How to deal with a cancer man......Please Help!!!

Hi ...am new member in this forum . Me and my husband make a very good couple....I am scorpion and he's cancer.We are married for 5 1/2 years.

Things are going fine BUT sometimes I just don't know what happens he gets hurt for very small things which I could never thought of before saying.
Whenever I try to talk to him about that he would rather get more irritated.
During this he just stops behaving and talking normal. We live like room partners who never talk to each other.

Earlier I used to try hard to persuade him but that never helped. Every time I approach him lovingly without having a slightest idea about my mistake but its all in vain. Now I have started giving him space want him to come to me but its never done, ultimately after few days its me who has to crush all the ego and self-esteem(which is very painful for me) and go to him just to patch-up the things.

All this makes me very sad and depressing. I don't know how to deal with it.

I will highly appreciate if anybody gives me some suggestion and some more insights about dealing with a cancer man.

Besides this my marriage life is very happy,we love each other so much and are very good at sex.

Thanks in advance.

V

He is very likely irritated because his own feelings of shame/anger have activated. This has nothing to do with you. When people 'snap', when you approach them, it is because it is too painful for them to hold or admit what it is that is bothering them. Think of a wounded animal - it needs you, but it will bite your hand when you go to help it.

Men often act this way around issues of 'dependence'. He will be frustrated because he cannot work out why he feels as he does; no man likes to feel needy / dependent on others.

The plain truth is, he is a very sensitive human being who's 'trigger threshold' is set ten notches too high. This is very common (but of course not exclusive) in people who have been shamed or bullied as children. I would be happy to explain in detail how this works and what you can do if this turns out to be the case 🙂

Bottom line - it's NOT you. You must leave him until his emotional regulation system returns him to his natural equilibrium, then he will come back to you. There is nothing you can do that will help him.

I appreciate your promt reply and the insights.

thankyou so much.......will try to give him as much space as possible in that conditon. I really liked the example u quoted.

V

it is definately not you!!! i was in a relationsip with a cancer man and it was a nightmare. i assume you have a bit sarcastic sense of humor being a scorp and can say what's on your mind and honest. cancer men can't handle it. mine had a bad childhood and mommy issues. anything that would even remotely had anything to do with criticism towards anybody would somehow become me critisizing him. like i would call someone a nerd as a joke he'd totally flipp out on me and say that i'm a horrible person and he's embarrased to be with me. no sense of humor and everything and everybody against him. if he has severe mood swings and up/down emotions make sure he doesn't have a bipol disorder. being with him made me emotionally exausted and depressed. i stayed with him because of sex for a while. then he wanted his space thank god. i was depressed and mad at myself that i let him get to me and make me sick and then after he was gone i started feeling soooo much happier. he was trying to get back and i wouldn't talk to him or email or anything. that was the worst relationship i've ever had. i also worked with a cancer man and it was walking on egg shells as well. always about him and whynining and always offended.

I was just going to say try to use your sense of humor but Ariesgirl has assumed that you may have a sarcastic one. My boyfriend is a Scorpio and he doesn't use sarcasm on me unless he's pissed so unless there's some underlying tension and you have been sarcastic with your Cancer you won't get a good reaction.

Being an Aries, the only thing I have in common with a Cancer is that we are both cardinal signs. Cardinal signs do appreciate honesty and I suggest that you try to sit your man down and gently be honest with him. Tell him first how much you love him, care about him and want this relationship to work and tell him you are scared about him shutting you out. Then the ball is in his court. He may want to walk away and it might seem like it was all for naught but give him his space and let him come to you after he thinks about what you said. It might take some time so just let it be for a while. If things don't work out in the long run at least you'll know you tried and whatever happened wasn't because you didn't give it your all.

i didn't mean to insult her sense of humor in any way.
you can try "Tell him first how much you love him, care about him and want this relationship to work and tell him you are scared about him shutting you out." but make sure he doesn't use push/pull method on you. that's what mine did. he tells you he needs space and then disappears and then he accuses you for not caring enough for you to go after him. then he accuses you for not giving him space. any ways, everybody is different. what's his moon sign? that would explain his emotional being more than his sun sign. good luck.

