Cancer to Cancers!!! Need help from ya!

Ok so I'm over my old Cancer guy but there has always been another Cancer male who has been in the picture as a friend who has always been there for me and given advice on the other Cancer guy.
We have been friends for years up until about 2 1/2 years ago when I made a move on him in a moment of weakness. We ended up hooking up and I think he was a bit taken aback by my bedside manner. He made a comment about how he thought I had so much passion. He had a long distance gf at the time and shortly after I got a bf. I cut all sexual contact with my Cancer friend because I wanted to concentrate on being in a relationship. I think it pissed Cancer friend off because he may have thought that there was more between us. I wanted to remain just friends and he may have wanted more. He stopped speaking to me for a while. I found out about a year and a half later he proposed to his gf and she said no (had nothing to do with me). I knew he would be in a funk for a while so I didn't try to contact him for a long time but just called the other day and we got caught up with the goings on of each other's lives.

He asked me to come out with him when I am back in his town. I live an hour away so that isn't such a hard thing to do.

My dilemma is I feel that he is such a nice, sweet guy plus he is good looking and he has always been there for me. I am usually attracted to the bad guy and I admit that I have never been in a decent, healthy relationship because frankly it scares the hell out of me but I want to try it out with him because I think he may be interested. I admit that I took advantage of him and our friendship and I just don't want to hurt him like I did before. At the same time I feel like I need a healthy relationship and I think we would be good together.

There is more to it though, I am a very sexual person and he and I in the bedroom are good but not great (he doesn't last too long) I know TMI but I really want to get to the root of the situation. In most of my relationships sex was never ever the problem but the guys however were jerks! In other relationships the men are awesome but the sex leaves so much more to be desired. I'm afraid I will go looking for someone who can satisfy me sexually. I'm not a cheater(unless I already know a relationship is over.) I couldn't live with myself if I hurt him again.

I love him and he loves me as friends for now but there is that what if factor. What do you all think?

first u need to stop sleepin around like a guy i'm surprise women do that i thought only men do that second u need to leave him alone and just be friends if he cheated on his gurl he will do the same to u third start fresh go look for a new guy and leave ur past behind that which i hope u learn ur lesson from ur past experience

i dont understand why ppl cheat wat does the word RELATIONSHIP! means?? ppl seem dont care like they use too

Sex with a cancer should not even be an option unless you really plan on keeping them. It hurts us to think we have someone, only to find out we're just the next guy in line. If you really value your friendship with him, over the possible outcome of a 'relationship,' you should just keep him as a friend. Relationships gone bad usually don't sustain friendships with us. We will always seem distant if a failed relationship tries to turn itself back into a friendship. You will never have the same friend if it falls apart. But if you really think you can keep each other happy from here on out (in an intimate relationship) go for it. Just make sure its what you want before mentioning anything to him about it. It will set off the 'what if' thoughts in his head. And that (in a cancer's mind) can manifest itself into some 'what ifs' that you couldn't imagine. Good luck with whatever decision you choose to make.

Dream: Thanks for the input. I see that you are only 19 so you have a bit more to learn about women. However, I do agree with what you said about holding on to the past. You seem angry almost like you've recently went through a situation with a girl whose broken your heart. Sorry to hear that, but every situation is different and I hope that you learn not to make your future girlfriends pay for the mistakes of past girlfriends.

Broken Shell: You are right! Since I am a cancer too, I guess that that is exactly the way I would feel if it were the other way around. Yes, when we slept together I could tell immediately after that he would want more. Actually this was the first time that I have ever been this way towards a guy. Usually if I sleep with someone, I'm the one who gets attached. I haven't told him how I feel yet so I will definitely temper future conversations with him.

I get scared if I feel like the relationship is going well to the point that I sabotage it. I don't want to do this anymore but my emotions force me to screw things up if someone actually shows genuine affection and really really mean it. I know he would make a great boyfriend because I wouldn't chase him so much and those tend to be the type of women that cancer men fall head over heels in love with (the ones who pay them no mind).

WTH! Am I stuck in a never ending cycle of bad boyfriends. I think I need counseling! This sucks!

I'm not cancer MeMe but *knock knock*

first u need to stop sleepin around like a guy i'm surprise women do that i thought only men do that
again, a guy allowed/accepted to 'sleep around' but woman is not?

WTH! Am I stuck in a never ending cycle of bad boyfriends. I think I need counseling! This sucks!
have you ever been single just to discover what you really want?

meme i had that same scenario happen to me before 😢

zena i never said a guy is i just said most likely guys do it

strangely enough being single will open your eyes to what you want. Hi-five (lol) zen!
I have been single for a couple of years now, and wanting to be in a relationship (while single) has definitely helped me to see what I am looking for, from looking at others relationships.
...not saying you should go on for years being single like I have, but it does do something calming to you. (as long as its not winter time LOL and you know what I mean by that)

i agree broken shell

how about telling this guy what you told us. be honest with him and let him decide if he is willing to try this with you. if you have a problem with him not lasting and that being a reason you might go elsewhere then i think that is very important to yalls relationship. there are ways to combat that type of thing so that you both can get pleasure. but the first step is to be honest not just with him but also with yourself...

Dream: Aren't we cancer's intuitive? We will help each other out, ok?

@Zena: Actually I haven't dated anyone is almost a year now. I think I have learned to live without a man and after some good soul searching, I've realized the value of frienship in a relationship without sex involved. If I persue this thing with my friend, it will be the first time I've dated in a while. Now I'm thinking that I should not rush with the Cancer friend. It doesn't mean we have to sleep together but instead just get to know him much better in the intimate sense (no sex) before I make this decision.

yea kinda know what you mean broken_shell - it's winter soon again 😢

yes meme lol

if you have a problem with him not lasting and that being a reason you might go elsewhere then i think that is very important to yalls relationship.
Yes this would be the main reason that I would start looking elsewhere! I know that it sucks but its an importance aspect for me otherwise the guy is perfect. He is drama free and he would treat me right.

there are ways to combat that type of thing so that you both can get pleasure.

How do you combat it? Is there pill he can take? Lol!

Broken Shell: It does open your eyes. I am definitely a better person for it. But I still may need work!

Cansir: when I see him again I will talk to him about it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings! Men are so sensitive about....that!

lol@meme but like cansir said tell him wat u told us i think thats a good way, meme r u a cancer too??

Oh yeah, and it doesn't help that happily married sister, who is a Taurus BTW, is always saying that we should be together because she likes him alot for me.

lol@meme but like cansir said tell him wat u told us i think thats a good way, meme r u a cancer too??

Yes I am! 😛

wow i tried to go wit a cancer but we both have mood swings and attitude towards each other lol

Story of my life, Dream! I'm always getting involved with Cancers and they always reach out to me at the same time! It's wierd!

i agree unusualcancer

Because you have this "belief" that bad guys are more satisfying sexually than good guys, then you will find this situation everytime to keep your belief system active.

Hi UC, I understand what you are saying and agree to a certain extent, but in my case the problem for me is that it doesn't last long when we get into it. That is my only grievance. But when I talk to him again I will gently bring it to his attention. Maybe I should look in to Tantra or something! Lol! 😛