Cancer woman in love with cancer man

Hello to all, I am a newbie! 🙂
Well, I met this cancer (33) about two years ago thru a friend of mine; she was seeing his friend and I was just her wingman. He was not my type at all and he'd text me often and I'd see him out, but I wasn't interested. One drunken night we ended up hooking up (didn't care if I heared from him again) next day he asked me out to dinner and then we became inseperable! I slowly, but surely fell in love with this man and I felt him falling in love with me too. Well, he began to be distant with me. Cancel plans or make excuses, he later told me he didn't want a relationship and felt himself getting too deep. I was hurt, so I tried and he kept getting more distant and he told me he had a gf. I was so hurt and I just let him go. Couple months pass and I run into his bestfriend and I asked how he and his gf are doing (the cancer man) and he looks at me with a "girl please" look lol and told me he never had one and explained when his friend was getting attatched to me and didn't like how he couldn't control his feelings so he lied to push me away.
Fast forward he still contacts me after I tell him to leave me alone because it hurts to be his friend, but I always give in. He treated me for my Birthday this year and then he will go missing. And if I want to see him he has an excuse. This weekend I told him I loved him and he does not believe me and I haven't heard from him since. It is propably obvious what I should do (run) but is there any way to get him to open up to a relationship? When I see him out at a bar or something he always comes to me and then watches me like a hawk, even when he is talking to other women; it's like they are a decoy....idk, I regret telling him but I can't live with what ifs :/

How long were you two together before he became distant?

His friend already clarified what he told you.
Based on what you've written, he was afraid of where his feelings were taking him-it's that fear of being vulnerable.
Telling him you love him and "giving in" is making yourself available to him while letting him skate on dealing with whatever he is feeling.
It's also sending him a signal that your words about "leave me alone" don't really carry any weight.
In this case you might mirror him-make yourself less available.
On the assumption he does have feelings he is not willing to deal with, maybe mirroring with help him grow a pair and deal with those feelings. If he can't? Then as a Crab I think you know the answer.

Thank you for your reply and we were dating about 7 months before he slowly distance himself. You are so right tho, I am too available for him. I am leaving in a couple months for four months and you'd think he'd want to see me as much as possible.

It's really a shame if he pushed you away because of fear of getting hurt and lied to you about having a GF. It sounds like you've laid your cards on the table and therefore there's really nothing more you can do to make this work. I think we've all tortured ourselves playing the romantic "what if" game but the truth of the matter is, if this were gonna work out, it would have worked out the first time. I'm really and truly not buying that he was so in love with you that he broke up with you. I think that's a lie we want to believe. I think he ended things because he could not envision a future with you. Men don't walk away from the love of their lives. They'll move heaven and earth to get and hold her. If you go back or try to push for reconciliation, you're opening yourself to more of the same. This man isn't making you happy and won't in the future. Move on and don't get intimate until you know you love him and he loves you. Get that part right and you wont set yourself up for this kind of disappointment in the future. I've made the same mistake you have. And so have my girlfriends. It's live and learn for all of us. This man isn't the only fish in the sea and with time, you'll meet someone new and won't feel the same way about him.

I'd have to disagree on the "men walking away" part in the context of a general rule.

Sometimes we make mistakes we later regret.
And yes, I'm speaking from a personal perspective.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
I'd have to disagree on the "men walking away" part in the context of a general rule.

Sometimes we make mistakes we later regret.
And yes, I'm speaking from a personal perspective.

I think we all have some romantic regrets in life. Sounds like you weren't ready for a serious relationship. Yeah men can get scared off if they're not ready. Timing is everything. But I've gone back for round 2 and it never worked out for me. My girlfriends have done the same with the same results. There are always exceptional cases. The way I see it is this way. My heart is sensitive and precious. I can play Russian roulette with it or I can play the odds. When I was young I played Roullette. Now that I'm older I play the odds. And the odds are a man whose going to be good for you will (at least) be hot to trot for you. Women do choose and we need to choose wisely. There are men who dig us. And there are men who just like us to varying degrees. Pick the dude who really digs you and you're odds of success increase. You're a cute & cuddly Panda bear. I'm sure there will be someone special out there for you if not already. I wouldn't beat yourself up over things you can't change. I'm just trying to help women play smarter and protect their hearts at the same time.

Posted by Este8

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
I'd have to disagree on the "men walking away" part in the context of a general rule.

Sometimes we make mistakes we later regret.
And yes, I'm speaking from a personal perspective.

I think we all have some romantic regrets in life. Sounds like you weren't ready for a serious relationship. Yeah men can get scared off if they're not ready. Timing is everything. But I've gone back for round 2 and it never worked out for me. My girlfriends have done the same with the same results. There are always exceptional cases. The way I see it is this way. My heart is sensitive and precious. I can play Russian roulette with it or I can play the odds. When I was young I played Roullette. Now that I'm older I play the odds. And the odds are a man whose going to be good for you will (at least) be hot to trot for you. Women do choose and we need to choose wisely. There are men who dig us. And there are men who just like us to varying degrees. Pick the dude who really digs you and you're odds of success increase. You're a cute & cuddly Panda bear. I'm sure there will be someone special out there for you if not already. I wouldn't beat yourself up over things you can't change. I'm just trying to help women play smarter and protect their hearts at the same time.

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It was an issue of timing.
Given more time...well, that's the past.
Some years later found out she got married and was happy. That last bit is all that mattered as far as I was concerned.

Posted by J9
everything about this situation is cancerian.

Yes it is.

Thanks for the feedback! I am just going to try and move on. Smh, as a Cancer I know we can be much but my goodness..it doesn't seem worth it anymore. My cards are on the table and like one said there is nothing elseelse I can do. This happens often, I fall in love the feeling isn't mutual until I no longer love them and then they confess their love for me, but once I am done the feelings never come back. I can't wait for that closure!