Cancers: why are you doing this to me?!

My very first thread. I have a big problem please help. I need some enlightenment. this is my story:

My ex-boyfriend is a cancer. He and I broke up 6 months ago but kept in touch. For the past months he was extremely casual, talking once or twice a month about life and how things are going. Then last Saturday (last week), while hanging out as "friends", something happened (we had sex). we reminisced about our good old days. he told me i was the closest woman he ever allowed in his heart. I told him my true feelings and said that I was still in love with him after all these months. he said "i know that.i know you still have feelings for me. I do miss you, so I took advantage of it". my heart sank. he said I shouldn't take this as a serious deal because all ex's do have sex even without commitment. I said fine and acted nonchalant about everything.

Sunday came, I didn't hear from him. I told myself I will never be the first one to initiate contact after what happened.

Monday afternoon, he texted me hello. I replied and we had a small convo about mundane stuff. Then, I brought up the issue of the one night stand we had the other day. I asked him if he wanted to do it again. he was shocked. He said he couldn't imagine me asking for it and that maybe I have an interior motive behind it. I said no, it's a casual thing. he agreed by saying "Hmm, I still find it hard to believe but I'll go along for now. when do u want to us to meet up?" I said "same time last time. Saturday night". he said "it should be ok. we'll see". I asked "ok then"

Tuesday: no contact..

Wednesday: I texted "how are you". no response.

Thursday: I texted 3 times. all of which he ignored.

Now. what have I done? you might think I'm slut but I really do love him. what should i do?

cancer men are bullshitters

Posted by PandorasBox
I don't get why'd that be wierd.. Maybe if you broke his heart? Then I'd understand him bein off-ish.

What kind of wierdo questions no strings sex w/ an ex..? 😛

we broke each others hearts. he broke mine, I broke his. My question is he agreed this coming saturday yet now he's being aloof and is ignoring me. I don't get it.

and what do you mean by "weird question about no strings sex with an ex"? technically, we're not together anymore.

Posted by suglime69
cancer men are bullshitters

I wish my heart thinks the same way.

Scorpio men & cancer men test when interested...it's when u fail their tests that they run away

I know these men well they're my best friends

You acted nonchalant, and agreed to have sex with him with no strings attached.
He is pissed by that...he wants FEELINGS.
He may have them for you, or not, but he wont tolerate you USING HIM. he can use YOU, but not you, him.
Im sure that's it.

Posted by hardcandy
Scorpio men & cancer men test when interested...it's when u fail their tests that they run away

I know these men well they're my best friends

Can you explain? did I fail the test? What was the proper reply when someone said "don't take it seriously". he would run away even more if I pushed commitment further.

Posted by PiscesArgie
You acted nonchalant, and agreed to have sex with him with no strings attached.
He is pissed by that...he wants FEELINGS.
He may have them for you, or not, but he wont tolerate you USING HIM. he can use YOU, but not you, him.
Im sure that's it.

I acted nonchalant because I didn't want to scare him even more. Plus my pride was crushed with his words of indifference about the whole ordeal. I showed him my feelings, too much I figured i might have scared him away.

so you think, he's thinking that I'm using him this time.. thus the aloofness? this is so unfair. What should I do now?

Is this a hopeless case?


thank you so much for all the posters kind response and advice.

Posted by MoonBunny
People keep forgetting how much we hate the telephone. Though I know this is texting not electronic talk.

That's the only way I could reach him without giving the impression of desperation (although I am at the moment.. he doesn't know it though... I think I hide it well. )

Posted by scropioelise1314

Posted by PiscesArgie
You acted nonchalant, and agreed to have sex with him with no strings attached.
He is pissed by that...he wants FEELINGS.
He may have them for you, or not, but he wont tolerate you USING HIM. he can use YOU, but not you, him.
Im sure that's it.

I acted nonchalant because I didn't want to scare him even more. Plus my pride was crushed with his words of indifference about the whole ordeal. I showed him my feelings, too much I figured i might have scared him away.

so you think, he's thinking that I'm using him this time.. thus the aloofness? this is so unfair. What should I do now?

