Confused and need help...

I've browsed this site for quite sometime now and this is my first post. I desperately need some advice/help on a situation.
My cancer boyfriend of almost a year just called and told me he thinks we should break up. The last two days we haven't really spoken due to a small arguement we had. He was very calm and matter of fact on the phone and he said he thinks we should break up. This came as a painful and unexpected surprise to me. I started crying and telling please don't. He did say he still loves me but there are certain issues in the relationship and he had been thinking about this for a few days now. I love him so much and don't want to lose him. Just a few days ago we were happy and talking about our future. We love each other both very much but I have also unintentionally hurt his feelings. We almost broke up a few months ago over some issues but we worked them out. I'm really hoping this can be worked out but I honestly have no idea what to say or do. I love this man so much and he loves me but what can I do about how I've hurt him? Thank you to anyone who responds to my question. I can provide more details if needed..

Posted by RainDancer88
First -
Realize you don't need anyone to complete you. You WANT him, you do not NEED him.

Second -
What are the "certain things about your relationship" he spoke about for justifying why he ended it?

Third -
You said you "hurt him" ... how? Why?

Is this a healthy relationship to begin with?

I know.. you're right.
The certain things he had issues with and what seemed to be the biggest problem was that I didn't talk to his friends much. They mean a lot to him and he wanted me to be included. But being a very reserved and quiet person, I didn't make much effort to talk and have conversation with them. They didn't talk too much either but it was his hope that we would all be friends together and whatnot. I would say hi but as far as conversing..not much was ever said when I was around them. If I knew I would lose him for not making it my priority, I would have sucked it up and talked their ears off. I'm shy and do have

A bit of social anxiety.

That's how I hurt him. Or at leasthe main thing he talked about when we were on the phone. He said there were other things but that seemed to be the main issue.

what made you almost break up before?and what is his placements and yours?

Sun-Moon-Mercury-Venus-Mars if you know..

We had a problem the other day when I came to his house to bring him some pumpkin bread I made. His friends were over and I stayed for about an hour and left. I was going to go hang out with a friend that I had made plans with. When it came time for me to leave,he begged me not to go. I told him I wanted to stay but he had friends over and I would see him another time. Th

That hurt him a lot also. I ended up going home because of how sad he was. I told him I went home because I didn't want him to think I was ditching him.

That's what made us almost break up before. In addition to be around his family more and talk, which I did. Also be more open with him, trust him and I've done those things. My placements are virgo sun, leo moon and gemini rising. His are cancer sun, taurus moon, virgo rising and venus in cancer. He's very sensitive and I feel bad about hurting him by not being more friendly/talkative with his friends

but you shouldnt feel bad.. he should accept you for who you are.. I think there could be something else he didnt tell you about. I wish I could help you understand, but I dont get the overly emotional cancerians it seems.. I lost mine

Posted by TxOgal
but you shouldnt feel bad.. he should accept you for who you are.. I think there could be something else he didnt tell you about. I wish I could help you understand, but I dont get the overly emotional cancerians it seems.. I lost mine

It makes me feel bad because I didn't make more effort to get to know his friends. Which is obviously very important to him. This is so confusing because not even a week ago we were holding each other close and talking about how happy we both were and talking about our future. I know he meant the things he said and that he loves me. A part of me thinks maybe he's just deeply hurt and he wants me to know it. Maybe this is a test or he wants a reaction from me. To see what he means to me. Idk. I know I've been a little irritable lately due to pms. I get over sensitive by things. The other day I felt upset because I was at his house and he had his friends over and I left to go home. I was a little jealous that they could be with him longer than I could, that they were probably going to have fun together and I couldn't be there too. It's silly but couldn't help feeling that way. How did you lose yours? 😢

Posted by SomnambulistWolfen

Posted by TxOgal
but you shouldnt feel bad.. he should accept you for who you are.. I think there could be something else he didnt tell you about. I wish I could help you understand, but I dont get the overly emotional cancerians it seems.. I lost mine

It makes me feel bad because I didn't make more effort to get to know his friends. Which is obviously very important to him. This is so confusing because not even a week ago we were holding each other close and talking about how happy we both were and talking about our future. I know he meant the things he said and that he loves me. A part of me thinks maybe he's just deeply hurt and he wants me to know it. Maybe this is a test or he wants a reaction from me. To see what he means to me. Idk. I know I've been a little irritable lately due to pms. I get over sensitive by things. The other day I felt upset because I was at his house and he had his friends over and I left to go home. I was a little jealous that they could be with him longer than I could, that they were probably going to have fun together and I couldn't be there too. It's silly but couldn't help feeling that way. How did you lose yours? 😢

click to expand

Well here it is if u want to know about it:

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/cancer-ex-boyfriend-texting-me-5030552/
actually a few days before he ignores my calls..he was telling me hes thinking to meet my parents.. so yeh i guess cancerians are unpredictable when it comes to emotions

Posted by jeannegrey

Posted by SomnambulistWolfen
I get over sensitive by things. The other day I felt upset because I was at his house and he had his friends over and I left to go home. I was a little jealous that they could be with him longer than I could, that they were probably going to have fun together and I couldn't be there too.

He probably does care about you and does love you! But the truth is that when you are in relationship with someone you are also with the other people in their life, their family and close friends too!!

^^^This, what you just described.. to me would be a read flag. It says, "I wanna own you and keep you away from other people and keep you for myself."

You say you were jealous cause you wanted to be there too--- yet you left. I am sure you would have been welcomed. Instead you made it a pity party for yourself and probably embarrassed him in front of his friends who probably asked him, "Hey, whats up with your girl, why doesn't she like us?" I mean, I can see how you may be shy or anxious in social situations, but this behavior looks to an outsider (his friends and family) like you are uninterested and indifferent about the people who are important to him.

click to expand

I realize now how I must seem to people. Its not that I don't want to be friends with his friends or talk to them, I just have a hard time initiating conversation. Especially when I feel like maybe they don't like me. Probably just in my head. Is there any way to fix this? I don't want this to be the end. I feel guilty and wish I could fix it. If given the chance I want him to see and know I'm trying and would continue to do so. I was like this with his family at first but got past it. But because I was with them more and longer. And they also made the effort to talk to me. I feel like he is being slightly unfair. But I also understand how he feels and how important it is to him.

Posted by TxOgal

Posted by SomnambulistWolfen

Posted by TxOgal
but you shouldnt feel bad.. he should accept you for who you are.. I think there could be something else he didnt tell you about. I wish I could help you understand, but I dont get the overly emotional cancerians it seems.. I lost mine

It makes me feel bad because I didn't make more effort to get to know his friends. Which is obviously very important to him. This is so confusing because not even a week ago we were holding each other close and talking about how happy we both were and talking about our future. I know he meant the things he said and that he loves me. A part of me thinks maybe he's just deeply hurt and he wants me to know it. Maybe this is a test or he wants a reaction from me. To see what he means to me. Idk. I know I've been a little irritable lately due to pms. I get over sensitive by things. The other day I felt upset because I was at his house and he had his friends over and I left to go home. I was a little jealous that they could be with him longer than I could, that they were probably going to have fun together and I couldn't be there too. It's silly but couldn't help feeling that way. How did you lose yours? 😢

Well here it is if u want to know about it:

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/cancer-ex-boyfriend-texting-me-5030552/
actually a few days before he ignores my calls..he was telling me hes thinking to meet my parents.. so yeh i guess cancerians are unpredictable when it comes to emotions

click to expand

Yea, very unpredictable. 😢 It's hard and almost impossible to let them go. Especially if you've bonded with them and have been together awhile.