Thanks everybody....I appreciate your advice.....I talked to my husband frankly........he himself told me today that its him and not me......he just can't help when his mood goes off....

sq- and they say that scorp and cancer is the best combo! that just shows that sometimes general assumptions aren't right. "he was the biggest liar, evil mind games and the most inconsiderate man I have ever met" - were we dating the same cancer guy?😉

not all cancer men are as yall describe. i will say that a young cancer has a hard time dealing with their emotions because they don't know how to control them. it isn't until he finally starts maturing that he can understand what is going on within himself. also, when things bother us or we have some sort of dilemma going on in our lives we need time to think about things and formulate a plan. this is the main reason we disappear.

mine was 36yo when he was doing all that bs😉 there is a huge difference between disappearing and emotionally manipulating one's partner.

sq-agree with you. i was with mine for like 6 months. then i realized that he manipulated the timing of everything. i'm an open and honest person so i don't know how it's done really. but he knew what to say and what to do make it look like he was totally into relationship. he was making plans for the future. he said we should move in together when my lease was up. it was up and asked him then he said he doesn't want to and there is an apt in his building. then after few weeks of promising me (mind you he was pushing for me to get an apt there) he said that he doesn't feel comfortable having me in the building because i would impose on his social life. because of that i almost lost my apt and had to pay way more rent. that's only 1 example of his behavior. both of his parents passed away from differenct cancers when he was in late teens and he was mad at them and keep saying that they abandoned him.—? is that a normal reaction for a 36yo grown up male—? no!!! what was wrong with me for staying with him—?
they live in their own imaginary world where they're perfect and everybody is against them.

don't ask why i was with him. was my 1st and last cancer. now i can recognize one on a spot. for a sign that is supposed to be the most nurturing and sensitive they sure are users and insensitive. of course, not all of them are bad!!! yes, i did feel alone when i was with him. even your guy is a cancer and he keeps going to his aries wife. i guess we should know guys moon sign to see how emotionally we're compatible.

it's like him promising and making plans but not following up. like he would tell me i'll call you an hour and then calls me next day telling me how much he enjoyed playing a vide o game all day and evening before. i'd tell him that he made plans with me to go whatever adn then he'd say i'd pushy.— basically, he'd tell me anything and twist everything around to make me feel bad about myself. just felt like he knew what he was supposed to say to get me to be with him. but then he'd just disconnect and i felt that emotionally he wasn't there. like we were totally on different wave length. basically, i look back and wonder why i put myself through that. probably, i needed to have a ahole as a bf to appreciate a good guy. he was my ahole bf. my 1st and last, i hope.

man i stepped into a hornets nest..lol..i don't like drama and can't answer to that. there are people in every sign who create drama and cancer is no exception. everyone is different and i speak more from my experiences. yes cancers can be great manipulators especially when we want something.

you're right. there are bad ppl in every sign. but it seems to be a similar experience with some ppl. as i said before now i can tell someone i just met if that man is a cancer.

as i said, you have to look at someone's moon sign. i get along with scorpio men great. but scorp women & me don't mix well. my best relationships were scorps and aries. the only way one can learn is by experience all the scum that it's on the way, unfortunately. after a while, you'll learn to recognize the scum ways.

no offence taken. scorpqueen, getting what we want depends on the situation but certainly can relate to sex. if we don't want to be alone then we have our ways of keeping you around but it is basically doing things for our benefit. cancers can be very selfish and sometimes we can be so wrapped up in our needs we forget about other peoples.

perfectly put and explains it all

isn't it ironic that the most sensitive sign is hurting ppl the most and in a sneaky way. for example aries & scorps will tell you to your face what's right or wrong and won't play stupid "i'm sensitive and you're hurting my feelings so it's your fault never mind that i'm provoking you" games.

ever meet a cancer with a virgo moon?
i know three, and i want to throw my own ears at them for all their whiny bullshit.
i love cancers. acceptance and patience are key. they are quick learners of behavior, and their shells being much thicker than one of a scorpio, it takes awhile for them to trust. the more you reveal about yourself the more they reveal, and then the trust begins. calling them out is important too. i can usually get the few i know to laugh at themselves. emotional manipulation is ridiculous and a waste of time. they know that too. they just really want what they want and do or say whatever to get it. George W Bush and the Dali Lama are cancers......HAHAHHA

As an aries, I have to say, I'm learning the art of manipulation from my Cancer friends

:-)''they are quick learners of behavior'' !

but when I sense they're about to crawl into their shell, I quickly flee the scene! This will obviously not work if we weren't just friends.