Is this a hopeless case?


thank you so much for all the posters kind response and advice.

click to expand

I understand your reaction, I would have reacted the same way myself, no doubt.
he is indeed vague, and maybe confused.
In one of the threads recently opened, about "what makes you run", somebody said, that people who had more feeling for them than they did, scared them.He obviosuly loves you and maybe doesnt want to hurt you so that is why the space.
Maybe he is in his shell analyzing all the situation and deciding what to do.
It can be many things.
Just dont despair! dont contact him again, I have found that if they are interested THEY WILL CONTACT YOU...
They HATE BEING IGNORED.
I have gone through some bad patches with my Crab recently, there were some misunderstandings and as a Fish, I disappeared, swam away....he got crazy and tried to contact me in any way he could with any excuse.
If he wants to contact you HE WILL .Give him some days, and in the meantime dont waste yourself, just try to be OK, doing things, dont think too much!!!

He just doesn not want to get involved deeper...he is not testing or anything sophisticated here...he just does not want to get involved deeper...Even if you offer casual dates he will be suspicious as he will aexpect another agenda from you

THERE IS NO WAY FOR TWO WATER SIGNS TO HAVE A CASUAL RELATIONSHIP !!! IT WILL BE DEEP, ALWAYS !

and that is what he is afraid of...but you will hear from him later...

Posted by cancersunleomoon123
Aww. what a dick. 😢 i'm sorry but that's what he sounds like to me. trust me not all cancers are like that. sorry you had to go through that!

and he is not d1ck !!! He is being perfectly honest with her !!!

Thank you for the kind responses ..

I still haven't heard from him since last monday afternoon...

I am seeing him online on MSN at the moment.. I put myself available so you he can msg me if he wants to. But so far, he hasn't msged me. I guess he won't at all.


@Cancer1986leocusp: I will hear from him later? after ignoring me? I don't get it.. how is that not playing games?

@PiscesArgie: I wont contact him.. although we have an agreement that we'll see each other this Saturday. I don't know if I should ask him if it's still on? I fear I'm going to get ignored again..

THERE IS NO WAY FOR TWO WATER SIGNS TO HAVE A CASUAL RELATIONSHIP !!! IT WILL BE DEEP, ALWAYS !


I agree. It is all or nothing for me.
If I was to end my relatioship with the Crab, I wouldnt and couldnt just have sex with him.
Dont contact him and be protective of your feelings, dont get hurt...

Posted by scropioelise1314


@Cancer1986leocusp: I will hear from him later? after ignoring me? I don't get it.. how is that not playing games?

We keep people dear to us around us that is what i ment...i did not mean that he will come back to be with you...do not get surprised if he calls you when you least expect...

Posted by cancersunleomoon123

Posted by Cancer1986LeoCusp

Posted by cancersunleomoon123
Aww. what a dick. 😢 i'm sorry but that's what he sounds like to me. trust me not all cancers are like that. sorry you had to go through that!

and he is not d1ck !!! He is being perfectly honest with her !!!

That is my perception of the situation. Deal with it!

click to expand

No Prob 🙂

I'm sorry if I'm blunt, I don't mean it to come across as mean, blunt is just my way (it cuts out waffle).

You had sex with your ex.
he admitted he used you because he said he took advantage of you missing him.
You then offered it again on a plate without him having to do a lick of work for it.

He is now ignoring you.

You gave it up, he got what he wanted and now he doesn't have respect so he's not answering.

It's that simple, no?

NZAqua,
Your explanation is very AQUA.
But between two water signs things are deeper than that and there is always more going on...

moon bunny & cancer Leo cusp

I don't know any crab men who don't test & I know a lot trust

they will test to c if u r worthy of what they have to offer...& patience *faints*

they will hold on tight with those claws 🙂 crab men have a huge prob with impermanence

they only walk when they r not feeling it from themselves or others.

sorry scorp u'll have to wait it out 😢 u may have affected him deeply & he needs a shell break

good luck

Thanks for all the comments!

