Cancer friend

I am not new here but I dont post alot. Anyways I am here to vent. I am a Virgo female and I have a Cancer friend whom I have known since 2006. We dated when we first met, but just ended up being friends over the years even after I moved away in 2007. I always had feelings for him but could never tell if he felt the same way so I never pushed the issue. He is a really nice guy and has a genuine kindness about him. I talked to him today over the phone and he ended up telling me that he was getting married next month. It took all I could not to cry because I never saw it coming. I held it in really well and told him I was happy for him. We talk periodically so I knew about this woman, but had only heard of her maybe one time so I never thought anything of it because he talked about other women too. I want to be truly happy for him, but it so hard because I feel sad.

Thanks for the love you guys. I love you Cancers the mostest out of all the other zodiac signs.

@Moon-I can definitely agree with us virgs not showing our emotions. I have a great poker face while hiding all of my passionate emotions inside. I guess I was just looking for a sign from him. When I talked to him about the events that led up to the decision of getting married, I found out that his fiance had been telling him she loved him since 2005 even though they were seeing other people. From what the things he says that she has never waivered from the way she has felt about him and told him she would wait on him (they havent seen each other since 2005). So I want to be happy for him because how could he not want to marry her. She sounds like a great person. He definitely deserves that. I have cried my tears of sadness and loss and I will go on.

Why you never told your friend?? I mean i know it will seem awkward but i think you tell him before he get married because you going to hold that "what could have happen" on your shoulders for the rest of your life, just let it out to him so you can feel some type of closure, i know exactly how you feel and lost someone for not speaking up.

The only way that I would tell him is if I knew he felt the same towards me. Since he is getting married to someone else then it is safe to say that he does not feel the same. It is best that I leave that situation alone and besides there are other in the fish in the sea. 🙂 Thanks Dream for your response!

So Georgiapeach does he live in Georgia too? Or does he live in another state? You could probably ask to meet up with him once more and tell him you are coming to his WEDDING to stop the show. You want him. Does he live in the same state?

Krobe I used to live in GA and he lives in AL. I now live in HI.

GeorgiaPeach,

That is Cancer men's GAME. LOL! They will "act" like they are going to get married all the way to the altar and then get "cold feet". LOL! Better yet, sabotage the marriage by doing everything they can to make the "other partner" leave the relationship. I know one Cancer man who will go around telling women he is getting married and what happens? He gets ATTENTION. Chased, wanted more, adored more, approached MORE. You get my drift. He hangs out at EVERY NIGHT club in the neighborhood and lives in different locations. He is up in every woman's he can lay his eyes on face whispering in her ear but he is getting married. Yeah, right! He will be his wifes ghost husband.

Men are tricky. Once they have "captured you" the majority of them will stay married to you just to be married but they are out.

Georgia Peach:

I cried when I read your post, if its any consolation. 😢

Have you considered his calling to inform you of this news was perhaps an attempt to share feelings?

Well GP, if I were you, I would have congratulated homeboy on his wedding. I would have told him I was getting married next month too and that I did not have time to talk with him because I had to finish passing out some invitations. I would have wished him luck and let him go.

The ol' I'm getting married next month is game.

Wish-you're so kind *Hugs* I thought about telling him in the very beginning, but now I am like whatever. I am not scared to let a man walk away and I am not scared to walk away either.

Krobe-LOL You are hilarious! I did congratulate and I told him he should marry her. What was interesting to me was he told me he didnt want to get married, but was doing it because she wanted to. So I felt like he was trying to keep the door open with me, which was a d*ckhead move. He told me no one else knew he was getting married, but me. So I wondered to myself so why is he telling me? A couple days after we spoke on the phone, I actually thought about the 2 points I stated above, I became angry. That was a defining moment for me, because I let him go. I have nothing else to say to him.

Tiki-I am sure that he is playing a game and I am done.

Well GeorgiaPeach, he is just trying to get you to open up to him. I know how you feel because I have been in your shoes before except for the shoe was on the other foot.

Cancer men "hide" their feelings deep. They do things that "you" think is meant to hurt you but in actuality they are looking for the opposite result. He wants you to say, hey, you can't get married to another woman, you belong to me. I love you. So, instead, he is telling you something for you to open up to him. Let those feeling out girl. Let them out. Quit hiding your feelings. Just tell the man what you have to say and THEN let him walk away.

Posted by krobe03

Cancer men "hide" their feelings deep. They do things that "you" think is meant to hurt you but in actuality they are looking for the opposite result. He wants you to say, hey, you can't get married to another woman, you belong to me. I love you. So, instead, he is telling you something for you to open up to him. Let those feeling out girl. Let them out. Quit hiding your feelings. Just tell the man what you have to say and THEN let him walk away.

OK.. Krobe03... you know I respect your opinion..on this subject.. and been there done that in the past couple of months/years... I let him walk away.. upteem time... knowing that I might still be interested under the right conditions... so now I'm in a sit and wait situation... Ok... my life goes on regardless.. but WTF... how long does this take—??.

Haven't seen this guy since Fev 08... yup we've had some e-mails.. going...most of which on my part sharing my feelings,,,, but nonetheless... letting him go free as a bird... At what point does this BS stop—?.. Which BTW.. I have expressed... I'm here.. to hear what he has to offer.. but I'm not there to be hung to dry by some more BS on his part has been my attitude... There must come a time .. when they will step up to the plate so to speak.. and become a real man that I may want to give myself too... Until that moment.. I will not play this game.. FU is my attitude at the moment... as I need a real man.. that can appeciate what the heck I have to offer.. Which is many in this union... but don't be fooled.. I will let this SOB go.. to his dismise.. Not My Problem..
'

catin your cancer doesn't owe you anything (no disrespect when I said that) my point being is this, if you put how you feel out there, he know it and he's doing nothing about it then there is nothing else to do but move on, let it go and find other suitable men to date, you don't have to fall in love with the men you date but what does matter is your having a fun time on your journey to your Mr.Right and that is what counts, these men like cancer usually show up when you least expect him to show up which is usually when your tied up emotionally with someone else, your job is to not read between the lines with the phantom phone calls, having phantom discussions about him with mutual friends, don't sit around decoding what a friend said who mentioned his name and/or mentioned how much he talks about you with his phantom tears about you or whatever it is he does to lure you back in.