Mostly, I find they are the most unpredictable of all the zodiac signs I've come across.

But yea I agree with SG, ''get them to laugh at themselves.''

This is a great thread! I have to agree with most of the things said here. I have been with my cancer for a little over a year now and I have experience most of what has been said. The shell time is the absolute worst, but I have to say that I've learned a few things from them. When he's in there I no longer take it personally. I think this is easy for me because I'm a Scorp and I am a loner as well. So I can relate to needing "me" time. Plus, I have a habit of speaking my mind so when he goes into his shell it gives me time to actually think before I say something to him. With my last bf who was also a Scorp we would both stand there and argue with each other and in the end I always ended up saying things I regretted. So while I'm not fond of the shell time I recognize it's value to us both. Plus when he returns he's usually figured out that he's wrong 🙂. I am also able to approach the subject with less anger.

He can also be very self centered, but me being who I am will not be pushed over but I've learned to let him have his thought, then tell him how we can compromise. That way I'm not saying no but we will do it my way. We both usually end up getting what we want. I'm not saying he's not manipulative, but I am as well. So if he has manipulated me in some way, I haven't noticed it but I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't done the same. Even though manipulation is bad, I don't know anyone in a relationship who doesn't. It's more the type of manipulation that's more important to me. But again, I'm not a push over I've never done anything that I didn't want to do.

With all relationships you have to try to understand the other person and meet them on their level. It took awhile to get to this point, I've broken up with him quite a few times. Also, a wounded Cancer is one of the worst men you can date. If they have been hurt by someone then they will continue to hurt the people after them until they finally get over it and it takes them awhile. BTW, I'm 35 and he's 40. So I think Scorps and Cancers are a good match. We share a lot of the same qualities (need for space, security, loyalty, extreme sexual compatibility 😉 ) but that's assuming both people are mature and willing to accept each other as they are. I will say this, once they are secure they relax and the relationship gets much better. He proposed last month and I accepted, but if you'd asked me if I thought we'd make it 2 months in, I would've said no.

''So if he has manipulated me in some way, I haven't noticed it but I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't done the same. Even though manipulation is bad, I don't know anyone in a relationship who doesn't.''

Hey SS, I find that manipulation's a common theme with water signs but you're right, every relationship has some form or the other - logical, emotional, possessive forms of manipulation.

Is this the only way? Just wondered.........

I thinks it's just the way men and women deal with each other. When I say manipulation, I'm referring to for example when a guy cooks dinner for his wife for the sole purpose of getting a little loving later. Or I know women are constantly "training" their men. LOL. Like, bringing them a hot beer so they he'll buy that new refridgerator they want. That's what I'm referring to, it's what I call "harmless manipulation" (if there is such a thing). However, trying to get someone to do something that they clearly don't want to do (it's against their character or moral standards) just because you want them to do it is when you cross the line. I think relationships are all about compromise and acceptance. Regardless of astrological sign. Being manipulative can be common in any sign (some of us are just better at it then others LOL). But seriously, if you find yourself constantly doing things that you're not totally comfortable with for the sake of a relationship it's time to find someone you're more compatible with. I'm saying that as a woman, not a Scorp. If the other person loves you and accepts you for who you are then they will not be constantly asking you do something you're not comfortable with. But if you're not speaking up or not standing up for yourself you're not really being manipulated. That's called being a pushover. Unfortunately, there are people of all signs who will take advantage of that.

LMAO @ ''Or I know women are constantly "training" their men. LOL. ''

Some friends have tried to teach me to do this in the past...I love their style but think it's nuts!

Yea I get you - manipulation like that is kinda harmless though 😉