Cancer man cheats and then chooses her

Hi all,

I'm Taurus Sun, Aqua Moon (age 23). He is Cancer Sun, Aqua moon (age 24).

We were together for 9 months, having met online. Once we met, he deleted his online dating account and initiated conversation for every day since day 1 to the end (around day 250), in the evenings. He had been very polite, respectful, even a friendly cheek kiss took him 2 months (!) as he always seemed very nervous around me (difficulty with eye contact, nervous laughter at end of his sentences which were not jokes, hesitation in touching me, etc.) which was weird since he'd had gfs and even one night stands quite easily before. We always had lots to talk about, he'd put xxs at the end of every text he ever sent me, but never ever flirt (he was quite the serious type). Despite us not being physical, he seemed very faithful, got me a present for my bday, compliments me occasionally, always agreed to go out to nice places, was on time, said he had a great time when we got back, bought me drinks, etc. I said we'd have to wait 14 months, at the start, to get physical (silly parental rule) and I hadn't been "all the way" with anyone before. He didn't mind at all and said that wasn't a problem. He often talked about how many children, he'd like etc. and even though that is not something I wanted, I never said no to it either. He was not a thrill seeker, a lady charmer or a show-off at all - he always seemed to be content having the same old routine each day, because of this, I really didn't mind him going out drinking with mates, etc (and all of his friends are guys, he hasn't even got one close female friend). However, after about 9 months, he was totally normal on the friday but then on saturday, he totally didn't text at all (never happened before) and wasn't online for 12+ hours which was unusual as he told me he was just visiting his dad that day... I didn't initiate contact either... on Sunday, again he didn't contact at all so I asked him if he was ok (in the evening), he saw it and didn't respond (he has never ignored me before). He was online for another 3 hours! so I sent a quick follow - up that he can tell me if he's caught up in a problem. Again, no response and then he went to bed I presume as it was his usual bedtime).

I was annoyed the next morning and sent a text that he was obviously hiding something, I wouldn't tolerate behaviour like this from anyone, can't treat people as disposable, etc and that he was obviously lying about visiting his dad the other day, and that I'd like my stuff (a few containers) I left at his house back please if possible and that was it. He then replied immediately apologizing like 10 times, saying he's had a family problem, doesn't know how long it'll last, he hadn't responded to me as he's driving family back and forth so couldn't look at his phone, and that he would try to contact me but it would be a bit more sporadic than usually. He said he asked family how long it'll last but no one knows for certain. I apologized for assuming he was cheating,etc. and he said thanks for understanding, and he hopes the family issue will get better soon.

On that day, I noticed, he added a new girl on fb (I'm obviously fine with him adding new friends but seeing as during our 9 months together, he'd not even added 1 female, it seemed out of the norm)...

About 8 days pass (no contact from him) by which point I don't even have much interest in staying with him as I think 8 days without sending a 5 second text shows how little he cares but anyway, after 8 days, I ask if everything's better? He replies (24 hours later despite seeing my message almost straight away..!), saying the family issue is slowly getting better but he's decided as a result of it, he'd like to do some travelling around the world before he gets too old, and adds a bit of detail like which country, saying he'll be gone for at least a year, has given notice at the job, etc. and that he'd happily come and visit me to give me back my containers..

I was surprised as he wasn't the impulsive type but said okay and asked if he could visit me next weekend to give me back my containers, he agrees.. he still put xx's on his messages but no smiley faces, like usually.. Up until the day we have the meet-up, he says nothing and I don't initiate contact with him either..

On the day, he seemed to have difficulty looking me in the eye (made me think he's lying or trying to cover something up), I ask a few more questions about his move to the other side of the world (says he's bought his first plane ticket already). I thank him for coming all that way (45 mins drive) to give me back my containers. He says it wasn't a problem as he has to go and ask for a transfer for his cricket club to the other country today anyway which is near where I live. (At this point, I kinda started to believe his travel story).. I was pleasant enough to him and so was he.. he hugged me three times (start, middle and end of our last 10 minute-ish meet up), I wished him a good journey and said bye... I didn't feel happy but I definitely didn't feel sad either... BUT then, I notice, when I've gotten home, that he'd completely blocked me on facebook (not just unfriended), literally a few minutes after our meet-up.. We didn't have a fight at all so only explanation could be that his travelling story was completely FAKE..