You basically are doing the right thing but waiting is not something you have to do, you most likely feel like your waiting because there is NO ONE else around (many women find themselves in that same space of not dating and thus they feel like they are waiting even when they don't want to), you owe it to yourself to take control of your love life, date other men (dating does not mean sex although your free to have it as long as your safe) dating is about keeping your self esteem intact and high when that ONE man is stalling and rejecting, while he's doing that your job is to let other men love you while this one is figuring it all out but from what you have said about him, he seems like a player and he doesn't seem emotionally mature enough to deal with your personality type. He is never going to man up, ACCEPT that and let it go, if you can accept him how he is then maybe you can work with it but if you can't accept him being this wishy washy sometimes disrespectful little boy man then you best leave it be and go out have some fun rather than sitting around wondering about a guy that will most likely never man up with YOU.

tiki33... I know what you are saying...and for the most part I have gone on with my life. I don't date by choice...as most men are boring to me... This one was different...so very very different... I just can't explain.....Let me just say that we connected on all levels... and it was so much fun getting to know him.

I continue go on with my life like I have for over 50 years now.... My main concern is building my assets...so that I can sell my house here... and go fishing... which is my passion.... That is why I now own 3 waterfront properties... and a house close to the water... in a city that is big enough for me to start a new business... and take in my passion..which is fishing.

This guy.. like no other got under my skin... I learnt a lot from him... bar none...I learnt more in those twelve months... than in the last 50+ years of my life... with respect to men...that I can actually be attracted to...

I was doing the same thing the same way for years.... and at some point (AID's Helped in this matter) stopped my cycle of dating useless men. This one included....as he never...ever got what he wanted from me... instead... I got valuable knowledge....from the exercise.

He came after me.... I walked away from him... Yes I still think about him... but am open to meeting someone who can move me the way this man did.

Went on a couple of dates with a guy which has lived across the street from me...for 20 years...recently.... Yup he wants FWB... but made my position clear from the get go.... It isn't going to happen... He stepped up to the plate..and asked for dates....OK... did that ...on the second date.. I felt the need to pay the bill.. Why—? I just can't go there... Not because of the Cancer.... Because he is boring...and his values are so different from mine.

I've known for years that he lives in the dark... heck the lights are never on.... His Fridge and freezer is absolutely empty.... I'm the opposite... I actually have a Freezer in the basement...in which I could not possibly put anything else in it....He likes the temperature around 50 degrees Fahrenheit in the winter... I live in Canada... So that to me is not an option... I won't be living in a deep freeze in my home...

So as you can see...I am paying attention to stuff..that I may have ignored in my past....which I'm no longer willing to ignore...

Part 2- You really have to pay attention to how much you can post on this site....lol

I have to give credit for this new stuff.. to that cancer bad boy... and me refraining from dating to recoup...As doing stuff the same way only get the same results...as it is said... Now I'm doing things differently...and my eyes are wide open... Which I wish it would have been years ago... but did not have the right teachers... so I was lost to see the errors of my ways.

Now I am more in control.. of my destiny... and I do thank that Cancer Bad Boy for showing me the way. I will never forget him... but will move once I'm financially ready to do so... 2 more years Max. Start another business in my new home town.

Well catin not dating is you self sabotaging, there are dates that aren't heavy, coffee, walk on the beach if your near one, lunch, book stores, there is no way a man will see you, find you outside of the work place unless your making an effort, maybe that's something you need to explore why you can't move beyond text messages/emails/online affairs which are very comfortable but IMAGINARY RELATIONSHIPS, try exploring what is keeping you back from being the irrestible man magnet that you really are and being a man magnet has nothing to do with looks, it has to do with ATTITUDE and you catin need an ADJUSTMENT IN ATTITUDE. Conquer your fears, you have to in order to free up that energy that pulls a man TO YOU.

Men (they) are all different and if you dated more and explored and focused more on what YOU WANT in a man and in a relationships you would probably notice that there are more men that you have chemistry with than you ever could have imagined but when we as women limit ourselves to ONE man and limit ourselves to dating every 1 to 4 years that limits our perceptions about men, you begin to believe you don't have options and you do, you can change the type of men you date and date them all and keep your heart open to the man that wants to be in your life, you can change the age range and the town/city you live in. The world is your oyster, eat it, there are different ethnicities, men from all walks of life, 6.6 billion people on the planet over 3.3 billion men on the planet and doesn't it seem silly to be stuck on ONE.

I know a huge percentage of women hate dating, they just want to meet that one man, there Mr.Right and get on with it but that is the exact attitude that keeps a woman stuck on these emotionally lazy ass clowns, he comes in swoops her up in this excitement chemistry type of frenzy, she feels she has met the one, she feels this deep connection/chemistry with him but for him it's just another woman that he FOOLED into falling in love, master players are expert at creating a strong chemical hormonal attraction in women, they are experts at building a strong rapport instantly and yet he's emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic so be wary of not dating because you can easily be fooled into believing that ONE man, the exciting man, the challenging man is the one when reality is that your not dating enough to see the truth that he's another emotionally lazy assclown that prey on lonely women.

tiki33 point taken