Okay here's an update:

The cancer called me last friday to confirm. I said yes.

Saturday: he went out.. it was very casual. we didn't talk about the "plan". I didn't bring it up either. he brought me home.. I asked him if he wanted to come inside my house for awhile, he said no. I was like "okay". He said good night and gave me a hug. then, instead of giving me a good night kiss on the lips, he instead kissed my forehead... (i dont get it! but i didnt ask.. waved him goodbye and saw him left off)

Sunday: I thought I wouldn't hear from him again. But, he called me late at night. The phone convo started out fine.. later I asked him why he didn't want to come inside when I invited him yesterday. he said he wanted to see if he still has feelings for me but it wasn't there. He said right now, I am disposable to him, but his feelings are subject to change. I asked him if he wanted me to wait. He said it's up to me. but he's not opening doors to anybody at the moment. I asked if ever one day he opens his heart again will I be the person he seek first? He said most likely not. (hurt...)

Monday: He called three times.. I ignored all of it. (I was ready to move on)

Tuesday: he texted..he was furious. I finally replied saying I was busy what's going on? He asked if we could meet up. I agreed. so to end the story.. it happened again last night (the sex). I didn't bring up commitment.. it was casual as it could be. even telling him "Thanks for the F" (jokingly before I left). no convo about commitment or anything from the past. Plain simple sex!

I don't really know much about this game.. kinda fun..at the same time scary. should i stop this? why is he doing this to me?!

Sweetie, he called you DISPOSABLE!

Ouch! He'd never hear from me again...

Posted by Claire
I just read it again and i'm leaning more towards the first one. What a player. *smh*

He called you disposable and then has the audacity to become furious when you ignore his calls!!!
Even if you waited for him he probably wouldn't have you when he finally wants someone, he said. !!!!

Did he say this with a serious look on his face or was he smiling playfully when he said it??

Even if he does like you and is playing games, even if he came into a relationship with you, it would be likely to be one hell of a messed up relationship - full of manipulation that probably isn't ever going to make you feel very good at all.

I feel like poking one of his eyes out. 🙂

hahaha I luv u Claire!

I just don't think he'd even be round if had no feelings but he is going to give what he feels in return

waters r infamous for pushing people away then blaming em for not being here

Posted by scropioelise1314
Thanks for all the comments!



Monday: He called three times.. I ignored all of it. (I was ready to move on)

Tuesday: he texted..he was furious.

Told you he is gonna call you ! He is on the hook now. You can continue and add some "sincere" emotional flavour (do not ever mention commitment or anything close to it)....it is up to you whether to continue it or full stop...but i guess you are enjoying it yourself...so it is up to you, now

"waters r infamous for pushing people away then blaming em for not being here"

EXACTLY!!!!
SPECIALLY CRABS



and Crabs are also infamous for being verbally cruel and then regretting it....
they say things they dont mean when angry, then the mood is over, they apologize but the damage is done....
BE CAREFUL!!!

Posted by PiscesArgie
"waters r infamous for pushing people away then blaming em for not being here"

EXACTLY!!!!
SPECIALLY CRABS


and Crabs are also infamous for being verbally cruel and then regretting it....
they say things they dont mean when angry, then the mood is over, they apologize but the damage is done....
BE CAREFUL!!!

ya did u c clairs poking eyes out stuff geeshh ;P

but u r 100% correct p-arg on being cruel, the men r masters with their tongues er.. in verbal abuse dept...id say equal to scorp ive heard remarks that i thought'd make me bleed out they cut so deeply lol..

oh & ps there is absolutely no doubt that these crab men love me (friends)

i think its a defense mechanism when the waters get cold ...i do it just not as blatantly as my friends

Never be too available or take everything a man will dish out. This is true of ALL men but really, really true for water signs, me thinks.

If we know we have you... it can be game over. Cancers need to be put in their place sometimes so they know they can't walk all over you.

Run FORREST RUN! This sounds horrible from this end and all too familiar! EVERY woman deserves more than that and Scorp that's you to! 🙂-