have done that may be bothering him? Maybe you broke his trust somehow.
The best advice I can give is to look at this break as a good thing and go out and have a good time. Stay with your girlfriends and make sometime for yourself. I know it's hard. I have taken off for several days before, never called it a break but more like I am taking a little vacation. I went camping with my girlfriends for 3 days one weekend when he was acting distant. I gave him some space and by the first night I was gone he was calling me and asking if he could come out and meet us. It drives him absolutely BANANAS if he doesn't know what I may be doing without him. He gets really restless when we spend too much time together and he will wander off but as soon as I wander off he is losing his mind. Let him lose his mind for a few days but try to avoid labeling your time apart as a break. He may start to think your unreliable and get scared that your gonna take off at the drop of a hat. I am constantly being tested on boundaries, he wants to know exactly how much and how far he can take things with me, that is what he does to test me and the more I can take the more he knows that I love him.
I want to know how things are working out for you guys since I just noticed that you posted this almost a month
I have dealt with Libra women and they are notorious for wanting all our attention but backing off of when we need that attention, sort of a hypocrite type mentality but they don't even realize they are that way sometimes.They have a place for you on their calender instead of you being the calender and them working around you.
Libra women also seem to bring out a certain spite in Cancer males, we feel like you are thinking and talking about every damn thing possible except how we might be feeling in a certain situation. It insults us you could use that much time and energy talking and being social butterflies yet never do any real introspection unless ur the one feeling bad. Even when we relay new problems to Libras, its always goes back to an experience you had we have heard a 100 times that doesnt help us. You reuse the same material all the time, we give you new stuff to feed the Libra scales. Its like you come across a little too self centered. Once again I feel this isn't intentional.
I love talking to Libras as they really know how to induldge someone for the sake of a laugh, but they are mentality exhausting to deal with sometimes as they have a load of backwash from all the socializing they do and we Cancers sometimes just don't want to hear it, yet we are forced into it by the damn Libra charm 🙂
Libra women also seem to bring out a certain spite in Cancer males, we feel like you are thinking and talking about every damn thing possible except how we might be feeling in a certain situation. It insults us you could use that much time and energy talking and being social butterflies yet never do any real introspection unless ur the one feeling bad. Even when we relay new problems to Libras, its always goes back to an experience you had we have heard a 100 times that doesnt help us. You reuse the same material all the time, we give you new stuff to feed the Libra scales. Its like you come across a little too self centered. Once again I feel this isn't intentional.
I love talking to Libras as they really know how to induldge someone for the sake of a laugh, but they are mentality exhausting to deal with sometimes as they have a load of backwash from all the socializing they do and we Cancers sometimes just don't want to hear it, yet we are forced into it by the damn Libra charm 🙂
sorry, meant to end on the note that I think you two should just break down and have a conversation like you have never had before.Go through tedious detail on why you act the way you do on various things, show him a little vulnerability, he will open up alot more when you do that.
The Cancer can thrive on this type of stuff for hours so I say give it a shot. Cancers/Libra can have alot of fun together as long as they know exactly what they are dealing with in any situation they might find themselves in.
Cancers sometimes need verbal confirmation that you know u have a problem with something and they will look at it much differently from then on. We like total brutal honesty and we can forgive pet peeves because of it.
The Cancer can thrive on this type of stuff for hours so I say give it a shot. Cancers/Libra can have alot of fun together as long as they know exactly what they are dealing with in any situation they might find themselves in.
Cancers sometimes need verbal confirmation that you know u have a problem with something and they will look at it much differently from then on. We like total brutal honesty and we can forgive pet peeves because of it.
Posted by tiki33
You don't need his hugs and kisses and affection to feel happy do you? Sure you don't,
Ok, I may be a total weirdo, but I find this kissy huggy stuff really cool - I'd be interested in learning of anything that come near to producing the same feelings.
I love your posts Tiki - if guy "pulled away" from me I would just think "Oh - Ok he doesn't like me."
RNAP fail😢
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We haven't even been together for a year.
I posted some stuff like this a month or so ago and I tried to break up with him back then but we somehow saved the relationship. He also became very loving and sweet for awhile and I thought that we had fully recovered from the incident but it has come back even stronger than ever. I feel like I deserve to be treated so much better than this.
He is breaking my heart everyday and I don't feel happy in the relationship anymore because it feels like such a struggle.
I don't know how to resolve the issues that we are having because he acts completely clueless about his "pulling away" behavior. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I love him dearly but I can't continue to let him hurt me like this 😢
I read on this board about how loving and attached cancer men get but I don't ever see this in mine. I am afraid to show him affection in return because I am so afraid of the rejection.
Just thought I would get an opinion before making such a huge decision.