Days later, I find out the girl he added the other day is seemingly romantically involved with him (I don't know how long for - which would certainly answer how long he'd been cheating on me for)..Funny thing is, she's an aqua moon, just like me AND him haha, but instead of a taurus sun , she's a pisces sun (which maybe suits his cancer sun better?).

She's a few months older than him.. he always used to get down about the fact I was a year younger than him, saying it made him feel old.. he's mentioned his often (and not in a jokey way). She doesn't speak the best english, she has a much lower "status" job than me (I know this is subjective though), she seems a bit more argumentative/willful than me, very much a plain jane (I am not the most confident/gorgeous person but even I can tell, she's much plainer looking than me and not one of those pretty but plain girls who I know outshine me), she's overweight and lives in same city as me... I know beauty and attraction is in the eye of the beholder.. but I always look to improve myself in some way but I really could not see anything of her, which was an upgrade on me.. I know everyone will say I sound conceited and rude but I like solving things. If he cheated on me with a model, then it would make more sense so I'd have the closure haha or even someone more intelligent or kinder than me but she doesn't seem to be.

But it was obvious he was always insecure about the fact I was younger than him, that I earned more than him, I was more qualified than him, but this girl is more similar to him, in terms of qualification, uni, job etc. so could it be that he felt intimidated by my success? I am not saying I am miss amazing but compared to him, I excelled in many ways but of course, that was not an issue to me but it was to him - He would never be honest to me about his grades and I later found out he got lower grades at school and uni than he told me. He always said I was good looking and the kindest person (I had gotten him presents, and always been supportive of him)..

The whole point of relationships is often to learn, improve and grow ourselves but with this one, I really can't figure out what went wrong.... We never even had a single disagreement despite being in contact every day for the 9 months, he was still in the shy, insecure around me stage despite being together for ages (he didn't seem this way with previous gfs judging by fb pics), I always complimented him, never put him down, he never touched me up or asked for money from me...yet he leaves for someone much worse in every way? Yes he could have maybe seen a spark with her but why, when I said I wanted to leave him, he said no and kept apologizing to make me stay, only for him to leave me a 2 weeks later, with some made-up excuse. Surely he could have made an easy exit when I said I didn't want to be with him anymore?

Why would he make up such a big lie that he's going to the other side of the world for a year, knowing full well that his new girl lives in the same (small) city as me so I may easily bump into him somewhere..

We both had aqua moons and his venus and my mars sign were the same (leo) and we had great other synastry so it seems such a shame not to even remain friends due to a situation he's created. I wouldn't have hated him if he had been honest, I hate people making up elaborate lies, taking others for a fool.

Just any insight would be great. Please don't comment saying she isn't a downgrade as he obviously liked her (as I agree! but just trying to make sense of things). As we were not physically intimate, he surely wasn't just using me either I don't think..

By the way, he left his previous ex, before me (who was a really nice person) by coldly telling her that he is not attracted to her anymore.. I only found out about this after we broke up, which seems very harsh but if he can be so rude to another ex who did nothing wrong, I don't see why he had to make up this nicey nice travel story lie for me if he doesn't care about people's feelings.. just feel like something's not adding up!

Hey there! I'm so sorry that this guy lied to you the way he did. Very unfair.

It does sound like he was insecure the entire nine months you were together, though, and that's his own fault. From what you've said, you did nothing to make him feel like a lesser person because of grades, career, or anything else. So, that is an issue he needs to work out for himself. And to me, it explains why he lied. He was just too insecure, and he was too proud to admit to you that he was leaving because of his insecurity. It would make him look and feel more...emasculated I suppose 😢

He has to work on his self-esteem and his self-image. But, I don't think he's realized that yet. So, instead of taking the time to focus on himself, he's just found another girl that mirrors him.

This is all just my opinion, though.

LOL! There's a lot of aqua moon douchebaggery going on in this post.

He's an insecure dude and those who get with insecure men will tell you that what he does right now will be the story of his life. Don't get with men like that.

Posted by WallFlower422
Hey there! I'm so sorry that this guy lied to you the way he did. Very unfair.

