Apologizing to a Cancer man...... Inside scoop

Okay, I am here again. I will try to keep this as short as possible. My cancer guy and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had been together for 4 months (3 of which were long distance). Everything was great, we both had/have a sense of comfort in one another. We would often refer to each other as "a breath of fresh air" in a polluted world. Anyway... We were supposed to hang out one Friday evening but after numerous of attempts to contact him and no response my last text to him said "Well... I guess never mind then!" The next day... No contact. I found out he was in a fight the night we were supposed to hang out though. I text him Saturday a few times, but no response however he was able to post on Facebook that his phone was not working properly. Monday I (in a fit of irritation from being ignored all weekend) wrote him a message on facebook saying "What's going on with you, first you stand me up on Friday night, then you ignore my texts but can talk to me on fb? What's your deal?"... No response. This was when I first found dxp and began reading about cancers and how they retreat when hurt or angry or even just because. Anyway... Long story short, we have had several small conversations on facebook as well as I sent him an email (not expecting a response and not all mushy) just to wish him well at his court date he had and to let him know I hadn't forgotten about it and my prayers were still with him. He responded "Thank you for the email 🙂" and that was it.

Now, I have a pretty keen sense of intuition, and maybe blame my Scorpio nature but I over analyze and pick apart everything in hopes of figuring things out. If not for anything else... for my own sanity. After days upon days of thinking I got into some serious meditation the other night and I had a strange gut feeling. It was like my stomach felt really weird at the thought of something that happened. Then like a light bulb BOOM! I realize... EXACTLY WHAT CAUSED THE ISSUE!

I know not to bug him, I don't plan on it. I know he needs his space to process and when HE is ready he will contact me, got it. BUT... now that I am aware of the issue that led to the break up... should I apologize for it? Should I bring it up?... I feel like his bits of facebook communication is because he want's to talk to me but maybe now feels like I wont always be there so he keeps it simple. Is it common for a cancer man who is hurting to want to "make" the other person hurt too? or make them feel how they felt?

I will explain what I think just to make any insight one may have easier....

What I got out of it is... He wanted to see me. He wanted to see me that Thursday but it got late so we had planned then that Friday for sure we would hang out. ( He lives about an hour away)... I'm guessing that while I was texting him he was involved in his fight... and when he returned to his phone my last message to him said "never mind then." I guess I feel like he wanted to be with me, talk to me, I was really the only person he talks too about anything and especially after just getting in a fight maybe he just wanted his comfort and I was not there. My issue with this is... had he just said "babe, I got in a fight sorry... can you still come?" I would of still gone out there... but I think maybe he was already frustrated, read my message and it hurt his feelings. So he ignored me... and I kept pushing asking him questions and having an attitude (because the whole time I'm thinking... he stood ME up and now has the audacity to be an ass hole)... I think he liked me and was falling pretty quick. I think by me not being there that night that something bad happened to him, made him feel he needed to re-evaluate if I really care about him... If I will really be there for him. So he closed up.

He is the one who initiates the contact with me on facebook. Commenting on my statuses or liking my pictures. I don't really say nothing on his or go on his page for that matter because I want to give him his space. This is the only scenario I can think of though that would of hurt him or made him feel alone. What made it hit home was when he dumped me... (In an email)... his last few sentences were..."I'm ultra unstable right now. So I need to pursue me right now..... And honestly, I'm offended with ur "u dont even care" statement. U dont kno me well enough obviously to make that judgement. But God forbid we dont talk a few days.... But it is well. I'll deal with my issues on my own... Like u care..."

Just makes me feel like he felt like I abandoned him. So he is gonna go deal with him on his own.... —

What do you think—

Waterboy to the rescue!!!!! Hahahahaa.... Hey there dude!!

So yes he is still active with the facebook likes and comments. Matter of fact, I changed my profile picture today and who likes it?? Him!! Although at this point there has been no comments or communication between the two of us besides his likes to a couple posts since Wednesday. I figured this must of hurt him deeply, like you described is what I felt. Maybe he thought we had a stronger bond then realized we didn't. Truth is.... we do! I so wish he would of at least let me know what happened that night and I would of been there. Ughhhh.....

I guess my true question to self now is.... HOW then, do I get this man to see me? He lives an hour away, and with his relatives. So I can't just show up at the door with dinner and a movie! I don't think another email is the right idea either... because its gonna have to be my actions that prove not my words. Hmmmm—

I did make the night about me huh? "Why did he stand ME up?" "Why is he ignoring ME?" "What did "I" do?" Ohhhhh boy!! Bad Scorpio girl... Bad!! LOL.... 😢

Thanks waterboy! Yeah.... as of now I am just thinking. My mind works in overdrive most of the time. I must say though I find it all too intriguing. His lack of response to me makes me want to dig deeper. Can't say its all bad... me digging deeper is what led me to conclude the "root" of the issue. I'm a pretty creative woman... I'm almost sure he liked me cause I'm different. I do things outside the box most of the time... so I will figure something out. I will surely keep you posted.

Guess now would be a good time for xxxsyzygyxxx to chime in!!! LOL

Okay seriously... speak of the "devil"... Guess who JUST texted me??

His Message to me:
"Wowoooooooowwwwww. Ok first off. I just saw u sent me a message on here. It literally just popped up on here as I was about to write u a message. But it is dated Wednesday. Im so sorry I would've responded if I had known. I apologize for leavin u hangin. But yes the case is over. God is so good. Boom! Anyway, I was going thru my stuff here. Saw ur letter and ur "care packages". Awwwww ur such a sweetheart! I appreciate u! Sorry for how things r at the moment... I hope u r well. But I wont take up all ur time dragging this on. U be well "hefer" lol 🙂 🙂"

So...... — Really? lol..... I hate how all of a sudden now I feel all shy and nervous like I don't have a clue what to say back. Like, I don't want to say the "wrong" thing as this is progress no?

I used to send him letters, date in a box, care packages cause we were long distance. So he must of been strollin memory lane tonight. LOL.... Awww. Can't deny I'm thrilled to have heard from him.... What now?? Help lol

Posted by WaterboyCancepio
Cute.

I would say don't text back but call back. Just sound welcoming and cute and all that voodoo women do so well. Just check up on him and things will take care of itself.

+1

You know how some people have that ONE-that-got-away. Mine's a Cancer. I wish I knew what I know back then.

It's a good thing you had a chance to apologize. I'll never get that chance because I never took this step back to realize what was going on. I caused all communication to be disconnected.

It's good to hear progress :-) I'm happy for you. As I was reading post after post, I was getting nervous, trying to think of something here. Cancer men can be so hard to work with even after you think you've got them all figured out!

Best of luck!!

Dianasart, awwww. I'm sorry your Cancer got away. Who knows, maybe he will return. 🙂

I would say progress has definitely been made so far. Since he contacted me, we have been "chit chatty" since. We are actually texting each other now as I type. lol...

I "ambushed" him with a demand to see him. Nicely of course. Told him I needed to see him as soon as he returned from his trip, that I had something planned and I wasn't accepting no or maybe for an answer that I was coming and he needed to just be ready. I said this all of course after feeling out his mood. To my surprise he said..."Okay I will be ready." So at the current moment we have a plan to get together on Monday. I have a whole "date night" set up and I will use that as my sorta "actions speak louder than words" apology. I am just happy that we are speaking again. 2 weeks truly felt like forever! But I have learned so much and will continue to learn. I may never know him/figure him out fully... but trying is fun and opens up new understandings and perspectives on things.

Thanks everyone for your help and encouragement. Keep it coming. LOL