Broke up and regretted, how to get the cancer guy back?

I just initiated a broke up with a cancer guy 2 weeks ago. We dated for a few months 5 years ago but due to his concerns about his young kids he resigned and went back to his home country to live with his kids ( he was divorced). It was 12 hrs flight away he didn’t think a LDR was realistic and we peacefully disconnected. Three years ago he visited here on business trip he contacted me again we met for lunch and he asked me for dinner the 2nd day. But he just disappeared on 2nd day 3pm onwards till 9pm without any explaination and uncontactable. I was pissed off. After 9pm he sent me text and called me I didn’t reply any more. So I totally cut him off from my life. January this year he contacted me again. He apologised sincerely and insisted to invited me for a dinner to make up for it. I said no need and he didn’t owe me anything. But he bought ticket and came… he did quite a few things and tried to convince me to build a relationship together. He said it would be possible if we want and be flexible. So we went on from there. In April he came again and we went on a few days trip together. The 3 months we communicated well he would initiate messages, checking on my feeling. When I expressed some feeling he would respond and explain. Almost everyday we communicated in text messages. The trip in end April was all great till the last day because of the finance. Eventually we both reflected and agreed to continue to get to know and understand each other better. Then we tried to look ahead for next meet up but it turned out he had a very busy schedule all to August. During the discussion we tried to talk but he couldn’t talked to each other in an appropriate timing so we kept missing on each other I was upset on it. Eventually we continued from there. But for the past 2 to 3 weeks before we broke up he became distant and often ignored my text messages for 3 to 5 days till I initiated message again when he finally replied he always say something sweet and apologised for poor communication or busy working, with kids, backache etc. I was upset he didn’t even send me a happy birthday message despite he knows my birthday and even Skype had popped up. I was upset that he would say he promised to call then when he didn’t make it he would not say anything before or after. It was like nothing happened he didn’t promise anything. He said there was no change in mind and feelings from him(right before I broke up he called me after almost 2 weeks, so we caught up by updating each other and families. I asked him if he has changed he said no. But after a while the connection went bad so we didn’t manage to talk more). I told him by text that it was my birthday. And I said I wished to hear he said it. I asked him to call me back but he said he would call the following day. In the end I told him I felt the ignorance, lacking of support and respect. I said I felt he has changed. I said I have to let go. Good bye. … that is how I broke up with him...

...After that, I felt good and in peace for a few days but meanwhile I was still quite concerned about his backache and eyesight as he mentioned during the phone call. I wanted to urge him to find time for treatment (he is running his own newly set up company very busy and stressful). I also felt bad that my feeling is one thing but he insisted he hasn’t changed and I still said I thought he had changed and just cut it off. He didn’t reply anything after i sent all those broke up messages. I have never in my life treating anyone like this, he is the first one I did the turnaround twice… I reflected in the past 2 weeks I did my reflection and felt I was not patient enough and I had no understanding of many possible reasons behind his behaviour I only thought he ignored me lost interest and not respected me. … I regretted that I didn’t give it a bit more time. I felt he was determined when he came back into my life this round. He told me I was the person he always felt like coming home could be himself and he felt safe to let into his private life. .. during these past 2 weeks I had a few time wanted to send him messages to urge him to find time to take care of his problem but I hesitated . I wrote message telling him my feelings but I didn’t send out. My girlfriends and guy friends told me not to send anything. I read online “how to get your ex back when regretted broke up”, it mostly says to wait for at least one month. I feel like to send him father’s day message and thank him for his fatherly care to my daughter so far. But it is been only 2 and a half weeks. Not one month. His birthday is in July. I am still thinking getting him birthday gift. I regretted the broke up but also realised it was good to let us both reflect on this relationship after 5 months. But I really hope we could overcome this and move forward to continue work against all the challenges. I really wish we could adjust ourselves to build further as I really care about him… so my question is, despite it’s not yet one month after broke up, should I still send him father’s day message? Would it help? In what way it could be a more appropriate message? Thank you very much for reading my sharing and questions. Would appreciate very much if you could advice on it

Yes

I feel self guilt for just throwing a break up to him the more he not saying anything. I believe he never wished to hurt me in any case. I felt I could have been more patient and cool.