It does sound like he was insecure the entire nine months you were together, though, and that's his own fault. From what you've said, you did nothing to make him feel like a lesser person because of grades, career, or anything else. So, that is an issue he needs to work out for himself. And to me, it explains why he lied. He was just too insecure, and he was too proud to admit to you that he was leaving because of his insecurity. It would make him look and feel more...emasculated I suppose 😢

He has to work on his self-esteem and his self-image. But, I don't think he's realized that yet. So, instead of taking the time to focus on himself, he's just found another girl that mirrors him.

This is all just my opinion, though.

Hi WallFlower,

Thank you very much for your insightful post - I was suspecting something along the lines of what you've so thoughtfully written. It just seems such a shame - no arguments, etc and still the sudden end (what's worse is the loss of a good friendship as well).

Thank you again for your post.

Posted by DivaCanLeo
Ummmmmm you had a 14 month rule on sex, she didn't.

You're fucking crazy if you think anybody is going to stick around that long.

I can understand 3 months, sheet I'll even do 6...but 9 months? 14 months



He's not intimidated by you, he needed his dick wet

Thanks for the reply - with any other person, I would have totally agreed with your reasoning but he was soo hesitant to touch me (even eye contact was difficult for him in the first few dates). He'd known I had made out, etc. with others in the past (just that I've never done "everything") and he never even initiated getting to that stage of make-out. Even with hugs, I could always sense nervousness from him right from the start to the end, which is weird considering he'd had one night stands before, etc.

If anything he had the opportunity to go further physically with me but he was just too anxious to ever take it.

If he had been all over me and I was the one resisting/depriving him of physical contact, then I'd totally get your reasoning.

Posted by aquarius09
LOL! There's a lot of aqua moon douchebaggery going on in this post.

He's an insecure dude and those who get with insecure men will tell you that what he does right now will be the story of his life. Don't get with men like that.

Thank you for your reply - yeah in some ways I do think you're right. It's just a shame that when someone is totally secure within themselves, they are so independent, self-reliant, etc. it's hard to feel truly needed and appreciated, so maybe it's me making myself more available towards insecure people..



Any more replies much appreciated.

Posted by DivaCanLeo
Ummmmmm you had a 14 month rule on sex, she didn't.

You're fucking crazy if you think anybody is going to stick around that long.

I can understand 3 months, sheet I'll even do 6...but 9 months? 14 months



He's not intimidated by you, he needed his dick wet

----

I've seen this cases without cheating,

You shouldn't let your experience be a rule for everyone

can I just say ...I looked at your sign ..right ...taurus sun aqua moon ...and his sign cancer sun aqua moon and you said he chose another one over you ...I thought the only thing that can beat a taurus female and cancer man ...is maybe! a pisces ...and she was a freakin pisces unbelievable

My boyfriend has the same placements as this cancer guy but to be honest, i just don't see him doing something as elaborated as that just for the sake of breaking up.

If i had to guess, i think this guy was intimidated by your success and didn't believe he was good enough for you, even with all the reassurence you gave time and time. Maybe he was not confident enough to be around someone who he thought was more achived or maybe he was simply very caveman like.

It really is a shame that he decided to give up instead of trying to better himself for you.

I guess he felt it was better to stay in his comfort crappy water and to be honest, you deserve someone to walk beside you not someone who feels he is below you.

His miss.

Posted by Blackburn

Posted by DivaCanLeo
Ummmmmm you had a 14 month rule on sex, she didn't.

You're fucking crazy if you think anybody is going to stick around that long.

I can understand 3 months, sheet I'll even do 6...but 9 months? 14 months



He's not intimidated by you, he needed his dick wet

----

I've seen this cases without cheating,

You shouldn't let your experience be a rule for everyone

click to expand

Thanks for the comment. Yeah even if it is much less common now than maybe a few decades ago, I'm sure it's still possible.

Posted by Cancan26
can I just say ...I looked at your sign ..right ...taurus sun aqua moon ...and his sign cancer sun aqua moon and you said he chose another one over you ...I thought the only thing that can beat a taurus female and cancer man ...is maybe! a pisces ...and she was a freakin pisces unbelievable

😢 Thanks for the comment. It's just so weird that me, him and the new girl ALL have moon in aquarius (as I do think our moon signs are more indicative about personality than other aspects although everything does play a part to the overall person).

