Appealing to a Cancer's Better Judgement

Im talking with a Cancer and where as our romantic interlude is going quite well, it seems like he's trying to maintain a "bad boy" image. He's told me that he sees himself going back to the old him and he doesn't like it, but it doesn't seem like he's trying to really avoid it. What's the best way to "convince" him or to get his wheels turning so that he thinks of the future for his actions today? I've read that Cancers have a thing for reliving the past and one of their fears is that the past will repeat itself....so how do I tell him to stop and think about things without insulting him or his intelligence?

Yea Sweet....I need the answer to that question as well. LOL

Thank You Moon I'll try. He comes to me and tells me when he feels like he's going to do something he shouldn't and part of me feels like he wants me to stop him, but when I do say something to that affect he just acts cool like "I didn't ask you what I should do about it" although he does thank me for my input. I don't know whether or not he takes my advice or if it doesnt something for him to help him figure the situation out. I just usually end it by telling him that he has good judgement and he should use it.

The one thing I would caution you on is making him feel like you look down on him when he makes mistakes - rather than tell him that you're worried about him, try telling him that you think he's a wonderful person no matter what, but if there's anything you can do to help you will. And don't forget to let him know when you think hes done something GOOD - it will make him happy and make him want to do MORE good things to get more praise from you. Just be careful about making him feel BAD when he does something wrong - he won't feel like he hsa to better himself, he'll just fall into that self-fulllfilling prophecy trap "I've done bad, so I must BE bad, so I guess I'll never be able to do anything BUT bad...."

I think he's already somewhat gotten into that thought pattern. I asked him when we started getting closer to discribe himself and the first thing he says is "Im hell on wheels" and I asked why he said that and he said "well thats what my Mom told me" and dont think he's hell on wheels...I think hes a classic Cancer, sometimes when he gets emotional he gets illogical and makes bad decisions..I think to prove that he is masculine and brute despite his emotional reactions. I want to intiate a conversation to find out why he keeps doing things he knows are wrong even though he knows they are without him feeling attacked or that I look down on him. I really try to get him to understand that I'm concerned and I've tried telling him that I dont want to see him be self destructive because I want to be able to enjoy him and I know the words "self destruction" mean a lot to him, but I cant tell that that approach is working. Im not really into babying someone or pleading with them to change, I kind of just want to stimulate deeper thoughts and better decision making, maybe appeal to him to be more practical (as Tauri are supposed to be a stabilizing force to Cancer).

"I think to prove that he is masculine and brute despite his emotional reactions"

you're right on target there.
I'm sure you ARE a stabalizing force to him - that's why he comes to you when he feels like he's getting out of control - but when you tell him that he may be making a bad decision, he will get defensive - like I said, don't tell him that it's a bad decision - he's a smart man and he knows it's bad - what he's looking for from you is support, let him know you'll be there for him and he'll be happy and then he won't want to do bad things. One of the reasons they revert to bad behaviors from their past is because though it's bad - it's familiar. He doesn't want to do bad things - he just wants the security of something familiar - so give him something new to feel secure with !

Thank you, thats very insightful!!

yes.....people often tell me I'm not as dumb as I look.....

lol a lot of people on this comm. are kinda tyranical know it alls, dont let them attack you. I know how easy it is to get a rise out of a misjudged Taurus who is wrongfully accused but dont let them get to you.

yeah - I don't worry so much when people attack ME - but I get REALLY protective of other people.

I know what you're saying Moon, thats kind of why Im trying to more get his wheels turning on making better decisions rather than say "this is right, this is wrong" because I want to see that he is mature enough to weigh options and if necessary delay gratification or retribution(revenge) if thats the best decision. He's a Cancer so I know his emotions will be stronger than his logic at times, but I know that can be changed just like my impatience. Im starting to see that he might need me to support good decisions more than trying to change the bad ones. Kind of like potty training where you make a HUGE deal when the baby uses the potty and just express disappointment rather than getting mad when they have an "accident"..if they want the pomp and circumstance they'll do what it takes to get it. I know he wants me to be proud of him because he "reports back" when he does stay out of trouble, but he's no less easy to talk to when he's riled up and on the warpath.

So there's no making him stop to think when he's emotional...I guess I'll have to try to have those conversations before he gets to that point. And its not even really that I'm trying to get him to do what I want him to do I just dont want him to get in any more trouble. Yeah, he's very accountable and honest and it makes him really easy to trust as well.

lol Meerc. She's very helpful and her replies are insightful, why not be friends 🙂