I think yr second guessing yourself and giving him the benefit of the doubt way too much. He became non communicative and didn't even wish you a happy birthday. And now yr forgiving him like women do too much. Hes not fighting for you, hes not doing his share. You don't need to do all the work he doesn't deserve that. Give him exactly what he gives you, nothing.

Ask youself if you would leave your friends and family, the life you have built, to move across oceans and join him in his country.

Because of his children it's unlikely he would ever move to you.

If the answer to this ^^^ is no, then you need to break things off for good instead of prolonging the inevitable.

Thank you very much for your input boxcarmirnta. I know my friends all said the same as you. But I am day in and day out especially with my forgiving nature, i am not trying to justify all his behaviour i still aware how it constantly gave me negative feelings, but i also still feel after reflecting on it i felt i lost myself and put too much time on him and his response rather than putting myself first focusing on my own life, and take it easy for this relationship. But i know i can justyfy myself what i did snd feel too. But relationship is for 2 persons with us, a lot of challenges including LDR time fifference and although we dated years ago but we had never really know each other well. I jist feel bad about the part I myself didn't do well enough for this precious encounter. I sometimes thought I am not very patient person and not cool and not good at communicating my needs so this round I tried to focus on communicaring my needs and feelings to him... but too overwhelming I reflect back... I don't want to live my life in hate, revenge or causing others sad... don't want eye for eye teeth for teeth... But your input and understanding got my eyes moist and is heart warming. Thank you so much. I really hope to give this relationship another chance...

Dear ladyneptune, thank you very much for your thoughtful input. I did think of that, I am willing to move if he is someone we truly love each other.

Dear Arielle, thanks for taking time to write down your feelings. I appreciate your straightness. But it gives me a shocking surprise thar my sharing gave you such an impression... you are the first one of all says so. Did I appear like that? I only felt I might end up give him impression that I was so emotional. But he and even I still deep down believe we both are never into playing games. I am 44, he is 54. We both are very caring persons and never would like to hurt anyone.

Dear Arielle, thank you so much for your precious input. now I understand where is the misunderstanding. It's my writing too long and scattered in flow. As for the 3pm to 9pm was when he was in town my city. He asked me for dinner date the day before but totally disappeared on the second day from 3pm to 9pm which including the dinner time. Uncontactable too.

I like it when you say a loyal person stick through rough time- exactly what I want and try to be.

You are right about the challenge of timing which both he and I realised and felt tough too and it's one of the main challenges for even a basic communication sometimes... I told him I can wake up early for our call. But he said he didn't feel nice for me to do so. So we struggled. Bit still that was not the main headache.

I felt being distant and ignored because he didn't reply or send even a message for 3-5 days. It made me feel that he didn't need me or care about me any more... and the last week end before I broke up. After 5 days he didn't respond to my message, I initiated another text he read. No reply. After a few hours before I turned in I sent another to ask him. Still read yet no reply. Then I woke up the next day morning I sent a message mentioned I noticed the change and yet I didn't want to jump to conclusion so I hope he let me know. This round when he woke up he replied me said sorry postponed reply so busy backache, work, kids etc... I felt then I was the last in the list or not even got to the list in his life already. ...

Thanks Tizianl. I have told him when I broke up... I didn't know him well enough and each time he went into silent mode I was feeling quite strange but so long it was 2 to 3 days eventually he came back himself I was OK with it. He would ask me why I didn't text him I must be quite busy. Then I told him since he said he would call me the following day(Friday) if he is not too busy. So I waited, no call no message all the way to Sunday. So I kept myself busy. Then I woke up on Monday morning saw his messages before he went to bed saying hi and good morning.... that was earlier so we managed it. But the last three weeks before I broke up 3 times he said he would call but each time never called neither message to explain nor any follow up. Nothing...

Long distance relationships are a pain in the @ss!

Yes,thanks Taurus.. have you yourself in LDR before? Successful?