Hm it makes sense to assume fellow water signs (e.g. scorpio or pisces) can understand a cancer/crab better but I've always heard Taurus and Cancer to be almost an equally good match in general. Not just that, but he had Venus in Leo, whilst I had Mars in Leo which is good synastry too apparently.

Haha psycho/astro analyzing this all makes everything so much better for some reason.. maybe makes me distance myself from it all emotionally haha.

Posted by SourPie
My boyfriend has the same placements as this cancer guy but to be honest, i just don't see him doing something as elaborated as that just for the sake of breaking up.

If i had to guess, i think this guy was intimidated by your success and didn't believe he was good enough for you, even with all the reassurence you gave time and time. Maybe he was not confident enough to be around someone who he thought was more achived or maybe he was simply very caveman like.

It really is a shame that he decided to give up instead of trying to better himself for you.

I guess he felt it was better to stay in his comfort crappy water and to be honest, you deserve someone to walk beside you not someone who feels he is below you.

His miss.

Thank you for your kind, thoughtful comment. Yeah it seems so weird that most people always try to go above and beyond in terms of trying to impress someone, especially in the early stages.. who knew being "too good" may be a reason why things end..Even though it's easier to have a directional goal to become better at this, that or the other, it is a much tougher task trying to "downregulate" yourself (at least outwardly) just enough that you're not too "rubbish' nor too good that he/she is intimidated by you and sees themselves as a failure.

Most relationships are always about learning from mistakes, but for this one, it's really hard to take that approach...

Any more posts very very appreciated 🙂

Posted by Nevermore
It's not you, it's not about the signs, it's definitely him.

He choose to cheat on you because of his ego issue.

He's to insecure that he wants to find the less intelligent and more naive person to fill his ego in instead of finding his self-esteem.

Never feel guilt of this since you didn't do anything wrong. Nor even that girl nor his last ex-gf. It's all on him.



The only advice I can tell you for the better next time is to get to know this person well, especially that it's not over 5 weeks or 2 months to get into the relationship.

Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful comment, Nevermore. Reading this (and previous comments), makes me feel a bit better (so I hope you aren't all just saying it to make me feel better haha), from the ego side which is pretty much my main and possibly, only source of negativity/upset about this since I do not particularly miss his presence to be honest, he was always a bit pessimistic about life and people's achievements in general, rather than seeing those kind of people as inspirational, which was a bit of a downer and he was never the most exciting person anyway. In the end, the string holding us together was his continual presence e.g. contacting me each day to ask how I am, etc. not "butterflies" or a desire to commit on my end anyway. No one had duller answers to being asked how their day was, than him lol.. (naps and household chores being frequent words of his choice).

I guess I had no desire to stay with him BUT also no desire to leave him so him suddenly making the move, dented my ego a bit, which is what I mourn, rather than the end of the relationship.

Thank you for all your posts and insight so far. More posts always appreciated 🙂

Posted by aj123

Posted by Cancan26
can I just say ...I looked at your sign ..right ...taurus sun aqua moon ...and his sign cancer sun aqua moon and you said he chose another one over you ...I thought the only thing that can beat a taurus female and cancer man ...is maybe! a pisces ...and she was a freakin pisces unbelievable

😢 Thanks for the comment. It's just so weird that me, him and the new girl ALL have moon in aquarius (as I do think our moon signs are more indicative about personality than other aspects although everything does play a part to the overall person).

Hm it makes sense to assume fellow water signs (e.g. scorpio or pisces) can understand a cancer/crab better but I've always heard Taurus and Cancer to be almost an equally good match in general. Not just that, but he had Venus in Leo, whilst I had Mars in Leo which is good synastry too apparently.

Haha psycho/astro analyzing this all makes everything so much better for some reason.. maybe makes me distance myself from it all emotionally haha.

click to expand

Really weird I've never met another aqua moon. Haha I don't even ask. But since you experienced how do you do with emotions? All of you. Who has the higher aspects in your moon. The higher you degrees in moon the stronger you may well be.